~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Manners. What has happened to them? Have we, as a society, really become so self-centered that we've forgotten that all of our actions impact others? Has common courtesy become something not very common?I used to take the train into the city every morning, 5 days a week. It wasn't unusual to see a very pregnant woman, or an elderly passenger, holding on for dear life and struggling to stand as the train lurched forward and haltingly stopped at each station. Just as common a sight was that of passengers sitting in the seats that are designated for the elderly, disabled, and other people who need to sit, listening to iPods, typing on their laptops, so completely self-absorbed in what they are doing they don't even notice the protruding belly, or aging hands standing right in front of them.
We seem to be so concerned regarding blog etiquette, texting etiquette, email etiquette - that we've forgotten to address some of the old fashioned manners that our parents (hopefully) taught us. Those manners that deal with people rather than things. Those manners that follow what appears to be the long-forgotten Golden Rule. How many of us are using basic manners and actually teaching them to our children?
Thank-you notes
How exciting is it to get something in the mail other than advertising fliers and bills? And just how special do you feel when someone goes out of their way to actually hand write a thank-you? (EDIT: I think there is an exemption for Bloggers who publicly display their thanks on their blog)
In these times of text messaging and email, paper correspondence is somewhat of a lost art. Sure, sending a thank-you email is better than no acknowledgement, but it’s that taking of time that really shows our appreciation. Taking the time to find a piece of stationary or a card. Taking the time to write the words in one's best penmanship. Taking the time to find a stamp and walk to the mailbox. It likely amounts to no more than 10 minutes, but it's 10 minutes that makes a huge impression.
Holding doors
This isn't a chivalry thing either - women need to pay attention too! When I am opening a door, and I see someone near, I hold the door until they are able to get there. Holding a door shows that we’re paying attention to what’s going on around us and that we care about others even if they’re a complete stranger. Not only that, it's just plain nice. Ever have a really crappy morning and have someone then let a door close on you as you are walking into 7-11 to get your coffee?? It's just the icing on the cake! But what happens if you've had a crappy morning and a stranger goes out of their way to do something - no matter how small - simply out of kindness?
Elevators
How many times have you been on and elevator, the doors open and a crowd of people waiting to get on rushes toward you, making it next to impossible to get out? What is the big hurry? When you summon an elevator, stand back from the door so that those getting off the elevator can actually do that. In fact, waiting until everyone exits - whether it is an elevator, a restaurant or a dressing room - is always the best practice!
Telephones
Remember when our greatest concern with the phone was getting a message right for our parents and how far we could stretch the phone cord if it was a call for us? Now we must deal with obnoxious ringtones, picking up calls in public places and forcing innocent bystanders to listen to "private" conversations.
Why can't we just excuse ourselves and take that phone call in a private place? And if we're not in a place where privacy is available, why can't we keep the conversation brief and appropriate? Making plans is one thing, talking about the results of your colonoscopy is probably better left for a private conversation. Better yet, when did we all become so important that a phone call had to be answered immediately?
Please, thank you, and you’re welcome
How many of us heard, "What's the magic word?" while growing up? Using these simple words really does show our appreciation for what someone is about to do or has done for us. Most of us use "thank you" regularly, but have you noticed the lack of "please" and "you're welcome"? Why have those words become any less important than they were 30 years ago?
My son calls me the "Manner Maniac." I tell him that consideration and respect go a long way in leaving a great impression on others.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
30 comments:
Very good points. However, I bet I haven't sent any where NEAR the amount of Thank you notes I should have in my life. My mother never taught me to do that, and I guess I just don't even THINK about. I've tried to get better about it.
Everything else I pretty do. I've learned it in the south, cause it doesn't matter if someone wishes you were dead, they are going to damn sure be polite! LOL
LOL at Bina's comment. I would say that us southerners are more polite than others.
I stay on my girls about the things you mentioned. Basically it's about being aware of others and treating them the way you would like to be treated. It really is just that simple. :)
Thanks for bringing up the 'thank you' note thing. I'm awful at that! But you're right. It makes a wonderful statement!
This post is right on with my day. Not so much that it is good manners/common courtesey, but that we as people have become so self absorbed that no one 'sees' that person running for the elevator, or the pregnant lady standing while a more comfortable person sits.
I was always taught to send thank you notes and still do. My kids are old enough to scribble (sign) their names to the ones from them now. I did however have to teach my step daughter the importance of this kindness.
Yes ma'am/sir and no ma'am/sir are also promoted in my house. Is that just southern?
Now I know that you and I are related somehow!
I mean, I've gone out of my way to teach my kids the proper way to handle things.
The "Yes, Please" the "No, thank you", and of course, "Thank you"
Also writing the Thank You cards, and Holding open doors. Even waiting at the corners for crossing the street.
I've even taken the time before while at a fair to stand in the traffic to help an elderly lady cross!
Can you believe that I was honked at for helping her?
People now seem to think that only THEY matter, and everything else is just fluff.
I have to say, I intend to have my kids pay attention not only to how they get through their day, but to positively impact someone else's day as well!
Very well said Dana!
Amen to every last word of this post!
ASM and I are working diligently to teach them good manners with the faint hope that it is contagious.
And thank you for sharing :-)
I am huge on manners. I went to finishing school and it really made a life long impression on me.
Bina, I'm not so sure insincere politeness is the goal, but at least it's a start! *wink*
FF, I would say that (generally) southerners know how to bite their tongue better than others - I don't know that the intent is any better.
RLL, that is probably my one weak link in these as well. I'd say I'm at about a 60% success rate with that one.
Ambergail, ever feel invisible? Husband believes people are rude intentionally. I believe they are just so self-absorbed they aren't thinking.
Jormengrund, I think a bit of doing things for others could go a LONG way in changing the direction society is moving in. The hardest part though is doing them without the expectation that they will be done for you.
Hubman, I was very frustrated this morning when, within the scope of 5 minutes, someone let a door close on me, "exposed" me to the results of their gynecological exam and breezed right by me, without acknowledgment, while I held the door for them. I thought a reminder post might be more effective than a rant post!
AMEN and Amen, sister. I am guilty of some of these as are all of us. Thank YOU for the reminder to us all.
Very well said. I try to do all the above, and pass these traits on to the kid.
Train issue you brought up is a BIG sore spot for me. I try to avoid riding ours as it really steams me and I end up saying things aloud that embarrasses my son. lol.
Good post Dana. I starting noticing these trends a long time ago, although I never sent a thank you note [girly stuff] I certiainly have made many thank you calls and I don't do many elevators. I was taught all the polite things and I still practice them regularly. The phone annoys me the most, what IS wrong with people?
Karen, finishing school? I am quite impressed!
Apple, you know, life gets busy and once in a while we slip, but these days it's more of a catastrophic dive than a slip for most people.
Bball Mom, here in Chicago, the train/bus/el issue is COMPLETELY out of control. It just pisses me off!
I agree 100% with doing all of those things. I have always done my best to do those things and Ryno's mom and I make sure he does them as well. Cheers Dana!!
enjoyed your blog I was always taught manners what with Boarding school followed by the Airforce I was pretty well rounded by my late teens .
the youth of today don't seem to have those same values of etiquette
I'm from the South. We were born saying "yes ma'am" and "yes sir" and "please" and "thank you."
That, along with being taught not to call older people by their first name. Like anyone my parents generation I should call them Mr. or Mrs. whatevertheirlastnameis even now that I'm 40. But if they are my own age I can call them by their first name. Sometimes they still say that you should always call women who you are not friends Mrs (or Ms) whateverherlastnameis, especially in professional or formal settings.
And, men should always stand when a lady walks into the room, or when being introduced to a lady. I really can't stand to see a man just sit there like a lump when a lady walks in to a room and/or is being introduced to him. Stand the BLEEP up you ill-mannered jerk! (Some people say that strip clubs are exempt from this rule, but I've found that if you treat the strippers like ladies and are respectful you have a much better time with them.) haha ;-)
It's not as prevalent today though because my generation doesn't make their kids do that anymore. And they don't make them them say yes ma'am and yes sir to their teachers in school anymore either.
Excellent post and reminder!! My babyboy used to roll his eyes every time I reminded him 'to do' or 'be' or 'act' 'PROPER'....hummm, what a comcept. It's becoming a not so kind world. Don't give up the good firht tho babe....
WELL SAID!!!
I agree with everything you have to say. I try to teach my stepchildren manners as I was taught them. It seems as if so many people in this world these days were brought up without a manner taught to them though and that is so disappointing.
All good points. I hold doors open for people all the time. what really frosts my shorts is when someone will just walk through the door without a simple thanks. Like it's their God given right to have the door held for them. I always make a point to say loudly, "YOU'RE WELCOME!" when they do that.
AMEN!!! And all good points. I take manners very seriously and consider them VERY important. My children understand this. Hehe....
I know I love the thank you notes and have indulged in pretty stationery to make them more fun to write.
If it makes you feel better, I am constantly drilling PP and DB about them, so all is not lost.
And I always say Please and Thank You.
I'm old school... Hold doors open, say please, thank-you, and you're welcome, get up when a lady enters the room, etc. It has never, ever been proven to me that this is bad in any way. Polite requires no effort- just good training...
HOT BUTTON TOPIC!
I always send a thank you card and get frustrated when i learn Matt has not done so.
Door: I have a rule...if I think a person will be within 5 feet of the door if I let it close I stand there holding it...man or woman makes no difference
Elevators...you mention trains...same thing on trains...people pushing to get in while I am trying to get out...I used to lower my shoulder and just go for it like a running back toward the goal line and when those not allowing me to get off would complain I would stare them down and just say "learn manners"
I always got up on trains for elderly and visibly pregnant women...ALWAYS
Last one that you did not mention is mainly a city thing....as we drive on the right, you should walk on the right. Those people who are walking on the left side of the sidewalk...coming right at me..I hold my ground and when they growl, I simply state "we walk to the right in this country" and move on...
Micky, I hate cell phones! Yes, I have one, but I seldom ever use it!
Matt-Man, I knew you'd be a fellow Manners Maniac!
ausallblack, thanks for stopping by! Fortunately, I had a solid manner foundation before joining the Army. I sure did see some people struggle in that environment.
Jay, I would have been surprised to learn that you were anything other than a gentleman - especially to the strippers!
tt, not only do I teach my kids, but often reming their friends when it's clear they have either not been taught, or have forgotten what they've been taught.
Doomed, thank you!!
Rage, having good manners is likely the easiest and kindest thing we can do for thers.
Jeff, I've been known to do that on occasion as well!
Vixen, and yet another Manner Maniac *wink*
ASM, I am so concerned that writing - even a thank you note - is slowly being replaced by that evil texting shorthand I see so often.
Buff, old school is the best school!
Bond, of course! How could I forget trains and el doorways. Like you, I've had to fight my way out far too many times!
Agreed on every point.
the VERY best way to teach someone to send thank you notes is to give them a gift of thank you notes with a thoughtful gift - have them pre-addressed and stamped. trust me, the guilt factor kicks in with every gift they open. there is nothing like the real thing.
Post a Comment