It doesn't hurt to listen to you talk about how much you are physically attracted to other women, but it is gut wrenching that I never hear those same compliments - or any other compliments for that matter - from you.I know that you know this - I've told you many times - and I think that's why you continue do it.
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Relationships are so twisted. I am such a jealous bitch that it would kill me if my husband shared who he was attracted to--I know it's natural for him to be attracted to others, but I would so not want to hear it. Yet, I don't even want to hear it when he compliments me. Now that's twisted that my self-esteem is so low that I don't want to hear or believe anything good about myself. Sigh. I hope things get better for you.
I'm so sorry, Dana. I really am. I know how loud that silence can be.
Ouch! Although my husband recently admitted (after being caught) how much he enjoys looking at other naked women, too. :(
I agree, it does kind of hurt not to hear compliments although he doesn't exactly gush about those women either.
Love the pic you used w/ this secret. Very good fit.
Dana, this is a dull rusty edge of a knife post and I can feel it twisting in my figurative back, a twist for every occasion I've been guilty. Thank God for forgiveness, otherwise I'd be walking the streets with an old beat-up suitcase for a dog.
The power some people have over us at times is anoying. And it's not always a power that we can get the other person to change. Power used for evil will get the owner a hefty dose of bad Karma I think. One day......it'll happen.
I hope you're learning to beef up up your own power.
Scout, things will get better for me when I allow them to get better - when I quit allowing the power to sit on one side of the relationship. I'm finally getting to a place where I realize it's not what is being said, but what is not being said that shifts that power.
Jenni, it has been a struggle to put my finger on what is wrong - husband doesn't say mean, degrading, nasty things (usually) - it is his silence towards me that does - indeed - speak volumes.
FF, I expect husband to find other women attractive (he and I share that trait), but I also expect to be someone he finds attractive. The realization that he so freely gives compliments to others, without ever finding anything "good enough" about me, was painful.
Trée, I do think it boils down to wanting to be wanted - cherished even - on that purely physical level. I'm sure this would be far less of an issue if the intimate side of our relationship were flourishing, but the lack of both elements finds me doubting my desirability and reinforces my lack of self-esteem.
tt, annoying is an understatement *wink* The fact that I allow husband that power bothers me beyond what I can even describe.
Take back your power, woman!
Do not let one man's opinion define you. Or even a thousand men's opinion.
You are beautiful, funny, charming, dimpled and precious to so many people!
We all do it, at one time or another. I do try to give my wife honest compliments, though...
Dana, I think what was most profound to me was in your response to Scout. Very well said.
*hugs*
RLL, I do hope you know this wasn't a post fishing for compliments, although I do appreciate your words *wink*
Buff, it's one thing when it's a slip - another when it's done - again and again - in spite of knowing how hurtful it is.
Vixen, I often wonder how long I'll put up with my lack of motivation to change things - just how bad I'll need to feel before I let myself feel better.
Trust me, I'm there.
You get compliments from random people, but the ONE person you want to hear it from, doesn't say it.
Hang in there!
I thought I was reading a letter to my husband. You are not alone.--Lollie
I can't remember if I posted this before but the ex only rarely complimented me. And one time --when things were going relatively well and we'd had really satisfying sex and were cuddling I got full of myself and asked "Do you think I look good naked?" To which he responded " Well I think you could stand to lose 20 pounds or so."
Yeah.
I've never gone a day with Brad not telling me he thinks I am beautiful. And even when I am feeling scruffy I know he means it.
And we check out chicks together;-)
M, I'd be far more please to hear you had no idea what I was talking about *wink*
Lollie, no - one to my husband. I'm sorry you know this too!
Turnbaby, EGADS! I don't ever ask - I'm afraid I'll get a similar answer. I wish I could check out chicks with husband, but *knowing* he finds others more desirable than me makes the process a little too emotional for me.
Yeah, that's painful indeed, Dana. Sorry. It's not much better when a person compliments another and isn't believed. Eh. Cheers Sexy!!
I'm so sorry. A spouse really needs to be beautiful in the eyes of his or her partner. And they need to know it.
Ditto on Scout's Honor. That's how bad my self-esteem is.
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