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Before I get to TMI Tuesday, I want to post a short "plea" of sorts. It's been brought to my attention (bloggers really can be good friends) that a relatively anonymous commenter - someone who has posted a comment only once to only one of my posts - has been "harvesting" the email addresses from profiles of some of the people who comment on my site. This individual is sending, via email, bits of my personal financial information as well as making accusations regarding the treatment of my son - a commentary of half truths and opinions. There is no doubt where this person came from as there is only one place I've shared this information - the single moms email list I turned to for support 10 years ago and unsubbed from about 6 months ago.
I know that any time I put myself out here for all the world to see, there is a chance that I'll run into people like this, but I'm not willing to be "bullied" into shutting down this blog or making it private.
If you receive an email from Fivestrike@[insert service provider here].com, please delete it. Let's not allow this "drama generator" the satisfaction of creating any additional drama.
I know that any time I put myself out here for all the world to see, there is a chance that I'll run into people like this, but I'm not willing to be "bullied" into shutting down this blog or making it private.
If you receive an email from Fivestrike@[insert service provider here].com, please delete it. Let's not allow this "drama generator" the satisfaction of creating any additional drama.
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1. What is your definition of romantic?
Hmmm ... romantic ...
Selfless acts of giving. Romantic can involve material things, but is more often time or attention related. In my world, romantic doesn't have to cost a penny. Washing the dishes without being asked, handing over the remote control, or calling me at work to let me know that you'll pick up dinner tonight so that I don't have to cook - those are all romantic.
2. Would you consider yourself to be romantic?
I pretend that I'm not a romantic. Why? Because it's easier to not be disappointed if youhide have no expectations.
3. Is your significant other romantic?
This answer may surprise all of you, but he does have his moments. Of course, they are few and far between (think annually), but in a way, that makes them even more of a surprise.
4. Have you ever chastised a SO for not being romantic enough or too romantic?
No. Being me, I make excuses for the SO instead (see answer above).
5. What do you consider a grand romantic gesture? Have you ever been the recipient or giver of one?
You know, this is a difficult question. I can certainly think of things I'd consider as grand romantic gestures, but they'd need to be done by someone Iloved cared about. The gesture isn't enough on it's own - it needs to come from the right person.
6. If you have done something romantic to get laid, did it work? If not, why and how did that affect your romantic tendencies in the past.
I'm a woman, we aren't required to produce romantic gestures in exchange for sex - nor should men.
7. What is the most romantic thing you have ever done? Had done for you?
The most romantic thing I've ever done? I've got to use my own definition of romantic here, which means these are going to be silly things. Like the time I gave a massage, from head to toe, without being asked, or the time I snuck the kids out of the house for a family portrait because husband had mentioned, in passing, that he really wanted a pic of the kids together, or ... or ... or ...
You know, in a good relationship, I try to perform romantic gestures frequently. I want whomever I am with to know that they are special to me - that I think of them frequently - even when they might be away from me.
I've been the recipient of a handful of romantic gestures. Probably the most special was during my short relationship/marriage to A. He used to bring me a "Thursday" gift every week. Thursday gifts were often just silly little things presented in a grand way. It might be hand picked wild flowers, or a trip to the tattoo shop, but it was every Thursday - without fail - and no matter what our financial position - that was romantic.
Hmmm ... romantic ...
Selfless acts of giving. Romantic can involve material things, but is more often time or attention related. In my world, romantic doesn't have to cost a penny. Washing the dishes without being asked, handing over the remote control, or calling me at work to let me know that you'll pick up dinner tonight so that I don't have to cook - those are all romantic.
2. Would you consider yourself to be romantic?
I pretend that I'm not a romantic. Why? Because it's easier to not be disappointed if you
3. Is your significant other romantic?
This answer may surprise all of you, but he does have his moments. Of course, they are few and far between (think annually), but in a way, that makes them even more of a surprise.
4. Have you ever chastised a SO for not being romantic enough or too romantic?
No. Being me, I make excuses for the SO instead (see answer above).
5. What do you consider a grand romantic gesture? Have you ever been the recipient or giver of one?
You know, this is a difficult question. I can certainly think of things I'd consider as grand romantic gestures, but they'd need to be done by someone I
6. If you have done something romantic to get laid, did it work? If not, why and how did that affect your romantic tendencies in the past.
I'm a woman, we aren't required to produce romantic gestures in exchange for sex - nor should men.
7. What is the most romantic thing you have ever done? Had done for you?
The most romantic thing I've ever done? I've got to use my own definition of romantic here, which means these are going to be silly things. Like the time I gave a massage, from head to toe, without being asked, or the time I snuck the kids out of the house for a family portrait because husband had mentioned, in passing, that he really wanted a pic of the kids together, or ... or ... or ...
You know, in a good relationship, I try to perform romantic gestures frequently. I want whomever I am with to know that they are special to me - that I think of them frequently - even when they might be away from me.
I've been the recipient of a handful of romantic gestures. Probably the most special was during my short relationship/marriage to A. He used to bring me a "Thursday" gift every week. Thursday gifts were often just silly little things presented in a grand way. It might be hand picked wild flowers, or a trip to the tattoo shop, but it was every Thursday - without fail - and no matter what our financial position - that was romantic.
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53 comments:
Ha. The Thursday gift thing is so sweet.
As far as the jerk you mention in the opening? Un-fucking-believable.
I can picture some sad, sorry soul in her basement, laughing maniacally, while sending out these emails about you and Cam.
Hang in there Dana. Cheers!!
I know I've tried to lasso the moon once or twice when I was drunk. That's pretty romantic, don't you think? ;)
Matt-Man, it really was the most long-term romantic thing anyone has done for me.
Corky, awww ... lasso the moon ... such a feat of a drunken stupor *wink*
Why are people so vicious? I am sorry you have to deal with such negativity.
I like your definition of romantic. I am not a flowery, candle light, long walks on the beach sort of girl. I always that I am not really into "romance', but under your definition I certainly am romantic.
I, too love the Thursday gift. Just a little something that says you're thinking of me. That's romantic!
Dana I think they should be reported or shot, HA! I kid I kid I kid...
I think the Thursday gift is great. I like the little romantic gestures. They don't need to be grand. It is just nice that they be.
Ok, I'm thinking banishment for Fivestrike! Is she so miserable in her own life that she needs to spread it around? You've written about her before right? Fuck her....that's about all I can think of to say to her...witty aren't I? ;)
And that thursday gift thing....made my eyes leak. I'm such a sap! Memories keep us warm when it gets cold...remember that.
First off, I would like to say to the person doing this to you, "BACK THE FUCK OFF".
And also, I would never open an email from someone I didn't know, and it probably go to my spam or junk mail folder, and I just delete every thing from those, I have never even looked to see who they are from. Yea, I learned the hard way! LOL
Ah, romance. To me, romance is going out of your way to make someone feel special. Flowers don't do it for me. I mean, I GROW those, ya know? Jewelry? Not so much. Getting me a hershey bar while you are out cause you know I love them? That could do it. It's the simple, "I'm thinking of you" that does it for me. And yes, I do that a lot for Chris as well.
Hhhmm...the every Thursday thing does sound romantic.
I may have to try that one. Let's let Trish think I came up with the idea on my own, ok?
Women are not only not required to be romantic for sex, but there is absolutely no need for you to be so. As the joke goes..."What women need to do to get laid: Show up. Bring beer." :-)
Oh I'd just LOVE to get an email from a troll;-)
Ah--I think I need to do this one because my love is so sweetly romantic--I've posted about it before. But just yesterday I opened the console of my car and there was a small present --wrapped no less. It was a CD I wanted. I swear I only mentioned it once. he's amazing that way.
I am very SQUEEEEE about you being on my radio show;-)
It's rather sad that some pathetic fool thinks we care what a stranger has to say about a person we know through blogging. If only they had a real life to live. *Sigh*
Now I'm going to read the rest of the post.
Seems we are all in agreement that women need not do ANYTHING to get laid.
You guys are just a bunch of sluts. :)
You sure are easy to please in your version of romantic. I don't think I understand romantic. It makes me uncomfortable.
Karen, I think on some level this person feels they are doing a "service" to those they are contacting - telling the "truth" as they see it *shrugs* Romance, IMHO, is so not about those times when it is expected, but rather when it's not!
RLL, yep! Sometimes they really were silly - like the time he put $5 worth of quarters into one of those little trinket machines and put all of the plastic balls and their contents in a box.
Lu, I'd take a weekly, small gesture over an annual grand gesture any day!
tt, damn leaky eyes! I hate it when that happens!
Bina, "thinking of you," especially when not mandated by some silly day/celebration, is always romantic in my book!
Slick, please do steal it. My lips are sealed!!
I agree with you so much on 2. I described myself a non-romantic for very long... in fact, I'm a romantic junkie... ;-))
Your #5 is also very true for me...
Great answers!!
Paul, and it doesn't even have to be good beer!
Turn, you are going to do this and make me incredibly jealous, aren't you?? You've posted about some of his romantic acts and they are all heavy on the "Awwww" factor!
The radio show ... don't remind me ... I can feel the anxiety building! I might just have to call in next week to get my feet wet.
Knight, go read the rest!! The first part is sad, but not worthy of dwelling on.
Biscuit, you know, if they held out a little on us they might enjoy it a little more ... or not *wink*
Knight, I'm really quite a simple gal. Treat me with respect, let me know that you are thinking about me on occasion, and I'm tickled!
I'm with Matt-Man...Un-Fucking-Believable......these people really need to get a fucking life.
I would never open a e-mail from someone who I didn't know, or understand the subject. i can only hope they send something to me, cause I would have a grand time e-mailing them back with a piece of my fucking mind. Move on people.
You are so simple with "pleasures" I find that romantic in it's self.
I go for the romance all the way! However, I really like the Thursday idea. *Hint, hint if Apple Hubby is reading*
I'm trying to be more concious about doing little things for him. I wonder if he notices?
Dana, I’ve not received any such emails but I have a long standing policy that whenever I do receive any kind of such correspondence—snail mail included—I destroy it without reading it any further. (Some folks just love to tell God—i.e., via a clergyperson—the real and imagined sins of others).
Since I was born on Saint Valentine’s Day, I fear that I am overly romantic, rather like a huge box of chocolate candy.
I haven't received any emails like that. I always get left out. hahah ;-)
Anyway, the Thursday gift idea is pretty good. I like that. I think I'll get myself a gift every Thursday until the day comes that there is actually someone else to get a gift for. That way I'll be able to practice for when it really counts. haha ;-)
It's unfortunate that some people with pathetic lives have to try and make others feel the way they feel. Keep you chin up... You know we all have your back!
Great answers this week! I agree - it's the little things that make a romantic gesture.
I *love* the Thursday gift idea!!! How special and sweet that is. Just LUV it!!!
Happy TMI!
Dana-
I don't post often, but I love to read your blog. I find it intriguing. I appreciate you not deleting your blog or making it private, I will be aware of the noted bully! And I just love your answers to the TMI questions today. You are too cute:)
Christi
SeaRabbit, nothing will get me all googly-eyed as quickly as someone who figures out that even though I claim non-romantic tendencies, I'm actually a big, old softy for that kind of thing.
Cat, usually being called "simple" isn't a compliment, but really - in this instance - I think it certainly is *wink*
Apple, Apple Hubs was reading yesterday - let's hope he's paying attention today!
Nick, interesting ... I'd have never imagined that to be an issue, but it does kind of make sense. God needs all the help he can get, right? A noble do-gooder is just the ticket *wink*
Jay, the email doesn't appear to be coming with nekkid pics attached, so I'm not sure you'd want it anyway!
Honey, I thought I was supposed to keep my chin down to avoid those nasty, right-handed uppercuts! *gigglesnort*
Christi, and I think it's cute when you come out of that lurker mode! In the grand scheme of things, I don't know that anything I say has great value to anyone but me, and I'm incredibly OK with that!
Dana,
Will not read any e-mails if they are sent. Sorry that you have to go through that. It is horrible. I'm glad you didn't delete your blog or go private, like beerpie said. Hope your mature approach will make the problem go away.
I loved all of your answers about romance and being romantic.
From my point of view, an anonymous good doer is just a gossip!
I, like everyone, else love the Thursday gift. That is so sweet.
I must also agree that men do not need to be convinced to have sex.
It is nice when someone special does a little something so that you know they are thinking of you. A text message, a card, washing the dishes, letting you sleep in. Seriously, my husband would get twice as much sex if he would just let me sleep in every Sunday morning.
Well, I hope that E-mail stuff calms down for you. Nobody needs that. I always give gifts when expected, but have more fun giving them when they aren't expected..
Loving, I always try to consider all of my options and pick the one I think I can live with the best - this was no different!
Nick, that is pure wisdom!
Ambergail, it really is the little things, isn't it?
Buff, you are the epitome of romantic! Giving when not expected is the best!!
Well, I am one of those who received an email. I didn't respond to the person btw. I thought it odd since my email address isn't listed on my blog. It is on my youtube account (maybe?)but that is a huge stretch for someone.
However, having been on the receiving end of what I've considered to be heckling from you (the food blog I used to do w/ Tali comes to mind), I'm just wondering what you did to make this person dislike you so much? Is there any truth at all to what she said? I think it is relevant if there is truth to it.
You've said before that I paint myself in a certain light or quote things in a way in which to paint myself in a light. Not sure of the exact words you used. However, this is something we *all* do as bloggers. We all perceive things differently. I wouldn't say that it's "flawed".
All that said, I have to say I am not a fan of that critically flawed post you wrote a few days ago. I didn't think it was very kind at all and I regret agreeing to it.
FF, first, I appreciate you being up front and honest with this comment. Seriously!
Second, as I said in the intro there are some half-truths to what was said in the email, however much of it was assumptions. I think what I find most disturbing is that this person has been keeping tabs (so to speak) and really had to work hard - or convince others to work hard on their behalf - to get the contact information they have. Even if what they said was entirely true (and it isn't), the fact that they have decided to "attack" in this manner is ... well ... creepy.
Third, yes, we all paint ourselves in a certain light when we blog. We pick and choose what to share and what we think makes us too vulnerable to share. I do that just as everyone else does.
Lastly, the "Critically Flawed" post may have been - in and of itself - "critically flawed." I will say that it could have been interpreted many ways and that my meaning is sometimes lost because of the way I write. It was not intended to make matters worse, nor to make amends, but rather to point out exactly what you stated in this comment, that "this is something we *all* do as bloggers. We all perceive things differently."
You might be surprised to hear that sometimes I write to learn about myself - to try to see what others see in my words - the "Critically Flawed" post was one of those times.
Ugh, Dana. I asked you to just keep quiet about that whole thing. I did have Elisa's permission to show you the email but I didn't think that you would run out and whine to everyone about it.
It really paints Elisa in a negative light like she came running right to you when someone sent her that email. You know pretty much darn well that the only person that got sent that email was Elisa and now you've opened her up to have the mystery person email her in a hostile manner for running to you about the email when in fact, she's totally innocent.
Not to mention that, but you have also potentially damaged my relationship with my friend. Even though she did agree to letting you see the email, I can understand her hesitation in telling me other things in the future because of a fear that I will immediately run to you about it.
I sort of regret even mentioning it to you now, honestly, and I will likely refrain from any such confidences in the future.
Tali, actually, she wasn't the only one which was why I felt comfortable in making this rather general post, but now it's not so general, is it? *shakes head*
Dana, come on. Given what was said in the email about "my hats off to you and soandso for sticking up to Dana" you knew it was only being sent to the people who openly objected to your school post the other day. Which was two people, so at most, two people got the email. *shrug*
Tali, it wasn't a blogger, but rather someone who has a common link between blogging and the single moms email list.
Hey I objected to your school post and I didn't get any interesting e-mails. Well, I didn't openly object. I just didn't agree with your view. Doesn't that count?
It sure is getting exciting around your blog as of late.
Knight, actually, I don't think it was that they objected as much as it was the way I responded to their objections. My response was not well worded and as such, perceived as attacking.
The way things are going, maybe an extended road trip is the right thing. Get out, see America, feel the wind in your hair, leave the assholes behind.
I have not been accosted by your troll, but if I am I will delete it..though my personality is more prone to responding and blasted them to ribbons...
Romance is so important. I had lost it totally in my marriage...i hated not having it...it got to the point that i stopped doing the little things because they were not appreciated...
Now, a single wildflower is greeted as though it was a 50 caret diamond ring and THAT is how you keep romance alive...
the gesture does not have to be grand..it just has to be...
HUGS to you Dana...
Aw yes, sometimes being romantic comes so naturally. For me it was for six long months when I was four.
Unfortunately for AAAP she did not know me then and missed it. So sad, nothing I can do about it now.
Like most men, I am romantically challenged. I understand the benefits of it, just like the benefits of excercise and eating right, I "just don't do it." (The Real American Motto)
You can set your blog to"no anonymous comments". If the idiot posts you can get her email address. Also set to get an email yourself when someone posts a comment.
I had a problem a few years ago like this. I got the persons email address, then swamped it with over 500 emails. One big blast. i am sure that it shut her email down. Can't do it now. it is against the law. they call it DOS (denial of service" attack.
I like to think I'm romantic. Several ladies have told me so. Most importantly, I write my sweetie pie love poems. Romance lifts the spirit to a higher place.
when online lives and offline lives cross not all of the data is translated acurately.
sorry it is such a hassle.
different people define romance in different ways. and yeah...the thursday thing is cool.
and it is way easier to not be disappointed when you don't own up to any expectations...sigh.
Ugh. Sorry about the drama-generator. That's truly unfortunate.
I'm an expectations-manager as well. Besides, romance is overrated, right (she tells herself)?
Garbonzo, I think the timing is PERFECT for the road trip. Not only will it be fun, but will give me time to reflect on all of this. Much of what has happened is really an opportunity to grow.
Bond, the gesture does not have to be grand..it just has to be... Boy ... isn't that the truth!
Apple Hubs, you don't get off the hook that easy *smirk* You can always change!
Richard, I really don't want to keep anyone from posting a comment. I really do enjoy differing opinions. The issue is respect, and it's one that needs to be addressed by the commenter as well as the blogger responding to the comments. I am certainly open to the fact that I might need some tact refresher courses.
Neil, awwww ... love poems ...
Kat, you know, after having 24 hours to reflect on this, I realize that it really isn't a big deal in the grand scheme of things - unless I make it into one.
Ms. I, looking back, I think some of the drama was self-generated. There is a time when just leaving things alone is the best plan of action.
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