29 March 2016

Why It's Been 18 Months Since I Got My Hair Cut

I hate getting my hair cut. Okay ... I don't really hate getting my hair cut ... I hate going to a salon to get my hair cut.
Being hypersensitive to so many things, I am often simply in a state of OVERWHELMED. Generally, I feel a whole lot of things at one time, and am often unable to distinguish what those things are, let alone what caused them in the first place.
I began to realize that I hated going to the salon to get my hair cut when Mike and I moved. I had a hairdresser in Podunk - she had a "station" in her home - it was comfortable. 
When we moved to NOT PODUNK, I became aware that I was putting off going to the salon. I knew that I needed a haircut – my hair was getting more and more unmanageable as it grew longer, and I really wanted to get it cut, but the thought of finding someone new to cut it was beyond daunting.
I gave in and made an appointment at a salon less than a mile a way. The stylist was "acceptable" (too much small talk, but manageable) and the salon wasn't overwhelming ... until THE DAY.
THE DAY was a Saturday (first mistake). I made an appointment for a cut and color. My stylist cut my hair, sent me to the "color station" for my color (she mixed the color, but someone else applied it - STRANGER DANGER) and then?? Yet another person rinsed out the color and said, "Do you know where to go now?"
I assumed I was going back to my stylist's station to get my hair dried/styled, so responded, "Yes!"
... and then I went back to my stylist's station
... and waited
... and waited
... and waited
Thirty-ish minutes later, someone else stopped by my stylist's station to let me know that I could dry my own hair and/or use any of her products.The implication was that I needed to go.
I immediately got up and went to the front desk to pay.
I was in a full blown anxiety attack
Logically, there didn’t seem any reason for anxiety - a haircut at the salon is supposed to be a nice thing – a treat - a pampering. 
What I've realized since this visit is that going to the salon HURTS. Not in a physical way, but rather in an emotional way. 
The smells - the noise - the societal expectations - they are painful. I cannot go back to that salon, and now? I cannot force myself to find a new salon.
What will the expectations be there?
I just can't ...