"I think writer's block is simply the dread that you are going to write something horrible." - Roy Blount, Jr.

(Photo via MartinaK15 on Flickr)

I don't know if what I have is writer's block - unless you are defining it like Roy Blount Jr. - and even that isn't totally accurate.

I always said that I write for myself. That this is the place that I sort the thoughts in my head by putting them on virtual paper. This is still true, but a few things have changed.

I have an attentive, stable, and loving partner in my life. I now have the ability to talk to a real person who cares about helping me sort through the thoughts in my head. Someone who doesn't belittle or condemn me for not having it all figured out. A partner who offers me honest and helpful feedback. The healthy relationship that Mike and I have had for almost 2 years now has impacted my need for this blog.

It has also impacted my blog content.

Because I respect Mike (something I was lacking with husband), I do not write about him here unless he knows that I am writing about him here. Although far from perfect, my life is manageable now, and not the train wreck it once was (I know that fact is disheartening to a handful of you). Who wants to read about happily ever after?

Am I right??

Then there's the dreaded "V" word - validation. Let's just say that when you are posting half-nekkid photos of yourself each week, validation becomes a non-issue. Remember when blogging was one of the few viable forms of "social media"? Now it's easier to keep in touch on Facebook, write a 140 character "blog post", or to call the reblogging of large quantities of meaningless and unimportant media images, thoughts, and music selections a "blog".

Quite frankly? These days, it seems the average attention span can't handle much more than that anyway.

I appreciate every comment I get, but traffic has decreased (understatement) and I'm not sure that I write about anything relevant to what was once my reader base. Commenting takes far more time than clicking on a LIKE, a FAVORITE, or a HEART. Blog posts require the reader to actually be an active participant.

I've got plenty to write about, I just don't know if it's anything anyone wants to read.

Maybe it never was?

If you are still active on your "traditional" blog, what keeps you going? How do you stay relevant, or does relevancy even matter to you?

Run For Your Life!! And Take Your Stick-Figure Family With You!!

It surprises me that I can still be taken aback by things that happen on social media.

Yesterday, I posted this on tumblr (it was a random minivan we pulled up behind):

I don’t care that you have 3 kids

Or that you ran a half-marathon

And I can’t unfollow you

Fuck off and die

Was that post offensive? 

If you take it at face value, and not in the faux outrage way it was intended, I suppose you might be able to get there ... with a bucket load of creative license and significant dose of "IT'S ALL ABOUT ME!!!!!"

Should it have resulted in public name calling ("slovenly," "obese," and "dumb fat ass cunt" were the chosen words/phrases)? 

I think that might have been a bit ... well ... over the top ... maybe ...

Look, I get that my opinion may not be shared by everyone. I think the stick-figure family decals are goofy, and the 13.1 and 26.2 decals pretentious, but that's just my opinion.

You like the stick-figure family decals? By all means, display them proudly on your minivan. Tell the world ... wait ... just what are you telling the world? And again, why should I care?

Anyway, I digress ...

You want every other driver on the road to know that you might be driving now, but you could be running if you wanted to? You feel that strangers should be as in awe of your running accomplishment as you clearly are?

Yeah ... no ...

And if your only means of attempting to sway my opinion on stick-figure families and marathon declarations is to sling insults?

It probably won't work ... in fact, it will probably just reinforce my opinion that stick-figure decals are goofy, and 13.1 and 26.2 decals are pretentious.

Any time a person responds to a difference of opinion not with a well thought out retort, but with vile put-downs?

They lose me, and I feel they've done little more than proven my point.

Do tell, are you an insult slinger? Do you feel it strengthens your argument? Is it fair game when you feel attacked, whether you are actually being attacked or not?

Why Do I Follow You?

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I've gotten less and less tolerant on social media.

There was a time when I was concerned that someone might get their feelings hurt if I unfollowed them (quite narcissistic, actually), and I figured putting up with them was the nice thing to do.

Now?

Fuck that ... unless you say really stupid things - regularly - then I might continue following you so that I can make fun of you. Otherwise? The unfollow button is my friend.

I run into enough random stupid in real life - I don't need to invite it into my cyber world. And? I'm sure as hell not so important that being unfollowed by me should matter.

Your 17-year old son has a confederate flag as his profile image on facebook? UNFOLLOW.

 

The only time you interact with me is when you are making attempting to make snide remarks that you think are cute and cutting edge? UNFOLLOW.

You can't have your opinion challenged without getting petty and passive-aggressive on all social media platforms? UNFOLLOW.

Lashing out at me isn't enough so you throw my "buddies" into the mix when they have nothing to do with your angst? UNFOLLOW ... and BLOCK.

There seems to be this assumption of friendship? Loyalty? I'm not sure what ... when you've been following someone in social media for a while. They get all butt-hurt when you've finally had enough of them and unfollow.

You'd think they'd throw a party because you were finally gone, especially when it's clear the very sight of you on their dash gets them all hot and bothered.

Not usually the case.

I can't imagine anyone would care why I unfollowed, but if you have the gonads to ask? Don't be surprised when you get an honest answer. You might prefer to have a moment of faux superiority and publicly proclaim "Good Riddance!"

It's better for your ego that way.

This post brought to you by the number 2, the letters U and P,

and the colors green and yellow.

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(21/28)

Where have all the bloggers gone?

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Long time passing
Where have all the bloggers gone?
Long time ago
Where have all the bloggers gone?
Social Media has picked them every one
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?

The more time I spend in social media (defined in this post as facebook, google+, tumblr and twitter), the more I miss traditional blogging. But have you tried to find a good blog to read lately?

I spent a good two hours on blogger the other day, hitting that NEXT BLOG link at the top of the page. That used to be a great way to discover new reads. Now? Most of the blogs I landed on hadn't had a new post in over two years.

*SIDE NOTE* I think there might be a business opportunity in starting up a final resting place for abandoned blogs

Let's be honest here, it's a lot easier to think up an ambiguous, sarcastic one-liner than it is to put 800 words together in a coherent and entertaining blog post. And in this immediate gratification society? Most readers have the attention span of a gnat with ADD - 140 characters is about all they can be bothered with.

If you've been hanging out here long enough, you know that I tend to be a traditionalist (not to be confused with an inflexible, routine driven old fogy). I don't believe the Constitution is a fluid document. I think HNT participants generally showed far too much skin. And I think real blogging is an art form that has been soiled by social media.

There is just something comforting about old school.

I used to worry that books would be replaced entirely by their e-versions as the iPad and Kindle became essential gadgets. Now? I believe the value of bound books lies in the way they touch your other senses - something e-books will never be able to do.

Just like books, I want to believe that real blogs will never go away entirely. Remember all of those fools who started up blogs 5 years ago because it was the thing to do? The ones who couldn't tell a story if their life depended on it? I think we called them mommy-bloggers for the most part.

*WINK* All of you mommy-bloggers who just read that sentence need to unbunch your panties now.

Real blogs? I think their value lies in the way they tell a story. Social media is little more than junk food for the brain. Real blogs? They are the meatloaf, mashed potatoes and gravy of the written word.

 

And I'm hungry!

Tell me, are you still reading real blogs regularly? What are some of your favorites? Are there any blogs I should be reading that I'm not?

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Clicking Is Caring

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Slacktivism, defined by the Urban Dictionary (next thing you know I'll be using Wikipedia citations) as:

the act of participating in obviously pointless activities as an expedient alternative to actually expending effort to fix a problem

Ahhhh ... remember the good old days? If you didn’t like the way things were you really had only two options - sit back and ignore it, or trudge out into the REAL world and fight it (which usually consisted of making picket signs, attending protest marches, writing multiple letters to the editor, and dialing hundreds of phone numbers - gathered from the phone book - using a rotary dial phone)!

No more! Now you can tell the world you support the invisible children of Uganda even though you likely cannot find Uganda on a world map! You can sign a petition to stop free closed captioning of TV programs from being eliminated. That's right! You can solve the world's problems with a retweet or a like/share on facebook!

There is no need to leave your sofa! Now you can be an activist without the risk ... well ... except for that damn carpel tunnel issue.

Just ask the Red Cross. Their national chapter has over 208,000 likes on Facebook and more than 200,000 twitter followers, yet in 2009, actual online monetary donations made up just 3.6% of private donations. In other words, hundreds of thousands of people like what the organization is doing (or at least want their "friends" to think they like what the organization is doing) and feel that liking what they are doing is good enough. Few are compelled to actually ... say ... spend their time or their money to show support.

In Malcolm Gladwell's New Yorker essay titled Small Change, he points out that the lunch counter sit-in at the Woolworth's in downtown Greensboro, North Carolina - an event that launched a civil-rights war that engulfed the South for most of the 60's - happened without e-mail, texting, Facebook, or Twitter.

And unlike campaigns launched on social media networks, real change was made.

Funny what happens when the change you are fighting for involves personal risk. Not the risk that you'll be unfollowed by someone you don't even know on twitter, or unfriended by your BFF from high school's teen daughter. I'm talking risk that might cause you to be arrested, lose your job, or even be killed.

Real risk ... for real change ...

Sure, you're reblogging/liking/retweeting of the Kony 2012 video made you look "enlightened" to the 1,782 idiotic followers you have, but those children in Uganda?

Still "invisible".

And the change you think you are creating with your slacktivism?

It's still invisible too!

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You're FIRED!

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While I was away, I spent most of my time obsessing over enjoying tumblr. My natural way of learning is to immerse myself in the interest du jour - try to figure it out - and once I do, become extremely bored with it. If there isn't a challenge, I have little interest

*SIDE NOTE* - this would be one of the key reasons I pretty much suck at relationships yet have a life-long commitment to math

I learned quite a bit about social media while I was drowning in it, and thought I'd share a few of those lessons ... 'cause I'm a giver like that

• Social media is all the same. The people who frequent facebook will tell you it's the only place to be - that people try to be something they're not on tumblr and twitter but facebook is the real deal.  The people on tumblr are TERRIFIED that the people of facebook will find them and ruin their ability to not have to be personally accountable for their words and actions.  And twitter? That's where people go to bitch about facebook and tumblr ... except when facebook and tumblr are down.  The bottom line?  Although the tools look a little different, they all accomplish the same thing - social chaos 

• Social media inspires mob mentality. Using their computer screen as armor, people will say things and do things they'd never consider if they were standing toe-to-toe with you.  And if they have a strong opposing opinion on something you've written?  They will rally the troops and cyberly pummel you. Fortunately, most people on social media aren't intellectually armed well enough to be successful in their hostile takeovers, but the sheer number of them is quite disturbing

• The same people who aren’t nice in real life aren’t nice on social media.  But here's the rub ... People who are nice in real life aren't necessarily nice on social media.  It is a strange phenomena. I'm convinced there are microscopic aliens living in keyboards and touchscreens throughout the world sucking all of the common sense and good judgment through the fingertips of those using them on social media sites

• Social media can feel like junior high school ... if you let it. You may think you are thick-skinned, but if you equate followers to friends, you are already taking a trip in the way-back machine.  This game moves fast.  People are busy.  They don't have the time or the desire to get to know you.  You are disposable.  One slip - one post that makes them question whether you like them or not and *POOF* BOOM! BOOM! Out go the lights!

• People say they write for themselves on social media. They are lying.  If that were the case, they wouldn't be on social media, they'd keep a diary between the mattresses on their bed.  Although often times people don't consider their audience on social media, they do write to the audience they hope (or think) they have, filtering out the "bad" stuff that might make others not like them. Social media exists for validation

• Social media is not for everyone. I think this was the most valuable lesson I learned.  I kept trying to be good at tumblr, facebook and twitter - good as defined by the majority.  I will never meet that standard. Just as some people will never be good at underwater basket weaving, some people fail at social media.  I got an "F" in social media. I will not be taking the course again

*DISCLAIMER* This post is filled with sweeping generalizations that will likely offend some. I don't care - being politically correct is too cumbersome and wordy, and no matter how hard you try not to, you'll always piss someone off anyway

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Rules

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I like rules.

Rules give me a level of confidence in the task I am working on. I know that if I follow the rules, whatever I do will be right, and I'm all about doing things right. Doing things wrong? *shudders* Oh the horrors! Seriously. Bad!

I get overwhelmed when there are no rules.

Last night I was working on some editing stuff for Band Back Together. I came across a couple of posts with embedded links. Now, this is pretty common on individual blogs, but I just wasn't sure if they were appropriate for the group blog format.

I looked at the posts. I read the posts. I clicked on the links. I spent 10 minutes trying to figure out if they should be left in or not. I closed the posts. I opened the posts. I read them again. I clicked on the links again. I closed the posts. I became overwhelmed with the lack of a rule and in desperation I IM'd Aunt Becky.

I got a "hahahahahahahahahaha"!

She laughed at me! Which is actually a good thing because then I realized that I should be laughing at myself!

And then she typed the four words I hate to see or hear ... ever ...

USE YOUR BEST JUDGMENT

Ummm ... hello?? Remember me?? Just last week I used my best judgment on twitter and RT'd someone I had recently unfollowed and @'d someone who apparently had blocked me, causing them such emotional distress, rumor has it they had to quit twitter. Thank goodness for a twitter friend who explained my actions might look goofy to normal people. OK - he didn't say "goofy" and he didn't say "normal", but still ...

That is where my best judgment gets me.

Give me rules damn it, and don't change them along the way. If it's a rule then it is a rule and breaking the rule is a bad thing and must be corrected.

Black and white thinking much?

That damn gray area is like a black hole for me.

I didn't edit either of those two posts.

And I'm trying to find a twitter wiki.

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Do Something!

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Chooooo! Chooooo!

When I write things on this blog, I usually have an idea of where they'll go when the comments start flowing. There aren't often many surprises, but that wasn't the case Monday.

Let's talk briefly about Monday, then LET IT GO because this post is not intended to rehash my bad behavior, nor the content of Monday's post, but rather some of the comments on Monday's post ...

I was PISSED! I felt "wronged" (I have since had to humble myself a bit) and I was tired of taking the "higher" road. And by "higher" road I mean that the entire situation had sunk to the gutter - the "higher" road was pretty damn low.

I don't regret writing the post and I don't regret opening up the comments, even though they didn't go AT ALL where I thought they would go. Why no regrets? Because I am a little more self-aware than I was Monday, because of that post.

Try to follow me here, this is going to seem disjointed (and probably is), but ... *shrugs*

There has been a lot of attention on the suicide of Tyler Clementi as of late, but the focus has been on the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back (the hidden camera and distribution of the live stream video on a social network) and his sexual orientation, rather than what I believe actually killed him.

What do I believe killed Tyler? People just like snugs, DoggyBloggy and micky-t along with people who chose to do nothing.

It wasn't that single social media event that killed Tyler. It was the ongoing and constant berating, ostracizing and exclusion of Tyler in a "socially acceptable" (i.e. via social media) way that killed him.

Dharun Ravi and Molly Wei face charges for invasion of privacy (don't get me started on the failing of our laws in keeping up with technology) but every single person who watched that live stream and laughed or mocked Tyler, and every single person on the Rutger's Campus who knew what was going on but did nothing, are equally as guilty in Tyler's death.

What I find most disturbing about this story is that had Tyler not died by suicide, this wouldn't have been a story at all. Most people would have considered it just another instance of "harmless" social media jabs because we all know that in social media (facebook, twitter, blogs, comments on news stories, etc.) this behavior has become expected.

Really? Berating people is harmless and has become expected?? Think about that for a minute ...

Be honest. You've done it. I've certainly done it.

I'm not saying you should heap artificial praise anyone - we've seen where the "everyone is a winner" mentality has gotten us - but you don't need to be an ass just for the sake of being an ass, and at the expense of others. Conflict can be constructive.

For example, I received an email from Jay on Monday regarding my post. It was one of the most supportive emails I have ever received. It said things like ...

"I think [your post] was ridiculous, childish and low."

and ...

"Seriously, I used to be entertained by you guys but now it's getting old and kinda boring. And stupid."

and finally ...

"Basically, I'm rather disappointed in that blog post. I think it was beneath you."

You might read those lines and think I am being sarcastic when I say it was one of the most supportive emails I have ever received - you'd be wrong.

See? Jay didn't blow sunshine up my ass. He didn't take sides. He didn't berate me. But he did tell it like he saw it. He called me out. He held me accountable.

Jay wasn't trying to embarrass, humiliate or "take me down a notch" like snugs, DoggyBloggy and micky-t were. No, Jay was reminding me that I am a better person than that post indicated. Jay was supportive. Jay did something constructive.

How many times do we see "wrongs" and claim we are taking the high road by not addressing them? How many times do we say to ourselves, "That's too big of a problem for me to do anything about" and walk away? How many times do we do nothing because we are afraid of being wrong or making someone mad at us because we've taken sides?

Do something people! Grow a pair of fucking BALLS and take a stand! Be respectful, but hold people accountable for their unacceptable actions like Jay did for me.

Doing nothing is every bit as wrong as what snugs, DoggyBloggy and micky-t did and continue to do. Doing nothing indicates you see nothing wrong.

We are ALL better than that.

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