Bra Rant

I've got to get this off my chest ... or is it on my chest?

I don’t know about the rest of my female readers (I already know how my male readers feel about this - or at least I think I do), but I believe with my whole heart and soul that bras are evil. I think I'd rather have my eyelashes pulled out one at a time than spend $50-$100 on a piece of clothing that just never quite does what it is supposed to do. Being in the over 40 crowd, keeping the boobies looking perky has become a chore quite important to me. That's why, when I put a bra on and it does this for me, I'm thrilled!


But here is the problem. About 30 minutes after I put the bra on, and move my arms more than say ... a millimeter or two to sip my coffee, I look like this:



See the boobie bulge? WTF is that all about? It's like I've started growing a second set of tits on top of the ones I already have. Not cool!

Now, before you say, "Well, you clearly have the wrong size bra," understand that I have been measured no less than 3 times over the past 4 months, in three separate stores (Victoria's Secret, Carson's and Macy's) by "professional bra fitting experts" (and no RockDog, I don't know where you go to school for that job). They have all agreed that I am a 36DD. The bra in the pics? Yep! A 36DD.

Now, others have said that maybe I'm buying the wrong style bra. For some reason, any woman wearing anything above a C cup is encouraged to buy a minimizer bra. Hello? I kind of like my boobies! Cleavage is a good thing! Why the hell would I want to minimize my tits? Do they make minimizer jock straps? I think not!

We can breed piglets whose snouts glow in the dark, but we can't engineer a bra that keeps boobies looking perky, shows off the cleavage and yet doesn't give us alien quad-tits after 30 minutes of wear?

And guys, so sorry for the bra rant. Next time maybe I’ll give you tips on how to unfasten a bra with one hand, in the dark, after a few brewskies and without getting pissed off!