Daily Ethics

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*NOTE* When reading this post, be aware that my use of of words like "we" and "most people," are self inclusive. If you leave a comment accusing me of being judgmental, just know that I am judging myself first.

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I am fascinated with ethics. I think it's due to the fact that most people I know would consider themselves ethical, most people have a relatively strong sense of right and wrong, yet most people do things every day that that really blur those ethical lines.

I wrote a post a while back discussing when it is that being thrifty crosses the line into theft. It was interesting to see where people drew the line between saving money and stealing from merchants. It became clear that theft is subjective.

I recently read an article on CNN.com (originally published at RealSimple.com) titled 10 ethical questions, answered These aren't Enron type ethical questions - these are the little ethical questions that crop into our daily lives. I thought it might be fun to compare my ethics to those of the "experts" and to see where all of you fall on the ethics scale as well.

Q: Is it considered stealing to take pens from a bank? What about extra napkins from a fast-food restaurant?

A: While grabbing a pen isn't necessarily considered stealing, you should just ask the teller if you have any doubts. That said, one pen is OK, but enough to stock your home office isn't (the same goes for napkins). A good rule of thumb: If something feels sneaky, then it probably isn't a good idea.

I've heard people claim that merchants expect loss from actions like these, or that the free advertising they get from you using that pen or those napkins is worth far more than the items cost the merchant. Although I understand that rationalization, I think it's just that - rationalization of questionable actions.

Q: Is it unfair to move into better (open) seats at a sporting event or a concert?

A: There's no harm in seeing if you can move into a better viewing position. But before you do, make sure there's no posted policy against it. And if an usher asks to see your tickets, be prepared to move back to your original seats without argument.

This is one of my pet peeves and I can't seem to get past the idea that if you haven't paid for it (better seating at an event) you shouldn't be using it. I don't like their answer on this one. I think it's way off base.

Q: Is it OK to fantasize about someone else when I'm with my partner?

A: Any couples therapist would say that fantasies are normal, but they can become problematic if they are the only way a person can achieve intimacy with his or her spouse -- or, of course, if they lead to actual infidelity. As long as your George Clooney or Angelina Jolie musings are occasional, enjoy them. (Face it: Your chances with either of them aren't all that great, anyway.)

I'm not so sure this is as much an ethical question as it is a moral question. Relationships are one of those areas when the rules change depending on the parties involved. What is "ethical" in one relationship may be "unethical in another.

Q: If someone tells an offensive joke, is it my responsibility to speak up about it?

A: Letting such humor pass without comment not only permits the teller to be offensive to you and other people but also sends the message that you're OK with hearing such bunk. Unless the joke crosses the line into harassment territory, there's no need to beat the person up in response. A simple "I enjoy a good joke now and then, but, you know, yours was pretty offensive" will suffice.

I had this happen at work not too long ago. One of my co-workers is an Obama hater, and she's not one who is able to separate politics from the person. She forwarded me - via company email - a "joke" about Obama that was overtly racist. I was offended by it on many levels, so much so that I took the issue to HR. That was a bit passive-aggressive on my part and I should have handled it more directly as the authors suggest. This is one of those situations where inaction can appear to be support.

Q: My boss asked me to cover for him on his expense report by saying I was at a meal when I wasn't. Should I do it?

A: Your boss put you in a miserable position. Signing your name to the report makes you just as culpable should the misdeed be discovered. But if you stand up to him, you could find yourself out of a job. Bear in mind that a boss who would put you in such a predicament will probably do it again. I can't condone putting your name on the report, but the choice is yours.

I am fairly confident I would speak up with at least a, "But I wasn't there" and I'd like to say that I would then refuse to do this, but I'll admit that if I thought my job was on the line, I'd compromise my ethics.

It isn't the big ethical dilemmas that cause us grief - it's the little things - the small, decisions we must make daily that really define who we are. I have to work to do - how 'bout you?

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