It's a Blogiversary!

It was 6 years (and a few days) ago that I wrote my first blog post in my little corner of the interwebs. It was appropriately titled, Virgin Blogging.

I know ... I know ... I was just as insightful then as I am now ...

A lot has happened in these 6 years:

• Cam successfully navigated public middle school, 18 months at a theraputic day school, and is now smack dab in the middle of his senior year of high school. He also went from looking like this

To looking like this ...

• I went from being in a beautiful .5-million dollar home and a terribly unhappy (and abusive) marriage, to walking away from it all for a 2-bedroom apartment in a very run-down complex and furnished with FreeCycle and the few things I was allowed to take.
• After 40+ years of learning just how unlovable I am, I met Mike who has shown me that I was lovable all along.
• I lost a prestigious job in my degree field and began working in accounting again. This was a job that I hoped would be a 2-year, temporary gig while Cam's educational needs were addressed, but has turned into a hell-hole that I find myself trapped in for at least another year or so (I'll be "celebrating" 6 years at this job in January).
• I got nekkid quite a few times, then became disillusioned when that tight knit community started to change
• I gained 117 lbs, and have lost 98 lbs (so far) after having bariatric surgery.
• Friends have come and gone. I did a volunteer stint with Band Back Together, then was somewhat ostracized by that community after writing about my experiences volunteering with them. I keep in touch with 3 of the 5 people who commented on my very first blog post via Facebook, and one of those people (Meg, from This Big Happy) is still blogging! The other two? Well, they are both still around, or so I hear, but neither of them want anything to do with me any longer.
• Where blogging used to be my primary outlet - and twitter soon followed - I now spend more time on tumblr and Facebook than I do on blogging and twitter
• I've had a bonafide (and reported) cyberbully and several trolls. I've also met some people who will likely be life-long friends, including Jayman, who was one of my very first REAL commenters (not a commenter from the Yahoo Group who originally dared me to start up a blog) and Matt-Man, whose friendship with me has been a bit ... shall we say ... rocky at times? Yeah, we'll go with that. 

It's pretty amazing when you think about it. My little corner of the interwebs populated with the stuff that life is made of. Overall? I'd say it's been a good run.

I often wonder what to do with this space - whether I'll continue to blog or just archive this all somewhere and move on. 

Right now? I plan on staying. I probably won't be earning any frequent-flyer miles for posting every day, but I've grown to love this place. As frustrating as life can be, going back and reading a history of what you've done in the last 6 years kind of puts it all in perspective and helps you realize that the big things aren't so big a year later.

Do any of you have a post of mine that you remember well, either because it made you happy, or because it pissed you off?

6 Things I've Learned About Volunteering

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For the past year, I've been volunteering with Band Back Together - a group weblog dedicated to helping remove the stigmas associated with mental illness and other "dark" topics by offering a safe, moderated, supportive environment to share stories and provide educational resources.

Although I have volunteered for many other projects throughout my life, I have never volunteered for a long-term project that required a daily time commitment.

To say it was exhausting would be an understatement.

I didn't realize just how exhausting until I "resigned" this past weekend.

Similarly, I had no idea how much of my time was spent working on this project (anywhere from 2-5 hours/day), and how much I would appreciate getting that time back.

I've also learned a few very valuable lessons about volunteering.

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1.  Always consider the common denominator in any volunteer pool

If an organization targets females, 18-35, who are looking to remove the stigmas associated with mental illness and other "dark" topics, chances are, those who volunteer will be females, 18-35, who identify with the stigmas associated with mental illness and other "dark" topics ... because they are in the throes of have experience with mental illness and other "dark" topics.

I'm not implying this is a terrible thing, but it certainly makes working as a healthy, functional group a little more challenging.

2.  If you want validation, choose a front-facing volunteer opportunity

If there is one thing I know, it's that I don't play well with others. Those social etiquette things? Yeah ... not going to be bothered with that nonsense.

So I chose behind-the-scenes positions (board member, editor, tumblr team lead, and imaging team lead) that would require I work with only a small group of people rather than having to interact with bunches of people.

The problem? There was little validation for the work I did, and what validation there was, was at the group level (generic) rather than at the individual or public level. Credit for good work most often went to those volunteering in a front-facing capacity even when they weren't the ones doing the work.

3.  10% of the people in an all volunteer organization will do 90% of the work

Due to lifestyles, personal time constraints, other responsibilities, etc., most volunteers will not be able to offer a 2-5 hour/day commitment for a long period of time. This means that many tasks will fall to a small core of volunteers who are in it for the long haul. Yes, all volunteers are important and every little bit helps, but if you are in that 10%, burnout is a probability.

4.  Even when you think you've chosen an opportunity that doesn't require interaction with people, you will still have to interact with people

This was an online project. Most of the communication and interaction was via text, chat and email (with a few google hangouts thrown in for good measure). Procedures and group email lists were put together to aid with communication, but the loss of tone, the anonymity of sitting behind a computer screen, and the generally superficial (most had never met in person) relationships of the volunteers often resulted in faux drama.

As much as I find face-to-face encounters stressful, I prefer them over communications that are exclusively online. 

5.  Consider how your position within an organization might impact you outside of that organization

I didn't consider how having a presence on a more public, high-profile space on the internet might impact my space on the internet. I felt there was a standard I had to meet - certain things I shouldn't talk about - and I began self-censoring. I felt that anything I did online could be tracked back to the organization and might impact its success

I now realize that I am not even close to being that important, but it was a self-imposed burden that weighed heavily on me at times.

6.  Volunteering for a specific task, doesn't guarantee knowledge of, and success in, that task

There are many people who overestimate their skill set, and some who just want the "glamour" of a specific volunteer title within an organization. These people are not only frustrating, they are detrimental to the efficacy of the organization. Strong leadership to address these deficiencies is critical.  

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My next volunteer project will be as a high school band parent. 

The first meeting is tonight. 

I'm hoping to take what I've learned over the past year and make this next opportunity more enjoyable and personally successful.

Got any tips for me?

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What's Your Cause?

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Y'all know I spend a great deal of time over at Band Back Together, right? See that icon over there? The one to your left?? That's my proof that I'm with the band!

In addition to the editing I've been doing for quite some time, I've taken on Team Lead/Team Co-Lead duties for the BB2G tumblr Team and our new flickr Imaging Team, where we put together those barfy inspirational quotes that everyone seems to love, like this one (I can call this barfy because I put it together):

Each month we do this World Tour thing where we come up with a topic (usually aimed at self-improvement) and encourage people to submit posts on that topic. 

We were trying to come up with one for June and I decided I might find some inspiration if I googled "June National Months"

The list About.com provides included forty-four National celebrations for June. 

FORTY-FOUR!!

I'm leaving the links for a few of my favorites right here so y'all can explore what you should be celebrating in June. Now go get yourself a Papaya, a good magazine, and sit on the toilet to read!

• Celibacy Awareness Month (I think we need to celebrate this one in our house)
• Dairy Alternative Month (or, give your boys liquid estrogen month)
• Effective Communications Month (no wonder communication is so difficult - we only set aside one month to do it effectively)
• Entrepreneurs Do It Yourself Marketing Month
• International Men's Month (I wonder if the IWS Boys will be celebrating this?)
• Lane Courtesy Month (I'm pretty sure Chicago is excluded from observing this one)
• National Accordion Awareness Month (Mama's got a squeezebox)
• National Bathroom Reading Month
• National Papaya Month (also, again in September)
• Rebuild Your Life Month
• Turkey Lover's Month (I'd have guessed November, not June, for this one!)

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(10/365) 

Screw the Oscar's - It's a Bloggie!

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While some of you were watching the Oscars - picking apart the celebrities for their imperfections and mocking their fame - something really important happened.

Besides me falling asleep in the recliner at 8:30 ...

Band Back Together won a Bloggie in the Best-Kept Secret Weblog category.


It seems kind of corny to spew a long list of thank yous, but I do want to acknowledge those of you who who retweeted and reblogged my pleas for votes (Jay and Lust Not Found come to mind, but I know there were many more of you).

Band Back Together, conceived by our own Aunt Becky, is unlike any other blog out there. It's a place where people can share their stories - those sometimes dark, always empowering stories many of us keep locked up most of our lives. Those stories that need to be heard. Those stories that allow people to connect - to feel less alone - and to find resources they may not be aware of.

I'm not ashamed to admit my own personal pride in Band Back Together's Bloggie win. Three years ago I never imagined being a part of something so meaningful to so many people - not as a contributor and certainly not as an editor. But far more important than my personal contribution? The stories. The stories of every single person who has been published, every single person who will be published, and every single reader who stops by and feels some validation, some comfort, after reading a story.

I am so privileged to be a part of that.

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Vote Early, Vote Often

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I don't normally do this stuff ... in fact I'm not sure I've ever asked any of my readers to vote for anything in the 3+ years I've been blogging, but this? This is different, because it matters!

Band Back Together - the group blog I help edit - is up for a 2011 Bloggie (Category: BEST-KEPT SECRET WEBLOG). What happens over at Band Back Together is done out of love, respect and a belief that every story matters and every story should be heard.

Clicking on the image below will take you directly to the voting page. Scroll down to the BEST-KEPT SECRET WEBLOG category and push the button.

Voting ends at 10:00PM EST tomorrow, February 20th, so click! NOW!!! Please???

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Bio-Shmio

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Have you ever had to write a bio?

I find it difficult to take myself too seriously. OK ... so my nose grew as I typed that, what's your point??

Trying to write one of those "Graduated from Roosevelt University (Chicago) with a bachelor's degree in ..." bios makes my head explode. All I can hear when I attempt it is "blah-blah-blah I'm better than you blah- blah-blah" And? Well?? We all know that I'm not better than anyone so it seems kind of the wrong thing to do.

I had to write a bio for the Band Back Together editors page, 'cause our Aunt Becky is all formal, by the book and shit about these things.

Band Back Together is a pretty serious site. These stories belong to real people - and often times they've hidden them for years. People talk about abuse, infertility issues, suicide. Heavy burdens that too many people carry. Yes, there is a LIGHT THINGS category, but the bulk of the stories?? Not all glitter farts and rainbow burps.

I was trying to come up with a bio that balanced out the heavy. The sample bio Aunt Becky sent was exactly what I had hoped it would be - silly - so off I went!

Here is my very professional and serious bio, 'cause I'm an editor and shit!

Dana is a single mother and a trained killer, raising a 14-year old, bi-racial son who just happens to be on the autism spectrum. She works full-time as a bean counter but dreams of one day working in her degree field as a paralegal.

The self-proclaimed, over-reacting drama queen (currently in recovery) spews her own dribble on her blog Amid Life’s Crises however she prefers to sprinkle glitter and worship rainbows in the background on BB2G.

Her interests include leading a world crusade encouraging the acceptance of public nudity, vacuum cleaners and memorizing all of the prime numbers. In her spare time she reads every office supply catalog she can get her hands on. Some day she hopes to develop a strange addiction so that she can be a reality TV spectacle and make her family proud!

So which one of you needs a bio written for a professional publication?? I've got experience now and will be more than happy to hook you up. As you can see, I've got a knack for highlighting the most interesting and relevant facts!

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Friday Wrap-Up (Saturday Edition)

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Well, after much anxiety and stress, the year-end bonus checks arrived! I was expecting a significant decrease in the amount - the economy has hit my industry pretty hard (we manufacture products primarily used in new construction) - but was pleasantly surprised. Although there was a decrease in the bonus, I couldn't get past being abundantly grateful that we received one at all.

The best part? Anyone who was reading me last year knows that Cam and I were on the receiving end of AMAZING generosity. This year? We are able to pay that forward. Isn't that what Christmas is really about?? I mean other than the baby Jesus and all ...

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I'll be working diligently on my Project 365 blog this weekend. I've got about 300 pictures to download - 10 of which will find a home on the blog. Although I've really enjoyed this project, I am ready to move on ... to something far less time consuming.

I really miss HNT, and surprisingly, not for the nekkidness! Good self portraits are really difficult to take, especially if you want them to evoke feelings from the person looking at them.

Reviewing my Dana Does Digital photos, it became quite clear that I am far more comfortable taking pictures of things than people, and although things can and do arouse feelings, portrait photography takes that to a new level.

Time to work on the things that are more difficult for me rather than allowing myself to get too comfortable.

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You might notice I've added a new button on the sidebar. This one to be exact:

There are a couple of reasons for that. First and foremost, it's a project I strongly believe in. I see writing as free therapy - as a way to connect with others when what you feel is stifling loneliness. Band Back Together - the brain child of Mommy Wants Vodka's Aunt Becky - is a safe place to write and connect with other people.

I am far more of a behind the scenes person that a lead role person. I like knowing that I was part of the nuts and bolts that enabled a presentation to sparkle. In other words, I don't mind getting covered in glitter, I just don't want to step on the stage sparkling.

Aunt Becky asked if I would be interested in helping out with the editing of Band Back Together. Not only was I extremely flattered that she believed I had the skill set to successfully edit, but hell to the yes! This is right up my alley.

I edited my first post just a few days ago and plan on being an integral part of Band Back Together's continued success.

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Change does not roll in on the wheels of inevitability,
but comes through continuous struggle.
And so we must straighten our backs and work for our freedom.
A man can't ride you unless your back is bent.
~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

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Have You Ever ...

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Wanted to write with abandon?

Wished you could post something deeply personal on your blog?

Had something to share but feared the wrath of the trolls?

Or maybe you have family and friends who read your blog and speaking freely could create unwanted and unnecessary drama.

I'm not usually one who promotes other blogs. It's one of those things that can kind of snowball out of control and, quite frankly, if I think your blog sucks, I'm not going to to send people that direction to waste their time.

That said, occasionally a blog comes along that I think really has a purpose and fills a need. Band Back Together - where I posted Friday - is one of those blogs.

From the about page:

The brainchild of Aunt Becky from Mommy Wants Vodka, who, after delivering her third child, Amelia, who suffered from a neural tube defect at birth, realized (with the help of her amazing Band of Merry Pranksters) a need in the blog world for a place where we could all come to put our secrets down. A group blog that we could share our struggles and our triumphs as we walked through.

Band Back Together was formed.

So we invite you to put on your most comfortable pair of pants (or none at all, as the case may be) grab a drink or three, pull up a chair, make yourself nice and comfortable, and share your stories. Everybody needs a place where they can let it all out. Now you have it.

Don’t be shy now. Introduce yourself. Have a look around. There are all sorts of nooks and crannies for you to explore. Some may be empty now but soon will be brimming with people and stories. You’ll make some friends here; find some new people. Your people.

It’s safe here.

All the comments are moderated, all judgment checked at the door with your soggy wet clothes. Inside it’s warm and dry. We’re not here to judge how you feel or why you feel the way you do. So let it out. Write when you want to, support when you can and remember: you never know who might be helped by your words.

We’re none of us alone. It’s time to Band Back Together.

This was where I chose to share my feelings about hitting the one year mark away from husband because I knew that it would be OK just to be me. I knew that I could say, "You know this has really sucked at times" without someone stopping by and calling me a victim. I knew that other people considering leaving an abusive environment get tired of hearing, "Just leave" when it really isn't always that simple.

I am well aware that this type of writing just isn't what some of you do, but I also know there are quite a few of you out there who could really use this outlet and have valuable life experiences to share with others.

Think about it.

It's a good place!

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364 Days Ago

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Tomorrow marks the one year anniversary of the day I walked out of a half-million dollar home to live in an earwig and spider infested (depending on the season) apartment in the "ghetto" of Podunk.

I have no regrets about my decision, other than I wish I'd made it sooner - before the damage became so severe. But I didn't.

I wish I could tell you it's been all glitter and unicorns. But it hasn't.

Sometimes life just doesn't sparkle.

You can read my reflections on the year here:

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