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Another week has come and gone, but there is still work to do today! I've made a couple of significant decisions this week. The first is to take complete control of Cam's health and education - eliminating husband (not Cam's bio-father) from the equation. I have allowed husband to dictate the direction (usually with my support) of both of these issues and I've seen minimal progress and great frustration in both Cam and husband. It's time for a change (I'm sounding like Obama - ACK!)
The second? After five years of fighting against medication to possibly assist Cam with some of the educational issues he has, I've decided to explore the option. I've tried everything else and am now to a point where I am seeing Cam's self-esteem plummet due to his performance and comfort level in school. Although I still have significant reservations (I am not a better living through chemistry person - I usually refuse antibiotics for goodness sakes!) , I know it's time to approach this from a medical standpoint.
The meeting I had with the 7th grade teaching team regarding Cam went fairly well. I tried to walk in with an open mind, but as I entered the door and saw five teachers, sitting in a circle in the middle of the class, I couldn't refrain from rolling my eyes and saying, "Oh great - I hate circle time."
I know my comments are fairly general and not inclusive of all teachers, but I have to wonder sometimes if they don't do some of these things as a show of power - an "I'm king of the hill" kind of thing. Let's be serious, adults do NOT have meetings in a circle time format. The school has conference rooms available (where the teachers have their meetings) with real tables and real chairs. Why aren't meetings with parents held in that environment?
Off on a tangent ... focus ... focus ...
I shared the independent educational evaluation results with the teachers and informed them of my decision to explore "medical intervention" for Cam. They suggested some informal "accommodations" that they are willing to put in place to aid Cam in performing up to his potential (he has an IQ in the superior range but is failing three of his classes, and getting D's in three others) and I asked for suggestions on what I could do at home to help them. It appeared we were on the same page.
That night, I get an email from the vice principal.
I respond with:
And she replied:
At this point, I'm losing my "ha-ha" and send another reply, copying all of the teachers who were present in the meeting and the principal:
Well, guess what? I have a meeting at 11AM today with the principal and vice principal. Seems my "challenge" may have earned me some in-school suspension. Anyone want to go with the "fruit doesn't fall far from the tree" comment?
The second? After five years of fighting against medication to possibly assist Cam with some of the educational issues he has, I've decided to explore the option. I've tried everything else and am now to a point where I am seeing Cam's self-esteem plummet due to his performance and comfort level in school. Although I still have significant reservations (I am not a better living through chemistry person - I usually refuse antibiotics for goodness sakes!) , I know it's time to approach this from a medical standpoint.
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The meeting I had with the 7th grade teaching team regarding Cam went fairly well. I tried to walk in with an open mind, but as I entered the door and saw five teachers, sitting in a circle in the middle of the class, I couldn't refrain from rolling my eyes and saying, "Oh great - I hate circle time."
I know my comments are fairly general and not inclusive of all teachers, but I have to wonder sometimes if they don't do some of these things as a show of power - an "I'm king of the hill" kind of thing. Let's be serious, adults do NOT have meetings in a circle time format. The school has conference rooms available (where the teachers have their meetings) with real tables and real chairs. Why aren't meetings with parents held in that environment?
Off on a tangent ... focus ... focus ...
I shared the independent educational evaluation results with the teachers and informed them of my decision to explore "medical intervention" for Cam. They suggested some informal "accommodations" that they are willing to put in place to aid Cam in performing up to his potential (he has an IQ in the superior range but is failing three of his classes, and getting D's in three others) and I asked for suggestions on what I could do at home to help them. It appeared we were on the same page.
That night, I get an email from the vice principal.
I was informed by Mr. R that he had called you when Cam received 4 tardies. Well, he is now at 6 total. The next tardy he receives will put him in ISS (in school suspension). Please talk to him about this over the weekend. I hope all is well with you. Have a nice holiday weekend.
I respond with:
In my conference with the 7th grade team, there was discussion surrounding informal accommodations for Cam. We all believe this will help with the focus and the tardies. I will talk to Cam, but I would also ask for a bit of "tolerance" while we implement the changes discussed today.
And she replied:
I will show Cam some tolerance, but what you need to understand is most of the 7th grade students have lockers in the same area and do not have trouble getting to class on time. I also observe Cam in the hallway walking as slowly as he possibly can. Four minutes is plenty of time for all of the students to get to class. I think you need to know where I stand on this. Have a good afternoon.
At this point, I'm losing my "ha-ha" and send another reply, copying all of the teachers who were present in the meeting and the principal:
I certainly understand where *you* stand on this, and I believe it is equally important that you know where *I* stand on this. I am in no way excusing his behavior, just asking for some consideration so that we can put some things into motion before giving him ISS for tardies.
I am, and always have been, supportive of school policies and procedures. I am not the type of parent that believes my child should be the exception, however I do believe that when a team of teachers and a parent agree to try some things to improve a situation, there should actually be time given to see if the situation improves. I will continue to talk to Cam about promptness and communicate the expectation that he will be to class on time.
Well, guess what? I have a meeting at 11AM today with the principal and vice principal. Seems my "challenge" may have earned me some in-school suspension. Anyone want to go with the "fruit doesn't fall far from the tree" comment?
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Pumpkin Farm, apple cider doughnuts and freshly roasted corn on the cob tomorrow. Looking to do a 15 mile bike ride on both Saturday and Sunday - we're expecting highs in the upper 70's! This is the some of the scenery I regularly encounter while riding - it's beautiful!
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26 comments:
Wow Dana, The hoops your jumping for Cam. Hats off!
The medication thing, I'm sure has been be easy for you to keep away from. I hate even taking asprin. Friends of mine were pressured into meds for their hyper kid and wow what a change. It just can't be the right way to go.
Make sure your late for that meeting. j/k
Enjoy your bike ride. Pretty area,and really flat too.
Oh, and I think you sound more like McCain for change. j/k
WOW they are sure challenging you. I hope everything get settled for your and cam's sake. I'll be thinking of you today....
Take care.
I don't dig meds either BUT sometimes they work. Knowing you'll have researched them thoroughly, you will do what's best.
Do you ride alone? I am scared to do that. Oh I ride around the block and stuff but to many freakos out there, not to mention idiots behind the wheel of a car.
LMAO @ Mickey.
I am so impressed with your commitment to Cam. He's so lucky to have you on his side in a day where so many parents just don't care. You're such a great mom!
Enjoy your weekend! I wish I was going with you! Sounds like fun!
Micky, I learned long ago that - no matter what they say - schools are looking out for their best interest. It is my responsibility as a parent to advocate for Cam while teaching him to advocate for himself. It can be an uphill battle at times!
jensmessystudio, they do challenge, and I do stand up to them. I think it's a dynamic they are not used to from parents.
Lu, I *do* ride alone! Husband purchased a bike but hasn't ridden it more than three times, and he's not physically capable of riding the distance/pace that I do. I wear my bike helmet, try to keep to roads less traveled (tractors are my biggest concern during the fall harvest) and I carry my cell phone and ID with me. I feel fairly safe.
Your passion for your son is great. There are lot of parents who cower and bow to teachers and administrators. You know what is best and I love that.
I sure admire your persistence - if every kid had you for a parent! And I'm not posting my thoughts on that four minute thing, nope, not doing it.
RLL, that is probably one of the nicest compliments I've received in a long time! I'll save an apple cider doughnut for you!
Karen, a funny thing happens when a parent walks into a school - they feel those old memories of the student/teacher relationship - and I think educators take advantage of that. I walk in with an attitude of equality and cooperation, and demand they do so as well.
Lee, persistence is a quality that gets me in trouble some times *wink* I have to tell you that the "Four minutes is plenty of time for all of the students to get to class. comment sure came across as "What's wrong with your kid?" She had better not go there with me!
I fought putting Matt on meds also...and then went away for a two week business trip - when I returned home I saw an immediate difference and then learned the ex went ahead and put him on the meds (Ritalin at that point).
The school work improved, his socialization improved...he improved all around...
We tried other forms of the medication, but always came back to the Ritalin.
I do have to say he went through a complete medical and psychological evaluation before it was done.
I would strongly suggest you do the same with Cam.
Some may try and condemn you for doing this, but let me tell you...IT does work, when administered properly and you work with your doctor and psychologist.
Stay strong dear.
Have a grand weekend.
Ugh at circle time. I hate that, too. I don't see why they have to all gang up against you.
Do you really think Cam walk slowly on purpose to classes? I can see myself doing that same thing if I didn't want to be in class. LOL
It's your decision about the meds. Personally, I wouldn't do that but it comes from my experience of having been medicated as a young adolescent myself.
I think it's wise to take your husband out of it. His approach with Cam doesn't sound very fatherly IMO anyway.
I think you are wise to take your husband out of it too. The meds are a sure tell way to know rather quickly if they will help or not. It is great that you are so supportive and go to bat for your son, but I have to wonder about the tardies. They can't change the rules for him. He has to learn that there will be rules all of his life and you will not always be able to be there to fight for him. Or maybe I am missing something about the tardy's- it is just a thought, good luck with this!
Hmm, does the principal have a superiority complex? I'm guessing yes. Sounds like she doesn't like the fact that and the teachers made a decision and she wasn't included, but that's just what I'm getting out of it.
I save BRAVO to you for doing what you are. I have an ex-friend who shall not be named, that I think could care less. She makes every excuss in the book for her son having failed THREE times, is 17 and in 9th grade, and all she does is scream at him and make him cry. And she blames every thing on the school. Oh, but I could go on and on.
It always seems the kids with the highest IQ's have the hardest time in school. My oldest son is the perfect example.
I wish you and Cam lots of luck.
All I can say Dana is that I'm impressed, and very proud of you for sticking to your guns.
I agree, in that if the principal and vice-principal had issues, they are informed of these parent-teacher meetings, and should have made some kind of appearance then!
Make them understand that this isn't just a "wait and see" type of atmosphere, but one where you're finding out the effects of a drug! I mean, this is something that is going to take time, and not resolve itself in a day or two!
I have had issues like this with my oldest (who is also in 7th grade), and the teachers there know that I'm a firm but fair parent, who is willing to work with the teachers in order to get things done. However, if I'm willing to work with the teachers, and their idea doesn't work, then I also expect the same kind of treatment from the faculty when I put a plan into action.
Anyway, best wishes for you, and let us know how that conference went!
The pumpkin farms are always a fun getaway, and you should have a great time this weekend!
Bond, husband has refused to even consider it (and in all honesty I have been reluctant). We've had the psychological testing don (over the summer) and are waiting on results of blood work from the doctor (due Tuesday). It's time to consider other options.
FF, what I will say is that the day might come when you reconsider your "I wouldn't do it" stance. When you've exhausted all of your resources and you see your child falling apart, and meds are the only thing you haven't tried (and we've been at this for SEVEN years), "I wouldn't do it" seems like a silly option. That said, it is a very personal decision that parents sometimes have to make.
Snugs, I won't allow them to change the rules for him. In fact, today they offered to give him a fresh start at ZERO tardies, and I told them "No" This isn't about allowing him to "get over" - it's about working with him to develop the skills he needs to be successful.
Bina, this boiled down to a lack of communication between the school and me, as well as between the teachers and the administration.
Jormengrund, I have always help the position that the teachers are educated in educating the child, so I di listen - but if what they are doing isn't working, it's time to try my ideas.
I can't really say anything about teachers or dealing with kids that are struggling because I am not a parent and I don't know but I can say that I have always been very against taking medication. I had a very hard time even going on birth control. Now I have to take seizure medication and because of the seizures anxiety meds. I fought taking the anxiety meds for over a year but now I see what a huge difference it can make now that I can focus on life, work, and relationships again. I know it isn't the same thing but it might be worth a try. I know you would do all the necessary testing to make sure Cam is a good candidate before giving him anything and he can always stop if it isn't helping.
I wasn't trying to suggest you give Cam anxiety meds. I should read my comments before posting. "It might be worth a try." was in regard to what you are already checking into. Thought I should clear that up.
If I had kids I would home school them.
Best of luck with the meeting and the meds. I am almost opinionless (is that a word?) on meds. I couldn't possibly be less informed on that subject.
What jackasses! You need to ask them point blank if they honestly intend to punish him for the fact that he has a disability (hate that word, but it's strong and that's the point in these meetings) without giving the new implementations a chance. Ask them if it's worth it to them to kick Cam when he's down...already suffering from self-esteem issues. If they think that will help the situation. Are they so rigid that they NEED to do this? Can they think for themselves, despite the "rules?" DO NOT BACK DOWN!
Regarding the meds. I get where you are coming from. We resisted for a while. I can honestly say that it has helped, and I'm glad we did it. Sometimes, it really is necessary. You can do it just as a trial. There's no rule that says you have to continue if you are unhappy with the results.
You're a great mom, a great advocate, and one cool chick besides. :)
I forgot one of the most important things. Bring a tape recorder and set it out where they can see it. It's amazing how it can work in your favor.
oh crap, you had the meeting already. I just realized that.
What Biscuit said!!. I think you are following the right path. I hope this works out for Cam. Most educational systems are not designed for children like Cam and Biscuit's son. Most school districts because of money issues and a lack of common sense by the administration and some teachers can't adapt to teach children who need extra efforts to educate them. The schools have a Walmart approach to education. They do a good job for the average customer, but can't handle the special challenges many of their students have.
KUDDOS!!! You are my hero. Good for you. Don't let them bully you. I'm very proud of you. :)
Wondering how that meeting went;-)
We have so many things in common. As much as I hate the things you go through and manage to get through, I see that I'm not the only one and that is soothing.
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