A Shot of Mommy Wants Vodka

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I don't know how many of you read mommy bloggers. Quite frankly, I find most of them to be ... well ... dull. But there is one exception - Aunt Becky from Mommy Wants Vodka. Aunt Becky is actually my neighbor. Shush! 30 miles is still a neighbor when you live in the puckies! She's smart, she's funny and she is probably pretty pissed that I lumped her in with mommy bloggers even though she's what I consider an "altered" mommy blogger. Maybe it's the vodka?

So, she's been doing all sorts of cool stuff on the internets lately. In addition to her blog, she now has a group on Savvy Source (Aunt Becky's Band of Merry Pranksters). I've not had the best of luck with online mommy groups, primarily because they all want you to believe that they never force their kids to eat cold macaroni & cheese and hot dogs right out of the package for dinner. In other words, they all want you to believe they are perfect. Aunt Becky brings reality back to mommy-dom ... and I love her for it.

I'm babbling again, aren't I? Focus ... fucus ...

Aunt Becky is having this contest and one of the demands things that will get you an entry is completing her little personal interview. Although I'd love to win the $50 Amazon.com gift card, I'm actually doing the interview because her questions were friggin' hilarious. You don't believe me? Cross my heart, hope to die ... you know the rest ...

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1) Dave and I have a long-standing feud over cheese in a can. He thinks it’s food of The Gods while I think it’s probably Of The Devil. Your take?

What's that you say? You think in order for cheese to qualify as food it must require refrigeration and have the ability to grow mold? Pfffttt! Cheese in a can is a delicacy and is best served on fried SPAM - especially if you use the decorative tip and make little cheese flowers.

2) Is there any way you can think of to make the elder Gosselins go away? I AM ALL EARS.

Ahhh John & Kate ...

I say we (well, not ME, but all of you wackos that watched the damn show) created this monster. Your punishment is to live with the elder Gosselin's until their children turn 18, or until you learn to turn off reality TV!

3) Who is your ridiculous “I can’t admit this to anyone in polite company lest I be banned from life” crush?

I am not one to have celebrity crushes. Hell, I can't even put a name to the face of most of today's celebrities. I'm lame like that. But I have ALWAYS had a thing for this man:

I wouldn't even tell him to pull his pants up. Instead, I'd just pull them the rest of the way down!

4) If you could fuck it all and pursue your dream (assuming, of course, you were going to be GOOD at it), what would that dream be?

OK ... I know this might surprise some of you, but I would be a long-haul truck driver. Seriously. And this has absolutely nothing to do with my other “I can’t admit this to anyone in polite company lest I be banned from life” crush Lisa on Ice Road Truckers. I had the dream first damn it!

Imagine ... me driving a semi, Cam riding shotgun. I could home school him at truck stops from coast to coast. Geography would be his specialty.

I'd even know enough about my truck that I could fix it myself rather than having to look all cute and everything, parked on the side of the road, hoping the "manly" truckers would stop and help me. And no! It has nothing to do with the fact that I couldn't look cute if I tried! And no! I'm not jealous bitter! *grumble*

5) They say “living well is the best revenge.” I think they are wrong. Do you?

I think it depends on how you define "living well." If that means heading down to the pawn shop to pick up a shotgun, then off to WalMart for some ammunition. Well? They might be right!

6) What is the most humiliation you’ve experienced in public that you’d be willing to admit to The Internet?

I've got 45 years of humiliation, most of which the internet already knows because that's how I play the blogging game.

There was the time I made a heart shaped cake for my parents on Valentine's Day and, due to limited decorating space, wrote "Happy VD" on the top.

Or the time we were on a family vacation, traveling through the Grand Canyon making a stop at a crowded observation point and when I got out of the truck I announced (very loudly), "It's so hot I could ejaculate!"

Or maybe you find poop funny? Growing up in the Seattle area it wasn't unusual to find myself at the waterfront. One particular time when my mom and I were out and about a seagull took a dump on my head. My mother - the compassionate woman that she is - pointed at me and through uncontrollable laughter said, "I always knew you were a shit head!"

Is it any wonder I grew up into the fabulous person I am today??

7) Are you honest with The Internet? Like, if I came over to your house tonight (heh)(I’m coming over, yo)(heh) would I be surprised at who I found?

As you know, you *could* come over tonight being that we are neighbors and all, and you would find EXACTLY what you'd expect to find - I know that might terrify disappoint you!

8 ) If you could have one talent that you don’t currently possess, what would it be?

I'd like the talent of enjoying exercise. It has to be a talent, right?? I mean I've never seen a marathon runner with a smile on their face until after the race is over! That right there is talent!

9) There’s not always room for Jello. Is there?

Only if it's in a kiddie pool with half-nekkid women ... or in a shot glass!

10) What’s your guiltiest of the guilty pleasures?

Sushi. I know ... I know ... not very extravagant, but I love sushi and since I can't convince Cam that raw fish is a good thing, it's an event that allows me to go all by myself, drink Japanese beer, and fill up to the gills with raw fish! Nom - nom - nom!

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