Thank Goodness!

Last year, Mike, Cam, and I cooked Thanksgiving dinner for the staff and their family members at Mike's employer's establishment . It was one of the BEST Thanksgivings I've ever had. I got to spend the day in a commercial kitchen with the two people I love most, doing what I believe Thanksgiving is all about - sharing with others.

The response we got was overwhelming and heartwarming. Everyone loved the food and many of the staff would not have had any sort of traditional Thanksgiving dinner had we not spent our day doing what we did.

*SIDE NOTE* I got EXTREMELY inebriated the night before, and about 4 hours into the meal preparation I sobered up and got one hell of a hangover. Don't try that at home kids!

This year will be different. Mike may still carry on his workplace tradition, but Cam and I will not be a part of that.

As such, I decided that I wanted to cook Thanksgiving dinner for my mom and Cam this year - in my new place - making new memories/traditions. My break-up with Mike is still very fresh and raw, and rather than wallow in my own misery (trust me, wallowing would be my preference), I've decided to use vodka distraction as a coping mechanism.

The challenge? Planning/cooking Thanksgiving dinner for three people without going overboard, and working in a VERY small kitchen.

Off to Pinterest I went. Originally I thought I'd just cook a turkey breast, but then my mom let me know she likes dark meat *surprise ... surprise* The one thing that will FUCK UP my Thanksgiving holiday is giving my mother less than what she wants. Turkey breast off the menu - plan B in effect.

Fresh green beans (not that NASTY green bean casserole) were also on my menu. Ran that one by Cam and he wrinkled his nose. When I asked him what his vegetable of choice was, I got a solid "CORN"! Green beans off the menu - plan C in effect.

Oh! And then there was dessert. Pumpkin pie? Cheesecake? Sweet potato pie? Nope! None of those were acceptable - looks like it will be apple pie.

This is what my Thanksgiving Menu looked like yesterday ...

That's clearly not going to do. Time to implement plan B ... C ... D ... oh goodness! I don't know what plan I'm on!

Today I finalized the menu. We will be having:

• Slow Cooker Turkey
• Pork Sausage Stuffing (a bit of an alteration to this recipe)
• Garlic mashed potatoes (no recipe needed for these)
• Sauteed Corn
• Creamy Garlic Mashed Potatoes
• Gravy (yes I make mine from scratch)
• Cranberry Sauce
• Lime Fluff (I have a severe aversion to Jell-O salads, but this is a family tradition. I just need to suck it up!
• Black olives (it isn't Thanksgiving if you don't have black olives stuffed on the end of each of your fingers)
• Dinner rolls (most likely these)
• And of course? Apple pie!

I'm kind of excited to be doing this. I need to create new memories/traditions. I can't do that if I don't *do* it!

I’m struggling …

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Unless you live under a rock, you know that Thanksgiving is coming up. Thanksgiving! That wonderful time of year when we reflect on all of the good things in our life – the daily gifts that we often take for granted. That time of year when we get together with family, prepare a huge, glorious meal, make the kids sit at a card table in the living room to eat, then fall asleep and fart while watching the Cowboys play football. Except that isn’t my Thanksgiving any more.

At some point in my life I began building walls – brick by brick. Actually, I think the building boom really started on my 7th birthday, when my dad forgot to come home for my party because he got preoccupied with his affair with Rainier (beer) at the Detour Tavern. When you grow up in a home filled with promises, expectation and disappointments, you build a fortress around your emotions.
Eventually, I couldn’t build the walls and higher or any deeper. Drastic measures were necessary to keep the fortress strong. I had to relocate the fortress (and myself) thousands of miles away. The physical distance offered even more protection.

Now? How I long for a family meal at Thanksgiving – for those traditions of Green Jell-o salad *shudders* and Chocolate Cream Pie from scratch. I am envious of all of my family members who will stress over when the turkey will be ready, argue over who should do dishes, and complain that the mashed potatoes aren't creamy enough and the gravy is lumpy.

Understand that I am very grateful for the things (and people) that I have in my life. I give thanks daily for a roof over my head, food in the pantry, and people who love me. I truly am blessed with far more than I need or could ever use. I know that, yet something is still missing and I ache for it - and feel terribly guilty for complaining.

I try to keep a happy face and good disposition. I listen to, and read, the Thanksgiving plans of co-workers, friends and bloggers. I smile and tell them how wonderful it all sounds – and each time my heart grows a little more sad. You see, the problem with building a fortress around your emotions is that the fortress not only keeps the bad from coming in, it keeps the good from finding its way too.

I’m looking for a demolition company to do a little imploding work … anyone know where I might find one?

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My Version of Norman Rockwell

I've been reading many of the holiday blog greetings with a bit of fleeting envy, and a dash of cynicism. Repeatedly I read about fabulous food and family gatherings, most bordering on visions of Norman Rockwell and all seemingly devoid of anything negative. I'm not sure if my views on the holidays are selfish, or just far more realistic than most people are willing to confess. With Santa a passing memory, I'm done pretending, and wishing, that Christmas is anything more than what it is.

As a kid, my family always went to Aunt Vicki and Uncle Dick's house. They had the most kids and thus, the biggest house. They were also centrally located in Washington state, making the trip "fair" for the family living on the coast, as well as family living on the east side of the state. One Christmas, when I was 14, we just stopped making this trip. I don't remember any specific event that took place to cause the change - it just happened.

My family has its share of quirks and drama, with the occasional alcoholic and bi-polar relative thrown in. My guess is that it looks like most other families. I don't know about the rest of you, but I've yet to meet a family where all members are still married to their first spouse, and there aren't warnings to young children about staying away from the creepy uncle.

The older I get, the clearer my family’s quirks become. I don't see this as a bad thing. The little family I grew up in has gained in-laws, stepparents, current-love-interests, etc. and things just aren't as they once were, or as others think they should be. This is the main reason I give for changing my nuclear family’s Christmas traditions, and for celebrating the holidays in "our" home, on "our" terms.

It’s taken me quite a few years to accept that life is short, ever changing and not fair. I have lost the desire to pretend for the benefit of others. Every family has their history, and mine is pretty screwed up rich and vibrant. I've given up on using my family filters - I call a duck a duck - and my family doesn't like it. I do things differently than I used to - I no longer avoid confrontation with my mother over parenting, but instead ask her to leave my home when she has crossed boundaries. I no longer pretend that my father can have just one beer to loosen up a bit, but rather tell him if he visits, there will be no alcohol in the house and he will be asked to leave if he brings his own.

We can’t pull off the Norman Rockwell version of the holidays. Not everything is fine, and I’m okay with that. This Christmas, I will miss my extended family, but I'll enjoy my own nuclear family, with our Kielbasa and macaroni and cheese Christmas dinner and our trip to the movies afterward.

On one hand, I see myself as the most selfish person in the world, as someone who’s not willing to put a face on for the sake of family. For all of our flaws, we are, after all, family. Who am I to extract myself? What about the kids?

On the other hand, I know there are other people who either have done this, or wish they had the nerve to. Maybe it’s just the evolution of family and traditions through time. At what point did your parents change your family’s traditions? When will you? How liberating would it be not to have to suffer your jerk sister-in-law simply because she shares the same parents, and absolutely nothing else, with your spouse? Would you give her the time of day if she weren’t family?

It may not sound like it, but I really do like the Christmas season and the new traditions my "blended" family has started. I sincerely hope you are able to enjoy your family and friends - those that you have specifically chosen to spend your precious time with.