A Different View Of Christmas - The Conclusion

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**NOTE** This is the fourth and final part of my Christmas series where I share with y'all a little different view of Christmas. A view that has been one of the greatest gifts I've ever received. A view that I hope will remind us all to slow down, take a deep breath amidst the chaos, and take a moment to remember why it is we celebrate Christmas.

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When I think about what has happened over the past three weeks - the changes - the upheaval - the unspoken promise of a brighter future - I experience a full range of emotions. When I think about the people who have stood by me, when they had every right to walk away throwing their hands up in the air, I am overcome with emotion.

Christmas was so very different for us this year. There were times when I felt overwhelming guilt knowing that I wasn't going to be able to provide the Christmas so many of Cam's friends were going to experience, yet every time those feelings crept in, there was some other event that occurred that quickly overshadowed that guilt.

One of the the things I did when Cam and I first moved was to join several local Freecycle groups. If you are not familiar with Freecycle, they are a grassroots, nonprofit movement of people who are giving (& getting) stuff for free in their own towns. Their focus is reuse and keeping good stuff out of landfills. There are still a few things Cam and I could use that I was hoping to find on Freecycle.

Soon after I joined, my group had a "contest" for a free Christmas dinner. They were looking for inspiring stories from group members. I submitted a modified version of my When it Doesn't Leave a Mark You Can See blog post. I prefaced the story by explaining that Cam and I are fortunate - we would have food for the holiday - but that a "traditional" meal wasn't in our budget. I also explained that getting my story out (one that I believe is more common than people realize) was far more important to me than the "traditional" Christmas dinner and asked that it be published even if Cam and I didn't win.

We did win a dinner - as it turned out EVERYONE who submitted a story received a dinner. Last week a complete stranger brought Cam and me the fixings for a turkey dinner and, while she hugged me, told me how inspiring my story was.

Then there was the biggest surprise of all. I know I've talked about the single moms email list I was a part of for 11 years. You might remember hearing about it when I was having such huge issues with snugs (she had been a member of that same list). I left the list - GAHHH - I don't know - one or two years ago? I remember, at the time, my reasoning seemed logical and solid. Today? I don't remember what "wrong" I perceived that made me leave ... which is quite insightful in itself.

Anyway, when Cam and I moved out, I decided to go back to the list. I grovelled apologized to them and hoped they'd welcome me back, but expected some backlash (deserved). They were amazingly understanding and supportive - it was as if I'd never left.

One of the things the list has done for quite a few years is a "Secret Santa" project. I headed up the project for quite a few years and was thrilled to see that it had continued. I specifically wrote to the person heading up the project this year telling her that if my name came up, I didn't want to be considered. Cam and I would be fine - I dug my own hole and needed to get myself out of it. Apparently, she ignored me!

Last week I received this box ...


... and this box ...



I was just so taken aback. I cannot begin to tell you how many of these women are struggling themselves, yet they got together and did this for Cam and me. They had every opportunity to judge - to decide that I had created my own mess making some very bad choices putting Cam's safety and well-being at risk. But they didn't.

I have grown accustomed to people with harsh words who never back up their criticisms with support. This year I realized that there really are just a handful of people like that. There will always be those who enjoy watching the train wreck - condemning the actions of others - then moving on to the next train wreck when the one they've been watching is cleaned up.

But most people? Most people want to help. Sometimes you have to be strong enough to ask for help and vulnerable enough to allow people to care. It's difficult. The walls are far easier to put up than they are to tear down, but when I dared to do just that? I was given the greatest Christmas of all!

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