10 Things Thursday

Let's try this one again. It was something I hoped would be a regular

brain cleansing exercise - a place to toss those blog post ideas that

were never written, along with other nonsensical and random thoughts.

~*~

1. One of the posts in my DRAFT folder was titled "I need to get back to this place" - it was written in November of 2015. It only took me 2-1/2 years, and a major life upheaval, to start posting on a somewhat regular basis again *rolls eyes*
2. I read this lifehacker article - The Science Behind Why Breakups Suck (and What You Can Do About It) - soon after Mike and I split up. At the time it seemed like a bunch of gobbledygook, but when I read it again recently, I realized just how spot on it is ... especially the part about exaggerating the harm rejection actually causes us. Yeah ... that ...
3. Speaking of Mike, he and I actually met up at a Bishop Gorman basketball game this past week. Watching high school basketball, seeing local kids play that are top college recruits, was something we both enjoyed when we were together, and it's something I've missed. It went well. It was good to see him. And I felt some level of closure, as strange as that might sound.
4. I read a lot of lifehacker articles. I find their topics generally interesting and their information consistently good. How to Invest in Legal Weed was no exception. I'm sure there are some of you have issues with recreational marijuana. I don't, but I do see it as a huge business and investment opportunity that I'm trying to find a way into.
5. And speaking of recreational marijuana, can I just say BEST SLEEP AID EVER. Oh how I adore the edibles. Nothing says, "Good night! Sleep tight!" quite like a 10mg peach gummy. And most dispensaries here offer at least a 15% military discount. WOOHOO!!!  
6. This trend of abusing the identification of emotional support animals needs to stop. What is a valid therapeutic benefit to many people has turned into a circus show. For shits and grins I took this screening and discovered that for just $139 I could get the required documentation to not only fly with my pet, but to live in housing that prohibits pets with my pet. *second eye roll* 
7. I am currently having to give my non-ESA cats a daily dose of Miralax. Apparently pet constipation is a real thing. Thank goodness Mike's sister is a vet tech and was able to give me dosing instructions. Believe it or not, they don't list cat dosages of the Miralax informational label.
8. My first Home Chef delivery is scheduled for today. I've become somewhat of a meal delivery kit abuser. I order the introductory box at a discounted rate and then cancel the service. Unfortunately I'm running out of meal delivery kit providers.
9. I also purchased a subscription to emeals this week. I signed up for their Budget-Friendly Family Plan. Due to the "default" on a promissory note owed to be, I need to cut down my expenses by about $500/month. Groceries are my second biggest expense. We'll see how this goes.
10. I GOT NEW COOKWARE!!!

I Have It All Figured Out, You Know!

*NOTE* I wrote this post in June of 2012 and it has been sitting in DRAFT mode since then. At the time, I was asked not to post it, but knowing what I know now? I should have posted it and listened to the feedback I likely would have gotten. The events described below did indeed happen. At the time, I was led to believe that my imagination was getting the best of me - that I was creating some alternate reality. And I let myself be convinced that these events were just coincidental. After  six year of these types of "coincidences" (one VERY recently), it became clear that my fear was quite justified. And as you all know, he eventually did leave ...

~*~

This relationship has been too good to be true.

I knew that from the beginning. No one has ever cherished me like this ... at least outside of DMs, texts and emails behind their wife's back. I knew this relationship couldn't possibly be what I hoped it was.

I was afraid to ask you to help out with rent - to contribute towards groceries - to split the utility bills with me. I figured I'd have to carry the load alone to actually have you stay with me.

I'm not all that. I'm fat, frumpy, and otherwise forgettable, and I come with a moving truck full of baggage.

There were the issues with PayPal. Payments that you said you made but that never showed up. Finally, the issues were resolved and a payment showed up mid-month.

The following month? Again, I was afraid to ask you to contribute. I sent a PayPal invoice - a passive-aggressive way to ask you to contribute without having to ask you to contribute.

It didn't work so well. I had to ask you if you got the invoice when your payment didn't arrive. I figured this time you'd be gone for sure. You assured me you would call the bank on Monday to straighten it out.

Saturday I went to the market - a chore you usually do with me but you weren't feeling well - so I went alone. You gave me your debit card (and the PIN) so that I would have your contribution for the groceries. The debit card didn't work. I was beyond embarrassed in the checkout line.

I was snippy when I got home ... "The next time you give me a debit card, please give me the right PIN."

You claimed you did.

Today, you tell me someone has withdrawn all of the money from your bank account - that the bank is looking at their tapes to see who it was - and the police department will be calling to follow up with you.

Oh! And that your mom has cancer again.

I have it all figured out, you know! I'll leave for work tomorrow and when I come home? You'll be gone. You'll tell me that you need to be close to your mom while she fights the cancer - that she needs you there.

And then you won't come back.

You shouldn't have told me that you are an expert liar. Now I question everything you say - examine all of your actions looking for inconsistencies.

If this wasn't all one big ploy to find a way to leave?

I'll push you away with my constant scrutiny, distrust, and fear of abandonment.

It's much easier to play it safe - to tell myself that I have it all figured out - I hope it helps protect my heart.

I have it all figured out, you know! I might be naive and gullible, but eventually even I have to face reality.