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It's that time of year, when kids become bored and parents become obnoxious. Yeah ... I said it ... obnoxious! I've written about parental hovering before, but the end of the school year seems to shine a bright light on parental ego stroking.Last weekend we attended a "graduation" party being held for a family friend. We received the formal invitation in April and my initial reaction was, "You've got to be kidding me." The invitation looked very much like a high school graduation announcement - embossed paper - professional photo - but it wasn't a high school graduation, it was a middle school promotion party.
I've read many
Seriously people, I understand celebrating your kids' accomplishments - praising them for a job well done - but can we put this into perspective?
In the public school system, with very few exceptions, social promotion is the norm. When was the last time you heard about a kid, under 13, being held back a grade for academic performance issues? I remember the overwhelming anxiety of waiting for that letter in the mail that informed my parents whether or not I would be moving into the next grade. I knew several students who had to repeat grades due to performance issues. Moving on to the next grade level was never a given, but rather something you had to work towards.
Now? Not only are most schools scheduling some type of ceremony for these "graduations" - ceremonies that include caps, gowns, tassels and diplomas *shakes head* but parents are having large, formal celebratory gatherings to The "promotion" party we attended last weekend? There were about 50 attendees - the house was decorated in a graduation theme - dinner was catered by a local restaurant. I
Will I attend the promotion ceremony at Cam's middle school next year? Absolutely! Will I be beaming with pride knowing that
What do you think? Are these ceremonies/parties nothing more than glory moments for parents and ego strokes for kids? Or are they a reasonable acknowledgment for a commendable accomplishment?
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33 comments:
yeah, I agree, it's totally out of hand. High praise for something you're SUPPOSED to do - I'm not sure that's an 'accomplishment'.
m.
I was quite happy with my kid being in attendence for their "Recognition Night" for the 8th graders last night.
I wasn't sure, due to his lackluster performance, that he would even be invited. But you are correct...
Ceremonies in the younger grades are a joke. High School...College...Yeah, have a party, but for the lower grades, big frickin' deal.
I was impressed, however, that he received a 29 cent paper certificate honoring him as the funniest kid in the class.
As for what he got from me for completing the 8th grade? A hug and the utterance of the following two words..."Thank God."
Cheers!!
I think the party you attended was way over the top. The parents certainly should have included in the invitation no gifts please
I have seen the cap and gowns for the little kids and I think they are cute but the cost of this unnecessary pomp and circumstance puts an added burden on the parents that have a hard time just feeding their kids.
I think hugs, kisses and saying job well done is plenty for K thru 8th. Save the other stuff for 12th and college.
I agree, it's ridiculous to throw such a formal event. I think someone should throw ME a party for making it through each year. Forget them!
I am invited to a party this weekend to celebrate my niece earning her Masters. Give me a break! I already did the high school gift, the college gift and now they want another one because she completed her thesis on French History (I wish I were joking). Yeah...Im pretty much done. She needs to get a job now. And good luck with such a well rounded education.
It's almost like a Rave advertisement, right? Those little flyers they hand out for the teenagers to meet in a local warehouse somewhere remote.
I never had a graduation for kindergarten, grade school or middle school! I mean, granted I passed everything, except the REAL graduation. Now there's a kicker for you!
You're hysterical! Love the strike outs! haha!
While I think it's "cute" when pre-schoolers "graduate" out of the school, I would never, EVER hold a party or gathering, or whatever, for any of my children unless they graduate highschool (it is a right of passage, right??) and MAYBE college.
And hear's something else you breifly touched on. My youngest son, when he was 17, received all A's and B's in his last two years of school. But he didn't get his diploma. You know why? He couldn't pass the essay portion of the Gateway test!! To say I was madder than a rabid fox is an understatement. I called the school and asked how DARE they pass a kid, give him high grades, and he can't even write a freaking essay??? WTF! THEN they had the nerve to aske me if he was going to repeat 12th grade, because if not, something happens with their funding because they don't have a 100% graduation rate or some crap like that. I told them HELL NO he wasn't going back to their school. As far I was concerned they failed him and FUCK NO they weren't getting "money" from the government just to "pass" him.
I'm probably not making sense because I've gotten myself mad again over the whole thing. Sorry.
That's ridiculous. My son's school had an informal "graduation" from 5th grade last week at the Wednesday morning Mass and... that was it. My husband, Sissy and I attended - we didn't inform grandparents or any other family.
I think I would have had "other plans" on the eve of that party. ;-)
These "graduation" parties are just an extension of the over the top birthday parties people are throwing for their perfect little snowflakes. They're spending hundreds of dollars on decorations, food and entertainment for not so important things. And we wonder why these kids have such a sense of entitlement.
Also, when I was in grade school I knew four boys who were held back for performance issues. Of course by "performance issues" I mean the kids parents and the teachers all believed another year of little league football would be a good thing for these boys. They were all much bigger and the plan was by the time they were in high school being a year older than the boys they were competing against would be a huge advantage.
No really.
mike, as I frequently tell my son, going to school and doing your best is your JOB. No gold star for doing what is expected.
Matt-Man, I'm all for high school and college graduation parties - those really are a right of passage!
Lu', I thought it was over the top too, then discovered many of Cam's school mates are having similar celebrations. I guess Cam will just feel left out when his time comes.
Biscuit, actually, I was thinking the very same thing! Maybe *I* deserve a little recognition for having to stay on teachers to do their jobs all year! Heaven knows I've been in the principal's office more times than Cam has this year!
Christine, this would irritate me too. You get recognition for high school graduation and for completing your Bachelor's degree. At that point you are an adult and make you own decisions regarding your education ... without the recognition when you are done!
Deb, I would guess that the cost of the party we attended was well over $1000, and these are not people with tons of extra money laying around. I kept thinking, "Wouldn't the money spent on this party have been be better used in a college fund?"
Bina, I understand the appeal of a school program of sorts, but the expense for all of the extras is a bit ridiculous. And you did make sense. Maybe I'll do a post soon on the absurdity of giving Cam letter grades in school when an F doesn't even require that he repeat a class!
Evil Twin's Wife, had these not been really good family friends (and generally they are far more balanced than this) I'd have blown off the party entirely!
Jay, don't even get me started on birthday parties. I was recently reading one of my favorite blogs and had to sit on my hands to not type a SNARKY response to the tales of drama surrounding the $500 Hello Kitty themed birthday party for a 3-year old!
And your football story? *rolls eyes* My how times have changed. Cam had to wait 6 years to play football because he was TOO BIG!
Promotion parties baffle me - completely and totally baffle me. I don't know where they came from, but I sure as hell know I won't be throwing one for my kids.
I can't help but believe it is a "keeping up with the Joneses" sort of phenomenon. If everyone is having a party for their child, you must have one for your child too. I do see too much of that in my daughters' school with the parents.
*adopts lofty imperialistic British attitude*
Heh heh. Americans.
I'm wondering if this is not a northern thing or something.
We don't do that around here. The middle school does have a little 8th grade graduation assembly where they hand out certificates and Lex's Catholic school has a graduation dinner and program because those kids have been there since Kindergarten.
But no caps and gowns, no parties, nothing like that.
Hell, I only gave the high school graduates who's parties I went to $20 each. So I'm cheap I guess.
All that sounds strange. I swear I think more people need to hang out here in the boondocks with us regular folk.
Jay said it better than I could have. And I'd have never thought of "snowflake!"
Emmy, I don't know where they came from either, but believe you hit the nail on the head when mentioning it was a keeping up with the Jones' thing. Maybe I can sway the neighborhood to keep up with the "Smith's" instead!
Leonhart, we do have some messed up priorities at times, don't we?!
M, I think it's a suburbia thing. People with too much time on their hands, too many materialistic desires and a HUGE dose of trying to make up for what their parents didn't do for them. And yes, I think most of the people I know would benefit from hanging out with some "real" people. I often times forget that some folks have no idea that a large segment of the population lives very differently than they do!
Real Live Lesbian, Jay did say it well, didn't he??
As no one can predict the high point of anyone's lives, lighten up... What is nothing to you may be a big deal to someone else.. you were not in their shoes to get the kid to that moment.
buffalodick, I was actually surprised that yours was the first comment I had in favor of this type of thing, and even more surprised that it came from you!
Of course there are exceptions and special circumstances, however I do know what it took to get this particular child through the 8th grade (these are close friends), and I find it hard to believe that the majority of middle school "graduates" in my neighborhood had to overcome unusually difficult circumstances to pass through the system.
But you're right - I'm not in their shoes - thank goodness!
I've heard of Kindergarden graduations (our school doesn't do it), which I find cute. But they have been small events for parents to come to. Not *BIG AFFAIRS*. I've never heard of such a thing for middle schoolers. *shaking head*
I think there is a difference in giving a child recognition for a job well done (moving up to the next grade feels more like doing what is expected), but these huge parties are over the top. I would take issue with attending such a party and most *def* of bringing a GIFT for such a thing.
I think it all goes back, not everything deserves a pat on the back. You went to school...YAY! You did your homework every day....YAY!
AND I think it takes away from the occasions where a student DOES deserve to be commended. Like graduating from important things like HIGH SCHOOL, COLLEGE.
Speaking from a recent middle school graduate. They did have a recognition evening. No caps, gowns, etc .. Also was by invite only. Meaning they had to be getting an award or scholarship. (Speaking of which .. am I the only ONE who did not know you could receive scholarships in middle school? I was floored!!)
Yes!, it was exciting and and BIG deal to me, us, him, but I certainly didn't even think about having a party. Good Grief Charlie Brown. We went to dinner, but we had to eat. LOL.
I have to agree that is over the top. Also agree with Vixen statement:
AND I think it takes away from the occasions where a student DOES deserve to be commended. Like graduating from important things like HIGH SCHOOL, COLLEGE.
Also I disagree with DH. That was NOT a cheap gift.
I have to admit that Kindergarten graduation is sooo cute!
When DB graduated we went, we photographed and then we let him pick dessert that night.
(Chocolate Mousse Cake from Wegman's)
But a party? Nope, nada, no freakin way.
I'm happy when my kids pass. I usually take them somehwere.but a party? a ceremony? That's just stupid.
That said I have noticed there has been an increase in these type celebrations.because to certain folks graduating 3rd grade is a big deal when no one else in the family has yet made it that far.
On one hand, kids are supposed to graduate...that's their job. On the other hand...throwing a party is like saying, "Hey you made it! Lets Celebrate!"
I think its all in how you look at the glass of water...Is it half full? Or is it half empty? Ultimately, I feel that this is an individual decision.
I graduated from High School on a Sunday afternoon. My parents and sisters went home. I went to a favorite tavern and had a few beers. I went home and got up at 0330hrs to head for my new job. I was so glad school was over.
I look at this from several different angles. Yes little Johnny and little Suzy should be glad just to be doing what they are supposed to be doing in the first place. And the parties are probably over done and over promoted. We shouldn't be rewarding regular normal behavior, right?
On the other side. If you look at the dropout rates at our inner city schools, maybe graduation is something to celebrate.
Nice topic Dana.!
I have read none of the comments yet...I celebrate every scholastic achievement I can. Many of our kids' extended families live out of town..so when they come to these events we include friends and neighbors in the celebrations.
we had a small nursery school "graduation" party for Rhiannon...family and a few friends.
We had a sixth grade graduation event for each of the three kids families of several of each of their friends. (go ahead...roll your eyes)
Rhiannon's eighth grade graduation was also a sorta goodbye party as we moved back to Santa Cruz the next week.
We had small parties for both Lauren and Cameron's 8th grade graduations...and then they "party-hopped" to their friends houses and respective parties.
With all three we had good sized BBQ's at the house following high school graduation...large guest list.
Only Rhiannon has graduated from college so far...that was out of town at a restaurant with a wide variety of both sides of her family and a handful of her friends and coworkers from her college town.
When we have these family/kid get togethers...our friends would be hurt if not invited.
now that I have read the comments...
we don't spend hundreds of dollars on decorations and all...although the bbq's get a bit expensive. Hamburgers and Hots Dogs with all the trimmings cost a lot!
If you knew my three the word "snowflake" would never come to mind.
I never did a party for Matt graduating until High School and I bbqued hot dogs and hamburgers and spicy wings and smoked a pork shoulder and ribs for about 50 relatives and his friends.
But then again, I was unemployed at the time!
I agree the invite, if you are going to have a party, should say no gifts.
Where I currently live, they throw huge parties for hundreds of friends and realtives when their kid graduates from high school.. I have a 'work friend' who spent $8000 on a party when his little girl graduated last year.. It was all I could do not to stare at him as though he were stark raving mad..
Um, wasn't it just expected that we graduated from high school? I mean, doing so was no cause for real celebration.. But not doing so would have been cause for real grief!! :):)
I know that different events are important in different parts of the country. Here in the NYC area - if you are Jewish you get the Bat/Bar Mitz....if you are a of a that social level (or want to make it seem like you are) you get the coming out/Sweet 16 party....if you are Latino you get the Quince....and everyone else gets the over the top 8th grade graduation party.
It is basically the norm to have at least one big party (sometimes akin to a mini-wedding) in your early teen years.
We celebrated the end of preschool, more to celebrate the beginning of real schooling, but it did not involve gifts, it was just a ceremony at the preschool.
I wish that schools would hold kids back again. Put some teeth back into the educational system so-to-speak.
I personally don't think there is a need to send out invitations to graduations for anything before high-school or college ceremonies. Some parents are getting ridiculous with this invitation/celebration of parties for anything pre-school to middle school. Just too pre-mature to me.
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