29 January 2008
I don't get awards, but this week has been an exception. Hey! Wait!! Now that I think about it does that mean I have earned the Biggest C.O.W. Heart Award??
Random thought there ... focus ... focus ...
My understanding is that awards of this nature are meant to be passed along, and I've got just the person to pass this on to. She likes to let people think that she is one tough cookie, but she's just a wad of Double-Bubble. She even wears a super hero costume to attempt to hide her vulnerabilities even more, but lately she's been giving all of us a little peak behind the costume, and I for one am enjoying it.
You know what she did this week? She sent me a REAL (read snail mail with postage AND a hand-written note) card to wish me a great first day at my new job.
That's right, I'm passing on the BIGGEST HEART AWARD to Leighann (a.k.a. Wonder Woman if you ever run into her in a Blog Talk Radio chat room.) If you don't read her already, please visit her [HERE].
28 January 2008
You see, Norm and his wife (Fred - short for Winnifred) have no children, but they do have 7 cats. They recycle far more than they throw away and always try to re-purpose, rather than recycle, if that is an option.
Norm and his wife carpool, but to help even more with the conservation of fuel, Norm walks 2+ miles (each way) to meet his wife at the highway rather than have her pick him up at the office.
Norm is the self-elected recycling police- he peruses the trash cans at work looking for aluminum cans that people have thrown away rather than put in recycling. He pulls them out and makes sure they find their way to the recycling bin.
Norm starts every conversation with, "And how are you on this simply lovely winter day?" I must have heard that at least 17 times today, not to mention he also signs his emails that way. I'm guessing he'll change the season when it becomes appropriate - I'll be sure to keep you updated.
Now, Norm seems to have a good heart, but quirky would be an understatement. Being that I have a fine appreciation for the more odd people in life, this actually works out quite well.
I was given a cubicle with no supplies - no tape dispenser, stapler, adding machine, telephone or computer. I did get my computer at about 4:00 this afternoon, so that is a step in the right direction. Still don't have a phone or any of the other necessities, but I'm pretty certain that if they want me to do the job they'll come up with them.
It was great to come home and have lunch with my son today (he had a day off from school) and the commute was all of 3 stop signs and 4 turns for a total of 7 minutes!
Do I sound flustered? Disappointed? Petty? I'm none of those! As goofy as I am being, not only do I think I'll really enjoy this job and the people I work with, but I believe it was a good decision to set aside career aspirations for a solid family foundation for my son and I.
27 January 2008
26 January 2008
Last week I touched the utter, this week I grope the entire C.O.W. Be sure to watch for the upcoming video link on that one!
Thanks Matt-Man, for making sex my first cohesive thought each morning!
The story focused on "research" done by the newspaper that found 121 cases of returning veterans who had killed (murder, manslaughter and in some cases DUI).
The New York Times found 121 cases in which veterans of Iraq and Afghanistan committed a killing in this country, or were charged with one, after their return from war. In many of those cases, combat trauma and the stress of deployment — along with alcohol abuse, family discord and other attendant problems — appear to have set the stage for a tragedy that was part destruction, part self-destruction.
Interestingly enough, the Department of Justice publishes statistics on homicide offenders (general population). The US offender rate for homicide in the 18 - 24 year old range is 26.5/100,000. For 25 - 34 year olds, it is 13.5/100,000.
Do you see a problem here? Yes, that's right, your chances of being killed by a returning Iraq/Afghanistan war veteran are at least FOUR TIMES LOWER than your chances of being killed by someone who never served.
This story does nothing more than attempt to exploit the acts of troops who have committed crimes since they returned to the state and suggest that being a part of the military made these people do what they did. It is an insult to all the troops who serve honorably and act with honor and dignity when they return home - it is an insult to me.
They should stick to crossword puzzles.
24 January 2008
- A night in with the girls
- Applying lip gloss
- Auditioning the finger puppets
- Bashing the gash
- Beating around the bush
- Burying the knuckle
- Checking the status of the I/O port
- Clam bake for one
- Coaxing the turtle out of her shell
- Doing something for my chapped lips
- Double-clicking your mouse
- Erasing the problem
- Fiddling the bean
- Finger-pole the hole
- Flicking the switch
- Genital stimulation via phalangetic motion
- Getting a date with slick mittens
- Getting the last pickle out of the jar
- Having sex with someone you love
- "Looking for Waldo & his dog (gee, spot, there you are!)"
- Manual override
- Menage a moi
- Opening the bottom drawer
- Parting my meat curtain
- Preheating the oven
- Producing whore moans
- Romancing thy own
- Searching for Ms. "G"
- Soaking in Palmolive
- Stiffening my upper lip
- Taking advantage of yourself
- The magical disappearing finger trick
- Wrinkling fingers
And now for the men ...
- Adjusting the antenna
- Applying the hand brake
- Badgering the witness
- Booting up the hard drive
- Choking Charlie 'till he throws up
- Cleaning the walls after an accident involving the Milk Man and the Cyclops
- Digitally oscillating one's penis
- Discharging the heat-seeking moisture missile
- Electing the president (for Matt-Man)
- Evicting the testicular squatters
- Firing the Surgeon General
- Getting a load off my mind
- Givin' the one-eyed field mouse with the purple turtle-neck sweater a hot-butter nuggie
- Gluing the lady's eye's shut (for you-know-who - I'd link you, but then everyone would know!)
- Having group sex with five friends
- Jack hammering
- Keeping the Optometrists in business
- Lighting the lava lamp
- Making special sauce with frank and beans
- Manning the cockpit
- One stop shopping
- Opening up a bottle of Squirt
- Playing five card draw with a handful of jacks
- Practicing for the big game
- Qualifying in the testicular time trial (for Doc)
- Rapid delivery
- Sacrificing sperm to the god of lonely nights
- Self-induced penile regurgitation
- Shooting the pump action porridge gun
- Spackling the ceiling (for Huge Tool)
- Staff meeting
- Testicular tensile strength test
- Whomping the walrus
- Zygote spraying
And my FAVORITE, number 69 (how did that happen?)
Fucking without complications
I'd love to take credit for these gems, however I cannot allow myself to plagiarize amazing talent. They were all taken from HERE, where you can also
play with use The Random Masturbation Synonym Generator at your leisure!
23 January 2008
There's a new blog I've been reading regularly called Apathy Lounge written by Anastasia. I found her through Tink's Golden Spork Awards (yes, I really do try to hit the blogs you all find worthy of reading). I like the Apathy Lounge, primarily because Anastasia's views are quite different from mine (read that as far more liberal leaning - generally - than mine). I always find reading well written opinions that are quite different than mine thought provoking.
Yesterday, she wrote a post asking her readers if they could ever vote for a political candidate who was a Scientologist (you can read the post HERE, but pretty please come back when you are done). Now, I've read some of L. Ron Hubbard's stuff, and although it's not my cup of
My comment on the post was that religion doesn't factor into my vote. Little did I know that most everyone else was operating out of the mindset that Scientology is not a religion. Just for shits and grins, I looked up definitions for both "cult" and "religion" (both listed here are from www.dictionary.com and are the first definition listed):
RELIGION - a set of beliefs concerning the cause, nature, and purpose of the universe, esp. when considered as the creation of a superhuman agency or agencies, usually involving devotional and ritual observances, and often containing a moral code governing the conduct of human affairs
CULT - a particular system of religious worship, esp. with reference to its rites and ceremonies
I don't know, but I'm seeing very little difference in these two definitions. Not only that, but I'd even go out on a limb and say that most (if not all) religions, at least loosely, fit in to this definition of cult.
Before anyone gets their panties up in a bunch here, I'm not knocking anyones belief system. If you go to church/temple/synagogue, and that makes you happy, by all means have a great time, just don't come knocking on my door on Sunday morning because I might just answer it naked!
So let me pose theses two question to all of you. In your opinion, is Scientology a religion or a cult? Why do you define it that way?
22 January 2008
Just in case you've forgotten the song, I thought I'd refresh your 80's memory!
Yes, it's the final countdown to my return to work. It was just three short months ago (my, time flies when your having fun) that I was told I wasn't a good "fit" for my employer. Well, FUCK your fit! I had a lovely, all expense paid, three month holiday break and vacation and I'm actually ready to go back to work now - at least for the first few days ...
So, I've got five days to blog to my heart's content, but am not sure what to blog about. My brain is filled with random thoughts such as these:
- 53 different ways to say masturbate without actually saying it
- Why the New York Times published a reprehensible story titled, Across America, Deadly Echoes of Foreign Battles that indicates veteran's are committing more violent crimes than the general population
- Are we really going to throw money at our economy, in the form of tax rebates, to people who don't even make enough money to have actually paid taxes?
- Will my husband ever discover my blog or should I start a weekly erotica post?
old woman girl to do?
Then there is this recent story posted on Real Live Lesbian's blog regarding her attempted suicide. Not only was this an amazingly written, insightful story, but it was also one that brought face to face with place I hadn't regularly visited in 18 years - the "survival" of my husband's suicide. RLL has encouraged me to share my story, but I have apprehensions.
First, I'm not so sure the story would be of value to those who read this blog. It's certainly not an entertaining story, and it will be a difficult one to tell. Like RLL, I've never really said much about it to anyone other than, "My first husband committed suicide." when they ask if I got divorced. For some reason that response usually halts any further questions on the topic.
Second, and most important to me, the story is very dark, disturbing and violent. Now, I know that some of my Sunday Secrets have that same tone, but they are just one or two sentence snippets that can be read and filed away fairly quickly. I don't think this story will be as easy to toss aside, and I don't want to lose the handful of readers I have by discussing something as difficult as suicide. Yes, I realize that RLL did not lose readers, however she was a pioneer - I'm just following along on her shirt tails.
I'm looking for your honest input here. Is this a story that needs to be told/heard, or should I work on 52 additional euphemisms for "Helping put Mr. Kleenex's kids through college?"
20 January 2008
17 January 2008
I don’t know about the rest of my female readers (I already know how my male readers feel about this - or at least I think I do), but I believe with my whole heart and soul that bras are evil. I think I'd rather have my eyelashes pulled out one at a time than spend $50-$100 on a piece of clothing that just never quite does what it is supposed to do. Being in the over 40 crowd, keeping the boobies looking perky has become
But here is the problem. About 30 minutes after I put the bra on, and move my arms more than say ... a millimeter or two to sip my coffee, I look like this:
See the boobie bulge? WTF is that all about? It's like I've started growing a second set of tits on top of the ones I already have. Not cool!
Now, before you say, "Well, you clearly have the wrong size bra," understand that I have been measured no less than 3 times over the past 4 months, in three separate stores (Victoria's Secret, Carson's and Macy's) by "professional bra fitting experts" (and no RockDog, I don't know where you go to school for that job). They have all agreed that I am a 36DD. The bra in the pics? Yep! A 36DD.
Now, others have said that maybe I'm buying the wrong style bra. For some reason, any woman wearing anything above a C cup is encouraged to buy a minimizer bra. Hello? I kind of like my boobies! Cleavage is a good thing! Why the hell would I want to minimize my tits? Do they make minimizer jock straps? I think not!
We can breed piglets whose snouts glow in the dark, but we can't engineer a bra that keeps boobies looking perky, shows off the cleavage and yet doesn't give us alien quad-tits after 30 minutes of wear?
And guys, so sorry for the bra rant. Next time maybe I’ll give you tips on how to unfasten a bra with one hand, in the dark, after a few brewskies and without getting pissed off!
16 January 2008
Let me be honest here, I was really having some second thoughts as we headed to the hospital yesterday. It had absolutely nothing to do with wanting another child, but everything to do with knowing that it was no longer going to be an option. I think too, having conceived my son as a single mother, I was having a difficult time with the realization that I would never know what it was like to conceive a child in a "traditional", loving relationship. In other words, it wasn't so much that I was facing the end of my child bearing years - it was realizing that I would never share the experience of having a child with anyone in the way I had dreamed of since I was a little girl. Of course, this entire line of thinking was a little silly as there is never any guarantee that it will all be roses even when done in the "traditional" manner - but I still felt an odd sense of loss about it.
The positive side of this is that the procedure itself seemed to be the finalization that I needed. It felt good to let go of the "what-should-have-been's" - the guilt that I felt for not giving my son the "traditional" and loving family he deserved from day one. I woke up from the anesthesia knowing that I had made the right choice and was able to let go of those feelings that I didn't even realize I had been holding on to for the past 12 years. I feel like I can now go on with life, appreciating my family for what it is, and knowing this family is what I have and it really doesn't matter where it started from, it's how we finish it that matters.
No doubts, no regrets ... and the rest of my life filled with (hopefully) lots of sex without fear!
14 January 2008
13 January 2008
12 January 2008
- I really do enjoy the ROUTINE of accounting. One of my frustrations in working in the legal field are the constant changes in priorities - that is a skill I have, but one that causes me a great deal of anxiety.
- This position is less than FOUR miles from my house. It is actually in our little town of 3,500 people and is a company I could reasonably stay with as long as we live here.
- Since there is no commute, the hours work well with my family responsibilities.
- The pay is well within the range that I need to contribution to the household budget.
This was the FIRST time that I've ever sent a counter offer to an employer. There were a few things that would have made this more of the perfect job for me, so I decided to ask for the following:
- A base salary increase to compensate for the fact that I will not be participating in their medical/dental insurance [GRANTED]
- A small change in working hours (they indicated there was some flexibility and I am asking to start and end my day 30 minutes earlier)[DENIED, but for good business reasons - I will be supporting the west coast branch offices]
- Paid vacation in June (an already planned trip to San Antonio for my nephews HS graduation)[GRANTED]
I learned a lot about myself and my priorities these past three months. Unlike my husband, money is NOT my strongest motivator, and I cannot make it the most important thing in my job search. Being available for my
family son, finding that balance between work hours and family hours, is really the most important thing in my life. It also became quite clear that, although I really enjoy the field of law, I don't enjoy working in the field of law. Maybe I should have gotten my degree in accounting?
11 January 2008
Seems Al Sharpton is on the war path again (can I say that or is it offensive to American Indians?) this time over a comment made by Kelly Tilghman who said last week that young players who wanted to challenge Tiger Woods should "lynch him in a back alley." Probably not the best choice of words, and out of context it sounds even worse, but if you watch the video, it's pretty clear she intended no malice. Had she made this same comment in reference to a white golfer, I'm sure Mr. Sharpton would have never even given it a second thought.
According to all reports, Tilghman made an immediate, personal apology to Woods which he accepted. Shouldn't this be the end of the story? The comment was not a general comment - it was made specifically in regards to Tiger Woods. Have we become a society that can demand "corrective actions" against someone based on something they said about someone else because it offends us? Al Sharpton, shame on you!
The Golf Channel suspended Tilghman for two weeks, but Sharpton is calling for her immediate termination. Imagine that. I can't help but wonder if this kind of intolerance doesn't just deepen racial divides.
08 January 2008
In case you aren't terribly interested in reading the entire 5 page document, I'll post what I feel are the "highlights."
"The Legislature of the State of New Jersey expresses its profound regret for the State’s role in slavery and apologizes for the wrongs inflicted by slavery and its after effects in the United States of America"
OK, that's warm and fuzzy, but offers nothing more than lip service. Personally, I think we've apologized for slavery more than enough and I also believe that no matter how much we apologize for slavery, it will never resolve the issue for some people.
"expresses its deepest sympathies and solemn regrets to those who were enslaved and the descendants of those slaves, who were deprived of life, human dignity, and the constitutional protections accorded all citizens of the United States"
Again, lip service. Now they are not only apologizing for slavery, but to the descendants of those slaves for how many generations? Does this somehow make people feel better?
"and we encourage all citizens to remember and teach their children about the history of slavery, Jim Crow laws, and modern day slavery, to ensure that these tragedies will neither be forgotten nor repeated."
Does New Jersey actually believe that slavery will somehow be forgotten? I guarantee there are far too many people out there unwilling to move past this for it to be forgotten.
Don't an overwhelming majority of U.S. Citizens already deem slavery as an abomination? Does New Jersey feel that somehow this resolution makes it official? Why are people who immigrated to America AFTER slavery was abolished lumped in to this apology? Why do they even need to apologize? Most importantly, how can New Jersey honestly apologize for slavery when those apologizing were in no way responsible for it?
Wait! I believe I can answer that question. This is one of the final paragraphs of the resolution:
"It is the intent of the Legislature that this resolution shall not be used in, or be the basis of, any type of litigation."
There you have it!
06 January 2008
04 January 2008
And what does this say about women in positions of political power? There are women who hold what I would consider to be far more powerful positions than President - two of them are U.S. Supreme Court Justices for goodness sakes. I heard rumblings on the news today of this country wanting ... needing ... an alpha-male for president. Really? Or is this just because Hillary is a bad candidate?
03 January 2008
UNEMPLOYMENT SNAFU'S - Reuben stepped up to the plate and made certain I received the missing week of benefits ... well ... kind of. He actually had the WRONG week released (my waiting week rather than the week I was eligible for benefits) so I'm guessing at some point I'll have to revisit this situation, but for now it is resolved!
JOB SEARCH - I am finally starting to get some call backs on applications I've made. Tomorrow, I have an interview for a part-time paralegal position with the County and Monday I have an interview for an accounting position (my first career) with a company here in town (with a population of 3500, these positions are few and far between). I am becoming cautiously optimistic.
GET BACK TO DIRT - You just never know who might find your blog. Turns out the producer/director (Jeff Bowden) of the "back to my roots" film, Get Back to Dirt, happened upon my blog on New Year's Eve. He was kind enough to send me a free copy of the DVD and ... are you ready?? ... an autographed poster!
See?? 2008 is stepping up to the proverbial plate!
02 January 2008
Back to my post ... 2007 was an extremely challenging year for me as an individual, as a mom and as a wife. I didn't want this reflective post to be a downer as each of my challenges has, to some extent, resulted in a positive change in my life. At the same time, it was important to me to be honest - sometimes life sucks and about the best you can hope for is to just get through it.
A few of the highlights ... and the lowlights ...
2007 was the year I went from this
Yes, I am gloating - losing 70 lbs was an amazing goal for me to attain. What, you might ask, could be negative about this? My husband was far more comfortable with my appearance, and my attitude, at the beginning of 2007 than he is with me now. My weight loss has resulted in some challenges in our relationship, both for him and for me.
I've also discovered that after 40, the body does not quite bounce back to it's original form after significant weight loss. Not only do I have to struggle daily to maintain the weight loss, there is much firming and toning work to be done.
2007 was the year that my husband secured a new corporate position where his skills and knowledge are being recognized and rewarded. Unfortunately, this position came about FOUR months after he walked out of his previous high-paying, corporate job without having a job to go to. Four months of unemployment, without being eligible for unemployment benefits, put us in a financial position that we are now only beginning to climb out of.
2007 was the year that I finally secured my dream job - the first position I ever held that was actually in my degree field. It promised to meet every expectation I had and was the realization of a goal I set when I finished my degree in 2006. Yet just four moths into the position, I was told I wasn't a good "fit" and now I am questioning if all of the hours I put in to finishing my degree were in vain and if my degree is a good "fit."
2007 was an odd year for me. The highs were amazingly high, and the lows were extremely dark. I want to look back on the year and celebrate the achievements, yet I don't want to let the lessons go unrecognized.
I know that 2008 is a clean slate. Sure, there is some baggage that must be carried in, but it doesn't have to be stacked up in front of me as an insurmountable obstacle. I start this year with the realization that there is balance in all things - a price to pay for the failures as well as the successes. I look forward to negotiating that price.