TMI Tuesday

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GACK! TMI Tuesday Marriage Edition?? This is a terrible TMI Tuesday for me to do right now because my views are so distorted with anger, disappointment and disinterest. I'm going to do my best to set my current situation aside and answer based on overall experience - which likely isn't much better ...

1. Do you believe in marriage?

I struggle with this question. I believe that many people put far too much emphasis on marriage. In reality, it is nothing more than a legal process which allows couples to gain additional benefits through government, employers, etc. and allows for formal recognition of a personal commitment. In my world, it's a legal agreement - the commitment between two (or more) people is something else entirely and doesn't require the legal acknowledgment.

2. What is marriage to you?

A legally acknowledged partnership between two people. I honestly do believe that the personal commitment between people is something other than marriage - something far greater in scope and meaning than the legal documentation.

3. If you are married, why did you do it? If you are not, why have you not married?

I am currently married - for the third time. I cannot imagine doing it again. The first time I got married, I was a 22 year old, self loathing young woman who believed that if I didn't accept the marriage "proposal" of a man I'd know only six weeks, I might never have another opportunity to get married. Two years later, my self esteem and personal integrity had taken a HUGE hit and the first marriage was over.

Second time was within a year of the first one ending. Again, it was for all of the wrong reasons and ended in my husband's suicide just 4 months later. And again, my self esteem and personal integrity took a HUGE hit.

I waited for 16 years before doing it the third time, and I'd have been smart to have waited a few more. I was convinced that this old flame rekindled was my last opportunity to provide a father figure for my son. Who would possibly want to marry a 41 year old woman who had been married twice, one of those marriages so bad her husband had to commit suicide to get out, and who had a bi-racial child out of wedlock? There wasn't a line forming - I settled.

As I said in the beginning of this answer, I cannot imagine doing it again.

4. Do you believe in divorce?

Being that I answered #2 in the way I did, there should be no surprise that I see divorce as being nothing more than the dissolving of the legal partnership.

5. If you are divorced, why did you do it? If you have not, are there certain circumstances under which you would agree to a divorce?

Again, no surprise here. Anyone who reads me knows, I'm contemplating a divorce in my current marriage. How do I justify it? The partnership is harmful, physically (sometimes indirectly) and emotionally, to both Cam and me, and my husband has shown little interest in making any permanent changes to improve the relationship.

Bonus (as in optional): [ed note:I am not trying to spark a get political debate, I am much to superficial for that]Do you believe that same sex marriages are a threat to traditional marriages?

I am always amused by this argument. Current statistics show that 50% of all HETEROSEXUAL marriages end in divorce, and 75% of all HETEROSEXUAL second marriages end in divorce. I'd say the heterosexuals are the threat to marriage, not same sex couples.

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