You say Non-Compliant and Defiant Like They Are Bad Things!

I've been putting off writing about this.

Fearing judgment.

Knowing that a few years ago - before having the life experiences I now have - I'd have been critical of a parent telling this story.

Wondering if I could take the public criticism I've convinced myself I deserve.

Cam is struggling - really struggling - in and with school.

At midterm, he is failing all of his core academic classes. He is refusing to do work in class. He is challenging school authority.

Thursday, Cam was suspended for two days. This is not the first time this year he has been suspended.

He is ... non-compliant ... and defiant ...

These are hallmark behaviors of kids on the autism spectrum and with ADD, but this administration, rather than look at the MEDICALLY DIAGNOSED, underlying neurological differences that lead Cam down the non-compliant path, has decided non-compliant will be the reason they are excused from insuring Cam succeeds in school. After all, they can give their best efforts towards Cam's success, but if he is non-compliant, it's not their fault he is failing, right?

If he'd just comply, he'd be successful! His IQ is in the 98th percentile. He obviously has the ability to comply, he just chooses not to. This isn't the school failing Cam, it's Cam failing in school, right??

I mean, if he were truly disabled, we'd be able to see it! His eyes would look funny, or he'd have some sort of nervous tic, or he'd be medicated, right?? That neurological stuff is just an excuse for piss-poor parenting!

*sigh*

This fall, his entire special education support staff changed ... again. 

He has a new case manager - an itty-bitty twenty-something who is a recent graduate and new to the school. She's done little more than try to prove that Cam is a difficult, off-task student (already a given), and claim that she feels intimidated by him when he doesn't comply.

There is a new Education Service Specialist for the high school - an administrator who comes with years of experience and seems to walk the very fine line between pleasing the administrators, and ensuring the minimum federal requirements for special education are met, while placing the oneness of performance squarely on Cam's shoulders, and Cam is not complying.

There is also a new school psychologist. Another twenty-something, recent graduate hipster, with scary eyebrows, who is new to the school. This year is Cam's triennial review for eligibility, so she is fully entrenched in the let-me-prove-myself-by-administering-a-battery-of-tests mindset, even though at Cam's age, any changes in those tests are statistically insignificant. But Cam has no interest in complying with another battery of tests that do nothing for him.

We are, for the 11th year, starting Cam's education plan from scratch. The newest batch of we-can-save-the-children blowhards are convinced they know better than the last batch of we-can-save-the-children blowhards, and they can force Cam to comply, not with incentives, but with punishment; removing him from classes he is already failing, requiring he work for the janitor after school for an hour to serve detention, threatening to take his parking pass away from him.

None of these things is horrific or unreasonable for most kids, but for Cam? The alpha-male, you will do it because I tell you to whether it is logical or not stance results in further non-compliance and defiance. Not only is this another hallmark behavior of kids on the spectrum, but we have TEN YEARS of public school discipline data showing that this type of behavior modification has had a ZERO success rate with Cam.

Yet they continue to do it, all the while expecting different results.

They have had success in one area though. They've succeeded in turning Cam completely against school - pushing him to his breaking point - he is now refusing to attend school at all.

To say I am at my wits end would be an understatement.

To say I am exhausted - emotionally and physically - would be an understatement.

I have given up all hope of Cam being successful in the public school system. 

There is no fight left in this dog.

Ten years of trying to (unsuccessfully) get my son the education he is guaranteed by Federal Law, has pushed me to my breaking point.

Last week, I gave the Dean of Students at the high school a verbal lashing (that is putting it mildly) and then sent a written request to the Principal of the high school that the Dean of Students have NO CONTACT with Cam as the Dean refuses to implement the Behavior Intervention Plan currently in place, opting for what has become adversarial treatment of Cam (at best), bordering on bullying.

I have yet another meeting at the school tomorrow morning at 7:30. This time, instead of the entire IEP team attending (which has been counterproductive), it will be only the school Social Worker, the Education Service Specialist for the high school, me, and possibly the advocate I have been working with this year (if she is available).

We will discuss what options are available for Cam.

I'm considering a combination of public school (for arts, physical education, elective, and one academic class) and home-schooling (on-line curriculum provided at the district's expense) of the remaining core academic classes as possibly our (mine and Cam's) best solution.

We'll see if the meeting tomorrow generates any better ideas.

I'm not the least bit hopeful.

Il Buono, Il Brutto, Il Cattivo

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I had a very different post planned for today, but then I had a very different day yesterday than I had planned.

The meeting with the school?? It went surprisingly well ... I say apprehensively ...

Cam is not in danger of retention for 8th grade. His grades have been so poor this year I was concerned grade retention was inevitable, but apparently Illinois has pretty low standards. Imagine that ...

The Manifestation Determination Review (MDR) found that Cam's behaviors were a manifestation of his disability, but that the behaviors were not a result of the failure to implement the Individualized Education Plan (IEP) nor did it change his placement. I disagree with the change of placement determination, however I am letting that go for the "greater good."

We now have a more appropriate IEP in place which includes fall placement in a private, therapeutic day school at the school district's expense. Although this was the "desired" outcome, it is really difficult for me to stomach.

Cam will still be an official student of the local high school - eligible to play sports, attend prom and all other school events - but will spend at least 90 days, and likely much longer, in a small (80 total students in the school) individualized educational program, with the ultimate goal of getting him back into the general education program at his "home" school.

Cam did participate in the MDR and the transitional IEP counseling. He was treated with the utmost respect and his input was valued.

The school district has asked that I wait to tell Cam about the placement change due to concerns regarding the remainder of his school year. The neuropsych agreed. Unfortunately, I feel I am betraying Cam's trust in doing so.

I need to come to grips with what high school will look like for Cam - at least until he can be transitioned into the general ed setting. There is a great deal of grief and loss in this process, and I'm just now beginning to navigate it.

~*~

I came home from Cam's meeting to a phone call on the job opportunity - I did not get the job.

As I shared with all of you, this was a public position that required I be transparent regarding my personal life ... and that is ultimately why I did not get the position. They were nice about it, saying, "Your life is in a dramatic transitional phase and our elders feel this could be detrimental to the overall fit for the position."

I cannot argue the logic, but I was (and am) disappointed.

It also clarifies priorities and pushes me a little more towards resolution of the "transitional phase."

~*~

I went back to work and received a phone call at 3:30. It was Cam's school principal and when I answered the phone I got, "Dana, we have a problem."

To make a long story short, Cam and two of his friends were chest bumping in the hallway at the end of the school day as they were gathering their things from their lockers. That time is called "advisory" and is technically still a part of the education day.

Cam was singled out, sent to the office. The other two boys walked away wondering why Cam was sent to the office for something they do every day.

Apparently there have been some issues surrounding 6th graders being "roughed up" in the hallways after school. The principal (by his own admission) had just spent time on the phone with an angry parent who was threatening to call the police if his child was "bullied" in the hallway again and had sent teachers into the hallway as additional security, then overreacted when Cam was sent to his office.

The end result? What should have been a verbal warning to all THREE boys turned into the principal telling Cam he was being suspended for the day. Yes - I am serious. And before any of you insist there must be more to the story, there isn't. I spent a great deal of time on the phone with the principal who admitted he overreacted due to having a "bad day."

The problem? Although the principal rescinded the suspension, Cam is refusing to return to school today if it means he has to talk to the principal and the principal insists on talking to Cam so that he can apologize. Cam isn't ready to hear the apology. Stalemate anyone?

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The Results Are In

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I spent yesterday afternoon with the neuropsych going over Cam's testing results. It was a lot of information to take in - some of it expected - some of it catching me completely off guard. The bottom line? Cam has an interesting mix of gifts and challenges - a mix that really doesn't function well in the traditional school environment, nor does it really fit any label.

The most surprising discovery in all of this is the discrepancy between his math/word reading ability and his reading comprehension. Cam is in 8th grade and he is currently performing at "high average" in word reading and math problem solving (grade equivalent of 11.3 and >12.9 respectively) yet his reading comprehension is at a 3.9 grade equivalency. Yes, you read that right - math/word reading ability is at the junior/senior high school level and his reading comprehension is at the 3rd grade level. That's a problem. A big problem that has been rationalized in the past as Cam just being lazy.

The neuropsych also found some "clinically significant" personality profile issues surrounding impulsive hostility, behavioral and emotional dysregulation, attention difficulties, an angry mistrust of others, self-destructive inclinations, and substance-abuse and delinquency proneness. Ummm ... yeah ... that wasn't what I wanted to hear. It's one of those things that you can either view as a ticking time bomb, or as a motivator to reverse the "proneness." I'm attempting to focus on the latter.

There will be readers who claim these personality profile issues are my fault, and it would be foolish for me not to acknowledge the impact of Cam's environment (an environment I put him in) for the last seven years on how his personality has developed. I do feel guilt and responsibility, but getting stuck in those emotions will not benefit Cam.

So, what now? Well, there are some very definite steps that we need to take.

First and foremost is an appropriate educational placement. No one is sure what that is going to look like. Ideally, it will be a private, "therapeutic" day school that the district funds. Based on current state budget issues, I think that will be a hard sell. The question then becomes how do we get Cam in an appropriate educational placement in the "traditional" public school setting. Cam is an odd mixture of intellect and struggle and doesn't fit well into the "traditional" one-size-fits-all model of special education our district offers.

It looks like we are going to have to revisit the med issue as well. Cam stopped taking the Concerta he was prescribed in December and has been med free for almost six months. The recommendation is that he be evaluated for medications that have an appropriate effect on his mood, behavior, learning, sleep and apathy. This is probably the one recommendation I am struggling with the most. This reeks of mental illness - a stigma I would never wish on anyone.

There are also recommendations for continued individual therapy, social skills group therapy and additional "pro-social opportunities" that increase his exposure to diverse settings (read that as he shouldn't be in a small town, farming community where he is one of only two black kids).

Then there is my part:

"Increase structure and responsibility at home to build greater skill in activities of daily living. Incentivize new behavior and skill through positive rewards and reinforcement."

In other words, be a better parent.

I'm trying to take this all in, focusing on the positives while addressing the negatives. I am grateful to finally have some answers, and saddened by some of the answers I received. It's just ... well ... icky ...

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It Was Only a Matter of Time

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I received the following email yesterday ...

Mrs. D:

On Friday, Cam brought home information about parent-teacher conferences. We are having some concerns with Cameron's progress and would like to schedule a full team 20 minute conference to discuss how we can address these concerns. Could you send back some times when you would have 20 minutes available on the conference dates so we can block out a 20 minute time slot? Thank you.

Mr. R

Translated into non-educator speak ...

Your son's performance is a problem and is reflecting poorly on us. We told you last year there was something wrong with him and you ignored us, so we are going to bombard you again this year - have you sit in a room with 7 teachers who will all tell you what a "loser" your son is (and thus, you are). We will make you cry and feel bad until you give in to our demands of having him evaluated and labeling him as a special education student. You will not tell us this is a problem with our teaching as we are professionals and we are never wrong.

Have I mentioned lately that I am extremely frustrated with the public education system? That I had Cam evaluated independently and the results were that he is easy to engage and performing well above expectations for his age? That the school has gone to a "team" approach this year and placed kids in teams based upon their perception of their abilities, placing Cam in one of the lower performing groups, where the expectations for his success are also low? That I asked the teaching staff for help last year and was told they would do nothing to help me until/unless I had him labeled as special ed?

Yes ... it's going to be a fight. I will ask for an agenda for this meeting and will be told it is "informal" with no agenda. This is because they do not want me to be prepared - they do not want me to be able to challenge them. I will go, independent evaluation in hand, and be told the school cannot honor that - that they can only honor an evaluation done by their personnel. That an educational evaluation is "different" and the only guidance they will follow even though those conducting the educational evaluation will be far less qualified than the team that performed the independent evaluation.

I know far too much about this process. I know how the system works. I know that what they claim to be "in the best interest" of the student is nothing more than additional funding for the school and an excuse for them to not do the little things that would make all of the difference for Cam. I know that his behavior will be used as an excuse to not place him in more challenging classes, yet if he were to be in more challenging classes, his behavior would improve.

Yes ... it's going to be a fight ... one I get better and better at each and every time I fight it. One where I tell them that although they might hold a teaching degree, they do not know my son better than I do. One where I push back - HARD - and piss them all off ... once again.

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