TMI Tuesday

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GACK! TMI Tuesday Marriage Edition?? This is a terrible TMI Tuesday for me to do right now because my views are so distorted with anger, disappointment and disinterest. I'm going to do my best to set my current situation aside and answer based on overall experience - which likely isn't much better ...

1. Do you believe in marriage?

I struggle with this question. I believe that many people put far too much emphasis on marriage. In reality, it is nothing more than a legal process which allows couples to gain additional benefits through government, employers, etc. and allows for formal recognition of a personal commitment. In my world, it's a legal agreement - the commitment between two (or more) people is something else entirely and doesn't require the legal acknowledgment.

2. What is marriage to you?

A legally acknowledged partnership between two people. I honestly do believe that the personal commitment between people is something other than marriage - something far greater in scope and meaning than the legal documentation.

3. If you are married, why did you do it? If you are not, why have you not married?

I am currently married - for the third time. I cannot imagine doing it again. The first time I got married, I was a 22 year old, self loathing young woman who believed that if I didn't accept the marriage "proposal" of a man I'd know only six weeks, I might never have another opportunity to get married. Two years later, my self esteem and personal integrity had taken a HUGE hit and the first marriage was over.

Second time was within a year of the first one ending. Again, it was for all of the wrong reasons and ended in my husband's suicide just 4 months later. And again, my self esteem and personal integrity took a HUGE hit.

I waited for 16 years before doing it the third time, and I'd have been smart to have waited a few more. I was convinced that this old flame rekindled was my last opportunity to provide a father figure for my son. Who would possibly want to marry a 41 year old woman who had been married twice, one of those marriages so bad her husband had to commit suicide to get out, and who had a bi-racial child out of wedlock? There wasn't a line forming - I settled.

As I said in the beginning of this answer, I cannot imagine doing it again.

4. Do you believe in divorce?

Being that I answered #2 in the way I did, there should be no surprise that I see divorce as being nothing more than the dissolving of the legal partnership.

5. If you are divorced, why did you do it? If you have not, are there certain circumstances under which you would agree to a divorce?

Again, no surprise here. Anyone who reads me knows, I'm contemplating a divorce in my current marriage. How do I justify it? The partnership is harmful, physically (sometimes indirectly) and emotionally, to both Cam and me, and my husband has shown little interest in making any permanent changes to improve the relationship.

Bonus (as in optional): [ed note:I am not trying to spark a get political debate, I am much to superficial for that]Do you believe that same sex marriages are a threat to traditional marriages?

I am always amused by this argument. Current statistics show that 50% of all HETEROSEXUAL marriages end in divorce, and 75% of all HETEROSEXUAL second marriages end in divorce. I'd say the heterosexuals are the threat to marriage, not same sex couples.

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Note to Self

Children - especially 12-year old boys - require very specific instructions and frequent follow-ups.

I had a bit of excitement yesterday that involved 2-1/2 hours in the emergency room (always fun on a Sunday evening). You see, I have hundreds of rules a rule - no bike riding without a helmet. I'm big on bike safety. Well, I guess I should have been a bit more clear with my directions - like no bike riding without a helmet ON YOUR HEAD.

Apparently, Cam has been putting his helmet on to ride out of the driveway, then hangs it on the handlebars of his bike once he's out of sight. Yesterday, it caught up with him.

He was riding his bike with a buddy - racing and doing a few BMX tricks - and lost control of the bike at a fairly high rate of speed. He landed on his left shoulder, with his head and elbow following on the pavement. He called me on his cell phone and told me he had crashed, but he sounded OK, so I had him ride home.

He walked in the door and I could SEE an obvious and large goose egg (about 5" in diameter) on the left side of his head. His elbow was bloody and swollen and he had a nice dose of road rash on his shoulder. I was extremely concerned about the head injury, so off to the ER we went.

2-1/2 hours, several x-rays of his head and elbow later, I found out that he had gotten lucky - REALLY lucky - and managed only a mild concussion and various cuts and abrasions - nothing requiring stitches or a hospital stay. He'll be sore for quite a few days, and has lost his bike for the month of July, but other than that he is none the worse for wear.

On that note, a little Public Safety Announcement from the folks at the Mayo Clinic.

Selecting a bicycle helmet

Bicycle helmets are cooler, more comfortable and easier to adjust than ever before. There are plenty of inexpensive choices for kids and adults alike. Just remember the ground rules:

• Make sure the helmet is safe. Look for a seal of approval from the Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC), American National Standards Institute (ANSI) or Snell Memorial Foundation.
• Make sure it fits snugly. You shouldn't be able to move the bicycle helmet more than one inch in any direction, front to back or side to side. The sizing pads included with every bicycle helmet can help make the fit more secure. If you have long hair, consider a helmet with a ponytail port.
• Think about visibility. If the bicycle helmet straps block your vision — even a little bit — choose another helmet. Likewise, make sure motorists and other cyclists can see you. Choose a white or brightly colored helmet.

Wearing a bicycle helmet

Bike helmet worn correctly


The rules for wearing a bicycle helmet are the same for kids and adults, too. Wear the helmet flat on the top of your head. The helmet should cover the top of your forehead without tilting forward or backward.

Fasten the chin strap just below your chin. If the bicycle helmet doesn't feel snug, use the foam sizing pads that came with the helmet to get a better fit. The helmet shouldn't rock from front to back or side to side.

Avoid common bicycle helmet mistakes

Bike helmets tilted forward and backward


If the bicycle helmet is tilted forward, the back of your head is more vulnerable to the force of a crash. To keep the helmet flat on your head, tighten the chin strap. If the helmet still tips forward, you may need a smaller helmet.

A bicycle helmet that tips backward is just as problematic. When this happens, the front and side of your head are vulnerable to the force of a crash. Again, tighten the chin strap. If the helmet still tips backward, you may need a smaller helmet.

And of course, always wear a helmet each and every time you ride - ON YOUR HEAD!

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Sunday Secret

I suffer a great deal of anxiety over everyday tasks. Things as simple as making a phone call to order pizza, or going to the market to pick up a few items, take a great deal of emotional energy as I have an extreme, consistent, and sometimes, nearly debilitating fear, of being judged or embarrassed by my actions, words or appearance - especially by strangers. I know how unreasonable and illogical this is, making the situation even more difficult to confront rationally. The internet, and blogging, have made it much easier to interact with "real" people.

Friday Wrap-Up

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First, I want to make a clarification on a post from earlier in the week. I did a little rant about the word REDISTRIBUTIONIST after a bit of back and forth banter with Jay. Based entirely on my interpretation of his comments to my post, I got the feeling he may have felt misrepresented. I want to clarify that my issue was with the word "redistributionist" - not with Jay, his political stance or even the meat of his post. The last thing I want to do is to appear to "edit" the facts to favor my own position - whether that be cowgirl or missionary.

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Two landmark Supreme Court decisions this week - both of which I believe were well made. On Wednesday, the Court rejected the death penalty for raping children. Is the rape of a child a heinous crime? Without a doubt, but this country does not impose the death penalty for crimes where a killing does not take place. Although we have what I feel is the best judicial system in the world, it is not perfect - mistakes do (and have) happened. Although this was not a popular decision, I do believe it was the right one.

Yesterday, the Court ruled 5-4 that Washington DC’s ban on the legal ownership of handguns was incompatible with gun rights under the Second Amendment. This decision was not only a victory for our Constitution, but for common sense. Just look up the handgun violence statistics for DC and you'll discover that criminals still have them, even if it is illegal. DC's law did nothing but take handguns out of the homes of the people who do the "right" thing and register them.

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I've come to the conclusion that I have a "familiar" face. At least once a week (seriously, once a week) someone is stopping me to ask if I have a sister or if they know me. I find this almost amusing as I am not a "typical" woman - maybe a typical Amazon woman, but not a "typical" woman. You'd think, if they did know me, they'd remember my 6' tall, onehundred and *cough*sputter*I'mnottellingyou* pound self!

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A recent conversation with husband that sums up the current state of our sex life. This short, disturbing exchange took place as I had my hands, which were lathered in lube butter, tightly wrapped around a fresh ear of corn, moving them up and down while gently twisting, as I lovingly stroked distributed the butter onto each kernel preparing it for the heat it was about to receive.

Husband: That's obscene
Me: I was thinking more along the lines of erotic!
Husband: No ... it's obscene

I guess he'll be skipping a hand job manual stimulation from anyone other than himself for the next few ... ummmmm ... millenniums!

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HNT - Summer Chores

It's summer time, and as such there are certain personal "chores" that require more of our attention. It's in these routine, daily activities that sensual and seductive moments are lost ... or are they?

*click*

“Look, I really don't want to wax philosophic, but I will say that if you're alive, you got to flap your arms and legs, you got to jump around a lot, you got to make a lot of noise, because life is the very opposite of death. And therefore, as I see it, if you're quiet, you're not living. You've got to be noisy, or at least your thoughts should be noisy and colorful and lively.”

~ Mel Brooks

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He Got Under My Skin

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Do you ever read a blog post or a comment that really gets to you? One that gets you thinking and thinking, and the more you think, the more pissed off irritated you get? I had one of those recently and I've not been able to "let it go," so will offer my thoughts instead.

Let me preface this by saying that the post/comment in question is from a blogger that I highly respect and read diligently; Jay over at Cynical Bastard. Jay and I have very different political leanings, although I do think we have some shared positions - no, not those kinds of positions - political positions. His recent I'm a Political Pundit ... post really struck a nerve, and not so much from his perspectives on Vice Presidential considerations, but specifically from a comment he left in response to mine:

Dana said...

Obama?? Who cares *wink* Well, unless socialism appeals to you (which, unfortunately, it seems this country is embracing these days).

I'm bummed that you gave so much attention to your political preference - a good political analyst would do a far better job of addressing each candidate equally.

That deserves a spanking Jay!

Jay said...

Dana: There really is no doubt that Obama is a redistributionist. But, nobody seems to really care. I think that's a testament to how pissed off people are at the last 8 years.

Also, I started to break down each of the top candidates for McCain, but as I said there really was no need to. My description of his choices stands for each and every one of them. Each is an authoritarian and a Christianist. There is no diversity of positions and ideas among his choices.

Among the Dems there is. Some are more moderate, some are long-time Washington insiders, some are left-wing liberals, some are "post-partisan" meaning they were once republicans and are more independent that others.

But, among McCain's choices, all are basically people who are 95% in agreement with Bush. So I didn't bother naming them all.

I almost named Mike Huckabee so I could mention his tendency as governor of Arkansas to let rapists and murderers out of jail, but I thought I would offend somebody with that. God knows I don't want to offend.

So anyway, you were talking about "spanking?" ;-)

There was one word (besides spanking) that resonated in Jay's response - REDISTRIBUTIONIST.

Anyone know who is credited with penning this slogan?

From each according to his ability, to each according to his need

It sounds like it could be an Obama campaign slogan, doesn't it? In fact, it summarizes redistribution of wealth quite succinctly. This slogan was popularized by Karl Marx in his 1875 Critique of the Gotha Program. The entire paragraph that contains his slogan reads:

In a higher phase of communist society, after the enslaving subordination of the individual to the division of labor, and therewith also the antithesis between mental and physical labor, has vanished; after labor has become not only a means of life but life's prime want; after the productive forces have also increased with the all-around development of the individual, and all the springs of co-operative wealth flow more abundantly -- only then can the narrow horizon of bourgeois right be crossed in its entirety and society inscribe on its banners: From each according to his ability, to each according to his needs!

Now, I'm not one who cringes at seeing the word communism - it doesn't make me want to run and hide in a bomb shelter or anything. In reality, it's no different than the word democracy - it's a form of government, nothing more - but it's not the form of government that has been successful (and like it or not, we have been successful) in this country for the past 250 (almost) years.

You may not be happy with your current financial status. You may be highly disappointed with the political administration that has been "in power" the last eight years. You may want more for your own children than you have. I feel the very same way!

Where I differ in thought is that I don't feel it is the government's position to determine who has "too much" and who "deserves" more. This country was founded on the concept of working hard to succeed - a concept many have realized. That concept is being compromised by those who feel that they "deserve" what those who work hard have, even if they don't contribute equally. That is what I find so disturbing about redistributionism. What is the incentive to work hard? To try harder? There isn't one, because the harder you work - the more you earn - the more the government will redistribute to those who work/earn less.

I respect Jay's opinion on politics - it is one based on much research and careful thought - but this idea of redistribution is a slippery slope, and one that I believe this country has no business even considering ... unless we really are embracing what Matt-Man so eloquently calls the "NINNY" state.

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Now This is a Meme!

As you all know, I have a meme-aversion. That is primarily because I prefer to be a leader rather than a follower, but this meme ... well ... let's just say that it appeared on the lovely Vixen's blog, and if Vixen is doing it, it's a special meme. You'll know what I mean when you start reading ...

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1. Chocolate or Whipped Cream:

Chocolate! Specifically in liquid form ... Hershey's brand! Slippery, sticky chocolate syrup!

2. Leather or PVC:

Ha! My first thought was "PVC pipes in the bedroom?" But then I came to my senses. I do like leather and have always wanted a leather headboard. There is something about the smell that drives me crazy (in a good way).

3. Outdoor Sex or Indoor Sex:

Ummmm ... in my current state of mind I'd say ANY sex.

4. In the Jacuzzi or In Bed:

I think sex should be fun and adventerous - definitely Jacuzzi!

5. Bad Sex or No Sex:

No sex, although I think solitary sex is better than no sex but not as good as good sex.

6. Dominate or Be Dominated:

This might surprise some of you, but be dominated. Once in a while I get the urge to dominate, but I prefer the latter.

7. Thigh highs or Bodystocking:

Well, according to last week's HNT, thigh highs! A body stocking would be far too confining.

8. Fast or Slow:

Ummm ... YES!!!

9. Rough or Gentle:

7 times out of 10, rough, or at least with great physical authority *wink*.

10. Bite or Suck:

Bite me, suck others?

11. Role play or Reality:

I am firmly planted in reality. Fiction has always been a stretch for me.

12. Dirty Talking or Dirty Talking To:

If I'm writing, I enjoy dirty talking, but my shy side creeps up in real life and I have a hard time with anything but being talked dirty to.

13. Edible panties or No Panties:

No panties. Have you ever tasted edible panties? I haven't found any that tasted much better than dirty socks (not that I eat those regularly either). I'm not going to make anyone eat anything I'm not willing to eat *evil grin*

14. Spanking paddle or Bare-handed:

Bare handed, and I better be able to see a clear hand print.

15. Landing Strip or Kojak:

EGADS! My age showed again on this one! I'm thinking bald or mohawk ... on the head!! Now that I've stopped laughing at myself, Kojak - and I'll take the tootsie roll pop too!

16. Multiple Sessions or One Good Fuck:

That's like asking someone who is dehydrated if they'd prefer lemon in their water. Beggars can't be choosers *wink*

17. Moaning or Screaming:

Moaning. Screaming draws too much attention.

18. Older Men or Young Men:

I'll take the experience and patience of an older man any day.

19. Threeway or No Way:

Threeway, but ... this one one actually requires a TON of maturity on the part of ALL of the participants, something that's not always easy to come by (pun intended).

20. Swing or No Swinging:

I don't know that I would want to be a regular participant in the lifestyle, but I wouldn't mind dabbling on occasion.

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TMI Tuesday

1. Do you believe anyone truly likes their job? If so, why?

I like my job, I just like other things more than my job ... like Lima Beans and Liver and Onions (No! Really! I *heart* Lima Beans and Liver and Onions!!) Sure, some people like their jobs - that is the goal, isn't it?? To find something you don't mind doing, better yet that you enjoy doing, for 8 hours (or more) a day?

2. Do you 1) live to work or 2) work to live 3) not see a difference?

Most definitely work to live. If I had the option, I'd stay at home and be a "typical" housewife - raising the kids, canning vegetables, baking bread ... skipping the barefoot and pregnant part! At least at 43 years old!!

3. How many hours do you work a week?

37.5 - three 10-hour days and one 9.5 hour day (with a 30 minute, unpaid lunch each day), Saturday through Monday off.

4. What was your safety item (i.e. blankie) from when you were little?

I had a binky - a blanket with a satin trim edge - until it unraveled and I almost strangled myself. My mom decided it was a good idea to take it away at that point.

My son had a football. Seriously - a plush, stuffed football with a silky tag on it. eventually he lost the tag and I had to replace it with another piece of silky fabric and then he wore the fuzz off the dang thing. I've still got it and plan on making it a wedding present.

5. Have you ever used food during sex?

What haven't I used during sex? I just don't have the "usual" inhibitions when it comes to sex. Fruits? Yes ... strawberries, bananas. Vegetables? Corn on the cob, cucumbers, carrots, celery. Other foods? Chocolate syrup, whipped cream, fudgecicle, creamcicle. Have you heard enough yet? Maybe some day I'll become as conservative in my sex as I am in my politics ... or not! I think maybe I'm a redistributionist in the bedroom (I *heart* you Jay!)

Bonus (as in optional):What is your guilty food pleasure?

You know, there are so many.

A little off topic here, but have I mentioned that I believe food - any food that someone else has cooked for you out of love - is an aphrodisiac? It means a lot to me when someone spends the time to make me a meal, even if it is just a PB & J sandwich I know that that person was thinking of me when they made it.

If we are talking foods that I really shouldn't eat because they are high in calories and/or have no nutritional value, a Dairy Queen Peanut Buster Parfait is right up there! I love the salty/sweet goodness of peanuts and hot fudge ... YUMMMM!

Double Bonus from our inquisitors (still optional): "We are looking for suggestions. . . If someone asked for your suggestions for a butt worshiping evening (an evening devoted to butt attention), what would you suggest?"

Butt worshiping? Am I the worshiper or the one being worshiped? Not sure I have any ideas, but it sure is fun to think about!!

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When Good Blogging Goes Bad

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Anyone who read the comments on my blog yesterday saw what happens when good blogging goes bad. This is a situation where my past has caught up with my present, even though I did my damnedest to leave it behind.

A little background. When I moved from Maryland back to Minnesota due to a company acquisition, I was in desperate need of some sort of support system. I was a single mom to a 2-year old, moving half way across the country to a place that held nothing but dark memories for me. I had no family that lived closer than 1500 miles, and not a single friend. It was a very difficult time in my life.

One day, while surfing the net, I came across a Single Moms email list that I thought might be helpful. I subscribed and built some very strong cyber friendships, and even a few amazing real life friendships. Sure, there were ups and downs on the list - any time you get a large group of women together there are plenty of opportunities for snarky cat fights - but overall it was just what I needed - a group of women who had been where I was that had made it through. That meant I could too!

Now, over the years there were some list members that I frequently butted heads with. My Anon commentor yesterday was one of those. She and I often saw things differently - from parenting to politics - and many a nasty word was said. We always were able to come to some resolution though, and life moved on.

Not long after starting HNT on my blog, one of the list members asked about it. I had one of those email brain farts where you reply to all rather than replying to the individual and posted the link to my blog to the entire Single Moms list. I knew the moment I hit send there would be hell to pay, and there was.

Although I am certain there were many on the Single Moms list who questioned my blog writings and HNT pics, two in particular were highly critical. In fact, I'd go so far as to call them petty. These two women did their best to shame me on a public list of women that I had grown to respect and who had grown to respect me. Each of them claimed to be doing it for my own "good." I attempted to "defend" myself for about a month, but every time the topic died down, one of the two would bring it up again. I asked, respectfully, that they stop reading the blog and/or that they stop discussing it on the Single Moms email list. I felt that I should be the one to decide if items posted to my blog belonged on the Single Moms list. They believed that because my blog was public, they should be able to bring up any part of it they wanted. *shrugs*

I decided to leave the list. It was difficult - many of these women had been around when I became a member of the list 10 years ago, but I was tired of trying to explain myself - tired of hearing the criticisms (I get enough of that at home) - tired of feeling I, once again, didn't belong. I didn't make some "I'm taking my ball and playing somewhere else" exit speech, I just quietly walked out the door and closed it behind me.

I was quite impressed with the blogger community I stepped into. Those of you who read me regularly, as well as those who just stop by for HNT, have been amazingly supportive. I know that you don't necessarily agree with what I'm doing all of the time, but you offer positive thoughts, stories and often just a smile. Those are the things that keep me going these days - that remind me that when I'm ready, I can make good decisions and have the life I deserve. I know that my life is a train wreck and I don't ever take your support as a blanket "atta-boy," but the positive way that y'all approach difficult situations has given me a different perspective.

Now I've got at least one of these two women (and I'm almost certain, both of them) coming out from behind the lurker curtain (they've both continued to read me over the past few months) to judge me - shame me - in yet another public forum. Sure, one of them claims this is about security - both mine and that of my family - (and to a certain extent I understand that) but there is always this underlying tone of how "wrong" I am for doing what I do.

This time they are on my playground, yet they had the audacity to bring their own rules. Neither of them seems to realize what a bad decision this is. I'm not quitting, and I'm not going away. I do have some concern that these two women know too much about me and may try to leverage that knowledge to "force" me out of blogging - to shame me even further. In their distorted, self-righteous lives, they believe I am harming myself and my family and that they need to "fix" me. They are entitled to their opinion, but it would be good for them to remember that I have just as much knowledge about them. I won't fight dirty, but I will fight fair.

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Sunday Secret

My 7th grade step-daughter's report card came in the mail this week. She received 1-B, 1-B-, 2-C+'s, 1-C-, 2 D+'s and an F (1.75 GPA). She has always been an A/B student. Husband did not share her report card with me (I snooped), likely because he was humbled (?) by the fact that, for the past 5 years, he has preached to both Cam and me on the virtues of step-daughter as a student - frequently telling Cam he should be more like her. Although I am concerned about the sudden change in her school performance, I also feel vindicated. Reality is that she is human, fragile and capable of the same behaviors and performance as Cam.

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End of the 2008 Season

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The 2008 Little League babeball season has come to an end. Cam's team, the Angel's, finished first in the league. Although I've done enough carting of the kidlette, it was a little sad.

Ha! Funny thing about living in the puckies, often times I am following vehicles like this on my way to wherever I'm going. Today I followed this tractor on my way to the ball park.

In the vlog (yes, another vlog - this one is edited and less than 10 minutes - and I don't want to hear any crap about the length, editing or anything else - especially if you are posting vlogs of your kitchen counter grout *wink*) ... oops ... ADD moment there ... anyway, in the vlog I mention the $3.00 Italian Beef sandwich at the snack bar. Here's the one husband ate. YUMMMMMM!!


So, here's the vlog - yes, you have finally gotten there. You'll even get to see a quick glimpse of my step-daughter and although she's spitting (BBQ sunflower seeds), she doesn't have her cell phone plastered to her head! Oh, and sorry about the wind noise. Remember my first vlog where I talked about the wind blowing all the way north from Texas? Yeah ... well it was another one of those days!

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Friday Wrap-Up

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Whew! What a week! Can I say that it is absolutely great to get back to work so that I could recover from vacation? It was nice to be on the 4-day work week this week because I had Monday to myself - well, not entirely to myself but that's a whole different post!

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Speaking of my 4-day work week, I had a revelation this morning. One of the reasons I appreciate the new work schedule so much is that the 3 people in my department that I have the most difficult time working with - including Mr. "How are you on this lovely spring day?" - are off on Fridays. This means that I only have to spend 3 days with the 3 most difficult co-workers.

There also seems to be some "unrest" amongst the troops, well, really one of the" leaders", regarding the compressed work week. She mentioned in our department meeting yesterday that if the primary reason for this trial was to save gas, and we are still out driving on the day we don't come to work, we should go back to a 5-day work week. What?? Does she not realize that we would STILL be doing the driving we do on our non-office day, along with the trip into work, if we went back to a 5-day work week? Sometimes you just have to shake your head at the stupidity. And for the record, this "leader" is the only employee who has been working a 4-day week (32 hour week, but paid for 40) for the past 5 years! I guess she just isn't feeling special enough now ...

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I was a bad blogger/friend and completely blew off forgot to post the pity first loser award I won over at Tali's "What the hell is it?" SEM game. She reminded me Wednesday of what a thoughtless forgetful friend I was. Although I tried to blame it on age, she wouldn't bite (although she promises to bite the next time I see her *wink*), so here it is! It's also on the side bar never to be forgotten again!!

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After this week's TMI questions, I've decided it's time to buy some lingerie. Not only will it make me feel special and frivilous, but it should make for a great HNT prop. I'm thinking either of these (not the women, the teddies - Oh hell, I'll take the women too!) would be a great start to my collection - what do you think??

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HNT - secretary

"Assume the position"

I decided to have a little fun with HNT this week. It takes just way too much effort to be so damn sexy every Thursday *gigglesnort* Besides, my trusted HNT adviser (no I'm not going to give you a name, then I'd have to share!) suggested this pose many moons ago and I thought it was time to give the idea a little cheeky justice.

What is that you say?? This doesn't look like me?? I know ... I know ... but I bet y'all can figure out what it is you need to do to see the accountant who stands behind the secretary.

*clickity click*

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Raw "I"'s

I saw this meme on Jay's blog Tuesday, and found it quite intriguing and insightful. I decided that if I didn't see it on 40 blogs within the following 48 hours, I'd take a stab at it. Fortunately, I didn't see it on any of the blogs I frequent and that was a good thing because I had nothing for you today!

There are a couple of things I really like about this meme (Did I just use "like" and "meme" in the same sentence?). First, there are no rules ... or at least no rules that I could find. No rules is always good because I have a tendency to ignore them and/or make up my own anyway. Second, it was fun to type in the first thing that came to mind, without regard to how it might sound or be perceived. Reading back over it, I find it a fairly good snapshot of where I am right now.

Y'all know I don't play tag, so if you're up to it, give it a shot. It goes fairly quickly and the results might just surprise you!

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I am : tired ... emotionally and physically.

I think : that people are generally self-absorbed.

I know : that I am creative.

I want : to be loved without expectations.

I have : much to give the right person.

I wish : that life was as easy as I think it should be.

I hate : liars.

I miss : mountains and the ocean.

I fear : making mistakes that cannot be fixed and negatively impact others.

I feel : misunderstood.

I hear : people's feelings.

I smell : in color.

I crave : Rudy's Bar-B-Q brisket.

I search : for new ways to see "old" things.

I wonder : if most people feel the way that I do.

I regret : saying "Yes" to my husband's marriage proposal.

I love : to have the choice to be alone.

I ache : for compassion and empathy.

I am not : who many people assume I am.

I believe : that I can be successful.

I dance : by myself when drying my hair in the morning.

I sing : only if no one is listening.

I cry : more often than I laugh.

I don't always : listen to what people are saying.

I fight : fair and am frustrated when others don't.

I write : to clear my mind.

I win : whenever I set my mind to it.

I lose : myself in thought.

I never : intentionally hurt anyone, but feel overwhelming guilt when I do hurt someone.

I always : try to find the silver lining.

I confuse : words I'm thinking with words I'm saying.

I listen : when a topic interests me.

I can usually be found : in the library on Sunday afternoons.

I am scared : of spiders.

I need : to trust myself.

I am happy : when I actually live in the moment.

I imagine : what it's like to live a life feeling cherished, secure and truly loved.

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TMI Tuesday #139

1. What's your favorite color of lingerie?

Can I be honest here? Well, I guess that's the point of TMI Tuesday, isn't it?! I've never been much of lingerie buyer. When I was younger, I didn't have the body to wear it. As I got older, I started being somewhat practical with my underwear. It's only been the past year (?) that I've bought anything out of the ordinary, and most of those items would be considered ordinary for anyone else.

I will say that, when viewing it on others, or taking it off others, it's really not about the color, but about the texture. Silk and satin with a touch of lace ... mmmm ....

2. Do you have a porn collection?

I have several DVD's and a handful of favorite porn sites, one of which just happens to have a very personal video of my own on it *wink*

3. Do you have any fetishes?

According to the IFSHA Sex Glossary, fetish is defined as, "A sexual fixation on a concept, object, or body part. A person with a fetish feels a compulsive need to use the object in order to obtain sexual gratification, and cannot achieve pleasure without it."

Nope! No fetishes here because I can always find some other "concept, object or body part" that affords me sexual gratification. Whew!

4. What is your favorite place to have sex?

Ummm ... ANY place?? OK, I like the "danger" of public sex - does that qualify as a fetish?? Of course not - I'm on question 4 now ...

5. Do you like to scratch, bite, pull hair, etc? Do you like having it done to you?

I like pleasing my partner. If my partner likes to be scratched, bitten, or have his/her hair pulled, then I'm right there on it. Personally, I enjoy occasional rough sex - spanking (but only if you leave a hand print), pinching/biting my nipples (HARD) and maybe a few other "physical stimuli " that intensify the physical side of sex.

Bonus: Do you think the number of sexual partners you've had is below average, average, or above average, and how does that make you feel?

Average for a 16-year old girl, or average for a 50-year old porn star?? I have no idea what the "average" is, but I'm guessing I'm likely a shit load few ahead of average.

Quite frankly, I think our society is WAY hung up (*gigglesnort* I said "hung") on sex, number of sex partners, sexual orientation, etc. No one would question it if I went to a salon to get a massage 4 times a week from a different masseur, but if I have sex 4 times a week with a different partner, the whispering starts. Both offer physical pleasure ...

*shrugs*

*EDIT* According to Matt-Man (via Covert Lover), the average woman will have sex with nine lovers over the course of her lifetime. Yeah ... I'm just a few (I ran out of fingers and toes) above average ...

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Ahhhh, Monday ...

As many of you know, this past week has been a challenging one in my life. It brought to light what is good and what isn't. Yes, the "what isn't" things have been staring me in the face for quite some time and I've been holding on to some unrealistic hope that maybe - just maybe - someone loved me enough to make it all better. I often wonder if I ever listen to the things that people say. I claim to be a good listener, yet am still somewhat surprised when I finally get it - when the words come flooding in and actually make emotional sense. Yes, this week I came to the realization that there is enough love, but that I must quit looking for it from others and find it within myself. How many times have I heard those words? How many times have I acknowledged them without feeling them?

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I want to thank those of you stopped by and offered comments this past week. Your kind, funny and sarcastic words offered more comfort than you might imagine. Although taking the laptop earned me a strong scolding, it was the one thing that offered me a bit of sanity and routine during an otherwise chaotic week. A special thanks to Matt-Man for his daily coded messages - I just wish he'd have sent the decoder ring before I left (and it wasn't in the Cracker Jack box)! I mean, just what do you do with "The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain, of my crotch. Watch out for the roosters, and be careful whilst oiling up your epiglottis." other than scratch your head and hope it is good??

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Overall, the kids had a fabulous time this past week and you know what? That's what it is all about - creating memories - good ones for the most part - so that when they stumble upon difficult times, they have something think back on that brings a smile to their face!

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One last funny vacation story ...

This should come as no surprise as most of the trip was filled with these little comedic challenges. First, road construction in San Antonio is CRAZY! I Googled directions to Dollar Rent-a-Car so that we could return our minivan (don't even get me started) prior to getting on the plane. Guess what? The exit I needed to take was closed due to construction ... and so was the one after that. I had to take an exit, cross my fingers, and hope that I could find my way! Fortunately, I have a fairly good sense of direction and made it there ... eventually.

This, of course, was just the first of many more challenges to come on the return trip. We eventually got to the airport and waited ... and waited ... and waited to check in for the first leg of our flight. I got really snarky with one of the Northwest Airlines employees, but after a few fistfuls of humble pie moments of deep breathing, I went back to the employee and apologized. She was only doing her job and I did not make it easier in that moment.

We finally got checked in and had 25 minutes to get through security and to the gate for our departure to Memphis. We made it with 10 minutes to spare! On the plane, all is well, we are leaving on time and will have no issues with catching our connection in Memphis. Or so it seemed.

Out on the runway, the pilot announces that the plane is too heavy for takeoff. Someone made some sort of calculation error and we will have to spend the next 30 minutes sitting there on the 100+ degree runway, burning off fuel so that we can get off the ground. In the back of my head I'm hoping the same person wasn't tasked with making this calculation. Once in the air, they assure us that we will make our connection.

We land in Memphis with 10 minutes to get from gate B38 to gate B11. Fortunately, Memphis' airport wasn't terribly crowded, nor is it terribly big. We made it, but were the last passengers on the plane. Whew!! Finally headed home.

Great flight - no tornadoes in Chicago - plane arrives on time. Off to the baggage carousel (why do they call it a carousel if I can't ride it?) to pick up our luggage. Bags come out - people pick them up and leave. Pretty soon it's just the six of us staring at an empty carousel that is no longer moving. Remember that short amount of time between flights? Well, our bags decided to stay in Memphis.

We got to spend and extra 30 minutes at the Northwest baggage claim area filling out our "Luggage Irregularity Receipt" - ummmm ... yeah ... that is what they call it when they lose your luggage ... an irregularity!

We eventually made it home and I got to sleep in my own bed. Today is another off day for me - all praises to the 4-day work week gods!! Back to my comforting routine of work and family tomorrow!

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Sunday Secret

I thought it would be easier to raise my son with a man in the house - that my son would benefit from a father figure. I should have signed him up for Big Brother's Big Sister's instead.

Some Got Wet ~ Some got Inked

Fortunately, our final full day in San Antonio was a GREAT one! We started off at Sea World where the kids participated in a Sea Lion Interaction Program. This really is a neat experience. The kids actually suit up just like the trainers, then go to the stage where the sea lion show is done. They get in the water, feed the sea lions and actually have hands-on time with them.

Here is Tyler (step-son) swimming with the Sea Lion ...

His girlfriend Sara ...

Delaney (step-daughter) ...

And Cam ...

They all had a wonderful time! In fact, two years ago they did a Sea World Beluga Whale Interaction and said they enjoyed the sea lion version much more as they got a lot more hands-on time with the sea lions.

Then, since I hadn't done much for myself this vacation, I decided a little Dana time was in order. Y'all have seen the ink on my back from my Baby's Got Back HNT, but here is a cropped version.


I've been wanting to get some additional work done on it - make the two tats look like one - maybe add another to the mix. Well, I jumped in with both feet last night and went to Platinum Tattoos & Body Piercing ... and look what they did!


I am absolutely thrilled! Not only did they fix the Iris, but they connected all the work making it look like one large piece. The orange flowers? Orange is Cam's favorite color and I decided it was time to give him a place of honor.

Today we head back to the home front - actually in about 3 hours. We'll be making a stop at Cheesy Jane's for a One Pounder challenge, then heading to the airport to (hopefully) make it home by 9PM!

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Friday Wrap Up

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Thanks to all of you who left such nice comments on my HNT yesterday. Not only do I usually try to respond to everyone's comment - and failed miserably with that yesterday - but I was feeling like it was kind of a half-assed (or is that half breast?) HNT and I don't like to do anything in a mediocre manner. Y'all were quite kind!

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I know I've been quite lax in getting around to all of my favorite blogs this week. Again, computer time has been at a premium (people actually expect me to socialize - can you believe it?) and I've had to just skim, often without leaving comments. I feel so ... so ... DIRTY!!

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Here is the primary reason we came to San Antonio for vacation - the 2008 graduating class of Sandra Day O'Connor High School. My nephew, Kirk, was one of the 794 graduates in this class (the largest graduating class in San Antonio this year). The graduation was held in the Alamodome - kind of nice considering there were 27 of us there watching!

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The graduation party was at a great local restaurant called El Chaparral. More TexMex than actual Mexican, but I really enjoy the smoky flavor of true TexMex. The margaritas were flowing (thank goodness) and everyone had a fabulous time.

Especially my nephew (in the center of this photo, my father-in-law is on the left of him and my step-son is on his right) who made quite the haul in graduation gifts. By the way, he'll be attending the University of Texas at San Antonio in the fall where he'll be majoring in Mechanical Engineering.

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We did have one little mishap. As I expected, this guy ... ummmm ... my husband (who appears to be having so much fun teaching his cousin how to juggle) was acting like a pissy three year old just two hours before this photo was taken. Why you ask?

Well, the cleaning people came to my Sister-in-law's house earlier in the day and we needed to get everything off of the floor. I put hub's flip-flops on a shelf in the den so they wouldn't get lost amongst everything else. Silly me forgot to put them back where they belonged before leaving the house to help SIL set up for the graduation party. Apparently, all hell broke lose when it was time for the rest of the family to meet us the and the flip-flops couldn't be found.


The ensuing temper-tantrum resulted a lot of yelling and screaming, eight kids frantically searching for said flip-flops, hubs throwing the rental car keys at step-son, and hubs refusal to attend nephew's graduation party. Now mind you, he did have sneakers handy, but the damn flip-flops were the end all be all.

When the kids got to the party and explained what happened, I called hubs - who of course refused to answer the phone - to let him know where his precious flip-flops were. I had to actually leave the party, go to SIL's house, and scold beg for hubs forgiveness for not putting the flip-flops back where they belonged. With much sighing and rolling of the eyes, he agreed to act human come to the graduation party. Can't have vacation without a little drama now, can we??

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Today we are headed back to Sea World so the kids can attend a Sea Lion encounter (they'll be swimming with the Sea Lions). I should have TONS of great photos and might even get wet for y'all again *giggle*

Tomorrow afternoon we head back home ...

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HNT - Sea World

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“When you can't make them see the light,
make them feel the heat.”
~ Ronald Reagan

*click*

This is probably the most difficult (and least creative) HNT I've done yet. I didn't have the privacy that I normally do - "vacationing" in a house full of 20+ people is a bit of a logistical nightmare - but I was able to steal a few moments without anyone even noticing. This first pic was actually taken at Sea World, while I was photographing some of the landscape shots. The second one? Clearly I found a bit of privacy for that one! Notice the special "girly" manicure my sister-in-law insisted I have. My toes even match - you'll have to trust me because I couldn't manage to get my toes into the picture!

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Sea World & Brisket

9:30AM - 83 degrees - 65% humidity. UGH!!

Oh the joys of being young! This was after our visit to Six Flags on Monday. The kids had been in the car talking about their next quest - the community swimming pool. They decided to just sit down for a few minutes to rest before making the 1 mile trek. Let's just say that they never made it!


Tuesday was a trip to Sea World. We got up early as we were going to spend most of our day in Lost Lagoon - the water park portion of Sea World. My sister-in-law has been working for Anheuser-Busch Adventure Parks for 28 years and currently holds a VP position. Let's just say we get a bit spoiled when we visit Sea World.

Here is Cam, floating down the Lazy River. He spent most of his time in either the Lazy River or the wave pool.


The bald guy in the back of this photo is my brother-in-law, the guy with the farmer's tan? Yeah ... that would be the other grown-up who threw a little tantrum in the airport.


The rest of the kids (from left to right), Tyler (step-son), Paige (niece), Dakota (second cousin), Sara (Step-son's girlfriend), Delaney (step-daughter) and Kirk (nephew).


This is my sister-in-law (hub's sister) that has the Anheuser-Busch Adventure Parks connection. She really is the reason I am able to stay relatively sane on this trip. She and I have become the Margarita Queens. Wait ... does that mean it's really the tequila that is keeping me relatively sane??


Of course, the kids are most concerned about getting a tan. Those of us old folks over 30 know the consequences of such frivolous conquests!



Oh, I did get a bit artsy at Sea World. They really have some beautiful landscaping that is definitely photo worthy. Here are two of my favorite shots.




Having spent some time in San Antonio in the past, there are a few things that are "must do" - one of those is Rudy's Bar-B-Q - self proclaimed "Worst Bar-B-Q in Texas." I have to say that if there was one thing that would get me to move to Texas, it would be the Rudy's brisket (fatty side, of course)


We purchase it by the pound and always order a side of coleslaw (creamy). They serve it with a loaf of white bread, the kind that is so gooey it sticks to the back of your teeth when you bite into it! There is nothing better than throwing a few slabs of the brisket onto the white bread, adding a spoon full of slaw, dousing it with Rudy's Sause (yes, that's how they spell it) and then stuffing the succulent, artery clogging concoction into your mouth! This was dinner last night - YUMMMMMMM!!

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If you can't take the heat, don't tickle the dragon

Someone tickled the dragon here in San Antonio - current temp at 5:30 PM? 97 degrees!! Thank goodness for water rides at Six Flags Fiesta Texas!! I got a little wet today. I'd have taken some pics, but I didn't wear the white tank-top!

Trip out here was interesting. We got to the airport only to find that our flight from Chicago to Memphis had been delayed long enough that we were not going to be able to catch our connecting flight to San Antonio. See this storm? It wrecked havoc on flights in and out of Chicago. Solution? Rebook.

We were able to bitch loud enough politely ask that we be rebooked on another airline rather than wait until the following day to complete the trip. We got to the airport at 3:30 and were finally able to start boarding the plane to head to San Antonio at 9:20PM, arriving just after midnight. I'll admit, the kids were amazing - rarely complaining and genrally being troopers! Too bad the other adult on this trip wasn't as well behaved.

When we finally got into San Antonio, we grabbed our bags, picked up a rental car, and finally arrived at our destination just before 2AM. Ten hours later we were waiting in line for water rides at Six Flags!

Tomorrow? Sea World! I'll see if I can't get a lovely shot with Shamu! If not, I bet I can get a pic or two of penguin poop!!

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