~*~*~
Remember this little Snarky Pearl of Wisdom?? It was number 1 on my list of 10:
There is no such thing as anonymity in life -
not in the "real" world and not in the "cyber" world.
You might get away with your shit for a while,
but not forever. Being sneaky will always catch up with you.
not in the "real" world and not in the "cyber" world.
You might get away with your shit for a while,
but not forever. Being sneaky will always catch up with you.
"A while" met "not forever" yesterday ...
I receive a phone call from husband. He asked if I could come over and cut the cat's nails (a normal request) but he sounded odd. I knew immediately something was off. I asked if he was OK. He said it depended on my answers to a few questions he needed to ask me - "we needed to talk"
A million scenarios ran through my head. I was concerned, but somewhat calm knowing no matter what it was, I had a home to go back to.
He placed a box in front of me. It was a box I received as the winner of a blog drawing. It had been sent to the house - HIS house - OUR house.
He asked me what it was. I told him it was a prize package I won over 2 years ago in a drawing from someone I met through blogging.
He asked specifically about the card - a passage that read:
There wasn't hesitation. I told the story. I admitted to looking for the attention on-line that I wasn't getting at home. I admitted to giving up on the marriage in the last year we were still living in the same home.
In a strange twist, husband's concern was not really the content of the card once he realized this was not someone I had actual physical contact with. No, his concern was the fact that I had a package sent to OUR home by someone I had never met. Not only did this "stranger" have my real name, but he had my (our) home address.
He was right. Although the choice to give this particular blogger my full name and address was well thought out and quite safe, husband did not know that. I had - in essence - invited a stranger to come in through the front door of our home.
He asked me what I was thinking. I told him I wasn't thinking about anyone other than myself, and really hadn't been for the last year of the marriage. I apologized.
After some discussion, it became clear that both of us had been doing our best to hurt the other in the last year or so of the marriage. He knew my Achilles Heel. I knew his. We had both become angry, hurtful, spiteful, ugly people.
It was a good conversation. I'm not sure where things stand at this point, but I know that one of my greatest secrets is now "out there." There is immense relief in that. Letting that secret be known put me in line with the person I want to be more like. It was liberating.
No, the blog isn't going anywhere and it's not going private. I don't know if he will choose to seek it out and read it, or if he was more concerned with my lack of respect for his privacy. I believe it was the latter, but I know he may also read (and ogle) every last thing I've posted. Hiding the blog now would be little more than a futile attempt to lessen who I am, and I'm done with that.
Blogging, in and of itself, was not the primary topic of the conversation - my lack of respect for the things important to him was.
He was right. I didn't respect him. I didn't care. And it felt so good to finally admit that to the person who needed to hear it.
I receive a phone call from husband. He asked if I could come over and cut the cat's nails (a normal request) but he sounded odd. I knew immediately something was off. I asked if he was OK. He said it depended on my answers to a few questions he needed to ask me - "we needed to talk"A million scenarios ran through my head. I was concerned, but somewhat calm knowing no matter what it was, I had a home to go back to.
He placed a box in front of me. It was a box I received as the winner of a blog drawing. It had been sent to the house - HIS house - OUR house.
He asked me what it was. I told him it was a prize package I won over 2 years ago in a drawing from someone I met through blogging.
He asked specifically about the card - a passage that read:
Of course if the chocolate does melt you can just smear it all over you for a HNT post. Ha! My brain always goes in just one direction.
There wasn't hesitation. I told the story. I admitted to looking for the attention on-line that I wasn't getting at home. I admitted to giving up on the marriage in the last year we were still living in the same home.
In a strange twist, husband's concern was not really the content of the card once he realized this was not someone I had actual physical contact with. No, his concern was the fact that I had a package sent to OUR home by someone I had never met. Not only did this "stranger" have my real name, but he had my (our) home address.
He was right. Although the choice to give this particular blogger my full name and address was well thought out and quite safe, husband did not know that. I had - in essence - invited a stranger to come in through the front door of our home.
He asked me what I was thinking. I told him I wasn't thinking about anyone other than myself, and really hadn't been for the last year of the marriage. I apologized.
After some discussion, it became clear that both of us had been doing our best to hurt the other in the last year or so of the marriage. He knew my Achilles Heel. I knew his. We had both become angry, hurtful, spiteful, ugly people.
It was a good conversation. I'm not sure where things stand at this point, but I know that one of my greatest secrets is now "out there." There is immense relief in that. Letting that secret be known put me in line with the person I want to be more like. It was liberating.
No, the blog isn't going anywhere and it's not going private. I don't know if he will choose to seek it out and read it, or if he was more concerned with my lack of respect for his privacy. I believe it was the latter, but I know he may also read (and ogle) every last thing I've posted. Hiding the blog now would be little more than a futile attempt to lessen who I am, and I'm done with that.
Blogging, in and of itself, was not the primary topic of the conversation - my lack of respect for the things important to him was.
He was right. I didn't respect him. I didn't care. And it felt so good to finally admit that to the person who needed to hear it.
~*~*~
18 comments:
Whoops!!
On top of all that he was probably ticked that he didn't also receive a prize package. Cheers Dana!!
I did the same thing, but it was Matt-Man I gave my address to (Well Schmoop actually) and I lived.
I don't think that I could know my partner had a blog out there and not seek it out. I would need to know.
I think I can understand his concern. I mean, this person could be a total psycho! haha ;-)
I didn't get online until after my husband died, so I've not been in your place.
He sounds like the crazy x-ranger I knew; calling you to the house and then putting the box on the table and I can just see him with his arms folded over is chest tapping a toe! Lordy.
Control freak much?
we're doomed, ehhhh ... it's all good!
Blogger Matt-Man, I'm sure he was, wouldn't you be??
Doc, I think it had more to do with me not being respectful of his "privacy" concerns than anything else.
Karen, and he may. Only time (and my stat counter) will tell.
Jay, EXACTLY! You know how those internet people are! And bloggers?? Oy!
Charlene, were you a fly on the wall?? There was this dramatic retrieving and presenting of the box, along with a "Read the card! Do you know what it says?" moment. It was met with a matter-of-fact explanation ... which I think threw him for a loop.
Lol...sounds like you are a teenager that's being chastised. Seriously, that's pretty much the same thing my parents did when they found liquor in my car when I was in high school.
My ex knew I had a blog and did not give a damn about it. Now I hear she goes online to read it. I was told by a family member I needed to watch what i said..my response was 'she did not care when we were married...i do not care now that we are not'.
Nancy has known about The Couch since we began dating...Our life is solid, so there is nothing I would be afraid of her seeing.
He will never understand that as far as safety goes you probably felt safer with that blog buddy than you did with him at the time.'
Maybe if he found the blog he would get to know you.
I think that admitting this was strengthening your character. He would have a point to be angry with you, but I think that being concerned now is a little late in the game.
He should have been concerned back in the day. If he had given you the attention that your marriage needed then maybe...just maybe...this would be a completely different post.
My wife has had a couple of jewlery parties recently. She invited people I had never met before. Was I in danger? After all these were REAL strangers (to me) in my house.
Powerful.
Welcome to being liberated! My ex and several of my ex friends read my blog. Let 'em read. It's just the truth.
There are some people who I love in the world wide weblog land who I would NEVER give my home address.
And there are some I have...that my close friends and family would question my judgement.
Your Husband had a point...and you knew it right away. You handled the situation perfectly.
What occurs to me ...where did you leave the box and note that he found it? Why did you leave the box and note is the better question...
Hubs flipped a biscuit when I received my prize package from you, ack a stranger,ee-God to our home but he softened a bit as he saw what it meant to me to receive my very nice blanket and goodies :)
Hey, at least you got your prize. I'm still waiting for the one that I won last month.. ha ha.. maybe because I have a post office box instead of a street address makes it less fun for them...
Post a Comment