24 November 2008

Geekiness Exposed


Have I mentioned recently, that I am a geek? No - really - I am a GEEK. Not just kind of a geek, I am a watch the history channel, haven't ever seen a single episode of Desperate Housewives or Grey's Anatomy geek.

My favorite television shows? The ones that teach me something or that feature people I can relate too (i.e. other geeks, because heaven knows relating to non-geeks takes a great deal of energy and concentration) like Numbers, House and the original CSI.

When I'm at the market, or just driving in my car, I look for numerical patterns in everything. I count jars of pasta sauce on shelves, and the number of lane marker slashes between mile markers. I like - no, I thrive on - any thing numerical and consistent. Math and patterns give me great comfort.

So, where am I going with all of this? I've had several people - recently - allude to the fact that I take things too seriously, and they are probably right. I do take life seriously, and I treat and react to people much the same way that I do to numbers.

I don't do "metered" emotions very well. I am either all in or all out. Some of you know that at times a handful of the comments that are left here really bother me, not so much because they are honest with their opinions, but because I don't understand malicious intent. Logically, I can't come to grips with the fact that some people feel joy in hurting others. I may be opinionated (*cough*understatement*cough) but I attack the idea, not the person, and I see these two things as very distinct and different.

I don't "get" passive/aggressive behavior. It isn't results oriented - it doesn't accomplish anything, and yet I see it frequently, in my neighborhood, in blogs, and in comments. It seems to be nothing more than an attempt to hurt the person - to somehow make them feel less than.

I know I've been somewhat careless with my words in the past, and it might even seem to some of you that this is little more than the pot calling the kettle black, but I can honestly say that I've never left a comment, or published a post, that was intended to hurt or cut down another person.

I don't know, maybe that's the case for everyone - maybe I'm working too hard trying to understand people (one of the reasons I don't do groups well - it takes every bit of mental strength I can muster to try to "read" and appropriately react to the human component). I do know that it sure doesn't seem that some people are attacking my ideas, but rather they are trying to hurt - to cut down. My geek perspective has difficulty in understanding why anyone would continue to read a blog only to get their jabs in. It defies logic.



Flyinfox_SATX said...

As human beings we do all things out of either love or fear. I read your blog because you are a good blogger, and based on this post, we have something in common. I am a geek too!

Those that poke fun at your expense or have a less than cordial disagreeing point of view, do so out of fear. You have something they wish they had...

So keep your chin up. And keep right on blogging.

Anonymous said...

I'm lost on this post. Was someone being mean recently? I must have missed it.

I know sometimes I take things personally when things are said that really aren't or the person just doesn't know me at all. I really wonder sometimes why I do get so obsessed over nonsense (like the current drama). I wish I were more light hearted and could blow things off more easily.

Another Ordinary Girl said...

I have never seen a single episode of Grey's or Housewives either. The only shows I watch on "network TV" are LOST, 24 and Prison Break. You can always catch me watching Discovery or the History Channel!

Anonymous said...

You are a geek! I don't think so...

e^z = e^x (cos y + i sin y)

And what are Desperate Housewives or Grey's Anatomy?

In all seriousness, I don't understand malicious comments, either.

we're doomed said...

People often defy logical perception expectations. Yes, they are mean or good or sometimes both. The mean ones usually have a character flaw that drives the direction of their personality. Perhaps there is a satisfaction with being mean or cruel. Some people do the cruel thing so well. Yes it defies logic. But we live in a significantly illogical world.

Hubman said...

Ah, a woman who knows what the Fibonacci sequence is!

I'm like you with numbers, always looking for patterns and such...

And I too am a proud geek!

Lu' said...

I don't understand why some people want to hurt other just to hurt them but they do and it sucks. Sometimes I don't know how to take a response you make to my comments, I can't remember which ones (it was only a time or two) but at times your response has made me STOP. My first reaction is to withdraw but then I know I misread the intent behind your words, which I often to with people. I misread them because my impression of you is that you would never intentionally hurt me. Just a vibe but I believe it to be true. *Smooches* This was far to much sharing but I'll leave it just the same.

Real Live Lesbian said...

I don't get it either. And just recently, I've understood this phenomenon enough to cut some people from my life. Something I thought I'd never do.

It's not about forgiveness. It's about self-protection and self-care.

I don't have to tolerate people that would want to hurt me or upset me in any way. And now, I'm 43 years old and I don't.

Mean girls (and guys) can go the fuck away. :)

katherine. said...

not to be a mean girl or anything...just for fun... do you know the origin of the term "geek"?

back in the old carnival days... there was a guy who would bite thru the neck of a chicken to take its head off.

It was called "geeking a chicken" and that guy in the freak show was called the geek. (a real honest-to-god freak show...as it was advertised)

you're not a geek.

katherine. said...

by the way...I count things too...and remember them. Like the number of stairs. Or the seconds between a green light and a red light.

Big Kahuna said...

Hi Dana - Too long since I have been able to comment. I am a numbers geek as well and appreciate those who are

Nolens Volens said...

You know how big a geek I am? I recognize the Fibonacci picture as being ON a shirt, as featured regularly in "Mental Floss" magazine. Yes, I subscribe to MF and I fucking love it! If you don't know what MF is, go to Borders or something like that and look for it.

As for the attacks, I learned to develop a thick skin long ago (helped me big time as a president of 3 different organizations) and how to recognize the malicious people as being insecure with themselves and feeling the need to put down others.

Get it, you giant freak? ;)

Psst...I have said this before and I'll say it again...I like tall women so never ever feel self-concious because there are women who WISH they were as tall as you!

Another Suburban Mom said...

I don't have enough math ability to be a proper geek, but I can quote whole sections of books.

I also love having sex with the geeky. Give me a smart guy or gal any day!

Matt-Man said...

Most of the reading I do is textbooks. And maps...I am a map freak.

I must admit however, I do continue to read your blog in hopes of one day getting a "jab" in on you. Buck up, Dana, you're bigger than the mean ones. Cheers!!

Dana said...

Flyinfox, oh ... I'd never give up blogging, I enjoy it too much. It's funny you bring up fear - one of the worst offenders has their best to instill fear in me in an attempt to "force" me into making my blog private.

FF, I know - it was kind of an out of left field post. Let's just say that this is a subject I continue to deal with, both on the blog and off the blog.

AOG, I had someone attempt to get me into "Lost," but just couldn't see the attraction!

Dana said...

Tall Guy, now you are going to crush my hopes and dreams and tell me I don't do geek well?? *giggle*

Doomed, I want to be a Vulcan! Do you think Spock would take me?

Hubman, I wondered who would "get" the t-shirts slogans, and who would admit to getting them. If patterns in people were as clear as patterns in numbers I'd be one happy camper!

Dana said...

Lu, I'm a misreader too, so I certainly understand how my comments might fall prey to that. The good news is that I pretty much say what I feel, so reading more into it is never necessary.

RLL, I had to do that recently too, and had to keep myself from writing some long "expressing myself" email in the process. Mean people suck.

Kat, I do sometimes feel like I'd fit in well as a freak show participant, however biting the heads off of chickens would not be my preferred way to get there!

Dana said...

Kahuna, GREAT to see you! Why am I not surprised that we share this trait as well?

Nolen Volens, I recently learned about Mental Floss and had to immediately subscribe. And yes, that's EXACTLY where they came from!

ASM, quoting books definitely qualifies as geekiness. You know, I've always agreed with the thought that the biggest sex organ is between the ears. I am so attracted to good conversation and varied interests!

Dana said...

Matt-Man, logically I know this, but it still gets under my skin sometimes. And growing thicker skin is not something I have much interest in!

Anonymous said...

I didn't mean to seriously question your geek factor. It's just I'm geekier that you, and I thought you should know, lol!

Jormengrund said...


I just had to tell you Dana.

I agree, and can empathize whole-heartedly with this entire post.

Keep on, and don't let anyone else tell you how you should be, or what you should do!

Let your consience be your guide, and listen to your heart, and things will be fine.

Happy Turkey Day to all!

buffalodick said...

I try to make comments that have more content than flattery or insults- although I have been guilty of both!

tt said...

I LOVE learning and teaching channels!!! My favorites!!
I do like some reality shows though, because I do actually learn how NOT to act or react....plus it's mindless drivel. Sometimes the mind needs that ya know.
So, who's ass do I need to kick this time? Mean spirited people make me tired. Seriously tired! pffttt..........

Jay said...

Some people are just all around shitty people. They entertain themselves by being mean or hateful to others. I don't see how that could possibly make them happy, but I guess it does.

Anyway, don't use up precious time and energy worrying about those losers!

And Happy Thanksgiving if I don't make it by again before Thursday! ;-)

Fabsterrant said...

Thank you for being exactlly who you are. I agree that sometimes people are way to negative. By the way I think numbers are hot, as in multiorgasmic. An underlying theme of need and lust is so much more soothing than criticisim.

snugs said...

"one of the worst offenders has their best to instill fear in me in an attempt to "force" me into making my blog private."

so what's this person got on you to cause the fear? if he/she doesn't have anything over you then there is no cause for fear, don't let a cyber bully win!

Fabsterrant said...

I looked up Fionacci after my smart alec remark and am pleased to discover he is the proof of the practical application of the 3, 4, 5 right triangle with the legs being 3 and 4 incriments and the diagonal or hypotenuse 5 increments. Way to go you hot babe, numbers are so erotic.

Anndi said...

Major geek here, I look for patterns a lot. But usually in human behaviour. It explains why I got my undergraduate degree in the field of psychology.

I see people's behaviours and personalities as archeological finds that need to be unearthed. Sometimes, your best tool is a sledgehammer and sometimes it's the little pick and brush... but you can't leave anything buried or you're missing out on the important parts of the puzzle.

Ok... here's something for the geek in you:

The "passive-aggressive" comments? Look for the pattern. What elicits them? Then really and objectively look at what it is about your posts, actions, comments that brings them out. It means there is something that bothers THEM. What you need to figure out is, does it bother you and is it an opportunity to improve (lemons and lemonade).

When we decide to push people out because of their faults we may be throwing the baby out with the bath water. But then sometimes? We have no choice because we come to the realization that they don't accept us despite our own faults.

Humans often defy logic.

Biscuit said...

"I don't do "metered" emotions very well. I am either all in or all out."

Oh man, that is SO me.

Vixen said...

I'm not a very well 'metered' emotions person either, except for me it's all in, all the time. It's literally emotionally exhausting.

And I love what you said about attacking an 'idea' rather than the 'person'. I think that is VERY important and I wish everyone felt that way.

Adam Apple said...

Certain aspects of this post strike a chord with me. I feel the same way some of the time and I also 'don't do groups well'. You just seem to have said it better than I could.