~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ I knew you weren't being entirely truthful when you told me the reason we didn't have sex more than once every two or three months was because, at your age, you couldn't imagine starting over with another child. It's been a year since I had the tubal and we're still not having sex more than once every two or three months.
What you don't know is that I was every bit as worried that I'd get pregnant, but for very different reasons. I'm glad I had the tubal!
What you don't know is that I was every bit as worried that I'd get pregnant, but for very different reasons. I'm glad I had the tubal!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
22 comments:
A lot of us have screwed-up issues with our spouses, but, when a friend says, "Why don't you leave," there is always a decent reason. Maybe he's a good father. Maybe he is great around the house. There is always a redeeming quality.
I've yet to hear your husband's redeeming quality. Does he have one? What is it? If he doesn't, then why are you staying? For whose benefit?
Gosh, so many people split up. I'm recently divorced just a few months after 27 years. I wish it didn't come to that but that isn't the same as saying I wish the divorde hadn't happend. It means that whatever happend to redirect our closeness hadn't happened. I think its so gradual that its without perseption at the time, or at least in some cases. And ounce you become awareof it its already to late. Relationship evolvement is a cycle. A person constanly has to choose a fork in the road. Beginning with do we go out or not? Starting over is no easier than staying married. Ending it is no easier that floating along. Just so ya know you're not alone in this tough situation.
What you have said is very sad. I hope you and your husband can repair the distance of your relationship.
Jenni, good question! Yes, he does have redeeming qualities. He's not a warm/fuzzy guy in general, but he provides for the family (including his first family) and takes great pride in that contribution. He's not a terrible guy - although he has some terrible moments (don't we all?) Unfortunately, I tend to write about the moments rather than the daily grind!
Fab,Starting over is no easier than staying married. Ending it is no easier that floating along.
I think (generally) people are too quick to walk away - to throw in the towel - I am "seasoned" enough to know that there are difficult times.
Doomed, I'm a firm believer in the need to continually foster intimacy in a marriage. I would say husband and I are close, but there is little/no intimacy. That Thanksgiving exchange was a rare intimate moment.
Everybody gets a different deal...
Go out on a date.
Dana, as long as you have hope. I was married for 23 years...met him when I was 17, married at 21....there wasn't any intimacy. There was sex, but no intimacy....I began to realize that I was missing something out of life, and when I lost hope THAT is when I new it was over. Hope is a terrible thing to lose.
And Fab was right, it is not easy starting over...not at 44....but the last 2 and 1/2 years have been the best of times and the worse of times.....I wish you well.
show him your 'true colors' - this blog will shine a light - if not show him the pictures you send to people - something will wake him up ......
maybe I should use http://youhide.com/ it kind of works right?
Everyone has their own "deal breaker." It's awfully presumptuous of others to tell you how to handle your marriage. Venting does not equal "tell me what to do."
{{{hugs}}} to you.
Buff, agreed - and that doesn't necessarily mean that anyone is getting a bad deal!
Doomed, We've recently started doing that and I do believe it has helped.
Breve, hope is alive and well. I've not given up!
Biscuit, in "their" defense, there have certainly been times when I've asked, "What do you think?" I don't expect anyone to understand really - that would be impossible if they weren't part of my life.
But thank you for the hugs! Sometimes I want nothing more than that!
do we have to wait til next Sunday to find out the different reasons? I am curious...
Interesting stuff. I don't know why couples fall into that sex-less routine. It sucks.
snugs, the reasons will likely stay with me - both what I believe his to be and what I know mine to be.
Karen, part of it is the aging process. Part of it is life and priorities. Bottom line? I know a lot od sexless couples with far more intimacy in their marriage than I have AND I know a lot couples who have sex frequently that have far LESS intimacy.
Hmm! At least my wife is glad that I got snipped and I'm fine with that. Thanks for sharing.
Being in a similar place, but for different reasons, I know what it is like to want sex to help with the intimacy, but having very little of either has got to be difficult.
I dont get it.
maybe it'll get better.
Nothing much to say about this that hasn't been gone over, but I do see a puppy nippin' at ya yet again. Sad. Cheers Dana!!
I admire that you put yourself 'out there' so often, esp with these Sunday confessionals.
I think sometimes pple forget that just bc you share or vent, doesn't mean you are asking for others opinions or to help you 'fix' it.
I do enjoy your Sunday posts. :)
*hugs*
This post is one of the reasons that I read your blog Dana.
I love to read about the things people do when they're learning and finding things out about themselves and their relationships.
How this makes you a better person, and how you handle these issues is just so fascinating for me..
I won't offer you a hug, but I'll offer you my friendship as a rock that you're welcome to lean on when or if you need the mental or moral support!
Best wishes for you all.
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