~*~*~
Since the coming out, husband has been a bit more communicative than he has been the past year. Unfortunately, much of that communication has been his lashing out at me for things unrelated to the coming out, but I suppose that is to be expected. It's irritating as hell ... but??
Anyway, the other day he sends me an email with the subject line Good info - very accurate I think that contained a link to an article titled 5 Things Men Fear Most About Aging.
Hmmmm ... interesting. Is this the way men communicate their fears? Forwarding a link to an article? Am I supposed to read it and reassure him that he's not old, or just take in the information and stroke his ego when necessary?? I'm confused.
The list was a little surprising to me. I guess it shouldn't be when I think about the ways men tend to (generally) define success, but a few things caught me off guard.
Men's Aging Fear #5: Losing your mind (or your wife losing hers)
One has to wonder if the fear of the wife losing her mind might be a little stronger - in fact, I'm sure some men would argue that is a given, not a fear. That said, this one surprised me.
The fear of Alzheimer's (or mild cognitive impairment - MCI) has never crossed my mind. Maybe that is a bad sign?
Men's Aging Fear #4: Losing wheels (and independence)
The article states, "From his first souped-up junker to his badge-of-success sports car (or midlife-crisis convertible), what a man drives reflects his very identity." Really?
I understand the fear of losing the freedom and independence that driving affords, but I never considered the strong (apparently) identity with the vehicle a man drives.
Men's Aging Fear #3: Retirement/irrelevance
This was one that, at first, confused me. I look forward to retirement - to choosing which activities get my attention. Fearing retirement seemed plain goofy.
But when I reflect on the strong societal expectation that men will take care of others financially - that a man's value is directly measured by income potential - it makes a little more sense.
Men's Aging Fear #2: Weakness
I see this as the equivalent to women's fear of no longer being physically attractive. For men is it strength and vigor, for women it's a good figure and a wrinkle free face.
Men's Aging Fear #1: Impotence
This one I expected. All of those Cialis bathtub commercials and the inclusion of the phrase "erectile dysfunction" in prime time TV commercials does little more than prey on this fear.
Fortunately for men, this issue can be overcome if they can manage to overcome the fear of having "the talk" with their doctor.
Men? What do you think? Is the list accurate? Did they leave anything off?
Women? Did anything on the list surprise you?
Since the coming out, husband has been a bit more communicative than he has been the past year. Unfortunately, much of that communication has been his lashing out at me for things unrelated to the coming out, but I suppose that is to be expected. It's irritating as hell ... but??Anyway, the other day he sends me an email with the subject line Good info - very accurate I think that contained a link to an article titled 5 Things Men Fear Most About Aging.
Hmmmm ... interesting. Is this the way men communicate their fears? Forwarding a link to an article? Am I supposed to read it and reassure him that he's not old, or just take in the information and stroke his ego when necessary?? I'm confused.
The list was a little surprising to me. I guess it shouldn't be when I think about the ways men tend to (generally) define success, but a few things caught me off guard.
Men's Aging Fear #5: Losing your mind (or your wife losing hers)
One has to wonder if the fear of the wife losing her mind might be a little stronger - in fact, I'm sure some men would argue that is a given, not a fear. That said, this one surprised me.
The fear of Alzheimer's (or mild cognitive impairment - MCI) has never crossed my mind. Maybe that is a bad sign?
Men's Aging Fear #4: Losing wheels (and independence)
The article states, "From his first souped-up junker to his badge-of-success sports car (or midlife-crisis convertible), what a man drives reflects his very identity." Really?
I understand the fear of losing the freedom and independence that driving affords, but I never considered the strong (apparently) identity with the vehicle a man drives.
Men's Aging Fear #3: Retirement/irrelevance
This was one that, at first, confused me. I look forward to retirement - to choosing which activities get my attention. Fearing retirement seemed plain goofy.
But when I reflect on the strong societal expectation that men will take care of others financially - that a man's value is directly measured by income potential - it makes a little more sense.
Men's Aging Fear #2: Weakness
I see this as the equivalent to women's fear of no longer being physically attractive. For men is it strength and vigor, for women it's a good figure and a wrinkle free face.
Men's Aging Fear #1: Impotence
This one I expected. All of those Cialis bathtub commercials and the inclusion of the phrase "erectile dysfunction" in prime time TV commercials does little more than prey on this fear.
Fortunately for men, this issue can be overcome if they can manage to overcome the fear of having "the talk" with their doctor.
Men? What do you think? Is the list accurate? Did they leave anything off?
Women? Did anything on the list surprise you?
~*~*~
19 comments:
Nope, No surprises here.
#5- Makes perfect sense because most men count on women to keep up with all things important. Bills, schedules, reminders, etc. If we lose our minds they are screwed.
#4- A LOT of men I know so cherish their cars. Also think about this if they lose their wheels then have to rely on us to get around, we would know what they are really up to when they claim to be playing golf or at the gym. The jig will be up!
#3- Men seem to have a horrible time retiring. They rely on their job for importance where IMHO Women feel important when they take care of others. So retiring for a woman doesn't lessen our worth nearly as much as it does a man.
#2 No explanantion needed
#1- Impotence- Umm YES. This too doesn't require much explannation. I mean for god's sake they are MEN.
Good article and I agree 100%
None of these really surprise me, either. For me, my worst fear is losing my mind so I can understand why it would be for a man, as well.
M'eh...I really don't worry about any of these too much other than the relevance thing to a degree. I don't want to have come toward the end of my life knowing that I have never done anything exceptional or noteworthy.
And the impotence thing? Pffft. If I can no longer get my schlong up, I can delight in the fact that my tongue is always hard, hungry, and up for a good lickin'.
Cheers Dana!!
None really surprises me. I fear losing my mind as I age too. That confusion and dependence on other is terrible. I also think the loss of independence through the car is horrible. If you couldn't do what you wanted or needed to do without someone to help, it would be humiliating and miserable.
I worry about if I something would happen to me not beign able to see my son grow up... BUT forget that retirement thing. I wanna retire tomorrow!
I think that at some point everyone starts to fear the loss of independence of being able to drive. I know men are supposed to be all about cars, but most people look at their car as their freedom.
Honestly though, most of 'em are all results of growing old. Nobody likes to grow old. The only advantage to getting old is you get to use being old and crazy as excuse for yelling at people in public and getting away with it. And the chance to be a dirty old man.
My grandfather is in his 90's and in assisted living with my grandmother. He should have his license taken away but holding on to the freedom of being able to drive his car the two blocks to purchase lottery tickets is the only thing keeping him alive.
Raquel, I understand the freedom aspect of the car, it's the identifying with it - that people what?? Judge you based on the kind of car you drive (?) that I don't get.
Sarah, Ha! I figure if I lose my mind I'll never know it! That is the least of my worries!
Matt-Man, noteworthy ... yes, I'd like to be noteworthy some day too!
Karen, I think the confusion and dependence on others is terrible for the one that is depended on ... and you are all too familiar with that place.
Doc, the retirement thing caught me off guard, but I guess it all comes down to contributing $$ and valuing your self worth based on the money you make?
Jay, when my car was in such disrepair that I didn't dare drive it any farther than I was willing to walk, I felt that loss of independence, and it did suck!
Knight, thank goodness it is only 2 blocks!
#5 - after watching my FIL crumble under thee weight of Alzheimers and knowing that at least one person in my blood related family tree has had it, I have a concern about my own brain cell. Outside of that, I still pay all my bills on time and remind my wife about all our shared appointments. But I'm only 51. It could get worse.
#4 As long as I can still ride a bike, I'm set. I have never tied my identity to my vehicle. If other people have done that for me, it's their problem.
#3 Retirement is earned! Think of all the time available for golf, hunting, gardening, sitting in the recliner scratching myself - what's to fear there?
#2 Ok, maybe a little. Maybe I ould learn to replace some of that lost strength with some wisdom? Nah, never happen.
#1 Assuming I had a spouse that was willing to use sex as a recreational activity and not a defensive weapon, I might worry - but that's why God gave us people smart enough to invent those little blue pills and the internet.
5 - Like you said, you'll never know.
4 - A car's a car. I keep them until the wheels fall off. I don't relate to them. It's tranportation.
3 - Retirement is great. You can do anything you want or nothing at all. It doesn't matter.
2 - Weakness compared to what? We can't all be 250 lb linebackers.
1 - See Matt-Mans comment.
1- Sometimes I think I lost my mind years ago...but seriously, sure..to not recognize people..to not know where I am..that is an awful thought
(no pun intended)
2-Means nothing to me what I drive...not being able to drive would cause me sadness.
3-If I could retire today I would...no qualms at all...I want to travel and relax and enjoy my later years, not work until I drop dead
4-Truly, as Mike said...compared to what?
5-So, if I have to take a pill to get it up someday...who cares...besides as someone said, I have other means of satisfying my partner
That list is right on target and I totally agree with #1. And when are they going to make the "make you hot to trot" pill for women?
You know, I never really thought about this...Thanks Dana, now I have something new to think about....
Reading through list .. none surprised me. Though husband isn't a worrier. More of a why worry until you come to that bridge type of guy.
But if one rang truer than any .. Number #5. He knows it isn't a matter of if, but when Alzheimer's takes over my life. He mentions it very little. But that cloud sits right there.
Interesting article. Thanks for sharing.
Wouldn't it be really funny if your husband has his own blog and does all sorts of posts about you?? He could call it, "The other side of the crises".
Snugs.. has anyone ever told you that we have no respect for people who leave comments put hide their profile?
Well, we have a special word for people like you..
FUCKTARDS!
I've come to regard with suspicion anything that attempts to simplify the needs of "men" or "women" as though you can really lump an entire gender together. More often than not, they originate with some religious or politically conservative group (not that there's anything wrong with that ~smirk~). Focus on the Family has always been notorious for giving the impression that ALL women deep-down crave the white picket fence built by a grunting caveman who still manages to put on a suit and tie and work a 9-5 job. Susan Faludi's book Backlash does an excellent job of showing how the 80s gave rise to an all-out attempt to homogenize each sex, but especially women. Read this book and you'll never enjoy the movies "Working Girl," "Overboard" or "Baby Boom" again -- assuming you ever did.
Post a Comment