~*~*~
I spent yesterday afternoon with the neuropsych going over Cam's testing results. It was a lot of information to take in - some of it expected - some of it catching me completely off guard. The bottom line? Cam has an interesting mix of gifts and challenges - a mix that really doesn't function well in the traditional school environment, nor does it really fit any label.
The most surprising discovery in all of this is the discrepancy between his math/word reading ability and his reading comprehension. Cam is in 8th grade and he is currently performing at "high average" in word reading and math problem solving (grade equivalent of 11.3 and >12.9 respectively) yet his reading comprehension is at a 3.9 grade equivalency. Yes, you read that right - math/word reading ability is at the junior/senior high school level and his reading comprehension is at the 3rd grade level. That's a problem. A big problem that has been rationalized in the past as Cam just being lazy.
The neuropsych also found some "clinically significant" personality profile issues surrounding impulsive hostility, behavioral and emotional dysregulation, attention difficulties, an angry mistrust of others, self-destructive inclinations, and substance-abuse and delinquency proneness. Ummm ... yeah ... that wasn't what I wanted to hear. It's one of those things that you can either view as a ticking time bomb, or as a motivator to reverse the "proneness." I'm attempting to focus on the latter.
There will be readers who claim these personality profile issues are my fault, and it would be foolish for me not to acknowledge the impact of Cam's environment (an environment I put him in) for the last seven years on how his personality has developed. I do feel guilt and responsibility, but getting stuck in those emotions will not benefit Cam.
So, what now? Well, there are some very definite steps that we need to take.
First and foremost is an appropriate educational placement. No one is sure what that is going to look like. Ideally, it will be a private, "therapeutic" day school that the district funds. Based on current state budget issues, I think that will be a hard sell. The question then becomes how do we get Cam in an appropriate educational placement in the "traditional" public school setting. Cam is an odd mixture of intellect and struggle and doesn't fit well into the "traditional" one-size-fits-all model of special education our district offers.
It looks like we are going to have to revisit the med issue as well. Cam stopped taking the Concerta he was prescribed in December and has been med free for almost six months. The recommendation is that he be evaluated for medications that have an appropriate effect on his mood, behavior, learning, sleep and apathy. This is probably the one recommendation I am struggling with the most. This reeks of mental illness - a stigma I would never wish on anyone.
There are also recommendations for continued individual therapy, social skills group therapy and additional "pro-social opportunities" that increase his exposure to diverse settings (read that as he shouldn't be in a small town, farming community where he is one of only two black kids).
Then there is my part:
In other words, be a better parent.
I'm trying to take this all in, focusing on the positives while addressing the negatives. I am grateful to finally have some answers, and saddened by some of the answers I received. It's just ... well ... icky ...
I spent yesterday afternoon with the neuropsych going over Cam's testing results. It was a lot of information to take in - some of it expected - some of it catching me completely off guard. The bottom line? Cam has an interesting mix of gifts and challenges - a mix that really doesn't function well in the traditional school environment, nor does it really fit any label.The most surprising discovery in all of this is the discrepancy between his math/word reading ability and his reading comprehension. Cam is in 8th grade and he is currently performing at "high average" in word reading and math problem solving (grade equivalent of 11.3 and >12.9 respectively) yet his reading comprehension is at a 3.9 grade equivalency. Yes, you read that right - math/word reading ability is at the junior/senior high school level and his reading comprehension is at the 3rd grade level. That's a problem. A big problem that has been rationalized in the past as Cam just being lazy.
The neuropsych also found some "clinically significant" personality profile issues surrounding impulsive hostility, behavioral and emotional dysregulation, attention difficulties, an angry mistrust of others, self-destructive inclinations, and substance-abuse and delinquency proneness. Ummm ... yeah ... that wasn't what I wanted to hear. It's one of those things that you can either view as a ticking time bomb, or as a motivator to reverse the "proneness." I'm attempting to focus on the latter.
There will be readers who claim these personality profile issues are my fault, and it would be foolish for me not to acknowledge the impact of Cam's environment (an environment I put him in) for the last seven years on how his personality has developed. I do feel guilt and responsibility, but getting stuck in those emotions will not benefit Cam.
So, what now? Well, there are some very definite steps that we need to take.
First and foremost is an appropriate educational placement. No one is sure what that is going to look like. Ideally, it will be a private, "therapeutic" day school that the district funds. Based on current state budget issues, I think that will be a hard sell. The question then becomes how do we get Cam in an appropriate educational placement in the "traditional" public school setting. Cam is an odd mixture of intellect and struggle and doesn't fit well into the "traditional" one-size-fits-all model of special education our district offers.
It looks like we are going to have to revisit the med issue as well. Cam stopped taking the Concerta he was prescribed in December and has been med free for almost six months. The recommendation is that he be evaluated for medications that have an appropriate effect on his mood, behavior, learning, sleep and apathy. This is probably the one recommendation I am struggling with the most. This reeks of mental illness - a stigma I would never wish on anyone.
There are also recommendations for continued individual therapy, social skills group therapy and additional "pro-social opportunities" that increase his exposure to diverse settings (read that as he shouldn't be in a small town, farming community where he is one of only two black kids).
Then there is my part:
"Increase structure and responsibility at home to build greater skill in activities of daily living. Incentivize new behavior and skill through positive rewards and reinforcement."
In other words, be a better parent.
I'm trying to take this all in, focusing on the positives while addressing the negatives. I am grateful to finally have some answers, and saddened by some of the answers I received. It's just ... well ... icky ...
~*~*~
15 comments:
You might not like the answers, but at least you have them now and now that you have the tools, I am sure that you will use them appropriately to help Cam excel.
Now that you know better, you can do better.
I would actually check out the curriculm of schools for gifted children because they are experts at dealing with children who do not do well in the typical classroom structure.
http://www.sageschool.org/?gclid=CJKHuv-N46ACFYd-5QodaEpMEQ
This is a school for the gifted in my neck of the woods. I looked into it for DB but the 20K price tag scared me.
Also I can't recommend the book listed in my random dozen today enough. Click on the link. Its great for navigating the teen years.
Don't beat yourself up about this. Just as there is no such thing as a perfect child, there is no such thing as a perfect parent.
Hugs!
I wouldn't go beating yourself up too badly here. You have to remember where you came from.
Now, at least you can make informed decisions and proceed on the path that works best for you and Cam. You can make these decisions without fear of being chastised or ridiculed.
And being a single mom is no picnic. You have to also keep in mind that you are doing the best you can for Cam with the tools allowed you.
Hugs to you!
Yeah, now you can get everyone on the same page and start making progress. So at least you have that to work with. There's nothing you can do about the past, so don't dwell on that.
The way I read that is not "be a better parent", but "find creative ways to make him engage in family life". Have him help with dinner. Go outside after dinner for outdoor time and play a game of catch or hoops or whatever. Take a walk.
You ARE a great parent for being such a great advocate for him and pursuing the testing necessary for answers. A bad parent would just say "Whatever."
When Buddy was smaller, we did a monthly activity - and took the entire month to do it. He would spin a globe and let his finger land on whatever country. We'd then go to the library and check out books on that country and their ways of life and finally, we would prepare a traditional meal from that country. The whole family had fun with that.
I think I would be completely overwhelmed, as a single mom I can't imagine how you must feel. But I do not interpret your part as "be a better parent". How in the world did they test him to come up with the prone to substance abuse and delinquency? I mean really, how do they test for that? Sometimes I have a problem with all the labels that get placed on kids these days, but I know there are many that are helped by them. I don't view anyone using meds to help them as a mental illness, more like a tool. Good luck with this all.
Another Suburban Mom, I'm doing my best NOT to beat myself up because that really does no one any good, yet at the same time I feel it is responsible to not accept responsibility for my part in this. It's the only way I know of to insure it never happens again.
Joker_SATX, that is the good side to all of this. There has been some validation and the decisions are now mine - and only mine - to make. No need to try to convince anyone to see things "my" way.
Jay, I was just hoping to get dealt a better hand. Instead I feel like I was dealt a Texas Hold'em hand at the Blackjack table!
Evil Twin's Wife, I guess I see it as "being a better parent" because I have suspected I needed to change my parenting for quite some time but have delayed doing so in hopes it would just magically fix itself. Time to step up to the plate.
snugs, overwhelmed would be an understatement. The personality profile testing helped determine the likelihood of substance abuse and delinquency. It was explained that there are certain combinations of personality traits (determined by my and Cam's answers to a 275 question inventory) that are generally associated with likelihood of behaviors. It's subjective, but I'm not willing to discount it at this point. It is not - however - information I will share with Cam.
I know this has been a huge challenge for you guys, hopefully armed with some answers you can better do what is best for both of you.
I must agree with the thought that 'now you know and can plan'. When we had Matt tested, it brought up some similar areas of concern and some similar areas where we were surprised at the good.
Medication helped greatly. Only the school nurse has to really know about it. His focus improved almost immediately (we began with Ritalin..tried the Concerta, but Matt hated what it did to him-tired, lazy etc)
The school issue is tough Dana...not knowing the private schools available to you. Many do have scholarships and aid and grants to help pay the cost and I would think you qualify.
You are not a bad parent. Yes, you and Cam were in a sh**ty situation and it may have contributed to some of the issues you face now - but you will never know.
Time to move on from the past and look ahead to a brighter future - because you now know what you are dealing with and using the assistance of the his doctor and a school where he will be accepted for what he is - a young child with some learning and social struggles who needs to get additional assistance and not be labeled as an outcast.
I think you have the right idea when you consider a move to an area where you have family support and a more socially diverse population.
YOU took a huge step in getting Cam tested (many MANY parents never do)...you are better armed with what you need to take the next step for BOTH of you
I want you to come meet my kids that sound similar to Cam. All self-blame regarding personality will fly out the window!! I think you are taking steps in the right direction and I am so happy for you both. :)
I'm curious as to why you don't want to put him on meds with regards to mental illness being a stigma?
If he is dealing with a chemical imbalance, then medication makes the most sense to me. I see it as little different than a diabetic taking insulin or whatnot. So his chemistry is a little out of whack. So what? Mental illnesses are only a stigma to some people because they're still misunderstood.
I have a dopamine disorder. I don't fit into a neat box labeled "ADD" or "ADHD" or "Bi-polar" etc. I just have a complicated dopamine disorder that will not heal on its own.
Doc, I think if we are able to address the school issues some of these other "personality" issues will fall in to place. Of course, it is far more cumbersome than that, but at least I can see the path.
Bond, Cam's complaint about the Concerta was that it didn't do anything. I think there is some truth to that - initially there was an improvement but that dropped significantly after about 3 months.
The diversity issue has always been an environmental factor with huge significance for Cam. I think I didn't really realize just how significant it would be.
Gina, I know Cam is not the only kid in the world with this unusual neurological make-up, but if you listened to the school you'd certainly think he was!
Dangerous Lilly, Oh! I'll put him on the meds, I just know that there will be those who are ignorant who will judge ... although I do admit to having a bit of apprehension regarding long-term effects of the class of meds he'll likely be prescribed.
I see meds for mental health no different than those for physical health, they just impact a different part of the body!
You have the answers you need to make the decisions you will have to make. Good luck!
You are involved with all this deeply, and I understand your concerns. I don't understand what a lot of this means, so my opinion isn't worth much on this subject!
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