Does Anyone Teach Them Any More?

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Manners. What has happened to them? Have we, as a society, really become so self-centered that we've forgotten that all of our actions impact others? Has common courtesy become something not very common?

I used to take the train into the city every morning, 5 days a week. It wasn't unusual to see a very pregnant woman, or an elderly passenger, holding on for dear life and struggling to stand as the train lurched forward and haltingly stopped at each station. Just as common a sight was that of passengers sitting in the seats that are designated for the elderly, disabled, and other people who need to sit, listening to iPods, typing on their laptops, so completely self-absorbed in what they are doing they don't even notice the protruding belly, or aging hands standing right in front of them.

We seem to be so concerned regarding blog etiquette, texting etiquette, email etiquette - that we've forgotten to address some of the old fashioned manners that our parents (hopefully) taught us. Those manners that deal with people rather than things. Those manners that follow what appears to be the long-forgotten Golden Rule. How many of us are using basic manners and actually teaching them to our children?

Thank-you notes
How exciting is it to get something in the mail other than advertising fliers and bills? And just how special do you feel when someone goes out of their way to actually hand write a thank-you? (EDIT: I think there is an exemption for Bloggers who publicly display their thanks on their blog)

In these times of text messaging and email, paper correspondence is somewhat of a lost art. Sure, sending a thank-you email is better than no acknowledgement, but it’s that taking of time that really shows our appreciation. Taking the time to find a piece of stationary or a card. Taking the time to write the words in one's best penmanship. Taking the time to find a stamp and walk to the mailbox. It likely amounts to no more than 10 minutes, but it's 10 minutes that makes a huge impression.

Holding doors
This isn't a chivalry thing either - women need to pay attention too! When I am opening a door, and I see someone near, I hold the door until they are able to get there. Holding a door shows that we’re paying attention to what’s going on around us and that we care about others even if they’re a complete stranger. Not only that, it's just plain nice. Ever have a really crappy morning and have someone then let a door close on you as you are walking into 7-11 to get your coffee?? It's just the icing on the cake! But what happens if you've had a crappy morning and a stranger goes out of their way to do something - no matter how small - simply out of kindness?

Elevators
How many times have you been on and elevator, the doors open and a crowd of people waiting to get on rushes toward you, making it next to impossible to get out? What is the big hurry? When you summon an elevator, stand back from the door so that those getting off the elevator can actually do that. In fact, waiting until everyone exits - whether it is an elevator, a restaurant or a dressing room - is always the best practice!

Telephones
Remember when our greatest concern with the phone was getting a message right for our parents and how far we could stretch the phone cord if it was a call for us? Now we must deal with obnoxious ringtones, picking up calls in public places and forcing innocent bystanders to listen to "private" conversations.

Why can't we just excuse ourselves and take that phone call in a private place? And if we're not in a place where privacy is available, why can't we keep the conversation brief and appropriate? Making plans is one thing, talking about the results of your colonoscopy is probably better left for a private conversation. Better yet, when did we all become so important that a phone call had to be answered immediately?

Please, thank you, and you’re welcome
How many of us heard, "What's the magic word?" while growing up? Using these simple words really does show our appreciation for what someone is about to do or has done for us. Most of us use "thank you" regularly, but have you noticed the lack of "please" and "you're welcome"? Why have those words become any less important than they were 30 years ago?

My son calls me the "Manner Maniac." I tell him that consideration and respect go a long way in leaving a great impression on others.

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