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You make sure others get no attention, you must get it all. You claim you are consistent, yet no one ever knows what to expect from you. You demand appreciation but withhold it from others. You decide when we are worthy of your love and dole it out randomly. You are diligent in humiliating others. I am not crazy, stupid, a failure, a liar and always at fault. YOU are a ruthless-narcissist who treats others without compassion or empathy. YOU are cold and insensitive to the needs of anyone but yourself. Getting away from YOU is going to be one of the hardest things I've ever done.
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29 comments:
It's hard to say anything about your Sunday Secret. Except, I will pray for you.
I'm glad you know you're not those awful things. Some people would start to believe it.
You are strong. You'll get away.
I don't think you're any of those things either. You deserve better!
Now that you are away from that, no matter what speed bumps life is throwing at you; it has to be better...stay strong.
I post comment here only once in a while, but I visit everyday and I just wanted you to know I'll keep you in mind and offer as much postiive thought as I can into the Universe where you deseerve to be happy, Dana.
~hope
I thought for a bit things were getting better...
Doomed, prayers appreciated!
FF, well, I wouldn't say that I *know* I'm not those things - on a good day it's clear - on a bad day? It all feels very much my fault.
Corky, I deserve peace and sanity.
Kannon, not away yet, but I'll get there.
Hope, positive thoughts appreciated!
Buff, things always get better - just enough to keep me from walking away. He is manipulative and knows exactly what it will take to keep mt here, because keeping me here means he still has someone to tell him how wonderful he is - how much he is appreciated. It also means he always has someone to belittle and humiliate to prove his "superiority."
You just described my ex-marriage. I gave it 23 years....15 too long to hope and pray things would turn around.
You are in my thoughts.
Wow. It had to be cathartic (and little scary) to put that in to words.
Sending you positive vibes.
Dana: I'd give you some kind of wise platitude, but to be honest, you're smart and strong enough to know what to do. All I can offer is my support and friendship that is there whenever you need it.
Yeah, what they said.
Like Breve, I do have experience in feeling the things you are feeling.
In my experience, knowing the choice to make is much easier that taking the action to fulfill that choice.
Taking that risk is my 2009 gift for you.
Gid Bless
Kahuna (and Babushka)
You can. Pain is temporary.
{{{you}}}
(((sweet hugs)))
Oh, Dana.
Wow.
You know what? I hope you keep that anger. Anger is better than despair: anger means you haven't given up.
Keep fighting.
And eat ice cream, you have to keep your strength up for the battles :)
You know what you need to do. When you are ready you will be able to do it and you and Cam will be just fine!
{{{{hug}}}}
I've walked 10,000 miles in those shoes. And I wouldn't trade one minute of my life now for anything that I had back then. You'll be amazed how wonderful life is when you're not being told how awful you are.
You are worthy.
Suburban mom is wise. When you finally get sick and tired it is easy to get away, the hardest part is making the desicion. For your sake and for Cam's sake I hope you are close to being there; but your history makes me think that the boat is just rocking a lil rough again right now and you will get back on the fence once it settles down. I can't help but wonder how much Cam's problems at school would improve if he was removed from such an unhealthy enviroment. You are a strong woman, you can do it and you will survive. But no one can make that choice for you, you have to want it for yourself. There are plenty of resources available to help you when/if you get ready. I wish you and Cam the best.
Breve, it's a vicious circle. It gets bad - VERY bad - and then the glimmer of hope. It's a game they are good at.
Karen, when I am forced to look at it for what it is, it is scary!
Jormengrund, I know what to do, it's just getting it done.
Boo, yeah!
Kahuna, I'm closer now than I ever have been!
Biscuit, pain is permanent as long as I ignore the reality.
I smile, thank you!
Helen, I do think there is a bit of a grieving process that needs to take place - to mourn the death of what I thought it was.
ASM, yes I do and yes we will!
RLL, the problem is that I have such difficulty imagining that life.
Snugs, everything you mention is (unfortunately) true. I don't know if this is the time, but I do know that by putting it in words it becomes more difficult to deny.
I never realized you married to my ex-wife. Go Figure. Cheers Dana!!
{{{HUGS}}}
Figure out why the glimmer of hope keeps you there and if it's worth it...
Who are you putting up with this for?
Walking a tight rope is a difficult trick but living on a teeter totter is no stroll in the park is it. Here for you Dana.
Damn
Good Luck Dana, I'll be pulling for you.
OH man this sounds all too familiar...
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