I had to have paternity tests done to determine who my son's father was. It wasn't who I accused of being his father, nor was it who I wanted to be his father - it was the one-night stand.
Doomed, although it is easy to feel remorse regarding the circumstances, if this was the only way I could bring Cam into this world, I'd do it all over again!
Fab, fortunately, the legal side of it is not a concern.
Hubman, Cam knows that his father and I were not married (I wasn't married to anyone, just for clarification) when he was born. I do know - without a doubt - who his father is. Husband knows ALL of these details and has for about 10 years.
It's not shameful. We are all human. I've made mistakes that you'll never make, you've made some that I never will. Everyone here can help fill in the gaps. Together, we cover the spectrum! See? :)
Sounds a bit like what happened in the plot of Mamma Mia, not that life is ever as carefree and easy as it is shown in musicals and movies. (Sadly). Good luck..
I'm right there with Biscuit. We all have things that we have done past/present and in the future that we are not always, well, pleased with ourselves for doing them. But, you have a wonderful, beautiful son from this and you love him more than anything.
After some reflection, we can usually find a silver lining to any cloud. For me... I'm not proud of marrying someone that I wasn't in love with just because I was pregnant but I do have 3 beautiful, loving, caring boys out of it and I wouldn't change that for anything in the world.
I don't think it's anything shameful. A lot (most) of the people who would think it was shameful are people who just got "lucky" and it didn't happen to them.
Or maybe you're the "lucky" one cause you got Cam!
I am with the majority. It is not shameful. It is hard and complicated and lot of other things, but you should be proud of the way handled the situations and proud of the way you raised a great young man.
I guess you sort of answered it, but does Can know his dad or have a relationship with him?
I'm totally missing the "shame" aspect as well, a bit sad, perhaps, that he won't have the pleasure (or just pain in the butt?) of not knowing his biological father, but shame? Life's too short for shame over something likes of a great kid.
Why the shame? Was he married or is it that you feel shame of having a one night stand? There is no shame is choosing to have your baby, that is something to be proud of!
Karen, Cam's dad died ... let see ... 3 (?) years ago. Unfortunately, he never took much of an interest in Cam - he had other children ans focused his attention there.
Thembi, shame because this isn't how one is "supposed" to start a family. It certainly wasn't what my family expected!
Rage, I hope, if nothing else, my Sunday secrets let others know they aren't alone.
Snugs, Ohhh ... you are so transparent! It would be so much easier if I didn't know who you were! The answer to your question (that really wasn't a question) has been addressed previously in this blog. Nice try though!
I see you comment on blogs we mutually read and if Cam is half as introspective as you are that alone is a gift to the rest of us breathing the same air as you.
Now that time has passed I'm sure you can look at what you have and see the circumstances as a gift. Could you imagine Cam and your life with him any other way?
Snugs, knowing who you are - and what you already know - affects if I choose to answer a question that has already been answered in this blog - it does not change the answer. You can always read the archives!
Hope, that was an amazing compliment - thank you!
Matt-Man, no doubt about that! Any way, any how - Cam was worth any shame, sadness, difficulty, etc.
Dana, I have a 19year old son, whom I love and would never change any thing that has made us who we are today. I assume that his father is my ex-boyfriend, according to the timing, but I cheated on him twice. We broke up after about a month and then I found out I was pregnant. I made the decision to do this on my own (we were only 16-17) and did until my wonderful knight came into the picture 12 years ago. He is our son's dad, he has never wanted to make contact with his biological father, so I doubt that testing will ever come into play(but he does look exactly like my ex). He lives a town over from us, married with two little girls and not having a son my biggest fear is some day he may knock on my door. xoxo
33 comments:
sad..
Regardless, you have a wonderful young man that is part of you. Cam, a gift to make you more of a human being than you thought was possible.
I know you love Cam and I regret any legal bennifits to the suit aren't working out.
doh!
Regardless of the circumstances of how Cam to be, he's your son and you love him, that's obvious.
Once again, you impress me with your willingness and courage to share something so intensely personal.
I'm curious. Does Cam know these details? If not, do you plan to tell him someday? What about your husband, does he know?
(And I completely understand if you decline to answer any of these...)
Snugs, I think more shameful than sad.
Doomed, although it is easy to feel remorse regarding the circumstances, if this was the only way I could bring Cam into this world, I'd do it all over again!
Fab, fortunately, the legal side of it is not a concern.
Tribog, not sure how to respond to that comment.
Hubman, Cam knows that his father and I were not married (I wasn't married to anyone, just for clarification) when he was born. I do know - without a doubt - who his father is. Husband knows ALL of these details and has for about 10 years.
It's not shameful. We are all human. I've made mistakes that you'll never make, you've made some that I never will. Everyone here can help fill in the gaps. Together, we cover the spectrum! See? :)
What matters is that he is loved. I am sorry you had to go through that, though.
Honestly, I don't think it's so shameful, Dana. You were a single woman! Things happen. I'm glad you have your son. Children are such gifts. :)
Sounds a bit like what happened in the plot of Mamma Mia, not that life is ever as carefree and easy as it is shown in musicals and movies. (Sadly). Good luck..
I'm right there with Biscuit. We all have things that we have done past/present and in the future that we are not always, well, pleased with ourselves for doing them. But, you have a wonderful, beautiful son from this and you love him more than anything.
After some reflection, we can usually find a silver lining to any cloud. For me... I'm not proud of marrying someone that I wasn't in love with just because I was pregnant but I do have 3 beautiful, loving, caring boys out of it and I wouldn't change that for anything in the world.
I think Cam is the silver lining to that time of your life.
I don't think it's anything shameful. A lot (most) of the people who would think it was shameful are people who just got "lucky" and it didn't happen to them.
Or maybe you're the "lucky" one cause you got Cam!
Biscuit, of course! The mistake spectrum!! I'm just doing my part ...
Anndi, he is loved!
FF, I think the shame comes from it not being "ideal," but then I have to ask myself is anything really ever ideal?
Evie, hmmmm ... maybe I do need to see Mama Mia!
Honey, oh, Cam is definitely the silver lining!
RLL, I think Cam has been the silver lining to most of my life!
Jay, I actually think the way people react to some of my Sunday Secrets (like this one) says far more about them than it does about what I've done!
I am with the majority. It is not shameful. It is hard and complicated and lot of other things, but you should be proud of the way handled the situations and proud of the way you raised a great young man.
I guess you sort of answered it, but does Can know his dad or have a relationship with him?
I'm totally missing the "shame" aspect as well, a bit sad, perhaps, that he won't have the pleasure (or just pain in the butt?) of not knowing his biological father, but shame? Life's too short for shame over something likes of a great kid.
Thank you for sharing something so personal Dana.
Why the shame? Was he married or is it that you feel shame of having a one night stand? There is no shame is choosing to have your baby, that is something to be proud of!
Karen, Cam's dad died ... let see ... 3 (?) years ago. Unfortunately, he never took much of an interest in Cam - he had other children ans focused his attention there.
Thembi, shame because this isn't how one is "supposed" to start a family. It certainly wasn't what my family expected!
Rage, I hope, if nothing else, my Sunday secrets let others know they aren't alone.
Snugs, Ohhh ... you are so transparent! It would be so much easier if I didn't know who you were! The answer to your question (that really wasn't a question) has been addressed previously in this blog. Nice try though!
hmmm, knowing who I am does not affect the answer now does it?
I see you comment on blogs we mutually read and if Cam is half as introspective as you are that alone is a gift to the rest of us breathing the same air as you.
It is what it is, but Cam is who he is, and that's the most important thing. Cheers Dana!!
Now that time has passed I'm sure you can look at what you have and see the circumstances as a gift. Could you imagine Cam and your life with him any other way?
Snugs, knowing who you are - and what you already know - affects if I choose to answer a question that has already been answered in this blog - it does not change the answer. You can always read the archives!
Hope, that was an amazing compliment - thank you!
Matt-Man, no doubt about that! Any way, any how - Cam was worth any shame, sadness, difficulty, etc.
Knight, absolutely a gift! The shame is not in Cam - the shame is within me.
Dana,
I have a 19year old son, whom I love and would never change any thing that has made us who we are today. I assume that his father is my ex-boyfriend, according to the timing, but I cheated on him twice. We broke up after about a month and then I found out I was pregnant. I made the decision to do this on my own (we were only 16-17) and did until my wonderful knight came into the picture 12 years ago. He is our son's dad, he has never wanted to make contact with his biological father, so I doubt that testing will ever come into play(but he does look exactly like my ex). He lives a town over from us, married with two little girls and not having a son my biggest fear is some day he may knock on my door.
xoxo
ACK! Bio classes are haunting me...
YAY gel electrophoresis!
Blessings hide in unexpacted places...
It seems you and I read a lot of the same people, yet I have never spent much time here... that is about to change!
yeah...but it is better to know for sure...all things considered.
your son has a good mama.
Dana:
To be honest, some folks consider having a child outside of marriage a mistake.
To me, having children is never a mistake, but a blessing.
Here's to the blessing you were awarded 12 years ago!
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