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If you've been following me for a while you know that weight is ... well ... a weighty issue for me. My relationship with food is so far off the "normal meter" it isn't funny. I know that, and I don't like it, but as of yet I haven't figured out how to change it.
I have eluded to the fact that I recently regained my significant weight loss from two years ago and am now back into that 16/18 I was so sure I'd never see again.
Like most people, I'd like to be accepted (i.e. acceptable to society, acceptable to myself) no matter how big or small I am. I guess it's no surprise that I found hope in a recent CNN.com article titled Will 2010 be the 'year of plus'?
There was a lot of attention when Glamour published pictures of naked "plus sized" models. So much so that it appears V Magazine, a "forward thinking" (GAHHH! I hate that phrase) high-fashion magazine recently did it's own tribute to curvy women - the "SIZE" issue.
These are some amazingly gorgeous women!
These "plus-sized" models are all a size 12. In a country where the average size for a woman is a 14, I have to wonder just how "plus" they are, but setting that aside, they are most definitely not the traditional women we see in high-fashion editorial spreads, and that is good, right?
As much as I am frustrated with a society that I believe is preoccupied with - and judgmental of -fat overweight women, why is it that I look at the above photo and think, "She looks beautiful on the left with her fat rolls covered up, but that picture on the right? Acckk!"
When I look at the photo on the left, the first thing I see is a beautiful face, a woman who exudes sensuality and self-confidence.
I'm embarrassed to admit that when I look at the photo on the right, the first thing I see are fat rolls.
Here I am complaining that, at my current weight, I'm not acceptable tomyself society and yet I am perpetuating the problem.
I debated closing comments for this post. There will be those who believe I've written this post in an attempt to generate compliments. I'm not sure I want to hear their negativity - it just adds to my own - and it couldn't be further from the truth.
What I want to hear is how those of you who DON'T think this way came to that place of self-acceptance. How do I change those strongly held convictions that no matter how "good" I might be on the inside, it's the outside that really matters?
I have eluded to the fact that I recently regained my significant weight loss from two years ago and am now back into that 16/18 I was so sure I'd never see again.
Like most people, I'd like to be accepted (i.e. acceptable to society, acceptable to myself) no matter how big or small I am. I guess it's no surprise that I found hope in a recent CNN.com article titled Will 2010 be the 'year of plus'?
There was a lot of attention when Glamour published pictures of naked "plus sized" models. So much so that it appears V Magazine, a "forward thinking" (GAHHH! I hate that phrase) high-fashion magazine recently did it's own tribute to curvy women - the "SIZE" issue.
These are some amazingly gorgeous women!
These "plus-sized" models are all a size 12. In a country where the average size for a woman is a 14, I have to wonder just how "plus" they are, but setting that aside, they are most definitely not the traditional women we see in high-fashion editorial spreads, and that is good, right?
As much as I am frustrated with a society that I believe is preoccupied with - and judgmental of -
When I look at the photo on the left, the first thing I see is a beautiful face, a woman who exudes sensuality and self-confidence.
I'm embarrassed to admit that when I look at the photo on the right, the first thing I see are fat rolls.
Here I am complaining that, at my current weight, I'm not acceptable to
I debated closing comments for this post. There will be those who believe I've written this post in an attempt to generate compliments. I'm not sure I want to hear their negativity - it just adds to my own - and it couldn't be further from the truth.
What I want to hear is how those of you who DON'T think this way came to that place of self-acceptance. How do I change those strongly held convictions that no matter how "good" I might be on the inside, it's the outside that really matters?
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31 comments:
I see the same as you. At 50, when I look back on my life, I was fat as a child, lost all the extra in my mid twenties, and have gained & lost all thru the years. I think once we have been overweight we always see ourselves as fat.
I hate to tell you, but even if you get to a weight that people consider to be thin, you are still conscious of every pound, and a lack of a flat belly. Or I am, anyway. We can't get away from the media's portrayal of acceptable. I'm extremely offended by the idea that a 12 is plus-sized. I was a 14 before I lost weight, and I never considered myself to be in that category. However, I love the ads because they are a start. If they could become at least as common as the ads with stick thin boy-bodied girls, it would be nice.
So, I guess I didn't give you what you wanted, but my point is that self-acceptance is tricky for some of us. There will always be something we don't like about ourselves, because we feel like the inability to achieve perfection is a character flaw. "If only I tried harder..."
And, hi :-)
Said it before and will say it again... no toothpicks for me. I like the curves!
Now as a far as American Society and what the media portrays well that is so out of whack it isn't even funny. Airbrushing and all the fake in the fashion world does nothing but cause issues for women's self esteem.
...loooves me some women Rubenesque...
Wow. Those are some beautiful women, and it pisses me off that they are called "plus size".
I was a a size 3 for many, many years. I never believed anyone when they said "once you hit 40, you'll gain weight". Well, now I'm a size 6, and sometimes a size 8. I feel fat. I feel unatractive, but honestly, I have always felt that way. I don't remember a time when I was happy with my body. I have no idea why. I look at other women and think "Wow. She's so pretty!" and then I think, "but her body is just like mine, how come I'M not that pretty?"
I guess I am the WRONG person to ask!!!
A size 12 for plus-size models isn't all that different than less-than-zero stick thin for "normal" models. It is all bad for women, IMO. I honestly believe men like some weight on a woman, like the men who have posted here before me. I'm not always happy about the weight I am at - like Bina, I am considered slender, but when you feel fat, you feel fat. That part of it doesn't change with your size, right? So a heavier woman will say something like, "Oh, if only I could BE a size 8."
Sometimes I think we women are our own worst enemies. I am more conscious of my figure around women than men and that's the honest truth.
Wow, Dana. A subject near and dear to my heart. HA! I'm fat; not overweight, fat. Since adulthood, my weight has been as low as 108 (hello anorexia/bulimia) up to my current high.
I've always liked myself just fine, no matter where I've been weight-wise; back in the obsessive days of weight loss, I had a lot more going on than just weight and, surprisingly enough, the part of my life where I weighed the least was also my unhappiest, most unsettled time. The thing is, though, no matter how accepting I am of myself, there are always going to be other people who WANT you to feel bad about yourself. If you're susceptible to that type of thing, it can really mess with ya. My personal attitude is, if someone doesn't like the way I look, they should refrain from looking at me; and, if I want their opinion on something--and I usually don't--I will ask.
Right now I'm trying to lose some weight for health reasons and because I'm not getting any younger. Whatever I lose or don't lose, though, is my business and nobody else's...but, I am well aware that this attitude is not the one that society thinks I should have. I say eff 'em; I'll do what I want, when I want...or not.
But that's just me.
What I want to know, is why did they insist on dressing the "plus" models in the tightest, shortest, shiniest, cheapest-looking clothing possible? Those types of clothing are rarely flattering on even the thinnest of models--so they squeeze the plus models into it and say it's a statement of acceptance? Bullshit.
They said it better here: http://projectrungay.blogspot.com/2010/01/curves-ahead.html
And an example of a better representation (using one of the same models): http://projectrungay.blogspot.com/2010/01/crystal-renn-for-elle-canada.html
I wrote a huge and thoughtful post and blogger ate it.
To summarize, it is womanly to boobs and an ass. You have to feel sexy and good about yourself no matter what the world says.
Bette, but you are supposed to have the answers! Here is what is odd though, I know a handful of people who have battled with their weight but NOT there self-image. There is some trick to it all.
Biscuit, WooHoo! Look who stopped by!
I know you are right about being thin and remaining preoccupied. I found that out after my weight loss two years ago. I was looking at pictures and couldn't believe that I looked that much better than I do now and still hated what I saw in the mirror.
because we feel like the inability to achieve perfection is a character flaw. "If only I tried harder..."
This is so on target (and destructive) for me - eerily so!
Doc, what's interesting is that I believe this is true for most men, yet I can't seem to translate that into "I am sexy, sensual, etc." It's a disconnect between logic and emotions.
Tough issue. I'm on the weight yo-yo too, currently (hopefully) at a local peak. All due to poor eating habits/choices.
The models you show are all gorgeous. For the most part they are all well proportioned, good skin, nice hair, yada, yada, yada. (that gray swimsuit is just an unflattering choice, possibly made to accentuate the models perceived flaws?)
I don't like looking at myself in a mirror. I'm not happy with how I look TO ME. I can, however, accept how I am and accept my responsibility for it. Then I can decide if I want to do something about it (I am, again) or not. I just want to get back to the point where my weight isn't having a negative impact on my health. I don't know if that is right for everyone, but I want it to work for me.
None of that reflects on my "inner goodness" either. I can be just as honest, moral, ethical, hard working, or NOT, regardless of my pants size.
Whew!
Personally, I do not get on scales...I can tell where I am by just putting on my pants...
There are weeks I ugh and zip up and go and feel uncomfortable all day...then there are weeks I slide in and feel good, though I am still probably over the "target weight" that some doctors decided I should be for my height
I think this is an across-gender issue except in the magazines and ads...
If we feel good to us - screw the rest of them
I'm not going to be any help today (or any other day, for that matter, probably! LOL). At 5 foot 9, I weighed 108 lbs when I got married and that was up 3 lbs from college. After 2 c-sections, I'm now 128, but feel fat. The Evil Twin likes me with a tummy. I don't. I don't think any amount of sit ups will put my abs back to pre-c-section flatness. To be honest, I rarely leave the house without a corset or garter on. It's really sad when I type it out like that.
It doesn't really matter what "society" thinks, it's all about self-acceptance. But, you knew that already.
Also .. and what the hell, lets start a war here ... there wouldn't be this problem with "society" acceptance if women weren't at war with women. We like to ignore it, but the fact of the matter is, this image of the stick figure woman being "perfect" and what everyone should be aiming to be is being pushed mostly by women. Also, acceptance is a two-way street. If "plus" sized women want acceptance, especially from size 2 women, they need to quit calling size 2 women "anorexic freaks" and stuff like that. And vice versa.
But, if you look around town, or go to Walmart, you will see that real people actually prefer, uh, real people. This is why homemade amateur porn rules online. People prefer to see "real" people.
As for being sexy, that mostly comes from personality rather than looks. A woman can be drop dead beautiful, but if she's stupid or doesn't have a sense of humor or is rude, then she's not sexy.
Phfrankie Bondo, *grin*
Bina. ummmm ... yeah ... that wasn't helpful at all!! *wink*
A piece of news, agreed, fat isn't just a number, it's an attitude. And yes, we women are our worst enemies often cutting each other down rather than building each other up. And yes, I did just that in my post!
kim-d, what I want to know is how you got that attitude. Has it just always been with you or is it something you've had to work on? And if you've had to work on it, just what did that entail.
Ms. Inconspicuous, excellent point and wonderful references. I had not even considered that there might be another side to this that really wasn't glorifying the plus-sized woman, but it's hard to discount the arguments you posted.
Karen, you might have to regurgitate what blogger ate! If I had to explain the way that I want to feel about myself - the way that I want to be perceived - I'd have used YOU as an example. I've always admired (and been a little envious) of your attitude!
Brian, I accept responsibility for my physical appearance and am traveling much the same path as you (trying to make healthier choices but getting away from the slavery to the numbers). Maybe this is the key?
Bond, I don't currently have a scale and I'm starting to think that isn't necessarily a bad thing!
Evil Twin's Wife, yeah ... you were about as much help as Bina! Actually, in a way it is validating to the idea that it isn't really about the numbers, but about the attitude. Now if someone can just find that attitude adjusting magic fairy dust all will be well!
Jay, I agree, this isn't about society (it REALLY isn't) but about self-perception. And you'll get no argument from me on the aspect of women perpetuating the unreasonable standard. Hell, I admitted to it in the post! And in all honesty, how am I going to accept that I'm OK (and sexy and sensual) if I don't change my attitude about others?
You know what's really odd? I'd NEVER be so critical of someone I know, but give me a little bit of anonymity and WHAM! There I am! Part of the problem.
I'm working on it ...
I am not a fan of the toothpick, heroin model look. You ladies may not like your bodies. But us men love them. A couple extra pounds! That's just more woman to love. Stop driving yourselfs nuts over a few extra pounds. Real men love real women.
Oh I so know how you feel. My weight is something I think about EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. of my life. It is to the point of obsession. Now, I am trying to work on it and I have recently lost about 25 lbs, but I am also so sick and tired of thinking about it all the time...ugh.
Other than to say that we are too mean to ourselves, I didn't answer your question. There are too many variables for a one-size-fits-all answer to this (pun intended).
Could it start with not being critical of others? Stop being critical of yourself and go for a walk. For me, it is physical activity that helps me live in the body I have. To be at the weight I feel best and to eat 100% of whatever I want, I know I need to walk 6 miles a day seven days a week. It sounds extreme and how do you do it...that's a whole other topic.
I can't always walk 6 miles a day every week, so I take what I get and figure that my body evens it out for me and that's where I am.
Thing is, I bet that approach won't work for everyone.
The reason that they're considered plus size models is because they are...for models. Considering the "normal" model size is much smaller than that, I can see it. But you're right, by no means is a size 12 plus to many of us.
As far as answering the question, I don't know that I have any good advice. I think women especially are trained to hate their bodies no matter what the size. And that sucks, it really does. I feel like I've always been accepting of who I am, I very early on decided that I like me as I am. It made the awkward teen years much less torturous. :)
To answer your question, the way I view myself and my weight, as well as anything else about the outer me, is just always the way it's been for me. My whole life, I have had people pointing out all of the things that I needed to change to make THEM happier with me. As far back as I can remember, my thought whenever anybody would start in on something was that they were wrong, and it was a little amusing to me...because I haven't found anybody yet who is qualified to take my inventory.
That being said, there is society. And, yes, especially other women. This is NOT a boo-hoo, poor-me statement, but I truly think that, now that there aren't as many smokers left for society to harp on, now it's the fatties. Who's next, I wonder? I mean, really, when there are people who sell and buy the skinny-from-heroin-look...that's just stupid. And why would I take seriously the opinion of anyone who thinks that way.
Yet, I am a member of society. Specifically, a 53-year-old woman who will be trying to be hired for a good job. I truly don't think there will be many interviewers who will look past my weight. Add in my age? I'm really going to have to ramp up my sparkling personality and just hope someone might get scared I'll sue 'em, and hire me. HA! Sort of.
I wish there was no reason for me to think that way. But there is, and I know it, so I'll deal with it. But are the people who think I am worthless because I'm fat right? No. Never. And I will not let ANYBODY try to sell me THEIR warped view of me.
Yup, I fear I was born this way. :)
Can't help you, I feel the same way. I also think you are pretty hot though. Just saying!
Aren't we all, at least at some point, guilty of doing something that we loathe in others?
For instance, I like to point to others how big of an asshole they are and yet, I am one myself. Cheers Dana!!
I'm right there with you. I noticed the fat rolls, too when I saw the pic.
What to do with ourselves? I wish I had the answer. But it's just so hard to love imperfection.
Are you ladies freaking on this weight thing because of what you think men want?
I think that even a "skinny" model would look bad in that gray swimsuit. It's a pretty fugly one.
And, if it WAS a skinner model, the pose would have given her a crease as well. But you would not have seen it, because they would have airbrushed them out.
I wrote about these photos, and have dubbed these models and any "plus-sized" model as being The Perfect Fat. Perfectly proportioned, albeit larger than most models and some average women. Most actual plus-sized women don't look like that.
My beef being....these are the women that are supposed to be changing society's perception? These are the women who model the clothes that my rotund body is trying to buy? (and buy *online only* I might add). It's a bit of a slap in the face.
Also, try telling Lane Bryant that plus-size starts at 12. 9 out of 10 salesladies there will laugh your ass right back out of the store.
Of course, on the other side of this coin....even tho these ladies are pretty similar in body to Marilyn Monroe who was once a bastion of beauty and fashion....people in general would not want to see fatter women as models. Over the past 5 decades it has been burned into our psyche's that flaws and imperfections should be covered up and hidden and potioned-lotioned-machined-off.
Full grown, womanly, rubenesque or whatever you want to call it...I like it!!
They are gorgeous. Hell, I am fat but I like myself. I want to lose some weight but I don't let it affect how sexy I am. It's all about how you perceive you!
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