Showing posts with label masturbation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label masturbation. Show all posts

20 January 2009

TMI Tuesday

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TMI Tuesday

1. Have you ever dated/married purely for money?

Never purely for money. Is money one of the factors in selecting a long-term relationship? Absolutely! Anyone who claims that isn't the case is lying through their teeth. We all - especially as we get older - want a sense of financial security, and that's a little difficult to do when you are dating the guy who stands on the corner, playing his guitar for spare change.

**EDIT** I think I need to clarify this money answer. Does everyone ask for the previous year's tax returns before making a commitment? No, although they probably should. Are there minimum salary requirements for love? Absolutely not! But does money (oh, evil money) figure in to each and every relationship? Yes! Each one of us speaks of money (finances) in our long-term relationships - budgeting - how the bills will be paid - ways to increase earning potential - deciding to budget for just one income. A true partnership is one on all levels - emotional, financial - you cannot keep a roof over your head with love - the banks don't consider that viable currency.

2. What is your type?

12 pt Verdana *gigglesnort*

3. What is the best sex game you have ever played?

Sex games? Like strip poker? Or like She-Ra Princess of Power meets the Incredible Hulk? Damn! I have to tell the truth, don't I? I've not played any sex games - ever!

4. Have you ever given or received an orgasm from a person whose last name you did not know?

Ummmm ... just the last name? Well, yes! First and last name? *blushes* maybe ...

Yes, this response is coming from the mother who just spent a weekend with her son discussing sexual purity, and the fact that I answered this the way I did is exactly why I spent the weekend with my son discussing sexual purity.

5. Have you ever masturbated in front of a sexual partner?

When they were awake? I've masturbated with my husband snoring in bed next to me after a moment of unfulfilled sex. Does that count?

And yes, I've masturbated in front of a sexual partner who was awake too - both as part of a greater sexual experience and as the only sexual act (while my partner did the same).

Bonus (as in optional):At what age do you think men and women reach their sexual peak? Do you think you have hit yours yet?

I think sexual peak has far more to do with emotions than with physical age, but then I think sex is far more than a physical act *shrugs*

Have I hit mine yet? I hope not!

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11 May 2008

Sunday Secret


I was 10 when I found my mom's vibrator and book on female orgasms in her closet. I had my first orgasm that day and have never stopped!

24 January 2008

Masturbation Euphamisms



What? You thought I was kidding? Let's start with the ladies, shall we?


  1. A night in with the girls

  2. Applying lip gloss

  3. Auditioning the finger puppets

  4. Bashing the gash

  5. Beating around the bush

  6. Burying the knuckle

  7. Checking the status of the I/O port

  8. Clam bake for one

  9. Coaxing the turtle out of her shell

  10. Digitizing

  11. Doing something for my chapped lips

  12. Double-clicking your mouse

  13. Erasing the problem

  14. Fiddling the bean

  15. Finger-pole the hole

  16. Flicking the switch

  17. Genital stimulation via phalangetic motion

  18. Getting a date with slick mittens

  19. Getting the last pickle out of the jar

  20. Having sex with someone you love

  21. "Looking for Waldo & his dog (gee, spot, there you are!)"

  22. Manual override

  23. Menage a moi

  24. Opening the bottom drawer

  25. Parting my meat curtain

  26. Preheating the oven

  27. Producing whore moans

  28. Romancing thy own

  29. Searching for Ms. "G"

  30. Soaking in Palmolive

  31. Stiffening my upper lip

  32. Taking advantage of yourself

  33. The magical disappearing finger trick

  34. Wrinkling fingers

And now for the men ...



  1. Adjusting the antenna

  2. Applying the hand brake

  3. Badgering the witness

  4. Booting up the hard drive

  5. Choking Charlie 'till he throws up

  6. Cleaning the walls after an accident involving the Milk Man and the Cyclops

  7. Digitally oscillating one's penis

  8. Discharging the heat-seeking moisture missile

  9. Electing the president (for Matt-Man)

  10. Evicting the testicular squatters

  11. Firing the Surgeon General

  12. Getting a load off my mind

  13. Givin' the one-eyed field mouse with the purple turtle-neck sweater a hot-butter nuggie

  14. Gluing the lady's eye's shut (for you-know-who - I'd link you, but then everyone would know!)

  15. Having group sex with five friends

  16. Jack hammering

  17. Keeping the Optometrists in business

  18. Lighting the lava lamp

  19. Making special sauce with frank and beans

  20. Manning the cockpit

  21. One stop shopping

  22. Opening up a bottle of Squirt

  23. Playing five card draw with a handful of jacks

  24. Practicing for the big game

  25. Qualifying in the testicular time trial (for Doc)

  26. Rapid delivery

  27. Sacrificing sperm to the god of lonely nights

  28. Self-induced penile regurgitation

  29. Shooting the pump action porridge gun

  30. Spackling the ceiling (for Huge Tool)

  31. Staff meeting

  32. Testicular tensile strength test

  33. Whomping the walrus

  34. Zygote spraying

And my FAVORITE, number 69 (how did that happen?)


Fucking without complications


I'd love to take credit for these gems, however I cannot allow myself to plagiarize amazing talent. They were all taken from HERE, where you can also play with use The Random Masturbation Synonym Generator at your leisure!