~*~*~*~*~
Want to find out who your real friends are? Need a big old slice of humble pie? Gotten just a bit too big for your britches? Participate in HNT for 18 months, decide you really don't like the "unintended message" you are sending (Emmy, you have no idea how much that post impacted me) stop participating, then pull most all of your HNT shots from your archives.
You'll quickly learn that many (most?) HNT-ers (and Thursday lurkers) don't like you or what you write, nor do they admire your photography skills, they just like to pad their stats (HNT-ers are very loyal on Thursdays), look at nekkid pictures and feel like part of the "in" crowd.
This isn't meant to badmouth HNT or all HNT-ers. I forged a few great friendships through my participation in HNT. Generally, HNT-ers are a supportive, well-mannered group of people. I realize that time changes all things, but it saddened me to see something that should have been (was?) - at most - a sensual photo-meme, turn into a hook-up place for extra-marital affairs and alternative lifestyles. A place where the "guidelines" and the expectations were not reflective of one another. A place where gossip and back-stabbing were becoming more and more frequent and more and more difficult to hide. A place where those most vulnerable were "groomed" and sometimes taken advantage of (IMHO). A place where art was no longer art - where it was more important to show more than it was to convey more emotion. And I was part of the problem.
I got caught up in it all; the attention, the illusion of belonging, the superficial friendships. Eventually the attention HNT was bringing was far worse (and I'm not talking trolls here) than the lack of attention I was experiencing before I started participating.
Think I'll ever see the day when my WWC pictures get 52 comments and 542 page visits? Yeah ... me neither, but I'm OK with that. I know that those of you who come by here are not here out of a sense of obligation, nor to generate one more comment - one more stat count for your blog - but because you actually want to take the time out of your day to stop by and say hello.
Sex may sell, but it can also sell you out. I sold out and became someone that I didn't like very much.
Any HNT-ers reading this are likely going to feel a strong urge to justify their participation - been there - done that. Quite frankly, it's not my place to judge. I just know that it was no longer right for me.
Want to find out who your real friends are? Need a big old slice of humble pie? Gotten just a bit too big for your britches? Participate in HNT for 18 months, decide you really don't like the "unintended message" you are sending (Emmy, you have no idea how much that post impacted me) stop participating, then pull most all of your HNT shots from your archives.You'll quickly learn that many (most?) HNT-ers (and Thursday lurkers) don't like you or what you write, nor do they admire your photography skills, they just like to pad their stats (HNT-ers are very loyal on Thursdays), look at nekkid pictures and feel like part of the "in" crowd.
This isn't meant to badmouth HNT or all HNT-ers. I forged a few great friendships through my participation in HNT. Generally, HNT-ers are a supportive, well-mannered group of people. I realize that time changes all things, but it saddened me to see something that should have been (was?) - at most - a sensual photo-meme, turn into a hook-up place for extra-marital affairs and alternative lifestyles. A place where the "guidelines" and the expectations were not reflective of one another. A place where gossip and back-stabbing were becoming more and more frequent and more and more difficult to hide. A place where those most vulnerable were "groomed" and sometimes taken advantage of (IMHO). A place where art was no longer art - where it was more important to show more than it was to convey more emotion. And I was part of the problem.
I got caught up in it all; the attention, the illusion of belonging, the superficial friendships. Eventually the attention HNT was bringing was far worse (and I'm not talking trolls here) than the lack of attention I was experiencing before I started participating.
Think I'll ever see the day when my WWC pictures get 52 comments and 542 page visits? Yeah ... me neither, but I'm OK with that. I know that those of you who come by here are not here out of a sense of obligation, nor to generate one more comment - one more stat count for your blog - but because you actually want to take the time out of your day to stop by and say hello.
Sex may sell, but it can also sell you out. I sold out and became someone that I didn't like very much.
Any HNT-ers reading this are likely going to feel a strong urge to justify their participation - been there - done that. Quite frankly, it's not my place to judge. I just know that it was no longer right for me.
~*~
I received the following email Tuesday from the "Team Mom" for Cam's football team:
I was so taken aback by this request that I had to read it several times to convince myself that this was a 40-year old woman sending the email. And no, I won't be participating.
We'd like to tp the cheerleaders houses before their competition on Saturday. We would like them done on the 23rd at night of course. I will coordinate the houses and get all the supplies for everyone. If you are interested, contact me and I will give everyone lists of houses to "hit". Thanks!Really? Am I just so uptight that the thought of having my house TP'd doesn't elicit some wonderful "I'm popular" response? Are we also going to send a team out to clean up the TP the next day? Do adults realize this is vandalism?
I was so taken aback by this request that I had to read it several times to convince myself that this was a 40-year old woman sending the email. And no, I won't be participating.
~*~
Did you know this week was GANG INITIATION week? Apparently there is this really well written email traveling the internets that says it is - and our school district has gotten so many phone calls from parents keeping their kids home because of it - that our school district had to send out a tweet AND a rapid response phone/email message to all parents to assure them it was a hoax.
A local OpEd writer even took on the urban legend in this article.
Parents? If you have a computer in your home and access to the internet, you really should become familiar with snopes.com
Oh, and by the way? Wikipedia really isn't a credible research reference either. Those 15 facts your son contributed to the science fair project he and Cam are working on might as well have been pulled from a Cracker-Jack box!
A local OpEd writer even took on the urban legend in this article.
Parents? If you have a computer in your home and access to the internet, you really should become familiar with snopes.com
Oh, and by the way? Wikipedia really isn't a credible research reference either. Those 15 facts your son contributed to the science fair project he and Cam are working on might as well have been pulled from a Cracker-Jack box!
~*~
From the Are You Kidding Me? idiotic employer policies file ... Early last week we received a memo from the company President telling us that holiday decorations were a no-no this year (for the first time in 86 years) and that we were now going to be limited to THREE visible personal items in our cubicles. You know, another one of those "Let's kick them while they're down because they should be grateful they have a job" policies.
Because he clearly didn't think he was being enough of a moron with that policy, he sent out an email this week - complete with a link - asking us all to vote for his house in the [NAME OF CITY] Spooktacular Halloween Decorating Contest. Seriously. I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried!
From the Are You Kidding Me? idiotic employer policies file ... Early last week we received a memo from the company President telling us that holiday decorations were a no-no this year (for the first time in 86 years) and that we were now going to be limited to THREE visible personal items in our cubicles. You know, another one of those "Let's kick them while they're down because they should be grateful they have a job" policies.Because he clearly didn't think he was being enough of a moron with that policy, he sent out an email this week - complete with a link - asking us all to vote for his house in the [NAME OF CITY] Spooktacular Halloween Decorating Contest. Seriously. I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried!
~*~*~*~*~
56 comments:
"This isn't meant to badmouth HNT or all HNT-ers." So you then proceed to bad-mouth HNT.
Have a nice day.
Hubman, I expected you to react this way. I didn't say that HNT wasn't good for you, I said it wasn't a good thing for ME. And your reaction (and others that will be similar) is a large part of why I feel that way.
I could be no more affected by the HNT thing if you didn't do it anymore. I started visiting the blog because I enjoy the sincerity in your writing and your amazing photo abilities. I know that when you change things, that's when the true friends come out. Those who stay with you through life's changes are the ones who don't care about the form or fashion. They care about the person. As with the friends I have acquired over the past few months, few they are but a loyal few. I have learned that people enter your life based on the different levels of perception. Those who are shallow only see the surface. The deep friends see you and know how to speak to the deeper person that is you. Just sayin!
Stick to your guns, Dana. Good for you.
I stopped doing HNT a LONG time ago because I got creeped out by some of the stuff out there.
You do what's best for you.
TPing the cheerleaders' houses? Grown-ups? Reliving high school much?
Wikipedia... meh.
I swear some company policies exist just so some moron can have a job. I know that some employees take the personal stuff in their cubicles and offices too far sometimes, but really? This is a classic example in how NOT to foster a sense of belonging with your employees.
Enjoy the weekend, Dana.
I think this is one of the best posts I have ever read from. I am a lurker who I think has written here on one or two occasions. I don;t always agree with you but I have developed a great respect for you and what seems like an amazing journey that you are taking. I for one will continue to read. I did look at the HNT photos when you posted but have always been more interested in the quotes that you put with them.
As for TPing the houses, I thought I had heard every stupid and idiotic thing possible. I was wrong. Let's take our ids out to do supervised vandalism and then throw our hands up in the air when they do the same thing on their own. Poor moms and dads crying, "i don't know where he/she learned that type of behavior."
Blog lurker here. . . I love the way you write, and what you write about. I have a teenager, so I can totally relate to much of your content. Also grew up with an alcoholic/abusive dad, so your writing about your husband helps me to understand why my mom never left. Please carry on!
As far as the whole TP thing?? It seems they call ahead here to ask the parents permission before it's allowed. Weird, no???
I have had 50 plus comments and well over 600 hits in a day (I had 861 hits just the other day) - and no skin was EVER shown - it is possible! Looks like you finally found the light switch! You said your were going to change and by golly its happening! You do take a good picture and there are more 'suitable' ways or places to show your art.
Okay, where do I begin.
First off, I am SO glad I have been reading you for longer than you did HNT. And IMHO, your photo's were just beautiful and filled with art. And I'm gonna read your blog whether you have pictures or not.
TP'ing the houses? Are you freaking kidding me? I would NEVER do something like that. It's such a lack of respect and as you said, what is that teaching the other kids??
Your President sounds like a complete ... well, I don't want to write what I'm thinking but maybe he should take lessons from Gary Kelly at Southwest Airlines. Now THERE is a company I'd love to work for.
Vote for his freaking house?? Will the insanity ever end.
First - I would invite you to really read your post again and read all the comments and take them in.
You have strength! You have character. It takes more strength than one knows to look at oneself with a critical eye in order to change behavior. I bow to your strength of character. Please realize that this is something no one can take away from you!
I will miss your HNT shots because I feel that one, you are a very attractive lady and two that you posted some of the most creative shots I have ever seen. But I guess that I will still get that creativity regardless of what you photograph.
Next - I would send an email back to this Mom stating that I would be OK with them TPing my house provided I can get a contingent of folks together to egg hers. I mean, this Joker has to have one upsmanship.
I am with Anndi on Wikipedia - meh!
Snopes? OK, I will check it out...
As far as your employer is concerned I would go out and get all sorts of Holiday decor and decorate his office when he is not looking. Then take tons of pics and send him an email with the pictures that reprimands him for violating his own rule....talk about your jackass. Is there such a thing as a Halloween Grinch? What would we call him?
Finally, Dana...Just make it do what it do. Remember, You're not a monster...You are just ahead of the curve!
And just what was my reaction that you expected? I point out the obvious hypocrisy of your statement and then decide to leave it at that, rather than engaging in a pointless debate.
You like HNT or you don't. You participate or not. Whatever floats your boat.
Stick to your guns, baby! Do what you want. When you want. You do have a right to your opinion. You do have a right to change your mind. Do whatever you damn well please.
I, too love reading your journey. And yes, we are all on one.
I didn't start coming here because of HNT and I'm not leaving because you've decided it wasn't your cup of tea. I graduated from high school (and college) a long time ago and left the "popularity contest" mentality and moved on.
Well there are only three people who I read regularly who participate in HNT. Okay, now two. haha
I don't have anything against it at all. I don't judge anyone who participates in it. I'm sure a lot of them are great people. But, like I said yesterday, it's tough to put into words just what bothers me about it. You did a pretty good job of it though.
It's amazing how bosses react to economic downturns. They end up getting mad and going after trivial things. Things like holiday decorating that they think will cause lower productivity. But, in reality it results in better productivity because it results in a happier workforce. But, most management types went to Stupid School and just don't understand these things.
I will miss your creative and lovely HNT photos, but I am sure you will just use that creativity for other photography!
Since I started blogging long after HNT started I do not know the original way things worked. I know that its something I do and its something I enjoy doing. When its no longer enjoyable, then I stop.
If HNT no longer suits you, then you should not do it obviously. I am sure they day will come for all of us who do HNT where we decide that we are done with it.
I think the TP'ing is moronic and vandalism and as an HR person I cringe when people come up with lame ass rules like that. Its better to have a policy stating that work areas are supposed to look neat and professional and then ding the people who have too much crap up. And with the holiday decorations, have the poor HR person go and get some stuff for the other December holidays and display it all together.
Not being an HNTer or having a blog at all may not qualify me to have an opinion, but being the troll that I am I still do :)
I will never understand the reason that they (HNTers) need/needed to post nude and semi nude pictures of themselves for all the world and God to see. IMHO it reeks of terribly low self esteem and I am so glad for you that you have graduated from that little club becausae it tells me that you really are getting better. Maybe one day you will also undersatand that trolls & dogs have your best interests at heart and want only the best for you and your son.
Shiny Rod, thank you for the kind words. I actually think that many of my regular readers "put up" with my HNTs. It's always good to know where you stand with people and this situation has made many things perfectly clear.
Anndi, that was part of what happened with me. I wanted HNT to be what I thought it was ... and so did everyone else who participated. The problem is that there is a HUGE spectrum of participants. I came to a place where, even if I changed how *I* participated, I was still going to be lumped in with the perception of what HNT "is",and I wasn't OK with that.
Anonymous, I actually like that people don't always agree with me, no matter how much I try to sway them :) Looking at things from a different perspective, and realizing the validity of what is being said, has great value.
I was just AMAZED that parents were signing up to drive their kids around to vandalize homes. Talk about an unintended message.
Dana...It's been a very long time since I've commented here, as well as all the other blogs I read. Part busy, part lazy on my part! :)
I always read here, though, because I really like you and I respect the things you write about and what you have to say about them. I'm not a HNT person, but I am a "to each their own" person and I always thought your shots were beautiful. That being said, I prefer the WWC shots. Nothing wrong with nekkidness, but when the kind of stuff that you talked about results from it...well, then it is time to move on. Good for you for staying true to yourself and for being upfront and honest about it. I did not consider anything you said to be "bashing" HNTers; you call it as you see it, the same way you do with all of the subjects you write about. That is why I come here day after day, and will continue as long as you are here.
Parent-sponsored TP'ing? Whatever happened to decorating lockers? Besides, having parents involved would take all the fun out of TP'ing. I joke. Seriously, why can't parents be parents. In my opinion, it works better that way.
As for your boss? Asshat. Hypocrite. Sounds like my previous place of employment. Note I said previous...after 31 years. I'm not sorry it's previous. Once they start with that kind of crap, it just keeps going. Where does that mentality come from? I agree with the commenter that mentioned Stupid School! :)
better late than never, I *heart* my lurkers - especially when they come out!
Permission to TP? Well, in an odd way that does seem a smidgen better than being surprised by it all, but still ...
doggybloggy, Oh! I know it can happen, but if I am blogging for personal satisfaction, as a means of sorting through life and as a way to socialize, I really shouldn't be overly concerned with my stats, right? I think I might still throw in a self-portrait on occasion, just ones that are a bit more "modest" ... and never on a Thursday!
Bina, I literally spit out my coffee (that I purchased out of the vending machine because the company is too cheap to pay for coffee) when I got that "vote for me" email. I was soooooo tempted to respond, but I do need a job ;-)
Joker_SATX, you know, I screw things up sometimes, and sometimes it takes me far too long to make them right, but I am always willing to - at some level - take a look at myself and (hopefully) try to do better. It's a lifelong process.
Hubman, that you would find a way to point out a perceived flaw in the post (me) rather than acknowledge that maybe some of what I said had merit. "Pointless debate" figures right in there too. As I said in the post, "Quite frankly, it's not my place to judge. I just know that it was no longer right for me."
If I must hide what I'm doing - fear the repercussions of being "found out" - then I have no business doing what I'm doing.
Real Live Lesbian, it's a start ... of letting go of things that aren't really as important as I sometimes make them out to be.
Hee Hee...I love it. No, not because I thought you should quit doing it, but because you chose to it disjoints the half nekkid noses of so many people. Y'know, like Hubman...
"Oh the Humanity, Dana bad-mouthed HNT!! Sob, Sob, Sob."
Pffffft. I had fun doing HNT for awhile because to me it was a chance to be amusing...but I was always well aware that to some, it's merely a chance to look at soft porn. (My opinion, not yours, Dana)
Anyhoo, to recap...
Dana, do or don't do whatever feels right.
Hubman...Here's a hankie Mr. Artiste'...
Oh and Joker?
Just tell Dana that you want to have sex with her. Your obsequious comments are killing me.
Cheers Dana!!
See Dana, it's these exchanges that you encourage through misinterpretation that leads to "pointless debate" with you. You chastise me for not acknowledging what you said has merit, but when I say "You like HNT or you don't. You participate or not. Whatever floats your boat" I'm doing exactly that. But somehow that becomes ME pointing out a flaw in YOU, rather than what I perceive as a flaw in your argument.
You see, I agree with you. There are HNTers who embody what you are critical of. You know what I do? I just don't bother reading them. It's pretty simple, actually.
Ohhh, boohoo Matt-Man really called me out. However will I possibly get over it.
Oh wait, I've never heard of him before.
Never mind....
I think you are a little conservative on the TP issue. That is a huge tradition in my town between the cheerleaders and the fb players. There is even a pride aspect that all your neighbors know you have a kid on the team. I don't know. It is goofy fun. A tradition. I love when I see it around my town - and our teams do it for every game.
With reagrd to the work issue, we are allowed ZERO personal items in our cubes/offices. All must be generic and exactly the same. There is some theroy that it increases productivity if everyone is on equal foot. In fact at any moment you should be able to sit at any desk in the office and perform your duties just as if you were in your own space. I hated it in the begining, but now it the norm.
Sorry about the HNT folk. You were the only one I ever visited - and even then it was because I love you and not becuase I actally wanted to see something naughty.
Well, I started reading your blog through your participation in HNT, and neither one of us are doing HNT anymore, but I'm still reading every day. :)
That's gotta be some kind of encouraging sign, no?
Evil Twin's Wife, What?? You didn't start coming here to gawk at my nekkid loveliness? Well, it *was* your cleavage that got me visiting you! Kidding ... *wink*
Jay, I have to say that I thought the original policy on personal items was ridiculous, but when I got that email to vote for his Hallo-Weenie house? EGADS!
Another Suburban Mom, I think my frustration has been with what I perceived as change (there's a surprise). HNT became something *I* didn't think it should be, but it wasn't mine to define. Os has been pretty upfront about HNT-ers "owning" HNT, making it what it is, and I was having a great deal of conflict surrounding what it was being made into. *shrugs*
HR ... I cannot believe HR has not stepped up to the plate on this one, but then again, I'm guessing he needs his job too. It's got to be a fine line you HR folks have to walk - keeping the bosses butts covered while still trying to address issues in the workplace. Not a job I want thank-you-very-much!
lol. I guess I am in the TP minority. You all better not move to north Jersey. We love our TPed yards!
snugs, trolls and dogs ... you make me laugh! Here's what I'll say on that. Sometimes, the message gets lost in the history of the relationship. Emmy's message was really no different than the one you and doggy have sometimes stated, just less personal. I was more open to it because of that.
kim-d, Ha! Look who's here!! Good to see you!
Parents as parents? Not part of the "in" crowd - the cool kids? Surely you jest! What fun would that be??
Matt-Man, I knew there would be a few crooked noses - hell, I've defended HNT on more than one occasion, and I still do defend the "right" of HNT-ers to do their thing. I think I just needed to come to terms with why many do participate and how that was reflecting on me. And I must admit, I did enjoy looking at your Quarter pounder ... or was that the new Angus?
Hubman, misinterpretation? Hmmm ... it's certainly possible. But me? Chastising you? That's pushing it a bit ...
Oh! And you really should get to know Matt-Man. He is pretty famous and worth name dropping ... if you're in to that sort of thing!
Karen, now I'm thinking the TP-ing issue might be regional? The cheerleaders used sidewalk chalk on our driveway to encourage Cam ... oh! And balloons on our porch rail. I thought that was pretty awesome and not at all inappropriate, but TP? ACCKKK! It's such a pain to try to clean up.
Interesting concept on the work space. I can't imagine not having any personal items to make me smile throughout my day, but maybe I shouldn't be smiling at work :)
Ms. Inconspicuous, Hey!! I didn't even know you were still out and about! And yes, I am EXTREMELY encouraged to know you still read, especially since your writing is so phenomenal. I do miss reading you, even if I had a difficult time with the subject matter on occasion.
I am gonna miss your hnt's. They were very cool.
I am without words regarding the tp'ing of houses. Especially since it went out in email form and is to be an organized event. Wow.
And I'm assuming you didn't vote for the boss's house, either? I sure wouldn't. Wow, again.
peace...
Okay so I too am a lurker....I am so glad however to see that you are making great strides in your self esteem! I will continue to read your blogs for the wonderful writer that you are...I love the different perspectives that you put out for us to ponder, and the new photos are awesome! I did not start reading because of HNT nor will I go away because you have chosen not to participate.
I will keep reading no matter what. I don't always comment but I am here everyday and I enjoy reading whatever you are writing about.
I can say that I get discouraged with HNT every few months, myself, for some of the same reasons you've mentioned. But like MS I said - I HAVE found a lot of great blogs to read because of it. Hell I'd venture to say that 85% of my feed reader is blogs I found through HNT in some way.
I can't decide on what I think of the TP thing. I guess bc I'm lazy and grumpy half the time, the thought of it pisses me off bc I wouldn't want to clean it up.
Well, can I just not come her in Thursdays then? LOL KIDDING...HNT or no HNT...I am here
The TPing...In some towns it is a tradition - if that is the case in your town, then consider participating...
Snopes is the first place you need to go when you get a mass email..
Can you send us the link for the voting, so we can all vote against bosses house?
I noticed of course that you no longer HNT pic post but didn't know that you removed them from your archives. That is a shame because those pictures were an example of fantastic photography, in my humble opinion. I dont think your WWC pictures resonate the same because you're not as passionate about the subject matter. For me they are just pitures of things, some cool but they aren't a glimpse into ones soul as your HNT pictures were for me. I think I may have glimpsed at other HNT posters once or twice only but they were just nekkid because they didn't mean anything to me like you do.
I would never appreciate my house being TP'd.
Your boss is a goof. I'd make sure to vote for one of his neighbors :)
Always...
Dana,
I'm personally unsure of even how to respond to the first part of this post. What people participate it whether it be the weekly MEMEs or HNT, is truly up to them. In my case, I had been participating on OHNT for most of the year. My decision to do it on my blog had nothing to do with stats or a desire for comments or pressure from others, but was based on a good question a few people asked - why am I NOT doing it? I found that to be a good question. Why wasn't I doing it? Clearly it is part of who I am and what I enjoy doing, why am I hiding it?
Because of the judgment and assumptions people can make if you do.
The reality is I have enjoyed doing them. I clearly love photography, I love editing the photos, and I enjoy seeing myself in a different light....a light others always saw, but was difficult for me to see.
But, that question also begged a few more. Why was I sanitizing my life on the blog? Why wasn't I sharing the fact my hubby and I are in the "lifestyle" or that I write erotica that I've shared with friends.
I do 12-14 posts per week. 7 of them are photographs - most of them are NOT commented on - but that's not why I decided to do that project. My music post today has created the one of the most interesting discussion I've had on my blog. Many who have joined in found me via HNT. Personally, I don't care....they have proven to be interesting and thoughtful people who have added to the debate.
At the end of the day, I define my friends (blogger and otherwise) by how they react when I need them in times of crisis. Those are who count. The rest are readers who occasional comment.
~Emmy
I'm not going to justify mine or anyone else's reasons for participating in HNT. Nor debate it. It's a 'whatever'. I think everyone does it for different ones, some possibly the same. I've enjoyed participating as long as I have bc I do my best to stay out of the drama and the cliques.
You said the most important statement in that, YOU didn't enjoy it anymore. So...time to stop. :)
I also really love what Emmy had to say. She's much more eloquent than I am.
I'm STUNNED at the email you got from the "Team Mom". That seems really, really inappropriate of her/them. I'd be *pissed* to find out parents had planned to help their kids vandalize my house.
theybelongtous, I'm considering finding a way to integrate a self-portrait of some sort into the WWC I do on Tuesdays. I think it's very do-able.
And no, I didn't vote for the bosses house, but I did vote for his neighbor who was already WAY ahead in votes :)
Granny Nanny, you're not really a lurker, you pop in every once-in-a-while!
Howard Bagby, we seem to have kind of the same blog-relationship. I read you daily as well, but comment only occasionally.
Lilly, I think the TP clean-up is my biggest issue, although the fact that it sends a TERRIBLE message to the kids ranks right up there too!
Bond, Pfffttt! I am already taking care of that! You can vote once a day and I am exercising my right to vote!
Lu', they aren't gone-gone, just gone! I'm quite proud of many of those shots and yes, they were often done with great emotion. I will miss that aspect, but do think I can find a way to convey the same emotions fully clothed!
Emmy, as I said in an earlier comment, I *fully* support the "right" of people to blog about whatever it is they want to blog about (within the realms of what is legal), and to take photos of whatever they want to take photos of (again, legal issues are a consideration).
I *was* hiding my participation - from my husband - from my son - from my community - and I am not OK with that. Add to that some of the Cam issues that I've been dealing with and I just could not find a way to justify saying one thing (be honest, honor God, be respectful, etc.) to him and doing something completely opposite in my own life.
It really didn't matter to me why *I* was participating in HNT. What it came down to was how did it reflect on me.
Vixen, nor should you feel compelled to justify your participation. You are a grown-up, making grown-up decisions based on what you feel is right. I respect that.
The TP-ing issue still gets me.
I know all the drama is around the HNT issues, but I popped back to see if I was still in the vast minority on the TP issue. Seriously, people? Vandalize??? Are you taking harmless fun a little far? The parents in my neighborhood are PROUD to clean up some TP from the yard after game day. LOL. I can't believe I am the only person with a sense of school spirit and a sense of innocent fun!
Karen, it could be only the people who agreed with me put their opinion out there. I'm all for school spirit and, like I said, the cheerleaders did draw a HUGE chalk mural in our driveway and purple and white balloons on our porch rail in support of Cam ... and I was actually touched by that! My issue is specifically the TP - thrown into the tops of trees - places where it is impossible to clean up. Then it gets damp and your yard looks like ... well ... a toilet bowl!
School spirit is great, but know where to draw the line. For the record, I was ticketed as a teen for TP-ing a house. Maybe that taints my view a bit.
FCW, fully clothed Wednesday? Oh I have no doubt you could convey the same emotion clothed or not. It's the pictures of just stuff that lose something in the translation I think. Heck I might even join in on FCW :)
"If I must hide what I'm doing - fear the repercussions of being "found out" - then I have no business doing what I'm doing" smartest thing I have heard all day. You have the other blog and you do take nice pictures you can still post there but not in the "club" sense of HNT and do it more for YOU if you want - I support this type of creativity 100% for all kinds of reasons the most primary being that we age daily and its nice to see how we are evolving - I think everyone needs to come to terms with their own nudity and some like to be very public about it...when it becomes a popularity contest then it is tough - I am in a cooking popularity contest all the time but its a contest I seek out.
I think if you TP'd anything in NYC you would be tasered and sentenced to serve hard time (if you dont get shot doing it)...its pollution and grafitti all mixed into one.
I have to say this is one time me and the dog are not on the same page...TP'ing is a huge tradition here and I do not consider it vandalizing. I am one of those parents that drove the boys to tp the girls houses and vice versa. I always did make sure the parents of the house was ok with it..
I am so glad I'm in the blog reading mood again . That was rather well written, and so bone bare honest - as you always are. Thanks Dana.
Dana:
Great post.
If you can't be true to yourself, when wht really are you blogging for?
Everything you say and do should be about what YOU are about. If you feel that HNT isn't for you, then it shouldn't be on your blog. That isn't taking down anyone else that does HNT, it's just stating that it's no longer something that has the same pull for you that it once did.
Not being an active member of HNT, I can't point fingers.. Heck, it's been AGES since I've even bothered to look and see who's doing HNT anymore..
I didn't think I'd see the day that Doggy and Snugs would actually compliment you on something, but I'm glad to see that I was wrong!
I agree with you that I'd have to draw the line at TPing houses. Sidewalk chalk, ballons, maybe even a decorative sign or two, but TP?? That's a mess and a half to clean up, and if it rains or you have a heavy dew, you can't get that crap out for NOTHING.
Face it Dana, no matter what your decision is, you're going to face adversity, just because you're going to tread where someone is going to get their nose bent out of shape a bit.
Apparently some just can't help but make a statement letting you know that they're above a subject or not.
Keep on keeping on, and I'll keep dropping in as I can to read about things that you have dealt with!
This is one case where my antisocial stance on HNT has protected me. I hear things like what you wrote, but have never really seen too much of it because, like I said, antisocial. I only visit people that I would read every day anyway, so if people are going to stop visiting mine just because I don't read every single one...then, um, so? Maybe I just never drank the kool-aid, though. HNT is just another weekly meme, kids. Don't be sheep about it.
I want you to know that I still read you all the time, I'm just not a big commenter and I rarely click through from my Reader. But I'm hearing you!
Reading back on my comment. It might have come across as a bit confrontational, and it wasn't meant that way. It was meant to be a way to begin a comment with the objective of saying 'if it's not for you, it's not for you'.
I obviously come here day after day bc I like your blog. :)
Your boss is a cock.
Lu', I think - for now - that I'll try to integrate some self-portraits into WWC. For some silly reason I hadn't even considered that option.
doggybloggy, the other blog has become inactive as well. For now, until I can come to a place of resolution, it's best to leave the nudity out of the equation.
snugs, I think it is seen as harmful encouragement here too, but how can I support TP-ing but then say that some other "destructive" fun is not OK? I'm best off just not going there.
Librarian Lee, honest isn't always pretty, but I try to keep it real here. Thanks Lee!
Jormengrund, I was fighting against far more issues than just HNT, it's just that HNT began to embody all of the negative things (for me).
NY Diva, I was able to keep out of the extra-curricular side of HNT for quite some time, but then it kind of all came crashing down. I felt an obligation to support those who participated in HNT for their efforts - maybe that's where I went wrong? *shrugs*
Dharma, It's difficult to respond to your comment when you come back and delete it, so I thought I'd repost it - you make some great points:
Yeah...I have to say that your post really kind of took me aback. I'm a consistent HNTer and a regular reader of your blog...yet, I don't think you've ever responded to a comment I've made or visited my blog -- so clearly, I'm not coming here, to your blog, to pad my stats.
If HNT doesn't work for you, that's well and good that you have chosen to not participate. Personally, I enjoy the entire process and am not looking for validation of my photography skills (thank god, because they're not great).
But have you given any consideration to why you keep coming back to the issues you have with HNT, now that you've stopped participating?
First, I didn't say that ALL HNT-ers participate to pad their stats - I said many do - and I believe that to be true. I've even read posts from HNT-ers that were "bothered" by the fact that no one leaves comments and visitor numbers go way down when they aren't posting about sex. I think that's pretty clear.
I was in HNT more from the validation point (of my photograph and of me) than anything else. I looked to page hits and number of comments as my validation and I was fooling myself about what those numbers meant.
And clearly, the reason I keep coming back to the issue of HNT is that I've not resolved it in my own head. Like so many things, what I want it to be - and what it is - are very different. Like other topics, I'll mull it around on and off this blog until I find a place where I am able to set it aside.
Vixen, it might have come across as confrontational if I didn't know you. I actually didn't take it that way at all!
rage, yes ... yes he is!
I deleted my comment because I thought better of it -- as in, I've got my own stuff going on right now that leaves me super-defensive and overly sensitive to anything that might pertain to me, even if it is unlikely that it does.
My question about thinking about why you keep revisiting this HNT-as-validation topic was not snarky, but sincere. I suppose you are doing what I suggested, simply by writing about it in your blog.
Again, I don't feel as if my comment was as well-thought out and clear as what I would have liked it to have been. That's why I deleted it.
Hi :) I will always come by to say hello b/c it's things like the email "requesting" assistance in TP'ing houses that make me smile. Seriously, that is disgusting. I remember the night my car got egged in high school and I cried the whole night.
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