~*~*~
I had a very different post planned for today, but then I had a very different day yesterday than I had planned.
The meeting with the school?? It went surprisingly well ... I say apprehensively ...
Cam is not in danger of retention for 8th grade. His grades have been so poor this year I was concerned grade retention was inevitable, but apparently Illinois has pretty low standards. Imagine that ...
The Manifestation Determination Review (MDR) found that Cam's behaviors were a manifestation of his disability, but that the behaviors were not a result of the failure to implement the Individualized Education Plan (IEP) nor did it change his placement. I disagree with the change of placement determination, however I am letting that go for the "greater good."
We now have a more appropriate IEP in place which includes fall placement in a private, therapeutic day school at the school district's expense. Although this was the "desired" outcome, it is really difficult for me to stomach.
Cam will still be an official student of the local high school - eligible to play sports, attend prom and all other school events - but will spend at least 90 days, and likely much longer, in a small (80 total students in the school) individualized educational program, with the ultimate goal of getting him back into the general education program at his "home" school.
Cam did participate in the MDR and the transitional IEP counseling. He was treated with the utmost respect and his input was valued.
The school district has asked that I wait to tell Cam about the placement change due to concerns regarding the remainder of his school year. The neuropsych agreed. Unfortunately, I feel I am betraying Cam's trust in doing so.
I need to come to grips with what high school will look like for Cam - at least until he can be transitioned into the general ed setting. There is a great deal of grief and loss in this process, and I'm just now beginning to navigate it.
The problem? Although the principal rescinded the suspension, Cam is refusing to return to school today if it means he has to talk to the principal and the principal insists on talking to Cam so that he can apologize. Cam isn't ready to hear the apology. Stalemate anyone?
I had a very different post planned for today, but then I had a very different day yesterday than I had planned.The meeting with the school?? It went surprisingly well ... I say apprehensively ...
Cam is not in danger of retention for 8th grade. His grades have been so poor this year I was concerned grade retention was inevitable, but apparently Illinois has pretty low standards. Imagine that ...
The Manifestation Determination Review (MDR) found that Cam's behaviors were a manifestation of his disability, but that the behaviors were not a result of the failure to implement the Individualized Education Plan (IEP) nor did it change his placement. I disagree with the change of placement determination, however I am letting that go for the "greater good."
We now have a more appropriate IEP in place which includes fall placement in a private, therapeutic day school at the school district's expense. Although this was the "desired" outcome, it is really difficult for me to stomach.
Cam will still be an official student of the local high school - eligible to play sports, attend prom and all other school events - but will spend at least 90 days, and likely much longer, in a small (80 total students in the school) individualized educational program, with the ultimate goal of getting him back into the general education program at his "home" school.
Cam did participate in the MDR and the transitional IEP counseling. He was treated with the utmost respect and his input was valued.
The school district has asked that I wait to tell Cam about the placement change due to concerns regarding the remainder of his school year. The neuropsych agreed. Unfortunately, I feel I am betraying Cam's trust in doing so.
I need to come to grips with what high school will look like for Cam - at least until he can be transitioned into the general ed setting. There is a great deal of grief and loss in this process, and I'm just now beginning to navigate it.
~*~
I came home from Cam's meeting to a phone call on the job opportunity - I did not get the job.
As I shared with all of you, this was a public position that required I be transparent regarding my personal life ... and that is ultimately why I did not get the position. They were nice about it, saying, "Your life is in a dramatic transitional phase and our elders feel this could be detrimental to the overall fit for the position."
I cannot argue the logic, but I was (and am) disappointed.
It also clarifies priorities and pushes me a little more towards resolution of the "transitional phase."
As I shared with all of you, this was a public position that required I be transparent regarding my personal life ... and that is ultimately why I did not get the position. They were nice about it, saying, "Your life is in a dramatic transitional phase and our elders feel this could be detrimental to the overall fit for the position."
I cannot argue the logic, but I was (and am) disappointed.
It also clarifies priorities and pushes me a little more towards resolution of the "transitional phase."
~*~
I went back to work and received a phone call at 3:30. It was Cam's school principal and when I answered the phone I got, "Dana, we have a problem."
To make a long story short, Cam and two of his friends were chest bumping in the hallway at the end of the school day as they were gathering their things from their lockers. That time is called "advisory" and is technically still a part of the education day.
Cam was singled out, sent to the office. The other two boys walked away wondering why Cam was sent to the office for something they do every day.
Apparently there have been some issues surrounding 6th graders being "roughed up" in the hallways after school. The principal (by his own admission) had just spent time on the phone with an angry parent who was threatening to call the police if his child was "bullied" in the hallway again and had sent teachers into the hallway as additional security, then overreacted when Cam was sent to his office.
The end result? What should have been a verbal warning to all THREE boys turned into the principal telling Cam he was being suspended for the day. Yes - I am serious. And before any of you insist there must be more to the story, there isn't. I spent a great deal of time on the phone with the principal who admitted he overreacted due to having a "bad day."
To make a long story short, Cam and two of his friends were chest bumping in the hallway at the end of the school day as they were gathering their things from their lockers. That time is called "advisory" and is technically still a part of the education day.
Cam was singled out, sent to the office. The other two boys walked away wondering why Cam was sent to the office for something they do every day.
Apparently there have been some issues surrounding 6th graders being "roughed up" in the hallways after school. The principal (by his own admission) had just spent time on the phone with an angry parent who was threatening to call the police if his child was "bullied" in the hallway again and had sent teachers into the hallway as additional security, then overreacted when Cam was sent to his office.
The end result? What should have been a verbal warning to all THREE boys turned into the principal telling Cam he was being suspended for the day. Yes - I am serious. And before any of you insist there must be more to the story, there isn't. I spent a great deal of time on the phone with the principal who admitted he overreacted due to having a "bad day."
The problem? Although the principal rescinded the suspension, Cam is refusing to return to school today if it means he has to talk to the principal and the principal insists on talking to Cam so that he can apologize. Cam isn't ready to hear the apology. Stalemate anyone?
~*~*~
16 comments:
Sorry about the job. But let's hope there are bigger and better things planned for you.
I am glad things went well with Cam at determination meeting. The focused learning environment may be just what he needs to put things back on track. But really Cam is refusing to go to school? I cannot imagine refusing to go to school when I was in 8th grade! Either my parents were a lot scarier than you or kids have really changed since I was one! Probably a combination of both. ;-)
Karen, let me clarify on the refusal ...
One of the behaviors I've been working on with Cam is anger management. We've come a long way in that process. Cam is EXTREMELY angry with the unfair treatment and expressed that he is concerned that if he talks to the principal while still angry he'll say something he shouldn't say. I believe this is a mature reaction to the situation.
Cam is ready to go to school today, but he doesn't want to talk to the principal until he (Cam) has time to cool off. The principal will not allow Cam to go to class today unless he talks to him first.
I struggle with encouraging more appropriate emotional responses and regulation from Cam and insisting he handle his emotions in a manner dictated by others.
Sorry about the job but I'm sure there will other opportunities at some point. The meeting does sound like it did go rather well. Good luck to you and Cam with everything including the latest incident, and one last thing. Nice title. Cheers Dana!!
Well, that WAS good, bad and ugly.
Here's to better days!
I think that is very mature of Cam to recognize that he acts inappropriately when he is upset.
You need to explain that to the principal. Hopefully he'll bend, but probably not. Maybe if Cam came in sometime before lunch of the end of school.
Cam also need to learn that sometimes (a lot of times) life isn't fair. People are single out of unfair treatment because of their...color, religion, past behavior, behavior of others, misunderstandings, misperceptions of what is going on, random bad luck or bad timing. That is part of life. You need to accept the good with the bad.
I love this snippet of the Serenity Prayer. It is useful many many time in life. It is a shame it has been co-opted by AA and now has a stigma attached to it.
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Matt-Man, I fluctuate back and forth on the job issue. It was a job that - although demanded a lot - would have been a lot of fun, but after the school meeting in the morning, it was clear that "healing" Cam is going to take a LOT of my time and starting a new job would have likely been overwhelming.
Sedorah, leave it to the "Italian Job" to figure out that title!
Professor Fate, that "fair" thing is a tough one. I did explain to the principal (via voice mail) where Cam is with going to school today - that he wants to go but is not ready to hear even an apology.
We'll see if I hear anything back.
Dana,
First off, let me get this out of the way. I absolutely admire your strength in going through all of this. Jeez!
I think that this school system that Cam is in sucks MAJOR Monkey Balls! Period! It seems to me that everything Cam does is conditional at that school. I am surprised that he can go to the toilet without conditions. I mean really, he can go back to class on the condition that he goes and speak to the principal? If I were him I would start ask which way I should wipe my ass when I go to the bathroom! Would you prefer I wipe the right or the left cheek sir?
Well....good and bad.
I am sorry to hear about the job. While it makes 'sense' in their explanation, of course it's disappointing. I'm sorry.
Cam sounds very much like me. I am exactly the same way and I'm trying to think of what I would do in this situation as a child. What would help me.
I suppose what I would do if I were you talking to a YOUNG Aunt Becky is to try and be honest about why it's all important. Yes, it's bullshit, but it's just part of what he HAS to do to get through, like anything else.
So sorry to hear about the job, Dana. I was sending good thoughts your way. I hope a better position falls into your lap soon.
I hope that Cam's new schooling arrangement helps. I'm rooting for you both. If Cam is even half as amazing as you, he's going to rule the world some day.
Well that didn't work out so bad actually. It won't be easy, but at least Cam will be getting a higher level of help and attention that he probably needs in a learning environment.
I would have called the principal and reminded him that HE is the grown up and to try to act like it.
Joker_SATX, the school (as is usually true in schools) depends on children being non-thinkers, followers and to suppress any question of authority in order to be successful. Although Cam has been raised to respect all authority figures (which he usually is fairly good at doing) he has also been encouraged to think beyond the limits of what is present. I've said it before - these skills/personality traits will serve him well as an adult. They do NOT translate well in middle school.
Vixen, it makes very good sense ... unfortunately ...
Aunt Becky, I try to go that direction - acknowledging that sometimes life just SUCKS and your only job is to get through it, not to fix it. I tell you middle school was a difficult thing for me to go through as a child, and even MORE difficult for me to go through as a parent!
So sorry about the job...but good news (for the most part) on Cam...now this whole chest bumping thing is crazy
Cam's actions seem reasonable to me and it sounds like he knows himself. There's a lot to be said for that. Something that the principal could learn.
Sorry about the job, but you never know what lies just around the corner. Keep the faith!
P.S. Thanks for the phenomenal post over at my blog...again.
Winners never quit, quitters never win. Keep playing!
I'm sorry about the job. ugh.
But I'm happy to hear Cam is going have a fresh start next year. I really do believe given the general sensitivities school districts are having to "bullying" that Cam was just in the wrong place at the wrong time, and since he has drawn fire before, he bore the brunt. It's not fair, it wasn't his fault anymore than the other boys. Sounds like staff and principal went for the easy out with Cam paying the price. Hang in there for summer and a new start in the fall. wishing you all good things. xox Beryl.
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