09 February 2009

Naughty Meme of Firsts

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That darn Biscuit! She knows I don't play well with others, but she tags me for a meme anyway. Pfftt! It's a good thing I lust adore her! Of course there are rules, rules that I'll follow just enough to keep myself out of trouble!

This is Isabella's Naughty Meme of Firsts:
1. Please post these rules at the beginning of your meme.
2. Please include a link to Sex Talk For Men.
3. Please include as many sordid details in your answers as possible -- if you haven't got any, make them up!
4. Tag 3 people. Tagging, schmagging ... I.DO.NOT.TAG! If you are so inclined and lacking inspiration, pick these up and tag yourself. All those rumors you've heard about growing hair on your palm if you tag yourself too much? Not true - I have proof *wink*

1. First French kiss? Those of you who have been reading me for a while might remember that I was 15 before I got my first kiss! Fortunately, kisser #1 (Scott, the trombone player) also gave me my first French kiss. Well, maybe it wasn't so fortunate. I had no idea what he was doing and opened my eyes wide in astonishment. I had heard of French kissing - had no clue what it was. Fortunately, I figured out that when done well, it was actually really, REALLY nice!

2. First boyfriend/girlfriend. We have to go back to Scott again, but I'm not really sure he would be considered a boyfriend. You see, he lived 100 miles away and I saw him only once every 3 or 4 months when my family went to visit my aunt and uncle. Really, no one was interested in the 6' tall, 300 lb girl (I know - hard to believe). I didn't have a "real" boyfriend (someone that would see me during the daylight hours and even if we didn't have sex) until I was 21 ... and he was a raging alcoholic with custody of his 5 year old daughter. Although I don't think about him often, I do wonder what ever happened to that wonderful little girl.

3. First type. Read the answer to #2 and you'll discover that my type was breathing and willing to date me in public - even if he was drunk. Unfortunately, my early experiences reinforced the idea that I wasn't worthy of a long-term, healthy and loving relationship - I still, 25 years later, struggle with that. I really don't have a type physically. Qualities that are important to me are those that lie within the heart and mind.

4. First time you had sex. 16, in a motel room with two other couples, on the floor between the two beds. Yes, I'm serious. Worse yet? Sailors we picked up in Bremerton and who we never saw again after that weekend. I couldn't even tell you the guy's name, although I do remember his last name started with a "Q" - it was stenciled on the back pocket of his dungarees.

5. First celebrity crush. I'm a little strange. I've never done celebrity crushes. Not even when I was a teenager. I always thought the idea of being with someone famous was a silly, illogical idea. Why would they even consider being with me? And what's the use of having a crush on someone that you'd never have the chance to meet?

6. First sexual fantasy. Really? Like first fantasy that I masturbated too? ACK! This is a little embarrassing, but remember that Sunday Secret? The one about my mom's vibrator? Well, the book I found with the vibrator? It was filled with photos of lesbian sex, and those were my first fantasies. Odd ... I still have those!

7. First person you fell in love with. Hmmmm ... I would have to go with Alan (husband #2). And in all honesty, I believe the reason he was the first person I fell in love with was that he was the first person who really fell in love with me. This is likely why his suicide made such a huge impact on my life.

8. First proper sex toy. Good old mom's vibrator! But after that, it was a long time before I had another. How embarrassing - to walk into an adult toy store and buy one? Now? No shame. In fact, I rather enjoy going to the adult toy store and watching all of those who really are embarrassed to be there!

9. First porn video. Sometimes I feel so damn old when I do these memes. Porn was DIFFICULT to get a hold of back in the day. The first porn video I ever saw was homemade and used one of the gigantic VHS recorders. Just so happens it was made by the two people I was laying nekkid in bed with at the time!

You young-uns have no appreciation for how difficult it was to get good porn, or even good nekkid pictures. You used to have pictures developed (your only option) and knew better than to submit a roll of film with those kinds of pictures on it - they wouldn't be returned. Thank goodness Polaroids finally came out!

10. First sexy lingerie item/sexy briefs owned.
Again, remember that they didn't used to make sexy lingerie for those over size 12. I don't think I even owned anything remotely sexy until the first time I lost a significant amount of weight - I was 22? And it wasn't anything more than a silky gown. I was well into my 30's before I bought any kind of teddy!

11. First time giving oral. Refer back to #4. It happened the first time I ever had sex. What's even funnier? *warning* This might be TMI on Monday! I had no idea that swallowing was optional and got quite an ego stroke when Mr. "Q" told me what a wonderful job (pun intended) I had done. My guess is the women he had been with previously knew swallowing was an option.

12. First time getting oral. I was 25! Yep! And I remember it vividly. Why? Well, it was done by a man 20 years my senior - a man who knew what he was doing - and who spoiled it for many of those who attempted it later!

13. First one night stand. Again, refer to #4 ... although technically it was a 2-night stand. Unfortunately, I've had far too many one-night stands - especially in my younger days. I just knew if I had sex with a guy on the first date I'd find myself a boyfriend. Now I realize just how flawed that logic was, but I was desperate for love back then and often got sex and love confused.

14. First dirty book/dirty mag read. The very first was the "How to Make Love to a Woman" book I found on the top shelf of my mother's closet - the one right next to her vibrator. The second? I was ... hmmm ... maybe 12? House-sitting for our neighbors across the street. Of course, I needed to snoop in their bedroom and found several magazines on swinging in their naughty drawer in their bedroom. Talk about an early introduction into the many facets of sex!

So, there you go! Probably far more than you wanted to know about my sexual history, but it might just give you a little insight - albeit a bit pitiful - as to how I acquired many of my current flaws.

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14 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thanks for doing my meme! And LOL, nice to see another person lost their virginity on the floor! I should have waited like you til 25 for oral, though... really, it would have been a lot better!

Nolens Volens said...

Hey, I appreciate the golden days of natural breasts and real acting in porn flicks - problem was...they didn't shave much back then. ;)

Unknown said...

I LOVE this! I love that fact that you are so honest, too. And #4? I can't imagine having sex for the first time, with other couples in the room. Had you guys been drinking or what? I am far too .... wait, I think I just remember when I was in the military, in AIT, me and a friend had a hotel room with our boyfriends and we had sex, in separate beds of course! I was so embarrased at first knowing they could hear us, but then when I could hear THEM, it was okay! LOL

Real Live Lesbian said...

I think I have a few questions for your mother! ;)

Great answers!

Osbasso said...

Scott, the trombone player, is my hero!

Jay said...

"... my type was breathing and willing to date me in public - even if he was drunk."

Hey I'm that way now! ;-)

Dana said...

Isabella, thanks for stopping by to read your meme!

NV, I'll take the natural porn over the "staged" porn any day - shaved or not!

Bina, needless to say, none of us was very much aware of what the others were doing - we were a bit wrapped up in our own affairs *wink*

Dana said...

RLL, looking back on it, I think my mom's sexuality was pretty clear, although at the time I didn't put the pieces together.

Os, Scott, the trombone player left a permanent imprint on my mind - and a few other places too!

Jay, why do I find that hard to believe??

Big Kahuna said...

Love the answers Dana

Do any of us have a 'wonderful' first time - seems like no.

#9 - No kidding how people nowadays do not know or remember how difficult and taboo it was to get porn even 15 years ago let alone 20 years ago (OK - shows my age).

Wonderful answers, although my heart breaks reading #7

Kahuna

Biscuit said...

Thank you for playing with me. Um...heh...I suppose I'm thanking you ahead of time then. *ahem*

You may not grow hair on your palms, but if my ever-worsening eyesight is any evidence, you may go blind.

Vixen said...

LOL @#12. Dang!

Loved your answers. I almost have my answers completed from when Biscuit tagged me too :)

Hubman said...

I love your answers- so honest as always!

I think I'm gonna save this for the day I want to post something but am lacking inspiration...

Schmoop said...

You had sex with Quentin Tarantino? Wow. You rock. Cheers!!

Tink said...

I love this meme. My first porn video was donated to me by one of my guy friends. It was called "Shane's World". An obvious spin-off on the title "Wayne's World". It was nothing more than a bunch of people running around filming themselves having sex in public places. It was real too, not acted. They got caught at least once. I don't have the video anymore, but it goes down in history as one of my all-time favorites.