~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Unless you live under a rock, you know that Thanksgiving is coming up. Thanksgiving! That wonderful time of year when we reflect on all of the good things in our life – the daily gifts that we often take for granted. That time of year when we get together with family, prepare a huge, glorious meal, make the kids sit at a card table in the living room to eat, then fall asleep and fart while watching the Cowboys play football. Except that isn’t my Thanksgiving any more.
At some point in my life I began building walls – brick by brick. Actually, I think the building boom really started on my 7th birthday, when my dad forgot to come home for my party because he got preoccupied with his affair with Rainier (beer) at the Detour Tavern. When you grow up in a home filled with promises, expectation and disappointments, you build a fortress around your emotions.
Eventually, I couldn’t build the walls and higher or any deeper. Drastic measures were necessary to keep the fortress strong. I had to relocate the fortress (and myself) thousands of miles away. The physical distance offered even more protection.
Now? How I long for a family meal at Thanksgiving – for those traditions of Green Jell-o salad *shudders* and Chocolate Cream Pie from scratch. I am envious of all of my family members who will stress over when the turkey will be ready, argue over who should do dishes, and complain that the mashed potatoes aren't creamy enough and the gravy is lumpy.
Understand that I am very grateful for the things (and people) that I have in my life. I give thanks daily for a roof over my head, food in the pantry, and people who love me. I truly am blessed with far more than I need or could ever use. I know that, yet something is still missing and I ache for it - and feel terribly guilty for complaining.
I try to keep a happy face and good disposition. I listen to, and read, the Thanksgiving plans of co-workers, friends and bloggers. I smile and tell them how wonderful it all sounds – and each time my heart grows a little more sad. You see, the problem with building a fortress around your emotions is that the fortress not only keeps the bad from coming in, it keeps the good from finding its way too.
I’m looking for a demolition company to do a little imploding work … anyone know where I might find one?
At some point in my life I began building walls – brick by brick. Actually, I think the building boom really started on my 7th birthday, when my dad forgot to come home for my party because he got preoccupied with his affair with Rainier (beer) at the Detour Tavern. When you grow up in a home filled with promises, expectation and disappointments, you build a fortress around your emotions.
Eventually, I couldn’t build the walls and higher or any deeper. Drastic measures were necessary to keep the fortress strong. I had to relocate the fortress (and myself) thousands of miles away. The physical distance offered even more protection.
Now? How I long for a family meal at Thanksgiving – for those traditions of Green Jell-o salad *shudders* and Chocolate Cream Pie from scratch. I am envious of all of my family members who will stress over when the turkey will be ready, argue over who should do dishes, and complain that the mashed potatoes aren't creamy enough and the gravy is lumpy.
Understand that I am very grateful for the things (and people) that I have in my life. I give thanks daily for a roof over my head, food in the pantry, and people who love me. I truly am blessed with far more than I need or could ever use. I know that, yet something is still missing and I ache for it - and feel terribly guilty for complaining.
I try to keep a happy face and good disposition. I listen to, and read, the Thanksgiving plans of co-workers, friends and bloggers. I smile and tell them how wonderful it all sounds – and each time my heart grows a little more sad. You see, the problem with building a fortress around your emotions is that the fortress not only keeps the bad from coming in, it keeps the good from finding its way too.
I’m looking for a demolition company to do a little imploding work … anyone know where I might find one?
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
36 comments:
I'm on the opposite spectrum of this, completely. I dread spending time with family, other than hubby and kids, so this time of year brings me down for other reasons.
I stress over the fact that I'll have to see my dads side of the family and be reminded of what a disgrace he is.
I stress over the fact that I'll have to see my mom and put up with her pretending we're one big happy family.
I stress over the fact that I'll have to see my sister in law, who is so sickninly sweet (read: FAKE) it puts me into a diabetic coma.
I stress over the fact that I have to spend Thanksgiving at J's parents house, which is beyond disgusting. The kids can't take their shoes off and there will be dog hair in the food. *shudder*
Wait, I was probably supposed to say something to make you feel better, huh?
I really suck at this. *wink*
It helps to marry into a family with picture perfect holidays. I've always dreaded having lunch with the half-crazy socially incompetent relatives on my mom's side or with my dad's uber-judgmental parents who couldn't shut up about the correct way to hold a knife and fork - or the fact that my mom was fat. Now I get to go to DH's holidays, with happy family members playing board games and laughing late into the evening. I'm thinking about skipping my own family thanksgiving this year...
I have a son who I have not seen in about 3 years now. I have not spent a Thanksgiving with him since he was about 3. He is now 20.
My other two children through my second marriage will be spending Thanksgiving with their mom...not with me. This year it will be a first for me not having them.
My attitude? I am going to appreciate and focus on what I have, and not really worry about what I don't have. I used to have your walls too. I decided to break mine from the inside. Now I find that I have most of my family on the outside, looking in.
This Thanksgiving, I have my wife. I have my step sons. I have invited guests coming over. And I will have the best time ever and create new memories for years to come. Everyone is welcome to enjoy and if they choose not to then I am not going to fret over it...life is just way too short.
Note to self, don't accept an invitation from Leighann's family for Thanksgiving.
I wish I had something salient to say.
Implosions come from within.
Oh how well i know what you are saying and feeling, because at this time of Holiday Cheer.. it just makes me bleh...
Gotta remain and put on a Happy Face thou',..
Hope things get better, love...
Hugssssssss,,
~c
We got up to my sister's for Thanksgiving and she does all the cooking and stuff. She loves it. Otherwise my mother and I would just be going to Shoney's.
If you're interested in making a long drive...
Actually, a big tradition around here for the past few years has been the free turkey dinner at a local restaurant. Rich, poor, big family, solo--it doesn't matter. Most of the mucky-muck politicians and local celebrities come and serve the food. And there's Christmas music, of course. No donations or food are accepted. Except for pies. You might see if there's something similar. Either as a server or a participant!
I'm with Obasso here Dana!
You're welcome at my place anytime!
We're having the traditional Thanksgiving here, and you and Cam (and even hubby if you're feeling rambunctious) are welcome!
After all, what's one more family in the sea of love and happiness?
Oh, and if you do show up, some goodies will be needed.. Munchies preferrably, but you are let off the hook, and can drop by any deli you can find and get something! *wink*
I know too well about the walls, and I can only offer this small piece of advice:
Learn to let go.
Cam can see that you're holding in things. This in turn will also affect how he's going to deal with it, and unless you want him to start learning how to build his own fortress of solitude, you need to work on trying to break the walls down, or at least make them a bit thinner.
Yes, this might cause some of the house of cards that is Dana fall down.
However, I truly believe that your inner strength will see you through it, and bring you out the other side a more solid and confident woman and mother.
You sure do swim in deep water alot Dana, just saying.
Maybe you'll get more of what you want by swimming in the shallows more often.
We shouldn't let Hallmark raise our expectations too high of the perfect family holiday.
As shelters, food pantries and soup kitchens will tell us, they suffer from excess this time of year with an over abundance of people giving & trying to do what Hallmark Cards, Norman Rockwell, etc. have led us to believe we should be doing on that day. The days before and the days after? Nada.
Any day my family can get together and enjoy themselves over a meal is Thanksgiving to me.
You know....it's only 3 1/2 hours to Indy..
Maybe you should start your own tradition that is special for you and Cam. Donate your time to a local soup kitchen, go to the movies, go out for a non-traditional meal somewhere like your local Mexican restaurant, or just make pizza and watch football.
Please let your walls crumble though. I know that you are a caring mother who would not want her discomfort toward the holidays to have an effect on his outlook. Reclaim this wicked season and make it your own happier time.
If all else fails- come to Tennessee for all the deep fried turkey you can eat.
Leighann, Ummm ... thinking about your Thanksgiving did make me feel better *giggle*
Jenni, I'm not even looking for perfect - just some sort of connection with others.
Flyinfox, see? And that is where the guilt comes in - I have no logical reason to feel anything but immense gratitude!
*I think Jormengrund should be asking his wife before inviting strangers to his house for Thanksgiving*
g-man, yes they do, don't they?
~c, the pity party will be short lived - guilt will win it over!
Jay, I think it was my brief visit with family this summer that made this all so much more real this year.
Ugh....when you have 2 sets of families planning Thanksgiving at the same time, sometimes I'd just rather stay at home!
keep your chin up, Dana...
Os, I may have to see if there is anywhere in my community that is doing this. As much as I'd like to make the drive out west, I'm afraid I wouldn't even be able to stay long enough to eat dinner!
Jormengrund, I think the impact on Cam is my biggest concern, and one of the reasons I attempt to just "suck it up."
Micky, but I can't dive, head first, into the shallows!
The Wife informed me she would have to work on Turkey Day and I replied, " Thank God! I get to stay home and enjoy it my way." After I got the frying pan dislodged from my head, I realized that wasn't what she was implying. What she ASSUMED I would understand; that I was to go to her Mom & Dads, cook and entertain them for 6 hours til she gets off work.
P.S.- It ain't easy being #1 son in law.....
Michael, I'm not looking for perfect family holiday - just extended family holiday! With my family, if we manage to make it through dinner without an all out brawl we're doing well!
M, awww ... that's sweet! Although Z might take issue with it *wink*
Ambergail, I've really been trying for the last 5 years to get some tradition with this blended family we've created. Tradition - around the holidays - makes me feel safe and secure. Unfortunately, the one we did the first three years (Medieval Times) seems to have fizzled. Maybe it's just time to regroup!
Gottaluvme3, not to worry! I promise not to show up on your (and Jormengrund's) doorstep - even with an invitation. Something tells me my family really wouldn't be all that welcomed.
Slick, chin is up! The day will pass soon enough!
Al, I am all too aware that my struggle is another person's dream come true! Funny how that works!!
Holidays can really suck. I think that helping a Church or social agency serve dinner on Thanksgiving day is the Christian think to do or the noble thing to do, depending on your religious beliefs. Starting your own traditions sounds great too. After all, Thanksgiving is a holiday where we give thanks for what we have. And in the United States we are very blessed. My advise is to take chances and open your heart to the spirit of this holiday. We all got a lot to be thankful for and I know that you, like all of us in this country, have much to be thankful for. It's hard to get the ruined holidays of your childhood out of the picture. I can remember a few stinkers myself. I just think it's easier to try and make the most of the season than suffer from the worst of the season. Kind of like it's easier to smile than frown thing. Good luck on your quest to have a happy Thanksgiving with your family
Well, you always have a welcome mat out in Memphis for any holidays...I was brought up in a home where we always take in 'strays' for the holidays...
come celebrate with warmth and affection ...and OH yeah...we do fart a lot later in the day!
That was a good answer!
You are more than welcome to come and hang with me and the inlaws...There may be a fight...Wait..I know there is...because none of them own a watch! I'll be thinkin about you that day! Oh..and no turkey either...my inlaws have a thing against poultry...
I can relate, Dana!
Growing up my dysfunctional family always made a huge to do over Thanksgiving. I loved helping my grandmother. I'd polish the silver, set the table with fine china and help her cook. I loved it. I loved my grandmother. She's really the only one I miss. :(
My ILs choose to spend Thanksgiving with my husband's great-aunt and take the grandfather there even though every year for the last five I have begged them to eat with us. The say it's what the man has always done so they continue. It makes me sad. Usually my husband works but I make a meal anyway and share it with the girls. It's very lonely. Like I said, I can relate. ;)
Do you know anyone else who has little family in the area? Would you consider inviting them? If I did, I totally would. I'd love to share Thanksgiving with people who have even less than I do. I've considered asking some of the old ladies from the gym. LOL
I was never one for hanging out with family (at least, my own immediate) myself, so I hear what you're saying.
Living far from my family in a city where everyone else seems to have moved here away from their family I have learned to create a new one. Invite over friends and people you trust to share a meal and be your extended family. It fills all the holes and you won't have to fight.
Dana,
as expats my friends and I believe that Thanksgiving is a communal holiday. This year we will be approximately 40 persons from the USA, Germany, France, italy and many more along with a few token Brits.
we will sing songs of praise along with God save the Queen, the Marseillaise, This lands is my land,etc... We will all be Americans even if we're not. As a tradition we always read Art Buchwald's column where he explains Thanksgiving to the French.
My idea for you is expand the concept of family, bring in soldiers from near by posts who can't go home, or even foreign students from a local university
The idea is to revel in the people who love you and be worthy of the people who admire you.
I may one day blog about this but unlike you I don't have the courage to be out there
Paris s'eveille
I'm in the same boat..so...I'm taking my wine glass... my blanket.. my camera... and heading to the middle of no man's land for some photo shoots of nature..
You are welcome to join me.. but bring your own wine..
The Queen of no man's land..
Oh honey, that is so sad!!! You should have the family and gathering that you want. If you can't get it with your family you need to find it somewhere else.
Take Cam and go visit someone else for Thanksgiving. Enjoy yourself. Be a part of something fun!
Well, my wifes parents are dead, mine are dead, one son lives out of state, so our big dinner usually means about 5-6 people... I remember when was always a dozen or better...Miss that..
Ahhh...If only you lived closer. You could hang out with us. We're probably goign to be in our pajamas eating cold leftover dressing from October that I stored in the freezer.
Sounds fun, huh?
As many others have said, you are most welcome in NC. Anytime, not just holidays. The serving others at a shelter or soup kitchen is also a good idea. That's really what this holiday is about anyway. As Knight said, we've had to make our own family here. Sometimes friends are better.
this will be the first year I have not been at a big family Thanksgiving dinner....ever.
Post a Comment