I don't talk about religion much here, but I thought I'd throw all caution to the wind today. Hey! At least it's not a political post! Not to worry, I won't do this too often.
A little background first. I am
not a huge fan of organized religion. My experience is that organized religion has started more wars and stirred up more hate than any other single entity. The number of people killed in the name of God, Allah, and the Flying Spaghetti Monster is mind boggling.
I was quite active in a church in my youth. It started out with being forced to attend with my parents on Sundays (let's look like a good Christian family on Sundays, then go home, have Dad drink
a case or two a beer or two, physically and emotionally abuse the family and return to our normally dysfunctional family programming.) Lather, rinse, repeat.
It was in junior high school that things changed a bit. A good friend invited me to her church. They had a great youth program including an extensive music ministry. It was actually the opportunity for another performing venue that peaked my interest. Church was not only a place where I felt I belonged, but a place that was safe from the horrors at home. At a time when I felt no one loved me - no one cared - there were these people who claimed they did. Of course, they had no idea how deep my need for love was - I didn't dare tell them what was happening at home - the price of discovery was too high.
When my father finally left our home (I was 15), I left the church. I felt I didn't need "those" people any longer because my reason for attending - to escape from my father - had vanished. I spent the next almost 30 years with my back turned to organized religion and to any formal recognition of a God.
Sure, there were a few dabbles here and there. After Cam was born, I looked to find a church again, but it was a daunting task. I felt like an outsider - like I was being "measured up" for my ability to contribute to the church - as if somehow there was this foundation of the congregation whose expectations I had to meet before I was one of them. I found organized religion to be exclusionary and elitist rather than forgiving and accepting.
One of the things that has come up in counseling (which I am now attending alone until I am "fixed" - per husband's requirement) is the lack of a spiritual component within our family. No mention has ever been made as to what that should be, but there has been recognition that we really don't have one at all. Husband initiated a visit to a non-denominational, Christian Church (after it was suggested by the counselor) and we took the kids - exactly once.
But guess what? One of the kids (Cam) found something he liked in that church. It was time to step up to the plate to support Cam's interest in spite of my general distaste for organized religion. This was a decision Cam should be able to make independent of our (my) personal experiences. I'm sure it won't surprise those of you who have been reading me for a while that I was the one who would
insure this happened. Cam has since become involved in the middle school youth group and he and I have been attending church regularly on Sundays.
Tuesday night, we'll be watching 8' tall vegetables prance around a stage. Cam has always had a bit of a fascination with
Veggie Tales, thanks to an early indoctrination from a good friend of mine in Minnesota, and there will be a live show at the church this week. He's decided he isn't too old to attend and
begged asked nicely if we could go.
Of course, my involvement in the church is only for the benefit of Cam. I couldn't possibly be getting anything out of this. Me? Wrong in my generalizations of organized religion? Me? Relinquishing control and considering the fact that there might be a force greater than myself in the world? Nah ....
Let's just say that this experience continues to make me reevaluate my
stubborn unwavering beliefs and brings up far more questions than answers right now. But what I do know is that I'm never going to look at a cucumber quite the same after being introduced to "Larry" live on stage!
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