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One of this week's Wednesday Weirdness questions hit a little too close to home. "Pretend you spent a busy day running errands and come home in the afternoon when no one else is home. You come in, sit things down and head to the kitchen. You find a dead body laying in the kitchen floor. What would you do?"
A self-inflicted gunshot through his head. He wasn't quite dead, but I vividly remember that first moment I saw him - simultaneously knowing, and not knowing, what had happened. Nineteen years ago I did experienced that scenario. Today marks the anniversary of my decision to pull the plug and let him go. Most days, I still question my decision to live through it rather than to have just joined him - joining him would have been so much easier - so much less painful, in a very selfish way.
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25 comments:
This hurts to read... your pain must be worse. Thank you for NOT being selfish.
Dana, you are a strong lady.
I will be thinking of you today....and don't question....you wouldn't have been able to give the world that precious boy of yours. No telling how many live HE will touch and enrich in this world not to mention you!
oxox
The world is better off for your decision. Cheers Dana!!
Get8More, selfish is not easy for me to do, but I'd be lying if I said there weren't times when I wish it were easy.
Doomed, sometimes I wonder how strong.
Breve, Cam is the one thing that keeps me going - keeps me strong. Giving up on him would be unbearable.
I am glad you didn't join him. :(
i am, as well, very glad you didn't join him either...
Hugssssss,
~c
I am glad your inner strength rose to the occaison. You are needed.
You made a good decision. Why prolong the agony of someone that has been badly injured, with no hope of recovery..
The Plan of Life did not include you dying then...
damn.
I'm glad you decided to stay among us.
Honey, don't say that. I am so glad you didn't join him. I have enjoyed getting to know you.
Keep your head up. It will get better. I promise.
You just need to lose some weight. About 200 pounds of dead weight in the bedroom.
What can I say that everyone else hasn't already said? I'm glad you made the choice to stay amongst the living, Dana. You're inspirational, even if you don't know it.
You are truly an inspiration. Life hasn't been roses and rainbows but your strength through it all and the "hidden" vulnerability are admirable. Love ya!
When the pain is greater than the love....
that's when I think suicides happens.
I know you remember the love. Hold tightly to it.
{{{sending you big squishie hugs}}}
I get it.
I have a deal I renew with myself frequently.
I can check out, end it all...in a few years. Once I see my son settled into his life.
Not yet...not time to go join my daughter yet...
I feel you. I really do.
Big hugs, Dana. I've also been the one to discover the body of someone I loved, and the experience is still with me every day. I can't imagine how much worse it would have been had the death been a traumatic one.
More big hugs.
(((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
*When words just aren't enough*
Sorry that you had to experience that but I am far more sorrier that you had to make the decision to pull the plug.
Obviously someone had not read your archives.
I think it's natural to wonder about strength. But you have proven time and again that you are strong enough.
We are all better off that you decided to stay with us. Thank you for making that decision.
Oh Dana, I am so sorry you had to live this nightmare. Loss is so hard, and I think this kind of loss takes a piece of you with. You are in my thoughts.
Hugs.
xo
many others will benefit from your [painful] choice to stick it out.
tough memories.
Dana:
It's times like these when people realize the depth and strength of your character.
Just because it's the easy way doesn't mean that it's the RIGHT way.
You've decided to be more responsible, and to be the one to make the hard decisions. You're now there for Cam, and you're better off for the love and life that you not only give to him, but that you recieve from him as well.
My heart goes out to you, but I stand safe in the knowledge that I am writing to one of the most grounded people I have ever met online.
Keep your chin up!
You touch my heart in so many ways, too many to mention.
Just know you are in my thoughts and prayers and always in my heart.
To think if you had "joined him" I would not have had the opportunity to have met/known such a wonderful person as you. Your a keeper my darlin'
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