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I learned a valuable Blogger lesson yesterday - you can't delete a draft post that contains images that you are using in another post unless you want to lose the images - d'oh!! What was so odd about the HNT issues yesterday was that I could see the photos - even when not logged in to Blogger - and because the changes were made right before the post went live, the first few visitors were still able to see the images. Thanks to everyone who let me know about the issue!
Been an interesting week in the cyber world. A dear friend of mine has been out of cyber touch this week and it made me realize just how much I depend on the internet for emotional/intellectual/personal interaction. There was a time when I thought that indicated a problem, however I am starting to realize that friendships - whether they are online or offline - are friendships. Online friendships are every bit as intense and satisfying as their offline counterparts. In fact, I would say they are often more intense and satisfying than their offline counterparts.
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Been an interesting week in the cyber world. A dear friend of mine has been out of cyber touch this week and it made me realize just how much I depend on the internet for emotional/intellectual/personal interaction. There was a time when I thought that indicated a problem, however I am starting to realize that friendships - whether they are online or offline - are friendships. Online friendships are every bit as intense and satisfying as their offline counterparts. In fact, I would say they are often more intense and satisfying than their offline counterparts.
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A quick political comment now that the election is over. No matter what our political affiliation, I think if we are even the slightest bit open minded we can find some commonality with President-Elect Obama. It is in the best interest of this country that we do just that.
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An amazing thing happened in my home this week. For the first time in six years, husband (Cam's step-father) and I were able to communicate and work together towards an appropriate discipline strategy for Cam. Without going into too much detail, Cam was suspended from school for two days this week for a physical altercation he was involved in as well as for a zero tolerance issue.
Before anyone starts jumping on the "no-wonder-he-has-issues" bandwagon, yes - I continue to do all that I can in addressing the root cause of these issues, and no - I will not explain what I am doing in depth as it always seems to invite a significant amount of criticism on the blog.
But, I will say that there were some significant gains made from a parenting perspective. I decided to be *gasp* honest with husband regarding Cam's suspended status. There was a time, not too long ago, when I would have hidden this from him fearing (with good reason) that his reaction would be a physical one against Cam. I had a moment of clarity last night where I knew it was time to shit or get off the pot. Either I was honest with husband, dealing with the consequences of honesty, or I was dishonest with him continuing the facade. The desire to move forward (requiring honesty) overrode the fear.
I'm in no way making claims that everything is now hunky-dory, but I do believe there was forward movement. Only time will tell if this was an exception to the rule, or the beginning of a healthy relationship for this family, but I have realized (with a little help) that honesty in parenting is the only acceptable option. If honesty results in a dangerous reaction from husband, everything is in place to leave the situation.
Before anyone starts jumping on the "no-wonder-he-has-issues" bandwagon, yes - I continue to do all that I can in addressing the root cause of these issues, and no - I will not explain what I am doing in depth as it always seems to invite a significant amount of criticism on the blog.
But, I will say that there were some significant gains made from a parenting perspective. I decided to be *gasp* honest with husband regarding Cam's suspended status. There was a time, not too long ago, when I would have hidden this from him fearing (with good reason) that his reaction would be a physical one against Cam. I had a moment of clarity last night where I knew it was time to shit or get off the pot. Either I was honest with husband, dealing with the consequences of honesty, or I was dishonest with him continuing the facade. The desire to move forward (requiring honesty) overrode the fear.
I'm in no way making claims that everything is now hunky-dory, but I do believe there was forward movement. Only time will tell if this was an exception to the rule, or the beginning of a healthy relationship for this family, but I have realized (with a little help) that honesty in parenting is the only acceptable option. If honesty results in a dangerous reaction from husband, everything is in place to leave the situation.
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27 comments:
I have to completely agree with you that online friendships are every bit as intense and satisfying as offline ones. ASM and I consider a few fellow bloggers as some of our best friends.
And I'm glad to hear that things are improving between you, your husband, and Cam :-)
I'm so glad that the honesty worked out for you. I hope it brings you two closer and helps you to work together for the best interest of your family.
As for the cyberfriendships, they are the same as all my others.
Have a great weekend, Sweets!
I wish you well. So much can be so hard (parenting, marriage).
I root for you from afar.
Dana: You know, I didn't realize that so many folks have such great information regarding how you should deal with your personal life.
I mean, if you talk about something personal, it seems there's never an end to people who have "Been there, Done that" and have all this expert advice or criticism on how you've dealt with your struggle.
Me? I just try to give moral and personal support, and hope that the person in question is able to figure out for themself what is needed to be done.
That said, I'm glad you and your hubby are working things out, and I'm sure that baby steps will get you where you need to be.
Focus on Cam, get things right, and I'm sure that the rest will fall into place slowly but gradually.
Patience is a great teacher!
Good for you Dana your doing a great job even tho somedays it doesn't seem like it. Your in my prayers. You made a very tough decision.....
Progress, no matter how small or large is good. Here's to you, Cam, and a better, happier life. Cheers Hot Stuff!!
Hubman, I used to get caught up in that whole idea of physical presence being a factor of "real life," but have come to the realization that physical presence can actually inhibit a friendship at times.
RLL, I won't say that the honesty was without some rough spots, but they were no where near what I had feared.
13Messages, it has become clear to me why second marriages see a significantly higher divorce rate than first marriages do. The relationships are far more complex.
If you think we all should get together and work together after the election, I think you'll agree the best place to start would be right in your own home with you and your husband solving problems together.. Sounds like progress was made.. good for your family!
Jormengrund, I think that people (generally) forget that they never have a clear picture of a bloggers life, if for no other reason that the necessity of being brief in one's post. It's easy to be critical - far more difficult to be supportive without judgment.
Soxyes54, some days it really doesn't seem I'm doing enough, and I'm certain there are those who believe that to be true! Prayers are always appreciated.
Matt-Man, better and happier - that is definitely what I am working towards.
I totally agree about the online friends. I think a lot of people don't realize it though and don't know that just up and abandoning their blog or not responding to emails or just cyber disappearing can hurt others.
Progress is good. As long as some progress is being made then there is hope that things will work.
I'm glad that you're espousing and advocating the open-mind & open-arms approach to the new presidency.
I'm amused by the wording about cyberfriends - I've been there and I can totally empathize with you there...those cyberfriends can be more intensive than "real" friends and that's because of the non-existent "barrier/boundary" that exists in our societal norms.
As for your son, I am very pleased to see that you and your ex are working together to provide a consistent discpline rules. I would NEVER be one of those that goes "No wonder!" because I do not live with you and know what exactly is going on.
Now, what made me go so profoundly deep here? Hmm...I better pop in "Jackass" and leave my brain at the door. LOL
I'm glad to hear that you and the husband have reached some middle ground where Cam is concerned. Slight progress is still progress....right?
I'm terrible at friendship, in real life or online, but I agree about the intesity of online friendships. For some reason it's easier to let go when the person isn't sitting right next to you.
i just found your blog...good luck!
As usual you have struck a deep chord with me, Dana. I'd like to think that if I were in your shoes I'd write my friend an email and tell them what I was feeling, because after all, they might be feeling the same way too and not know how to express it. But in all reality, I'd probably not send the email. I'm too much of a paranoid, nervous, recluse. I'd convince myself that the person in question didn't really care in the first place, it was a passing moment for them and it's over now. I often wonder how many good friends I've lost that way.
My very closest friend is someone I've never seen in person. It pains me to say that I probably never will.
Buff, I absolutely agree!
Jay, I've had a few who really have just disappeared - fortunately the one I've been out of touch with this week really is coming back!
Nolens Volens, you know, we can either work together (the country as well as husband and I) or we can continue with a divide. Seems like a no-brainer to me!
Leighann, I'm hopeful on the home front for the first time in a long time!
Father Bob, thanks for stopping by!
Boo, these situations are difficult ones!
Good luck to you in your efforts to make your relationship stronger with your husband. Best of luck with Cam.
Congrats on a step forward in the discipline strategy. It's hard to find that happy medium between two parent's ideas of what is right... especially if the two of you were raised with different ideals when it comes to discipline.
Online friendships are no less important than real life ones. If anything they are more honest and open to me that real life ones.
Good to hear that things are heading in the right direction at home :)
i like......
My 3 bestest, closest friends were met online. They are *invaluable* to me. Online....IRL....friends are friends. :)
I'm so glad you were able to have a decent conversation with your husband. That must be a great sense of relief for you. Have a great wend!
Honesty is my prefered policy. I'm more than glad it went well.
Biscuit, if there was a way to do it, I'd load Cam up in the car and travel from coast to coast meeting every blogger I *know* along the way!
Doomed, many would have walked away long ago. Sometimes I wonder if I shouldn't have, but there is a side of me that takes my commitments quite seriously.
TRLFTP, I think it's even harder to find that happy medium in "blended" families. You come in to parenting with years of someone elses parenting already instilled on the child.
Average, one step at a time ...
GoodGirl, you like what? I'm thinking you like being a bot!
Doggy, that's probably one of the nicest things you've said on this blog in months.
Vixen, relief and hope - something this marriage has not had in quite some time.
Lu, although it might not appear this way, I actually prefer honesty too. The problem comes in when the result of honesty is physical harm - that desire to protect kicks in.
Glad to hear there is some progress. Something is definitely better than nothing, especially when it comes to your son!
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