~*~*~*~*~
**NOTE** This is the second part of my series leading up to Christmas sharing with y'all a little different view of Christmas. A view that has been one of the greatest gifts I've ever received. A view that I hope will remind us all to slow down, take a deep breath amidst the chaos, and take a moment to remember why it is we celebrate Christmas.
~*~
**NOTE** This is the second part of my series leading up to Christmas sharing with y'all a little different view of Christmas. A view that has been one of the greatest gifts I've ever received. A view that I hope will remind us all to slow down, take a deep breath amidst the chaos, and take a moment to remember why it is we celebrate Christmas.
~*~
Christmas for Cam and me has been a month-long celebration this year. I'd be lying if I said the decision to leave the abusive environment, and the days following, were easy. There were times when I knew this was the right thing to do, and others when doubt, loneliness and worthlessness dug deep into my heart and mind.
December 4th was moving day. I had arranged for my friend G and her husband B, along with the middle school youth pastor from church, to help me move. It was an easy move. Just two trips in the 10' U-Haul, and about 2-1/2 hours, and we were finished. G was quite concerned with the lack of "things" we were taking from the old house. She kept asking if I was sure Cam and my basic needs - food, toilet paper, soap - were taken care of. I was still far too stuck in pride to admit that I didn't know how we were going to get through the week. It had taken every penny I had to secure the apartment.
G, being the good friend that she is, was quite observant though and wasn't going to let my pride stop her. Saturday morning, she showed up with 4 bags of groceries and $40 in vouchers to our local market that she was able to get as an emergency disbursement from the food pantry at her church. I was never so grateful to see spaghetti-O's and canned corn. I cried ... one of those big ugly cries.
Sunday morning, when I went out to the car to load up laundry, I opened the front door to find a HUGE box filled with more canned food items, packages of frozen hamburger and lunch meat, toilet paper, and a few things that really made me pause. There were candles (I wasn't "allowed" to burn candles in the old house) a wooden paper towel holder, some plastic food storage containers and a CD of Christmas music. This box was left on the doorstep anonymously. I still have no idea where it came from or who to thank.
That first week was overwhelmingly difficult. The emotions were still raw. Very high highs and very low lows. I kept second guessing the timing of the move - should I have waited longer? Should I have made sure we were more financially secure? Did I do the right thing? Yet it seemed every time I had a doubt, someone was there to remind me that I did make the right decision, and more importantly, that we were loved and cared about.
There were encouraging text messages from Lynn (Real Live Lesbian), emails from some of my blogger family members just checking in on me, the gift from an anonymous donor to pay Cam's $59 registration fee for a middle school church youth group activity, and this gift basket from our church:
In addition to what you see, there were also gift certificates to Target, Meijer, McDonald's and Chilli's. Again, there were tears of gratitude.
Not only have I used pride as an excuse to keep from letting people love me, I'll also admit to having the occasional "If I only had family near" pity party. My family is not only hundreds of miles away, but neither my mom nor my dad are in a position where they could help Cam an me financially. I haven't shared the hardships with them as I don't want them to feel the pain of wanting to help yet not being able to do.
Then I had one of those moments ... where I realized that what Cam and I are "missing" isn't family, but relatives who live near by. We have, and have always had, the gift of family - our community family - our church family - our blogger family. I just needed to learn to let them love us!
December 4th was moving day. I had arranged for my friend G and her husband B, along with the middle school youth pastor from church, to help me move. It was an easy move. Just two trips in the 10' U-Haul, and about 2-1/2 hours, and we were finished. G was quite concerned with the lack of "things" we were taking from the old house. She kept asking if I was sure Cam and my basic needs - food, toilet paper, soap - were taken care of. I was still far too stuck in pride to admit that I didn't know how we were going to get through the week. It had taken every penny I had to secure the apartment.
G, being the good friend that she is, was quite observant though and wasn't going to let my pride stop her. Saturday morning, she showed up with 4 bags of groceries and $40 in vouchers to our local market that she was able to get as an emergency disbursement from the food pantry at her church. I was never so grateful to see spaghetti-O's and canned corn. I cried ... one of those big ugly cries.
Sunday morning, when I went out to the car to load up laundry, I opened the front door to find a HUGE box filled with more canned food items, packages of frozen hamburger and lunch meat, toilet paper, and a few things that really made me pause. There were candles (I wasn't "allowed" to burn candles in the old house) a wooden paper towel holder, some plastic food storage containers and a CD of Christmas music. This box was left on the doorstep anonymously. I still have no idea where it came from or who to thank.
That first week was overwhelmingly difficult. The emotions were still raw. Very high highs and very low lows. I kept second guessing the timing of the move - should I have waited longer? Should I have made sure we were more financially secure? Did I do the right thing? Yet it seemed every time I had a doubt, someone was there to remind me that I did make the right decision, and more importantly, that we were loved and cared about.
There were encouraging text messages from Lynn (Real Live Lesbian), emails from some of my blogger family members just checking in on me, the gift from an anonymous donor to pay Cam's $59 registration fee for a middle school church youth group activity, and this gift basket from our church:
*NOTE* You know you go to a "progressive" church when they include packages of Southern Comfort and Jack Daniels coffee
In addition to what you see, there were also gift certificates to Target, Meijer, McDonald's and Chilli's. Again, there were tears of gratitude.
Not only have I used pride as an excuse to keep from letting people love me, I'll also admit to having the occasional "If I only had family near" pity party. My family is not only hundreds of miles away, but neither my mom nor my dad are in a position where they could help Cam an me financially. I haven't shared the hardships with them as I don't want them to feel the pain of wanting to help yet not being able to do.
Then I had one of those moments ... where I realized that what Cam and I are "missing" isn't family, but relatives who live near by. We have, and have always had, the gift of family - our community family - our church family - our blogger family. I just needed to learn to let them love us!
~*~*~*~*~
23 comments:
It's always nice to realize you are apart of a family, even if it isn't blood related.
Cheers Dana and Merry Christmas!
Kim
Opening your arms and accepting what others offer has been the hardest thing for me to learn...and I'm betting you, too.
Merry Christmas, Dana! I'm loving the series!
When help is needed, there are always those people who will step up and help (whether your pride lets you ask or not!). I'm so glad you had people do that for you. Love all around!
Allowing me to love them is the greatest gift any of my friends have ever given me. I'm guessing that the people who have wrapped their arms around you, both literally and figuratively, feel like you've given them the gift of your trust.
-Jill
Great series so far. THIS is what Christmas is all about. Glad your various "families" came through for you. :)
A great post! I am telling you...You will look back a year from now and realize your escape from the nightmare.
Good for you. Just remember us little people when you hit it big. I think good and big things are in store for you in 2010.
...nothin' says Christmas like Dragnet!...
A friend of mine once told me that if I refused his help that I was robbing him of a blessing. It is nice that you are seeing how many friends you really have. Merry Christmas to you and Cam.
This just makes my heart swell..... *sigh*
What a wonderful series of posts dana...
in some ways we are going through a 'different Christmas' this year also...but it is hard for me to discuss in public...
I am positively thrilled for both you and Cam and wish there were something we could do for y'all
You are surely blessed.
Kim, especially when you are certain you've alienated everyone due to poor decisions!
Real Live Lesbian, when you open your arms you become vulnerable and when you've been protecting your heart for 30+ years, that is a scary thing to do!
NY Diva, there are always those people, and I'm learning that they want to help if you'll just let them.
Jill, I'm guessing you are exactly right and I'd even be willing to go out on a limb and say that they would be hurt if I refused to allow them to!
Emmy, I would agree, this really is what Christmas is all about!
Joker_SATX, I'm looking forward to the new year ... for the first time in a long time!
Phfrankie Bondo, wasn't that funny! What's even better is that with regular DVD players so reasonably priced, I'll be able to use one of the gift certificates to purchase a player to watch it on!
Howard Bagby, I'd say your friend was right!
Vixen, and there are even more stories to be told!
Bond, you know what? You stop by here almost every day and let me know you're thinking of me! I couldn't want for more than that!
we're doomed, many times over my friend!
This was a good post. And as I was reading this, I was going to tell you that people do not have to be related to be a family, but your last paragraph summed that thought up quite nicely. Cheers Dana!!
Dana, i just got caught up and want to say how proud I am of you even tho i know that i do not have any right or claim to be proud of you. I just lack a better word right now. I have not been arould lately and do not want you to think I am over looking the growth you are making. I have just had too much going on to stalk my favorite blogs lately..I think it is warm and wonderful communities can fill the "family" voids in lifes..Merry Merry Christmas!
These two posts have been exceptionally beautiful in their honesty and transparency.
Questioning the timing of the move... You could probably have done that no matter when you'd have moved. Just glad life is moving forward for you again.
When you made your decision, it allowed others (who knew that you needed a change) to help.
This is awesome. Makes me teary.
That is exactly what Christmas is all about.
Merry Christmas. Best of luck in 2010.
It's so nice to read about people helping other people. At times when you could I'm sure you have done wonderful things for others and it's because of love that some can offer what you need now. Even those who can't help financially may just say a prayer, or maybe some bloggers, like me, who just stop and read occasionally can send good wishes your way.
Matt-Man, and you my friend are a prime example of that family that I do have, and I know you experienced quite a bit of it yourself this year.
snugs, Merry Christmas to you too!
Jeff B, thank you. It's easy to get caught up in that assumption that the people we come in contact with daily lead much the same lives we do. One of the many gifts I've received in all of this is the gift of looking a little harder at those I walk by and never notice.
Professor Fate, hmmmm ... although I don't really like the way that sounds I must admit that it is true!
Ashleigh, I've been in tears most every day since the move. The abundance of love and caring Cam and I have received has been overwhelming.
CrystalChick, and you know what? It's people like you who continue to make such a significant difference day in and day out. I know this post seemed to be about a lot of "stuff", but it was really about the love, concern and caring that I get from all of you on a daily basis!
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