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This blog has always been the place where I could spill the oftentimes incoherent thoughts roaming my brain and organize them into something that made at least a little sense.
I have shared things here that I am ashamed of.
Parts of me that need to change.
Ideas that are unpopular.
Inviting others to pass judgement on me.
Then things changed.
Although I have met some of the people who read this blog, I've not shared my daily life with them.
Until Mike.
It's a bit ironic really - the man who learned so much about me through this blog is, in large part, the reason I feel like I've lost my voice here. No, he hasn't asked me not to write, he still enjoys reading my posts, yet I feel that I need to temper my words if I write about him.
It's because I care about how my words impact him and how my words might impact my reader's perception of him. I never had that concern with husband.
I suppose this shows growth in my character, but I don't like the conflict I feel. I've been proud to share what is my real life on a platform usually reserved for passive-aggressive rants and "Oh my life is perfect" mommy bloggers. This blog was a place that was all of me, not just the parts I wanted other people to see.
This new feeling of responsibility for my words and how they impact Mike has carried over to other topics and people too. I've wanted to talk about some challenges Cam has been facing, but find myself wondering if that is in his best interest. I'm also working on a very public project right now that has my dander up, but because my words could adversely impact that project (and all of those working on it), I've had to keep quiet.
I don't like it, but I'm wondering if it somehow makes me a "better" person ... at least in the eyes of those who might be negatively impacted by my words.
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5 comments:
Dang it! I hate it when my favorite "train wreck" bloggers up a get a conscience and shit. ;-)~
Jay
There's always a chance that you can start saving up your stories, and after a couple of months, share them after everything's pretty much settled down.. I mean, isn't there some kind of statute of limitations you could possibly impose for your blog?
Me? I just wrote, and if they chose to read it, the warning was to read at your own peril and discretion..
Oh, am I supposed to be surprised that you deleted DB's comment?
No, not so much..
What?? christo AKA doggybloggy deleted his comment?? It wasn't me ... I swear!
Let me repost it for y'all (I actually giggled)
....ok lets all move along - looks like the train wreck has been all cleared away nothing to see here folks - lets keep moving ...(said in my best cop at the scene of the wreck voice)
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