I suffer a great deal of anxiety over everyday tasks. Things as simple as making a phone call to order pizza, or going to the market to pick up a few items, take a great deal of emotional energy as I have an extreme, consistent, and sometimes, nearly debilitating fear, of being judged or embarrassed by my actions, words or appearance - especially by strangers. I know how unreasonable and illogical this is, making the situation even more difficult to confront rationally. The internet, and blogging, have made it much easier to interact with "real" people.28 June 2008
Sunday Secret
I suffer a great deal of anxiety over everyday tasks. Things as simple as making a phone call to order pizza, or going to the market to pick up a few items, take a great deal of emotional energy as I have an extreme, consistent, and sometimes, nearly debilitating fear, of being judged or embarrassed by my actions, words or appearance - especially by strangers. I know how unreasonable and illogical this is, making the situation even more difficult to confront rationally. The internet, and blogging, have made it much easier to interact with "real" people.
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33 comments:
Interesting.. sounds like you are more comfy with the privacy afforded one online. Also, online does not really require as much effort but it feels real. But.. is it really?? What are your thoughts?
Jet
One thing about this blogging is that you can express yourself, fix your spelling, consider your words, and publish only after you feel you've got it right. It takes a lot of the anxiety out of pontificating, at least for me. I know that I would much rather make a pithy rant as I'm prone to do in this environment when emotions are at a distance and confrontation is more or less at your discretion. It does make things kind of safe, doesn't it?
FMD
Anon, funny ... I would say I've obliterated all sense of "privacy" online. Interesting how you interpreted this secret thought as on-line requires (IMHO) a great deal of effort (write, re-write, be entertaining always). Is it "real?" The only reality I know is my own. I do believe that the majority of bloggers I read are "real" but am also well aware that people can say anything - on a blog OR in real life.
FMD, it's the opportunity to get it right the first time that appeals to me. If the truth be known, I am far harder on myself than anyone else ever could be.
You might consider taking the Briggs-Myers Personality Test. It will show you how you think, perceive and interact. The test confirmed a lot of things and accept the way I am - thus giving me more confidence.
I know someone as well, who suffers mildly from those same things. It can be delibilitating.
Sometimes, I wish I had a touch of that problem, because then I would refrain talking at times and not come across as an asshole.
Cheers Dana!!
I have something similar to this and its called "lazy" I just dont want to go - or do it - or perform even the simplest of things.
There is "want to", and there is "have to" in everyone's life. I personally do the have tos in flurries, to get them over with!
Kannon7, anyone who *knows* me would likely not be surprised to learn that I am a Myers-Briggs INTJ - to the letter!
Matt-Man, well, I sometimes come across as aloof and conceited - I think I'd rather be an asshole!
DB, I wish mine was a want issue - I want to, it's just extremely difficult to do.
I guess I'm always learning about you. I wouldn't have guessed this secret in a million years.
I can relate to an extent. I used to feel judged and criticized by every glance. I don't know quite how I got over that but I have obviously since I have so little shame. :P I hope someday you do, too.
Most people are too self-absorbed to stop and judge you constantly wherever you go. Even as vapid as I can be at times, I barely notice the people in the store around me. ;)
Interesting. I do understand that to a certain extent. I get some of those feelings when I have to deal with the outside world. It is just irrational that I care what strangers think.
First thought, Huh, fuck them all and just do what you've gotta do. Easier I know in thought than deed. I some times will not go somewhere I want, like a store, if there a teenagers hanging around. They bother me and intimidate me.
adults, not so much. I think it is becuase adults can keep themselves in check, for the most part. Teenagers think they are all that and truth be told are just plain "ignorant".
Dana I suffer from a similar anxiety except for me the fear comes from always thinking that whatever I do has life or death consequences.
Even the simplest thing - ordering the pizza - starts off a huge train of issues. Recently we had the driveway sealed and later that evening ordered pizza. I panicked that the delivery person wouldn't see the tape, would drive up, would destroy the driveway and on and on and on. It is exhausting.
For me it comes from raising my siblings when I was a child myself and then becoming a Mom at 17 and all these years later still feeling that something terrible will happen if I make one mistake, if I'm not ever vigilant.
I work on this constantly.
I know how you feel, believe me i do know.
I have a bit of this myself. Mostly it is a product (or maybe the cause of) my amazing lack of social skills.
From the way you write I would never have imagined such a secret. Hopefully the affirmation you receive from blogging will help you move past the anxiety.
I only have this type of anxiety when I'm speaking in front of a large group of my peers. I don't know why but it takes great effort on my part to be comfortable in this situation. It's only certain aspects; the everyday stuff of how to, I'm really uncomfortable but let me talk about the ubergeek side of our job, I love it!
Dana, this is one of my biggest personal demons as well. The only times I leave the house are the ones you see on my blog. I don't even go grocery shopping, most of the time. The doorbell gives me panic attacks. Connections are so hard to maintain. It takes so much effort to keep going, and I let so many slip away. I am trapped inside myself, and I hate it - but reaching outside that bubble would break it; and I would be exposed, naked, vulnerable, and weak. The relative anonymity of the net is a security blanket, warm and comforting.
Buff, I'm just grateful when I get through the "have to's" so that I can go hide again!
FF, in a way, it's kind of egocentric to think that ANYONE cares what I'm saying/doing - especially strangers!
Karen, I think one of the most frustrating issues I have with this is knowing just how completely irrational it is!
Lu, yes "fuck them" is a far healthier attitude!
Dianne, I work on this constantly too and am still able to "force" myself to function reasonably well, but my fear is the day will come where I can't.
Mike, I think there are more of us out here than I imagined.
Jay, isn't that funny? I'd have never guessed you to be lacking in social skills!
mnwhr, validation from strangers is one of the reasons I do blog. When blogging, I'm much closer to the person I wish it were easier for me to be in real life.
Al, what to here something really strange? I don't have public speaking anxiety. Not sure why that is ...
Boo(duh), maintaining connections is EXTREMELY difficult for me as well. I am always surprised when people tell stories of friendships they have maintained for 20+ years. I've got a few (3?) in the 5+ year category, but cannot even imagine 20.
I have a few friendships that have spanned an extraordinary amount of time, mostly because they are the kind of friendship that several years can pass before we speak to each other. The only other people I maintain anything with are the ones that just won't go away! *grin*
Good point, Dana. LOL But I don't think that's the case. I know a few people IRL that have a lot of social anxiety. I'm thinking it's more common than you think.
I'm hoping our "date" for later this week is not causing you too much anxiety. I would never judge you. With all that you've shared on this blog and in emails I hope you would know that.
Dana, my being an ACOA (Adult Child of an Alcoholic) gifted me with many of those anxieties, too. It has taken 40 or so years to overcome them and constant work to not let them return and take over me. I’ve used lots of tools—perhaps that’s why I became a social worker/therapist in the first place: to learn tools to deal with my own ACOA issues—and continue to seek and learn new ones.
The most powerful tool/skill that I have in my box of anti-anxiety devices has been Vipassana (which means “to see things as they really are”) Meditation. It really works!
I thought I was the only one...about making the phone calls, I mean.
It's awesome that you are working through your fears without having to rely on happy pills. It's not easy and I applaud you.
Boo(duh), my 5 year friendships have all been the kind where people tolerate my long absences, and for those I am grateful!
FF, I think it might be even more common in the blogging community!
Apple, there will be anxiety, but it is lessened because I am on my turf (so to speak) and because there is a bit of history (be it online) between us. In this case, the excitement outweighs the anxiety.
Nick, interesting. I know that my anxiety increased when my husband committed suicide, but I never considered that my own ACOA status might contribute as well.
A, I know of one other person who shares my phone phobia and I was quite surprised to find that out about her as well.
Corky, with my history of, and predisposition to, addiction, the thought of using chemicals to get through this terrifies me more than facing the anxiety!
We all have problems. And we use the internet to hide them or share them. I don't think as much hiding goes on as most people think.
One of the things that someone asked me once about *one* of my problems. Would you trade it for her problem, his problem, this one's problem, or that one's?
My answer was no. I'll just keep my own. How would you respond?
I'm so glad to hear that. I'm excited as well. I hope I don't overwhelm you. My friends tell me I have that tendency. Course I'm not a 6' redhead either...*wink, wink*
Good heavens, you're like my brain twin on that one. No-one, particularly my husband seems to understand the anxiety caused by simply making a phone call. I will put them off until it actually interferes with my life. It totally ticks him off that I resist calling Home Depot to ask about the size and price of a specific brick.
I'm glad you are "getting over it"
And I am glad to be back!
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