Covert Abuse

~*~*~

Some of you are going to be uncomfortable with this post, not because it has anything to do with you directly, but because you know the person I'm going to address - Kim (i.e. Kimmeh, Kimmikins, Rhekins).

You might feel like you need to take sides. I'd prefer you don't. In fact, I'm not even opening comments on this post so that no one can take sides - at least not here.

*NOTE* I received an email that stated:

"I would say that not allowing comments was a bad move. It looks like you didn't want anyone to point out that some of your "facts" might have been a bit one-sided. Or maybe someone would say the pics didn't look all that similar and that it didn't seem like a big deal."

Although not my intent, I can see how it might seem that way. As such, I've opened the comments. I will NOT respond to any of your comments as I believe there is fault shared between both Kim and I in this debacle and I don't want to attempt to "justify" my part in the shared bad behavior.

What's important is for me to lay out the facts that have been missing from the back and forth, passive aggressive banter between us. I'm not interested in making accusations, spinning the truth without giving reference when it's available, or name calling. If you feel the need to support Kim, you can do that on her blog.

And now, the rest of the story ...

I pissed off fellow blogger Kim many months ago. What's odd is I don't even remember what the original falling out was all about (it was that trivial in my mind at the time), but I'm certain she does - she's been making me "pay" for whatever my misdeed was for quite some time now.

Why aren't some of you aware of what's been going on? Sadly, covert abuse is her expertise. Sure, she seems nice, and I have no doubt she can be nice. She was extremely nice to me at one time ... until it became apparent that I don't play by her rules.

Kim is also one smart cookie (seriously). She knows the ins and outs of social media well - what shows up in her follower's time lines and what doesn't. Seldom does she slip up.

Kim is the person I spoke of in [THIS] blog rant. I've tried to address this situation with her directly, but she's been a bit slippery, ignoring several of my past attempts at email communication.

It seems she has no faults that she's willing to admit to publicly. It is everyone around her who has faults and they must be punished for those faults. People who have "wronged" Kim must be humiliated. I can only presume that is so she can feel better about herself.

I'm willing to ignore a lot of bullshit, but I'm not willing to allow Kim's half-truths to go unchecked any longer.

Things between Kim and I recently came to a head when I saw this photo on her Project 365 blog last week.


The following twitter exchange took place between me and two other two others (Kim was not one of them).


This is my photo that I felt had been copied and/or was the "inspiration" for her photo.


Could I have handled my own frustration in a more constructive way? Ummm ... yeah ... probably! Do I have regrets that I didn't? Nope, and I'll show you why ...

A few days later Kim posted this entry to her blog.


Let's skip the obvious - she doesn't really hate to get all passive aggressive - if she did she'd have written a blog post like the one I'm writing (and she likely will). She could have chosen to address this in a different manner - confronted me directly, in public or in private. But this passive aggressive post gave her the opportunity to spin her story to her advantage. If you read the comments you'll see it was a success!

The facts (or lack there of) are far more interesting to me.

She compares a microphone photo we both took as an example of how unreasonable I'm being. Here is her photo.


... and mine ...


But she didn't bother with the story behind the photos. When you hear it you'll understand why.

Are they the same microphone? Yes! This is the microphone used by Annie of the Annie & Burl Live Blog Talk Radio show. Kim took her photo of the mic long before I did. She is often in the studio when the Annie & Burl Live show airs.

I had a one-time opportunity to partake in one of their shows over the summer and took a photo of the identical mic - an iconic image of the radio show, if you will. I'd argue you'd be hard pressed to tell that is the same microphone. Why? Because I went out of my way to adjust my composition knowing I was taking a photo of something she had already photographed.

Next claim, I was passive-aggressive on twitter.

Yes I was, although I'm still trying to figure out how she discovered that since she insists she doesn't "stalk" my tweets like I do hers. But here's what got me:

"In fact I think her words implied that I lifted the picture off her blog and put it as mine."

You know, if you're going to make such harsh accusations, you really need to present facts. In this case the facts are out there in a public forum, easy to grab just like I did. There's no excuse for saying "I think" when you can know with just a few clicks on your computer, unless the facts don't support your accusations (which seems to be the case here).

Let's assume for a moment that Kim didn't read my tweets. That is possible, and due to the way one of the tweets in that exchange was formatted, I'm fairly certain it showed up in Kim's Twitter timeline.

But how would Kim know who or what I was talking about unless she was familiar with my photo (she does view my P365 blog) and saw the similarities as well? I didn't mention her name. Didn't even mention the content of the photo. Remember? This was a passive aggressive twitter exchange. Hmmmm ...

There is also the possibility that Kim did, in fact, read that entire twitter exchange (and what is printed above is the public exchange in it's entirety). But how could that be if she wrote in her blog post that I "implied that [she] lifted the picture off [my] blog and put it as [hers]"?

Well, her blog post wouldn't have had quite the same impact had she mentioned that I clarified that was not the case, would it?

I plainly stated in my response that the photo was NOT my photo posted on another blog, but rather one "almost identical to mine" - and looking at the two photos (Kim did NOT provide both photos on her blog post - again one has to wonder why), even she would be hard pressed to claim the photos weren't "almost identical" - composition, cropping and subject matter are the same.

One of her next lines in the post is even more telling.

I do not like being bullied, I do not like being accused of things and I want it to stop.

So, what did I do? I let it go. I didn't even comment on her post. I decide to (cautiously) deem it an odd coincidence and move forward. Let's be realistic, I cannot claim to know what inspired Kim's photo. She says I'm full of shit (passive aggressively of course) so? OK *shrugs*

She wants it to stop? Cool! I made a conscientious choice to no longer aggravate the situation (that hasn't always been the case). I wanted this to stop months ago, yet I was still contributing to the problem.

I figured if I gave it my best effort, Kim would finally give up on directing her passive aggressive attack towards me. Why would someone claiming she's reacting to my "bullying" need to continue with hers if there was no provocation? Right?

WRONG!

Just days later this Twitter exchange occurs.


Ummm ... yeah ... she obviously doesn't want this to stop, otherwise she wouldn't be poking it with a stick on Twitter.

In true passive aggressive form, when I stated that I didn't understand the inconsistencies between her words and actions (she wants it to stop, but she's going to keep poking it with a stick on Twitter) she deflects.

See, this can't be about a flaw she has. Noooo ... it's about me! I'm stalking her tweets. It's my fault! Of course it is ...

I'm the bully! Of course I am ...

At this point I'm thinking, yet again, that she's gotten it all out of her system. She's done her thing - placing blame elsewhere - in a public forum where we have many mutual friends. I've been punished. I've received my public flogging - TWICE. All should be well ... or not ...

Two days later, this Twitter exchange between Kim and yet another of her followers.


Passive aggressive people ignore problems, see things through their own skewed sense of reality and, if forced to deal with the problems will completely withdraw (i.e the follow, unfollow, block, go private twitter response).

Passive aggressive people deny evidence of wrong doing, distort what everyone knows to be real so that their "altered" situations fit their own agenda, and minimize or lie so that their version of what is real seems more logical.

Kim is a master.

If I didn't know as much about passive aggressive behavior as I do, I'd be thinking something was terribly wrong with me. Unfortunately for Kim, I am all too familiar with this behavior - from others and within myself. It doesn't work on me, or for me, and that appears to frustrate the hell out of Kim. She has not let it go. She continues to go to great lengths to insure I continue to "pay".

I have many flaws, but rampant passive aggressive behavior is not one of them - thank goodness - it isn't attractive nor endearing.

Bottom line? When your tweets read like these (pulled directly from Kim's public twitter feed in the last week or so) ...






... it becomes pretty clear who you really are. Kim's own words speak far louder than any of my words ever could.

*CLARIFICATION* The above referenced tweets were NOT directed towards me

She won't let it go. I've wasted enough time trying to make this right and she has wasted far too much time trying to make me wrong, but I'm willing to bet that won't stop her from continuing on with her efforts.

Personally? I'm done. I've made changes to my Twitter account and Blogger account to insure I won't even be "tempted" to see what she is saying/doing. If she chooses to continue her passive aggressive attacks towards me, I'll be none the wiser. I cannot think of a better gift to myself!

The good news? I've learned there are just some people I will never like no matter how many "friends" we have in common, and pretending to is just plain silly.

Fuck it ...

~*~*~