Fallopian Oblivion

The fallopian oblivion was a success and I feel great, and that's even without the Vicodin!

Let me be honest here, I was really having some second thoughts as we headed to the hospital yesterday. It had absolutely nothing to do with wanting another child, but everything to do with knowing that it was no longer going to be an option. I think too, having conceived my son as a single mother, I was having a difficult time with the realization that I would never know what it was like to conceive a child in a "traditional", loving relationship. In other words, it wasn't so much that I was facing the end of my child bearing years - it was realizing that I would never share the experience of having a child with anyone in the way I had dreamed of since I was a little girl. Of course, this entire line of thinking was a little silly as there is never any guarantee that it will all be roses even when done in the "traditional" manner - but I still felt an odd sense of loss about it.

The positive side of this is that the procedure itself seemed to be the finalization that I needed. It felt good to let go of the "what-should-have-been's" - the guilt that I felt for not giving my son the "traditional" and loving family he deserved from day one. I woke up from the anesthesia knowing that I had made the right choice and was able to let go of those feelings that I didn't even realize I had been holding on to for the past 12 years. I feel like I can now go on with life, appreciating my family for what it is, and knowing this family is what I have and it really doesn't matter where it started from, it's how we finish it that matters.

No doubts, no regrets ... and the rest of my life filled with (hopefully) lots of sex without fear!