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In my The World Gets A Little Smaller series, I mentioned that I added "FamLo" - GPS locating - to Cam's cell phone. Cam claims this is yet another way I stalk him, and in a sense, he is right. What I didn't realize was just how common these types of locating devices are.
These days, if you have a computer or cell phone, and an electronic tracking device you can locate a missing pet, follow the path of your stolen car, find a skier buried in an avalanche and rescue a hiker lost in the woods ... and keep tabs on your kids.
Like most of us, I was familiar with cell phone locating. We've known for years that it was quite easy to triangulate a cell phone location using cell phone towers. But there is an entire industry devoted to what are marketed as child "safety devices". For just $20, you can purchase your very own Giggle Bug, a device that clips on to the clothing of your child and allows you to trigger a "child friendly" beep if you lose them.
Do you have an older kid? the Brickhouse Child Locator operates in much the same manner, but doesn't look quite as geeky. A little gizmo attached to a backpack or key ring, coupled with a hand-held monitoring device, allows tracking and directional indicators to locate a child (they also recommend this for elderly people who "wander") up to 600 feet away outdoors, and up to 250 plus feet away indoors.
Just about every cell phone service offers some sort of GPS locating. Our carrier - Verizon - offers their Family Locator Service for just $9.99/month. This has been one of many tools I've been using to keep Cam honest. It allows me to set up different zone alerts (home, school, etc) so that I am automatically notified if Cam leaves or enters any of those zones. I can also use my computer or cell phone to locate him at any given moment ... assuming his phone is turned on, he's not on a call and his battery hasn't died.
When I was doing the research for this post, I also discovered there are all kinds of GPS locators not associated with cell phones. Zoombak offers a "universal" locator that is portable and is small enough that it can be placed just about anywhere as well as Car & Family model that can be hard-wired into your vehicle to track not only location, but speed of the vehicle.
As confident as I am that I did the right thing by adding "FamLo" to our phones, there are two things that really bother me about these devices.
First is the creep factor. When I set Cam's phone up on the Verizon service, my intent was to verify that he was where he said he was going to be (trust is a significant issue right now) and to be alerted should he attempt to run away (that threat has eased a bit). Cam is well aware that he is being monitored via GPS. But some of these devices could easily be used without knowledge of the party being monitored. Suspect your spouse is cheating? Attach the portable receiver to the inside of his/her trunk with Velcro and learn EXACTLY where they've been. A bit of a control freak? Checking mileage on the odometer isn't enough? We can help you with that too!
Then there is the parenting factor. As a parent, do I gain a bit of false security knowing that I can "find" my kid? Am I less vigilant in watching where my toddler wanders because with a single click I can activate their beeping beacon? I am well aware of the limitations of locating Cam. He can turn the phone off and I won't be able to find him, and the locator service tells me where he is, not what he's doing.
What do you think? Are these devices a good thing or a bad thing? When using them with a teen, is it an invasion of privacy or a tool to insure personal accountability. Creepy or ingenious?
These days, if you have a computer or cell phone, and an electronic tracking device you can locate a missing pet, follow the path of your stolen car, find a skier buried in an avalanche and rescue a hiker lost in the woods ... and keep tabs on your kids.
Like most of us, I was familiar with cell phone locating. We've known for years that it was quite easy to triangulate a cell phone location using cell phone towers. But there is an entire industry devoted to what are marketed as child "safety devices". For just $20, you can purchase your very own Giggle Bug, a device that clips on to the clothing of your child and allows you to trigger a "child friendly" beep if you lose them.Do you have an older kid? the Brickhouse Child Locator operates in much the same manner, but doesn't look quite as geeky. A little gizmo attached to a backpack or key ring, coupled with a hand-held monitoring device, allows tracking and directional indicators to locate a child (they also recommend this for elderly people who "wander") up to 600 feet away outdoors, and up to 250 plus feet away indoors.
Just about every cell phone service offers some sort of GPS locating. Our carrier - Verizon - offers their Family Locator Service for just $9.99/month. This has been one of many tools I've been using to keep Cam honest. It allows me to set up different zone alerts (home, school, etc) so that I am automatically notified if Cam leaves or enters any of those zones. I can also use my computer or cell phone to locate him at any given moment ... assuming his phone is turned on, he's not on a call and his battery hasn't died.
When I was doing the research for this post, I also discovered there are all kinds of GPS locators not associated with cell phones. Zoombak offers a "universal" locator that is portable and is small enough that it can be placed just about anywhere as well as Car & Family model that can be hard-wired into your vehicle to track not only location, but speed of the vehicle.
As confident as I am that I did the right thing by adding "FamLo" to our phones, there are two things that really bother me about these devices.
First is the creep factor. When I set Cam's phone up on the Verizon service, my intent was to verify that he was where he said he was going to be (trust is a significant issue right now) and to be alerted should he attempt to run away (that threat has eased a bit). Cam is well aware that he is being monitored via GPS. But some of these devices could easily be used without knowledge of the party being monitored. Suspect your spouse is cheating? Attach the portable receiver to the inside of his/her trunk with Velcro and learn EXACTLY where they've been. A bit of a control freak? Checking mileage on the odometer isn't enough? We can help you with that too!Then there is the parenting factor. As a parent, do I gain a bit of false security knowing that I can "find" my kid? Am I less vigilant in watching where my toddler wanders because with a single click I can activate their beeping beacon? I am well aware of the limitations of locating Cam. He can turn the phone off and I won't be able to find him, and the locator service tells me where he is, not what he's doing.
What do you think? Are these devices a good thing or a bad thing? When using them with a teen, is it an invasion of privacy or a tool to insure personal accountability. Creepy or ingenious?
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21 comments:
ET devices are a great tool in addition to good old fashion parenting. Never should these items allow a parent to fall into a false sense of security. These devices can be easily tricked or circumvented. The power of technology is only as good as the user's knowledge of the devices limitations. As you noted about the cell phone, several situations have to be in place for the device to be effective. The trust should be in the parenting skills and not the device.
I think a lot has to do with the teen. I try to have life teaching my kids as much as possible. I let them know up front that I am expecting them to get away with stuff. I let them know that I tried to get away with stuff and ruin trust between me and my parents when I was younger. I also let them know the consequences of my actions. And there were times when my failure was complete.
I let them know that these are the years that will define who they are. And that depending on their actions, mom and dad may not be able to be there to bail them out.
And I leave it at that. They know that they are required to have or wear a device like this that it probably won't come from Dad...it will come from the courts.
So far, this methodology has worked for me. I am happy to say that my kids are making good decisions.
If the teen has given you cause to be concerned, then it is not wrong. I am not sure I would have told Matt - so he can not turn it off and then be non-locatable.
But, that said...these devices do not take the place of being vigilant and being a parent and grounding or taking priviledges away.
Problem is that some parents hate to do those things because it is an 'inconvenience' to them also...
SUCK IT UP PARENTS...having a child(ren) means the rest of your life tends to be inconvenienced...
I'm on a fence here. It's good to try and use the technology to keep your kids safe, yet I know I learned valuable lessons by doing things I shouldn't have. I was lucky enough to not be hurt but I learned a lot about the bad in the world.
Funny you should post this today. My work has flipped the switch on the gps tracking on the work phones today. Those who attempt to turn off the gps locator will be fired immediately. It doesn't matter what time of day it is either so they have access to see where I am even on "my" time. Needless to say, I'm going to upgrade my phone so I can leave this phone at home on the weekends. Screw giving them phone support. They own enough of my life, I'm not going to give them everything.
Shiny Rod, I think that false sense of security might be more of an issue with toddlers than with teen. Other than getting lost, or abducted, it's not like your toddler is going to go hang out on a street corner with the town hoodlums. I agree, it is a minor tool that can be used in addition to good parenting.
Joker_SATX, I agree - in part - with the life lessons approach, however there comes a time when a child's imminent safety is of concern, and I don't want the life lesson to be death. It all sounds good and lovely, but when you are at that crossroads as a parent, the life-lesson sometimes needs to be nixed.
Bond, Cam is aware that if the phone is turned off, or without a charged battery, he'll be grounded. He hasn't pushed that boundary *crosses fingers*
Parenting is DIFFICULT work, no matter how easy we may want to make it.
As a parenting tool, I think it's a great idea. I definitely don't think it's an 'invasion of privacy' for a teen.
As far as the creep factor, welcome to my world while still married to my exH. He did all sorts of 'fun' things like installing such a device on my car as well as other programs on my computer and phone.
I don't fault these devices though.
Since I don't have children, I don't have a dog in this hunt.
But, as a partner/wife it doesn't bother me at all. Then again, I'm not doing anything wrong. ;) Check up on me all you want. If it makes you feel more comfortable.
Trust is so complicated, isn't it?
Given the issues you've been dealing with, I think it's a good idea. At the beginning of 6th grade, Buddy was struggling. We have a system called "Edline" where the teachers update grades and often list homework, etc. Once he learned I was able to sign in and SEE what he needed to be doing and see where he was slacking off, he picked up his homework habits much better. In fact, he has brought his social studies grade up from a C to an A. All it took was letting him know "big brother" was keeping an eye on things.
Not all parents utilize the Edline or even care about it. I figure I AM being a good parent by checking it nearly every day (along with his backpack) and staying involved with his school work.
To be honest, as a parent, you need to use all the tools at your disposal to help with the raising of your child.
If you've got problems with trust, then it's going to force your hand in using things that might seem a bit high on the "creep" factor, but that allow you to track and monitor your child's movements, so that when you ask them questions, and their answers coincide with the results you have gotten through the day, trust is established. If the answers don't jive, then it's yet one more reason that the actions you've taken have further been justified.
Personally, I'd consider using GPS if I found that my son was doing something that I really didn't approve of, and I couldn't trust him to be honest and open with me about his actions.
Why?
Because I'm a firm believer in tough love, and even though it tends to infringe on his rights as a growing adult, it still is well within my rights as a parent to keep him in line, and try to keep him as safe as possible.
Great post Dana.
Average Chick, I think a large part of my concern is that the "bad" in the world has gotten far more complicated than it was 30 years ago when I was Cam's age. And the employer GPS requirement? I'd be getting my own phone too! I can see that requirement for ... say ... a UPS driver, but for you?
Vixen, Cam seems to think that he has a "right" to privacy. I tell him he can have that right as soon as he is exercising his "right" to be an adult.
That creep factor really hit home for me too, and I did see those data logging tools for use on the computer. EEKK!
Real Live Lesbian, actually, you *do* have a dog in the hunt! They also recommend these devices be put on the collars of pets!
Evil Twin's Wife, there was a short period of time when I was tracking Cam CONSTANTLY. I've now set up a few zones (including one zone where he is NEVER to be) and just make sure he is where he says he is going to be. BTW, we have a parent portal here that is identical to your EdLine. I *heart* it!
Jormengrund, I also have SafeEyes computer software that helps me keep Cam's internet surfing in line as well as monitoring all IM chat. I don't use it all of the time, but you can certainly bet that I check it frequently enough to have a clue about what he's doing.
Control freak? Maybe, but I also have a responsibility to Cam and to society to raise a productive citizen.
I love the fact you can "trace" where a teenager is, or has been, or weather or not they are speeding. Teenagers lie, and for all of you who want to say, "Not my kid", my husband said the same thing about HIS son, and guess what? He got caught in SEVERAL lies thanks to My Space and the program his mother installed on the computer. Found out at the age of 15 he went drinking at a college party when he was supposed to be at the movies, got a speeding ticket at 17, got a ticket for not wearing a seatbelt, found out instead of going to church group he went boating with friends. Those types of things.
I wish they had that when my boys were teenagers. Probably would have kept my son from being life-flighted to the hospital, or at the very least, kept me sane.
As far as using it to spy on a spouse? Stalkers can use them to. Yea, creepy.
If I had a teenage kid, I'm pretty sure I would be monitoring their whereabouts using these devices. But, I'm vehemently opposed to employers doing this to employees. At least, in non-working hours.
I personally subscribe to the school of "I have nothing to hide so feel free to Big Brother me". But I understand not everyone feels that way. But I do understand the opposite point of view.
Please tell me, what prevents Cam from putting his phone in his locker or in his bedroom so he appears to be in an approved zone and then going about his business without your tracking? Maybe our dear Jay is rubbing off on me and I am becoming Cynical, but it doesn't seem to me that this tracking works for a kid who is old enough to figure out the zillion ways around it. I would think you would need to bug or lo-jack your child without him knowing to have this be effective.
Modern tools for modern times. I think you are doing the right thing. Better to keep a close watch on Cam, than too loose of a grip. As trust is gained maybe you can give Cam more freedom.
Bina, I get that teenagers need to learn some of life's lessons the hard way, but I also believe there is a progression to that learning, and that keeping an "eye" on a 13 year old looks much different than keeping an "eye" on a 16 year old does.
Jay, the issue with employers is a sticky one. For delivery drivers I can see the need - during work hours - but other professions? Not so much and NEVER during off time.
Karen, oh, this most definitely is a tool that can be worked around, but my threats to lock Cam down should I ever discover he is doing that seem to be working ... so far ...
we're doomed, and that is what I've been trying to do. As long as he tells me where he is headed (he now gets that just because his friend lives across the street from a park doesn't mean he can go to the park without letting me know because it's "close enough") and is where he says he'll be, I'll be checking a lot less.
hmmmm...interesting proposition, D.
I think the use of these devices is completely up to the child. If he/she has proven to be trustworthy they are not needed; if they have a less than trustful history, the parent should use them if they want.
I think this fact should be imparted to the child...
"Hey kid...if you prove that I can trust you, you're free to move about. If not, I'll monitor your ass."
Cheers Dana!!
I think it is scary out there and if I had a child I'd lose what bit of sanity I have left from worry.
Technology is creepy these days and I figure that the schmoes that invent the "find out if your S/O is cheating" devices are probably single.
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