10 Things Thursday

1. My social skills aren't always very social (understatement) and one of the situations I really struggle with is offering condolences, so when lifehacker published How to Offer Condolences Without Sounding Like an Ass I figured it was certainly worth a read. Funny thing? Apparently I've been doing it right and the majority of people aren't. Go figure!
2. I found another LEGO Set that I need *cough*want*cough* and with 1,685 pieces it should keep me out of trouble for a while
   
3. While reading The decline of Snapchat and the secret joy of internet ghost towns I couldn't help but think how it applied to this space. This passage sums up why I started blogging and why I'm back at it:
   "When LiveJournal was the primary way I existed on the internet, what occupied my time was not my friends’ accounts of their days or their vague, passive-aggressive posts about the drama of which I was already aware. Rather, it was falling into a rabbit hole of total strangers’ personal confessions and vague dramas just as small and unimportant as those unfolding within my own friend group. But these were infinitely more interesting because they were happening to someone I had never met, who didn’t know I existed."
4. Speaking of blogging, I sure do miss (most of) the community that was such a big part of my life from 2007-2011. Every once in a while I look at old posts that sometimes had 50+ comments and click on the blogger links. Seldom do I find a blogger who has actually posted within the last 8 years.
5. Have you ever wondered which alcohol you should mix with your Wendy's Frosty? *SPOILER ALERT* According to this article, Canadian Club whisky is not on the "to do" list!
6. Ummm ... this avocado toast/spread trend just won't go away. My local market has a coupon for this new product. 

   

   (GoAvo Spread)

7. I was happy to learn that the wedding gift rule that requires the price of the gift you give to “cover the cost of your plate” can now be ignored according to Lizzie Post, the great-great-granddaughter of etiquette guru Emily Post.
8. The above information does not imply that I've attended or been invited to a wedding any time recently. The couple whose wedding I last attended just celebrated their 17th wedding anniversary.
9. Although I've never used their service, I am familiar with Megabus, but apparently there is a new low price bus fare player - Flixbus. Back in the day, traveling by bus was seen as a last resort, but bus travel has definitely changed. I can travel (round trip) from Las Vegas to San Diego for $31.98 and that includes Wi-Fi, one carry-on, one checked bag, and power outlets. Sure, it's a 7-hour trip, but it is a far more attractive option to me that air travel.
10. *SIDE NOTE* I need to plan a vacation. I had one planned - visiting a friend in Texas - but that kind of imploded on me *shrugs* Time to formulate a plan B.

10 Things Thursday

Let's try this one again. It was something I hoped would be a regular

brain cleansing exercise - a place to toss those blog post ideas that

were never written, along with other nonsensical and random thoughts.

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1. One of the posts in my DRAFT folder was titled "I need to get back to this place" - it was written in November of 2015. It only took me 2-1/2 years, and a major life upheaval, to start posting on a somewhat regular basis again *rolls eyes*
2. I read this lifehacker article - The Science Behind Why Breakups Suck (and What You Can Do About It) - soon after Mike and I split up. At the time it seemed like a bunch of gobbledygook, but when I read it again recently, I realized just how spot on it is ... especially the part about exaggerating the harm rejection actually causes us. Yeah ... that ...
3. Speaking of Mike, he and I actually met up at a Bishop Gorman basketball game this past week. Watching high school basketball, seeing local kids play that are top college recruits, was something we both enjoyed when we were together, and it's something I've missed. It went well. It was good to see him. And I felt some level of closure, as strange as that might sound.
4. I read a lot of lifehacker articles. I find their topics generally interesting and their information consistently good. How to Invest in Legal Weed was no exception. I'm sure there are some of you have issues with recreational marijuana. I don't, but I do see it as a huge business and investment opportunity that I'm trying to find a way into.
5. And speaking of recreational marijuana, can I just say BEST SLEEP AID EVER. Oh how I adore the edibles. Nothing says, "Good night! Sleep tight!" quite like a 10mg peach gummy. And most dispensaries here offer at least a 15% military discount. WOOHOO!!!  
6. This trend of abusing the identification of emotional support animals needs to stop. What is a valid therapeutic benefit to many people has turned into a circus show. For shits and grins I took this screening and discovered that for just $139 I could get the required documentation to not only fly with my pet, but to live in housing that prohibits pets with my pet. *second eye roll* 
7. I am currently having to give my non-ESA cats a daily dose of Miralax. Apparently pet constipation is a real thing. Thank goodness Mike's sister is a vet tech and was able to give me dosing instructions. Believe it or not, they don't list cat dosages of the Miralax informational label.
8. My first Home Chef delivery is scheduled for today. I've become somewhat of a meal delivery kit abuser. I order the introductory box at a discounted rate and then cancel the service. Unfortunately I'm running out of meal delivery kit providers.
9. I also purchased a subscription to emeals this week. I signed up for their Budget-Friendly Family Plan. Due to the "default" on a promissory note owed to be, I need to cut down my expenses by about $500/month. Groceries are my second biggest expense. We'll see how this goes.
10. I GOT NEW COOKWARE!!!

I've Lost My Independence

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This blog has always been the place where I could spill the oftentimes incoherent thoughts roaming my brain and organize them into something that made at least a little sense.

I have shared things here that I am ashamed of.

Parts of me that need to change.

Ideas that are unpopular.

Inviting others to pass judgement on me.

Then things changed.

Although I have met some of the people who read this blog, I've not shared my daily life with them.

Until Mike.

It's a bit ironic really - the man who learned so much about me through this blog is, in large part, the reason I feel like I've lost my voice here. No, he hasn't asked me not to write, he still enjoys reading my posts, yet I feel that I need to temper my words if I write about him.

It's because I care about how my words impact him and how my words might impact my reader's perception of him. I never had that concern with husband.

I suppose this shows growth in my character, but I don't like the conflict I feel. I've been proud to share what is my real life on a platform usually reserved for passive-aggressive rants and "Oh my life is perfect" mommy bloggers. This blog was a place that was all of me, not just the parts I wanted other people to see.

This new feeling of responsibility for my words and how they impact Mike has carried over to other topics and people too. I've wanted to talk about some challenges Cam has been facing, but find myself wondering if that is in his best interest. I'm also working on a very public project right now that has my dander up, but because my words could adversely impact that project (and all of those working on it), I've had to keep quiet.

I don't like it, but I'm wondering if it somehow makes me a "better" person ... at least in the eyes of those who might be negatively impacted by my words.

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If It Were An Algebra Final I'd Get A B+

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Only 17 days into this I'll post every day for 365 days bullshit goal and I've already missed 2 days!

The good news? It's been somewhat eye-opening. I've discovered that if I don't post before about 5:00PM, the chances of me getting a post up that day become slim to none ... leaning hard towards none.

The bad news? It was a goal that I really felt committed to, and yet I failed early on ... which means I wasn't as committed to the goal as I thought I was.

The best news? I'm allowing myself to fail - to be less than perfect *SHHHHHH! Don't even go there* - without beating myself up for it.

The overall purpose of the post every day for 365 days commitment was to get myself writing more ... honing my skills. Even if I miss a day (or 20), I'm still writing more than I was.

And that is good enough.

Sometimes good enough is ... well? Good enough!

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(15/17) <-- More accurate format

Can I Be Awesome?

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I am restless, or maybe I'm going through a midlife crisis (Is that ironic? I think it might be ... maybe ...).

Whatever the motivator, I've decided I want more. More satisfaction. More opportunities. More vodka!! I've also begrudgingly accepted the fact that the only way I am going to get more is if I do more.

Here's the rub (all of my male readers just got a little excited, didn't you?) ...

Although I'm clear that I want more, with the exception of VODKA, what I want more of is unquantifiable and a bit hazy. Hazy goals are not usually successful goals ... or at least that is what those S.M.A.R.T. (Doran's Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, Timely acronym) people say.

What I know is that I am feeling compelled to start something, and that's what I'm going to do.

Beginning today, I will be putting something on this blog space every single day ... for the next 356 days. It will be original content (the actual media might vary) and/or commentary.


(*NOTE* I stole this idea after reading 366 Days, or How I Tricked Myself into Being Awesome on LifeHacker)

This sounds easy. Anyone can throw content up on a blog and call it a post. I want to put up meaningful content. By meaningful I mean meaningful to me, because this is all about me (as it usually is), but hopefully y'all will find it occasionally meaningful as well.

If you caught yesterday's post-from-a-smart-phone, that was in preparation for this project. If I am going to commit to daily content, I need to insure I've got the ability to post content even if I'm no where near a computer.

No excuses.

This will be fun, right?? RIGHT???

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(1/365)

Where have all the bloggers gone?

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Long time passing
Where have all the bloggers gone?
Long time ago
Where have all the bloggers gone?
Social Media has picked them every one
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?

The more time I spend in social media (defined in this post as facebook, google+, tumblr and twitter), the more I miss traditional blogging. But have you tried to find a good blog to read lately?

I spent a good two hours on blogger the other day, hitting that NEXT BLOG link at the top of the page. That used to be a great way to discover new reads. Now? Most of the blogs I landed on hadn't had a new post in over two years.

*SIDE NOTE* I think there might be a business opportunity in starting up a final resting place for abandoned blogs

Let's be honest here, it's a lot easier to think up an ambiguous, sarcastic one-liner than it is to put 800 words together in a coherent and entertaining blog post. And in this immediate gratification society? Most readers have the attention span of a gnat with ADD - 140 characters is about all they can be bothered with.

If you've been hanging out here long enough, you know that I tend to be a traditionalist (not to be confused with an inflexible, routine driven old fogy). I don't believe the Constitution is a fluid document. I think HNT participants generally showed far too much skin. And I think real blogging is an art form that has been soiled by social media.

There is just something comforting about old school.

I used to worry that books would be replaced entirely by their e-versions as the iPad and Kindle became essential gadgets. Now? I believe the value of bound books lies in the way they touch your other senses - something e-books will never be able to do.

Just like books, I want to believe that real blogs will never go away entirely. Remember all of those fools who started up blogs 5 years ago because it was the thing to do? The ones who couldn't tell a story if their life depended on it? I think we called them mommy-bloggers for the most part.

*WINK* All of you mommy-bloggers who just read that sentence need to unbunch your panties now.

Real blogs? I think their value lies in the way they tell a story. Social media is little more than junk food for the brain. Real blogs? They are the meatloaf, mashed potatoes and gravy of the written word.

 

And I'm hungry!

Tell me, are you still reading real blogs regularly? What are some of your favorites? Are there any blogs I should be reading that I'm not?

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Sunday Secret

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It's time to come back to where I started - to refocus

I'm not sure what it will look like here

Whether the negativity and self-loathing that I've been nurturing elsewhere will follow me, or whether I'll be able to start wandering to a better place

I'm hoping for the latter

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Maybe?

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I'm trying to decide what to do with my little corner of the cyber world. Blogging - consistently and with any amount of interest - is more work than most people realize. I'm running out of motivation to do it well ... assuming I ever did.

I miss taking photos.

I still do not have an IEP, nor placement, for Cam for the coming school year.

I'm not giving Band Back Together the attention that I feel it deserves.

After 5 years of incompetence, my bookkeeper in Arizona was finally let go. Her work is being redistributed (I'm getting about 25% of her daily work - 100% of the problems she left behind) and I am buried ... deep ...

I need to get a second, part-time job.

It's time to prioritize and this blog currently has a negative return on investment.

Not sure if I will let it go entirely, or just take an extended break.

Time (and priorities) will tell.

You can still find me (if you are so inclined) on the twitter and on tumblr.

See ya when I see ya!

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Too Many Pots on the Stove

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I need to do something to correct this.

Too many pots on the stove means I'm not giving any one thing the attention it deserves, and will likely make a mess of something before it gets on the plate.

Assuming it gets on the plate at all.

Hmmmm ...

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Let's Play Pretend

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It's Monday morning - a great time to play a little game of pretend - although some of you might be saying to yourselves, as you read this, "Pretend hell! That is real manufactured drama right there!"

Let's imagine you've got a bitch with someone in the blogosphere. Say they posted a blurb glorifying someone recently caught in the middle of a BIG cyber lie, or maybe someone took a picture you felt copied one of yours (for those of you unable to determine tone - I am making fun of my own manufactured drama here - not trying to justify my sometimes - Shuddup! It's only some times - over-the-top approach to things).

You decide you are going to take the issue to your own blog. Write a post or two calling them out for their "bad" behavior, or maybe you are defending yourself against an "attack" from someone else. Whichever the case may be, you are going to make an example of this person for all of the cyberworld to see.

This is the part where you'll need to focus on using your imagination because there are a bucket load of you out there that would never consider doing such a thing on your blogs. You are the non-confrontational types - the DM, email and chat bitchers. The ones who have a very strong opinion but you choose to share it with only a select few. You prefer your blogs not be weighed down with cyber wars because you ... well ...I'm not sure why you do that ... but you do and that is your prerogative.

So just how would you write such a blog post? Would you go all passive-aggressive, knowing the person reads your blog (gotta love StatCounter and Blogger Stats for "proof" that you have a "stalker" - which these days seems to be defined as someone visiting your blog that you wish wouldn't) and that many of your readers will know EXACTLY who you are talking about without mentioning their name, or would you link to their blog and the posts on their blog that you want to address, insuring there was no question as to who you were talking about?

More importantly, why would you make the choice that you make? Be honest. Comment anonymously if you prefer.

I am choosing not to respond to any of the comments on this post because my intent is really to understand those of you who do this differently than I do - not to argue/bully you into believing my way is the right way - even though it is - *gigglesnort*

Oh! And I promise not to follow up this blog post with another blog post making a public example out of you or your comments ... not that I would ever do such a thing ...

Tell me!!!

Please??

*EDIT* This post is not about me or anything I've done in the past (other than to make fun of myself for doing so) but came to mind while witnessing a "cyber drama" elsewhere on the interwebs. I'm not asking anyone for their validation on bloging the way I do - I'm just curious as to why you choose to handle things the way you do on your blog.

*EDIT V2* Since Hubman outed himself in the comments, his I AM the sanctimonious assbag! post was, indeed, the inspiration for my post today. Honestly? I'd have done EXACTLY the same thing he did under similar circumstances ... and in fact, I have.

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Pearls Anyone?

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Remember this little Snarky Pearl of Wisdom?? It was number 1 on my list of 10:

There is no such thing as anonymity in life -
not in the "real" world and not in the "cyber" world.
You might get away with your shit for a while,
but not forever. Being sneaky will always catch up with you.

"A while" met "not forever" yesterday ...

I receive a phone call from husband. He asked if I could come over and cut the cat's nails (a normal request) but he sounded odd. I knew immediately something was off. I asked if he was OK. He said it depended on my answers to a few questions he needed to ask me - "we needed to talk"

A million scenarios ran through my head. I was concerned, but somewhat calm knowing no matter what it was, I had a home to go back to.

He placed a box in front of me. It was a box I received as the winner of a blog drawing. It had been sent to the house - HIS house - OUR house.

He asked me what it was. I told him it was a prize package I won over 2 years ago in a drawing from someone I met through blogging.

He asked specifically about the card - a passage that read:

Of course if the chocolate does melt you can just smear it all over you for a HNT post. Ha! My brain always goes in just one direction.

There wasn't hesitation. I told the story. I admitted to looking for the attention on-line that I wasn't getting at home. I admitted to giving up on the marriage in the last year we were still living in the same home.

In a strange twist, husband's concern was not really the content of the card once he realized this was not someone I had actual physical contact with. No, his concern was the fact that I had a package sent to OUR home by someone I had never met. Not only did this "stranger" have my real name, but he had my (our) home address.

He was right. Although the choice to give this particular blogger my full name and address was well thought out and quite safe, husband did not know that. I had - in essence - invited a stranger to come in through the front door of our home.

He asked me what I was thinking. I told him I wasn't thinking about anyone other than myself, and really hadn't been for the last year of the marriage. I apologized.

After some discussion, it became clear that both of us had been doing our best to hurt the other in the last year or so of the marriage. He knew my Achilles Heel. I knew his. We had both become angry, hurtful, spiteful, ugly people.

It was a good conversation. I'm not sure where things stand at this point, but I know that one of my greatest secrets is now "out there." There is immense relief in that. Letting that secret be known put me in line with the person I want to be more like. It was liberating.

No, the blog isn't going anywhere and it's not going private. I don't know if he will choose to seek it out and read it, or if he was more concerned with my lack of respect for his privacy. I believe it was the latter, but I know he may also read (and ogle) every last thing I've posted. Hiding the blog now would be little more than a futile attempt to lessen who I am, and I'm done with that.

Blogging, in and of itself, was not the primary topic of the conversation - my lack of respect for the things important to him was.

He was right. I didn't respect him. I didn't care. And it felt so good to finally admit that to the person who needed to hear it.

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Why?

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I don't know that I've ever sat down and blogged about why I blog, but recent comments and events indicate it might be time.

Now, there will be a handful of you who claim I am lying - who feel you can "see through me" - who are convinced you know me better than I know myself.

Pompous assholes ... every last one of you.

... and there goes my vow against name-calling ...

I blog for many reasons, but there are three primary reasons I blog.

I blog for validation/attention

Let's get the ugly one out of the way. I blog for the comments - the interaction with the reader. Of course that means that I occasionally have to deal with this kind of crap (marked as SPAM when posted to my Do Something post):

fifty cents a day - for fifty cents a day (paypal) I might shut up - give me fifty cents a day and you and your wrecked train can cheer and wreck all over the place and I wont come back - but dont miss a payment - if not I am gonna keep on coming here for free - the the toilet that just wont flush! THIS IS REAL.

Posted by doggybloggy to Amid Life's Crises at October 7, 2010 9:26 PM
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ALL of your readers? isnt that a stretch to call these four or five people ALL? cute kinda in a train wreck sort of way - and if you do jump off a bridge is is really MY fault?

Posted by doggybloggy to Amid Life's Crises at October 8, 2010 8:23 AM
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delete all of my comments not just the recent ones...

Posted by doggybloggy to Amid Life's Crises at October 8, 2010 9:11 AM
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we are getting gone stop closer to you shutting this train wreck down or going private ---I SAID - DELETE ALL MY COMMENTS NOT JUST THE RECENT ONES -

Posted by doggybloggy to Amid Life's Crises at October 8, 2010 9:46 AM

Yeah ... this shit does not elicit discussion, but there will always be "haters", especially if you are a blogger who puts it out there, including unpopular opinions.

Blogging for attention/validation means I may lose FOURTEEN blog followers when I go on a "Piss the Readers Off" week blogging binge. Why yes! Yes I did!

Fortunately, 99.5267984% of my commenters are logical, intelligent, funny, caring people, and having the opportunity to interact with all of you is the primary reason I blog.

I blog to clear my head

It's therapeutic and a hell of a lot cheaper than my $30 co-pay for mental health services.

I grew up in a home that required I keep secrets. There was constant pressure to keep up the appearance of the family. I was taught to stuff all things that could make the family "look bad", all of the negative feelings, suck it up, be tough, put a smile on my face, and never let anyone know the turmoil in my own head and heart.

Fuck that.

Secrets are destructive. In my life, "privacy" has been an excuse for continued wrong-doing. Sure, I occasionally embarrass myself with what I say here and I make myself vulnerable to people who define their own value by how much better they can feel about themselves because they would "never do that," but at least I'm not pretending to be something I'm not.

I process life events through words. I need to talk it out. Sometimes I need to talk both sides out and I come across as hypocritical, and sometimes? I'm just hypocritical ... but at least I can see that.

I don't have a relationship in my life that allows this kind of interaction. Not my parents. Not a BFF (some day, when I grow up, I want a BFF). Not a spouse. No siblings. I've managed to isolate myself quite well. Y'all are my sounding board.

I blog to change my mind

What?? How can that be??

It's true! I've been known to post an opinion on this blog that isn't really my opinion, or that maybe I'm a bit wishy-washy on. I want to hear both (or more) sides of the argument so I throw it out here and see where y'all go with it.

There have been times when I was so certain I was right, but opening my mind - and my blog - has allowed me to see a side of things I hadn't considered.

As opinionated as I am (and I am), I am also quite reasonable and responsive to logic ... usually ...

Why do you blog? Why do you comment on other blogs?

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Sunday Stealing

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I'm all out of secrets! Seriously ... 18 months ... 4 weeks per month ... that's 72 secrets for goodness sakes. No one should have that many damn secrets!

If I can't tell a secret, then I might as well steal, right? It's Sunday after all. At some point in my internet surfing, I found this blog titled Sunday Stealing. I hoped that some day it would come in handy, and today it did! They write:

Here we will steal all types of memes from every corner of the blogosphere. Our promise to you is that we will work hard to find the most interesting and intelligent memes. You may have heard of the expression, “honor amongst thieves”. In that age-old tradition, we also have our rules. First, we always credit the blog that we stole it from and we will “fess up” to the blog owner where we stole the meme. We also provide a link to the victim's post. (It's our way of saying "Thanks!") We do sometimes edit the original meme, usually to make it more relevant to our global players, to challenge our players, sometimes to select that meme's best questions, or simply to make it less repetitive from either this new meme or recently asked questions from a prior featured meme. Let's go!

What the hell! Until I can find something better to do with my Sundays, this will have to do ...

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1. How did you come up with your blog title OR what does it mean?

Ha! Well, having a catchy title was really important to me. In fact, I was far more concerned with thinking up a catchy title than I was with what I was going to write. I've always been a fan of phrases with double meanings and "A mid-life crisis" came to mind. I could change that up a little to "Amid Life's Crises" And so it was born.

I'll always remember how proud I was of my creativity and how that came crashing down when my dear friend Tali said, "You misspelled 'crisis'." The fact that I had to explain I was using the plural form kind of deflated my glorious moment of creative genius!

2. What are your general goals for blogging?

I never really had any, which is quite clear after reading just a few posts. I'd say my "informal" goal is to create respectful discussion by bringing to light some common - and some uncommon - ideas, experiences and opinions to a public forum.

3. Do people “in your real life” know that you blog and do they comment on your blog OR is it largely anonymous?

When I started blogging, there was just one person I "knew" (had met in person) who read my blog. Since that time, I've met - in person - a handful of people who read my blog, but it is still largely an anonymous blog.

4. How often do you post (x per week)? How often do you read other blogs (x per week)?

I try to post 6 days per week. I read other blogs daily. My reader currently has about 75 blogs - many that post daily.

5. How do you select blogs to read (do you prefer blogs that focus on certain topics or do you choose by tone or…?)

I get most of my new blog reads through commentors and from reading other blogs. I really like that new Blogger widget that publishes a list of blogs with their most recent posts? I've found many good reads that way.

I don't really have topic requirements. I read everything from Stuff Christians Like (a wonderful, satirical, Christ following blogger) to The Seduction of Infidelity. The tone - the writing style - those things are far more important to me.

6. Do you have any plans to copy your blog entries in any other format, or do you think that one day, you’ll just delete it all?

I haven't thought much about this. I know that there are services out there that print and bind blogs, but I can't imagine there would be anyone interested in a legacy copy of this blog. Deleting the entire thing seems a bit harsh. Maybe I'd be better off just putting the entire thing in draft mode? Who knows ...

7. What are the things you like best about blogging?

By far, the single thing I like best about blogging is the relationships that develop. I have met some really amazing people that I would have never met had I not been for this silly little writing forum. I learn far more from all of you than I learn about myself through introspection.

8. What are the things you don’t like about blogging?

There are a few. One of them I recently addressed here.

Sometimes I feel an "obligation" to post - and to post worthy content. That is certainly a self-imposed sense of obligation and not something that I think is expected by any of you, but it can be a stressor if I let it.

The other one I find annoying is bloggers that promote their blogs all over the place - that ask me to promote their blog - and then just quit blogging. I'm all for helping out another blogger, but when you ask me to do that, then two months later drop off the face of the earth? You're on my shit list.

9. How do you handle comments?

I answer them, with the exception of HNT's and one particular commentor who is now on DELETE status. I am sometimes amiss in answering comments that happen later in the day - most of my blog time is before dinner time, so often comments left later in the day don't get answered.

10. Do you have any burning thoughts to share on blog etiquette?

I have some pet-peeves about blogs - some things that will keep me from visiting very often. If the blog is VISUALLY difficult to read, I'll stop visiting. For example, blog templates where the background scrolls or colors/patterns that make deciphering words a struggle. Music that plays the moment I open the blog in my browser will keep me away too. I appreciate that you are a music aficionado, but I come to your blog to read, not to listen to your music (unless I'm sitting on the Big Leather Couch)

11. Any desired blog features?

I'd love to have the ability to block trolls, stalkers and spammers blog readers by IP address and or user name. Yes, WordPress allows me to block commentors by those criteria, but I'd like to be able to block access - not just comments. I understand that this can be done if one moves off the Blogger/WordPress platforms, but honestly the whole "having your own domain and finding a host for the blog" (not even sure I'm using the correct terminology) thing is BEYOND me and I think cost prohibitive to have someone do it for me. Maybe if I were blogging for business I'd go that route, but I think it's a bit over the top in my case.

12. Have you suffered blog addiction?

I've suffered internet addiction. I spend a lot of time in the virtual world and I have to work fairly diligently at keeping it in check and balanced with "real life" responsibilities.

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Wednesday Weirdness

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What do you do when TMI Tuesday gets posted late in the day, after you've already plagiarized panicked and written some other mumbo-jumbo to put in its place? Well, you bore entertain your readers with yet another weekly meme - Wednesday Weirdness!

1. Why do you keep a blog?

Good question! Everyone always asks why people start blogs, but seldom does anyone ask why people keep blogging. In my case there are a few reasons:

1. It's a wonderful, creative outlet that can change form and function easily
2. It's been a "safe" social networking tool
3. I enjoy the positive feedback and readership

2. Who is one long lost blogger you wish would come back?

I can only think of one that I really wish would start writing again (and sometimes I wonder if he hasn't just reinvented himself somewhere else) and that is R.E.H. from Ramblings of a Madman. His writing was inspirational and he had amazing leadership qualities.

Generally, I try not to get too attached to bloggers. In the year I've been playing out here I've seen so many come and go - most of them without any warning or explanation.

3. If you made a New Year's Resolution, did you break it already? If you did not make one, why?

I didn't make any resolutions. I use the New Year as an opportunity to reflect - to decide what needs to change - to do a self-evaluation/performance review. I make changes in my life when it is most relevant to do so rather than relying on the calendar to tell me when it's best.

4. People who still have their outside Christmas lights up. Festive or Lazy? Discuss.

Guilty! But they aren't plugged in! Look, when you live in the north, where temps in January seldom get above 20, and your roof is covered in snow and ice, you wait until it warms up and melts before actually taking them down. This isn't a lazy/festive option, but rather a safety/practicality issue.

5. What is the last annoying song that got trapped in your head?

It would be the title of my blog post yesterday ... "Let's talk about sex, bay-bee - Let's talk about you and me ..."

6. Have you ever worn or tried edible underwear? What are your thoughts on it?

Haven't worn edible underwear. Haven't eaten edible underwear. Wondering why I would encourage someone to eat my underwear when it is really some other "meal" I'd like to feed them *wink*

Bonus: If you could do one bad thing and get away with it, what would you do and why?

This is so tempting, but you know what? I might legally get away with it, but the guilt would eat me alive. I'll pass on getting away with anything "bad" - thank-you-very-much!

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All I Really Need To Know I Learned Through Blogging

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I'm sure most of you are familiar with Robert Fulghum's All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten. I took a little artistic liberty with Fulghum's writings and came to the conclusion that much the same can be said about blogging ...


All That I really Need To Know I've Learned Through Blogging

• Comment equally. Comment on the good, the bad and the ugly. People want to know that you are there even when they aren't where they'd like to be in life.
• Words are powerful. They can bring a smile to a blogger's face, or a tear to their eye. They can be encouraging and helpful, or disparaging and hurtful. Choose your words carefully.
  
• Clean up your own mess. If you falter - if you fail - own up to it, make amends and move forward. Those who truly care will forgive.
• Don't take things that aren't yours. If you see it on another blog, be sure to give credit to the blog from which you came, and let the blogger know. People take great pride in their work.
• Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody. Make it public if it was a public hurt, private if it was not.
• HNT is good for you. Whether you you play emotionally half-nekkid, physically half-nekkid, of spiritually half-nekkid, it's good to get half-nekkid once in a while.
• Live a balanced blogging life. Don't let blogging become your only interaction with people.
• Take a break. Sometimes it is important to shift focus, just be courteous enough to let your readers know.
• Remember that the blogosphere is very much like the real world. You need to watch out for speeding cars and falling objects.
• Trust is a valuable commodity. Although most bloggers are wonderful people, there are a few snake-oil sales people out there too. Be careful whom (or is it who?) you bargain with!
• Do what you say, and say what you do! On a blog, and in your comments, your word is golden - keep it highly polished.
• There is a person behind the blog. Bloggers are fragile, vulnerable, real people. They have good days and bad days. They put themselves out there for enjoyment and insight, not for abuse and belittling. If you don't like what you see/read, move on - there are many wonderful blogs and bloggers out there - you are bound to find many that you do like!
  

As Fulghum states in his final lines of this essay (modified just a wee bit):

And it is still true, no matter how old you are - when you go out into the (cyber) world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.

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Friday Wrap-Up

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There's been a rash of blog nastiness lately. For a change, it's not been my blog that is full of drama, although, with my strong opinions and blunt nature, I haven't been completely exempt from it by any means. Most of what I've seen seems to be happening in the comments section of many blogs. I am a firm believer in our right to free speech, but it seems it's the respect component (or perception of respect) that is missing.

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I am so frustrated with so many of the political posts I read lately. I see far too many (in my oh-so-humble opinion) blogs that spend most of their time cutting/tearing down the candidate they are not supporting, than they do pointing out why their candidate is the better choice. This is not in any way party specific - I see it on both sides. If that weren't enough, there has been an awful lot of regurgitating internet rumors and misinformation on both candidates that bloggers - SMART bloggers - tout as fact.

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Maybe the recent increase I've seen in blogger burn-out over the past month or so is directly related to the above issues? It seems many of my favorite bloggers, those who used to post regularly, have either announced their hiatus from blogging or have simply disappeared. I wonder if the blog nastiness and abundance of political posts aren't somehow related to their decision.

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As I continue to play out here in the blog world, I realize their are just as many expectations from bloggers on how their readers/commentors should behave, as there are bloggers. I'm afraid I am terribly guilty of assuming everyone feels the same as I do, especially when it comes to disagreement on a post.

On my blog, dissenting opinions are welcome, but commentors need to be prepared for me to stand true to my opinion. That doesn't mean I am not listening to what they are saying, or that I am not open to considering I might be wrong, but it does mean that I am prepared to debate my position. There is nothing I enjoy more than good, logical debate. Some of you have presented such good arguments, you've changed my perceptions. Yet it seems there are bloggers who feel, when this is done on their blog, it is rude, obnoxious and/or argumentative.

I also try to respond to all comments left on my posts, but I am guilty of not visiting - and/or commenting on - every post of every blogger who visits me. I've learned there are bloggers who feel this is disrespectful and portrays a feeling of superiority on the part of the blogger who doesn't reciprocate.

I think I need a spreadsheet ...

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When Good Blogging Goes Bad

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Anyone who read the comments on my blog yesterday saw what happens when good blogging goes bad. This is a situation where my past has caught up with my present, even though I did my damnedest to leave it behind.

A little background. When I moved from Maryland back to Minnesota due to a company acquisition, I was in desperate need of some sort of support system. I was a single mom to a 2-year old, moving half way across the country to a place that held nothing but dark memories for me. I had no family that lived closer than 1500 miles, and not a single friend. It was a very difficult time in my life.

One day, while surfing the net, I came across a Single Moms email list that I thought might be helpful. I subscribed and built some very strong cyber friendships, and even a few amazing real life friendships. Sure, there were ups and downs on the list - any time you get a large group of women together there are plenty of opportunities for snarky cat fights - but overall it was just what I needed - a group of women who had been where I was that had made it through. That meant I could too!

Now, over the years there were some list members that I frequently butted heads with. My Anon commentor yesterday was one of those. She and I often saw things differently - from parenting to politics - and many a nasty word was said. We always were able to come to some resolution though, and life moved on.

Not long after starting HNT on my blog, one of the list members asked about it. I had one of those email brain farts where you reply to all rather than replying to the individual and posted the link to my blog to the entire Single Moms list. I knew the moment I hit send there would be hell to pay, and there was.

Although I am certain there were many on the Single Moms list who questioned my blog writings and HNT pics, two in particular were highly critical. In fact, I'd go so far as to call them petty. These two women did their best to shame me on a public list of women that I had grown to respect and who had grown to respect me. Each of them claimed to be doing it for my own "good." I attempted to "defend" myself for about a month, but every time the topic died down, one of the two would bring it up again. I asked, respectfully, that they stop reading the blog and/or that they stop discussing it on the Single Moms email list. I felt that I should be the one to decide if items posted to my blog belonged on the Single Moms list. They believed that because my blog was public, they should be able to bring up any part of it they wanted. *shrugs*

I decided to leave the list. It was difficult - many of these women had been around when I became a member of the list 10 years ago, but I was tired of trying to explain myself - tired of hearing the criticisms (I get enough of that at home) - tired of feeling I, once again, didn't belong. I didn't make some "I'm taking my ball and playing somewhere else" exit speech, I just quietly walked out the door and closed it behind me.

I was quite impressed with the blogger community I stepped into. Those of you who read me regularly, as well as those who just stop by for HNT, have been amazingly supportive. I know that you don't necessarily agree with what I'm doing all of the time, but you offer positive thoughts, stories and often just a smile. Those are the things that keep me going these days - that remind me that when I'm ready, I can make good decisions and have the life I deserve. I know that my life is a train wreck and I don't ever take your support as a blanket "atta-boy," but the positive way that y'all approach difficult situations has given me a different perspective.

Now I've got at least one of these two women (and I'm almost certain, both of them) coming out from behind the lurker curtain (they've both continued to read me over the past few months) to judge me - shame me - in yet another public forum. Sure, one of them claims this is about security - both mine and that of my family - (and to a certain extent I understand that) but there is always this underlying tone of how "wrong" I am for doing what I do.

This time they are on my playground, yet they had the audacity to bring their own rules. Neither of them seems to realize what a bad decision this is. I'm not quitting, and I'm not going away. I do have some concern that these two women know too much about me and may try to leverage that knowledge to "force" me out of blogging - to shame me even further. In their distorted, self-righteous lives, they believe I am harming myself and my family and that they need to "fix" me. They are entitled to their opinion, but it would be good for them to remember that I have just as much knowledge about them. I won't fight dirty, but I will fight fair.

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