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It's been one heck of a week. I have been drowning in school issues surrounding Cam. Not only did I have issues with the homework website and Cam's math teacher, but those resulted in me receiving the following email from the principal:
Anyone want to guess how well that went over? If you guessed, "Like a turd in a punchbowl" you'd be right! You want involved parents, but you won't let me correspond/contact the teachers directly? You've got to be kidding. Off to the school I went.
The good news is that within 45 minutes the issue was resolved. In other words, I will be corresponding/contacting the teachers directly. The bad news is that I made the math teacher cry - apparently several times and over a period of 3 days - because she felt I was questioning her professionalism and integrity. She was right! I was!
This came down to my lack of warm-fuzzy communication. As I told the principal, I communicate directly so that I can resolve issues and move forward. I don't have time to make sure no one's feelings get hurt. Doing the warm-fuzzy thing just muddles the communications.
I was told I should consider trying harder to be nice. I responded that the Math teacher should consider trying to grow a thicker skin. I heard a lot about it being an uneven playing field - parents can question the actions/abilities of teacher but teachers cannot question the actions/abilities of parents. I agree. That is the case. It's what happens when you choose to go into any service type industry whether that be working in retail or being a teacher. I have empathy, but it doesn't change anything.
Husband switched from drama-free to drama-inducing this week. He called me Sunday night and just let into me about finances. Seemed overly concerned about how my "uncontrollable spending" (i.e. his refusal to contribute to BASIC household expenses) might require him to pay off my debt. I really wanted to hang up on him right after explaining that marriage meant it wasn't his debt and my debt, but rather our debt and he should have considered that when he was telling me he could have helped but felt he needed to teach me a lesson. Instead, I sat there quietly and repeated, "I am taking care of my finances. You need not be concerned."
I did call him back about 30 minutes later to ask if something happened that I needed to be aware of. Did a creditor show up at the door? Had someone called? He explained that he was under a great deal of stress and his actions had NOTHING to do with me. He then told me he thought to himself, "Wow! I was really being a dick!" about 10 seconds after he hung up the phone. I told him that I was thinking that about 10 seconds into the conversation.
Umm ... hello? Did it ever dawn on you that might be a problem you needed to work on? Personally, I think he now has no one to dump on like he had when Cam and I were living in the house and that is EXACTLY why he called and dumped on me. It was a gentle reminder - at a perfect time - as to why I left.
I'm off to another church conference with Cam this weekend. You might remember
the Birds, Bees and Purity post from this time last year. This is the second conference in that series - this year dealing with manners and modesty. It starts tonight with a "formal" (i.e. Cam has to wear a tie) dinner at which I will be Cam's "date". He will learn about taking his date's coat, pulling out her chair, etc. Cam should do exceptionally well in this portion of the conference. I am, after all, the manners maniac.
I am really looking forward to the modesty portion of this conference, especially since I have one of those low pants wearing, walk like a penguin to keep them from falling completely off, kids. When he is with me, Cam knows I better not see his underwear hanging out of his jeans. He can wear his pants low, but he better have a shirt long enough to cover what should be covered by his pants. I have no doubt this requirement is overlooked when I am not within screaming distance.
I also have pretty significant issues with modesty of middle school girls. Seriously, have you seen some of the stuff the 12-14 year old crowd is wearing? Padded and push-up bras, cleavage bearing tops, bare midriffs, jeans so low the red lace thong hangs out like a whale tail when they sit down. I'm so glad I don't have a girl!
Anyway, there will be a fashion show - kind of a DO's and DON'T's, if you will, with the adults wearing over-exaggerated versions of inappropriate middle school dress, and actual middle schoolers wearing a more modest version of the same outfit. Should prove to be quite interesting!
Don't forget I've got the Project 365 blog - Dana Does Digital. I post a picture a day, a quote and a little blurb about the events that led up to the picture. It's kind of like a Facebook status update blog style. Here is yesterday's photo:
From now on, I would prefer that any correspondence with the core teachers come through me. I will make sure your concerns are brought to the teachers attention in a timely fashion and that the teacher responds to the concerns through me. Hopefully this will help eliminate some of the tension that is occurring. This would only apply to the core teachers. Feel free to e-mail [the vice principal], [the social worker], or [Cam’s special education case worker] and continue to cc me when you e-mail them.
Anyone want to guess how well that went over? If you guessed, "Like a turd in a punchbowl" you'd be right! You want involved parents, but you won't let me correspond/contact the teachers directly? You've got to be kidding. Off to the school I went.
The good news is that within 45 minutes the issue was resolved. In other words, I will be corresponding/contacting the teachers directly. The bad news is that I made the math teacher cry - apparently several times and over a period of 3 days - because she felt I was questioning her professionalism and integrity. She was right! I was!
This came down to my lack of warm-fuzzy communication. As I told the principal, I communicate directly so that I can resolve issues and move forward. I don't have time to make sure no one's feelings get hurt. Doing the warm-fuzzy thing just muddles the communications.
I was told I should consider trying harder to be nice. I responded that the Math teacher should consider trying to grow a thicker skin. I heard a lot about it being an uneven playing field - parents can question the actions/abilities of teacher but teachers cannot question the actions/abilities of parents. I agree. That is the case. It's what happens when you choose to go into any service type industry whether that be working in retail or being a teacher. I have empathy, but it doesn't change anything.
~*~
Husband switched from drama-free to drama-inducing this week. He called me Sunday night and just let into me about finances. Seemed overly concerned about how my "uncontrollable spending" (i.e. his refusal to contribute to BASIC household expenses) might require him to pay off my debt. I really wanted to hang up on him right after explaining that marriage meant it wasn't his debt and my debt, but rather our debt and he should have considered that when he was telling me he could have helped but felt he needed to teach me a lesson. Instead, I sat there quietly and repeated, "I am taking care of my finances. You need not be concerned."
I did call him back about 30 minutes later to ask if something happened that I needed to be aware of. Did a creditor show up at the door? Had someone called? He explained that he was under a great deal of stress and his actions had NOTHING to do with me. He then told me he thought to himself, "Wow! I was really being a dick!" about 10 seconds after he hung up the phone. I told him that I was thinking that about 10 seconds into the conversation.
Umm ... hello? Did it ever dawn on you that might be a problem you needed to work on? Personally, I think he now has no one to dump on like he had when Cam and I were living in the house and that is EXACTLY why he called and dumped on me. It was a gentle reminder - at a perfect time - as to why I left.
~*~
I'm off to another church conference with Cam this weekend. You might remember
the Birds, Bees and Purity post from this time last year. This is the second conference in that series - this year dealing with manners and modesty. It starts tonight with a "formal" (i.e. Cam has to wear a tie) dinner at which I will be Cam's "date". He will learn about taking his date's coat, pulling out her chair, etc. Cam should do exceptionally well in this portion of the conference. I am, after all, the manners maniac.
I am really looking forward to the modesty portion of this conference, especially since I have one of those low pants wearing, walk like a penguin to keep them from falling completely off, kids. When he is with me, Cam knows I better not see his underwear hanging out of his jeans. He can wear his pants low, but he better have a shirt long enough to cover what should be covered by his pants. I have no doubt this requirement is overlooked when I am not within screaming distance.
I also have pretty significant issues with modesty of middle school girls. Seriously, have you seen some of the stuff the 12-14 year old crowd is wearing? Padded and push-up bras, cleavage bearing tops, bare midriffs, jeans so low the red lace thong hangs out like a whale tail when they sit down. I'm so glad I don't have a girl!
Anyway, there will be a fashion show - kind of a DO's and DON'T's, if you will, with the adults wearing over-exaggerated versions of inappropriate middle school dress, and actual middle schoolers wearing a more modest version of the same outfit. Should prove to be quite interesting!
~*~
Don't forget I've got the Project 365 blog - Dana Does Digital. I post a picture a day, a quote and a little blurb about the events that led up to the picture. It's kind of like a Facebook status update blog style. Here is yesterday's photo:
~*~*~
12 comments:
Interesting post Dana.
In every service industry I have worked in (retail, healthcare) both parties are responsible for their own actions.
Not only do I have certain standards but so does my patient and so do people shopping in the store.
It's kind of a give and take.
Just my thoughts.
Kim, don't get me wrong, I am responsible for my actions, but I would argue that in most service industries the motto "The customer is always right" is strongly adhered to - even when the customer is wrong. I left out many of the details of the exchange as it was a post in and of itself.
In a nutshell, I questioned the teacher on grading issues, was told I was mistaken - she didn't do what I was "accusing" her of doing, and between the time I brought the issues up (three separate occasions) and the time she responded, she made changes to the grading website (three separate occasions).
Fortunately, after the first instance I took screen shots of the grading website before and after the email exchange so had documentation of what was happening, and I called her on it. She took offense to my questions and claimed I was "attacking" her. At no time did I use profanities or even questionable language, but I did call her on her actions.
As a parent, I have a responsibility to oversee my son's education and to insure *he* is given a level playing field. And that is what I did.
Two things I'm really grateful for in this day and age are 1) I don't have kids and 2) I'm not a school teacher.
Maybe some of those middle school girls wouldn't dress that way if their middle aged mothers didn't dress that way also.
ok just for fun if you did not see American Idol this week you have to google or watch on you tube "general larry platt pants on the ground" trust me...it is hilarious!! Show it to Cam too!!
I was in sales, as my father before me.. I can get along with anyone- once I figure them out. Debating with me is like pissing in a tornado- I do not lose my temper, nor do I get side tracked from the mission. I gather facts, not opinions. I separate truth from heresay. Teachers fall into two large broad sweeping groups- They care about the job they do, or they don't. When I moved to my home, it was for the sole purpose of being in a school district with a high reputation. Best thing I ever did!
The only positive thing (for you) that I can see when sending a copy of the e-mail to the vice-principal too, is that he/she will know when a parent has concerns. If not, they may never know there was a complaint. This also may well be one reason she was crying.
The conference sounds really great. I wish there was something similar here.
My daughter wears a nun habit and I think we plan on enforcing that through her 30's. LOL
(I wish....)
I'm glad you stood your ground on the emailing situation and that it was worked out in the end.
This came down to my lack of warm-fuzzy communication. - well there is something I never saw coming *wink* :p - Have a great weekend Dana!
I don't think parent or student is a "customer" of the school. MAYBE in a private school (even that is a stretch), but certainly not in a public school. I don't see that analogy relating.
I am glad you resolved your issues. I generally lead my life by the "you catch more bees with honey" motto, but there are times when need to blunt.
As a mother of 6 I totally get this. Our middle school sucks, you can tell it as soon as you hit the door. The majority of the staff is unprofessional and uncaring so I am constantly calling the teachers on their crap. They love to refer me to the school website when I have questions but then the website is months behind??? I agree they say they want you involved but what I think they really mean is involved when they want you to be. This is not your first time blogging about issues w your school...you're out of there soon right? Anyways, Good Luck...be respectful but by all means don't stop speaking your mind.
As a mother of 6 I totally get this. Our middle school sucks, you can tell it as soon as you hit the door. The majority of the staff is unprofessional and uncaring so I am constantly calling the teachers on their crap. They love to refer me to the school website when I have questions but then the website is months behind??? I agree they say they want you involved but what I think they really mean is involved when they want you to be. This is not your first time blogging about issues w your school...you're out of there soon right? Anyways, Good Luck...be respectful but by all means don't stop speaking your mind.
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