1. BOOTY call.
*I could use one right about now - it's been a while!
2. TALK to me baby.
*Baby has to be the absolute worst term of endearment
3. SALT and PEPPER.
*It was the first thing that popped into my head - what can I say?
4. Sex bloggers are A LOT HARDER TO FIND THAN THEY WERE WHEN I STARTED BLOGGING 11 YEARS AGO.
*Feel free to leave links to any that are worth reading
5. I really need to GET BACK TO THE GYM.
*It might help my success with (1)
6. You should be IN MY BED.
*Yes ... I'm talking about you!
7. I have never been able to KEEP ANYONE INTERESTED IN ME long enough.
*After about 2 years, I become far more work than I'm worth
8. Do you wanna GET NAKED?
*I mean, if you're in my bed you should probably be naked, right?
9. My FEET get mad at me for NOT GETTING PEDICURES.
*No one wants mad feet
10. When my alarm clock goes off, I AM STUNNED BECAUSE I HAVEN'T SET AN ALARM SINCE I STARTED WORKING REMOTELY 2 YEARS AGO.
*I used to wake up before my alarm went off when I actually had to set one
11. I look forward to REMAINING ALIVE this year.
*Look, when you get as old as I am that is an accomplishment
12. THIS is one of my favorite toys.
*What? You thought I was going to share my favorite sex toy? I'll share that if you find yourself naked in my bed