~*~*~
Those three words have turned my world upside down. They bring to mind images of those kids - the ones so out of control that therapeutic day school is just one step away from a stint in a juvenile detention center. They bring to mind images of those parents - the ones who have not loved and nurtured their kids the way they should have, resulting in broken kids.
Cam will be attending a private, therapeutic day school at his school district's expense in the fall. His high school education will look very different from the one I had imagined. Although he will still be enrolled in the local high school - in theory able to participate in high school sports and extra-curricular activities associated with that high school - he will attend classes in what is called an interim alternative educational setting.
There will be no band camp this summer. No marching band in the fall. We'll be absent from freshman orientation and that automotive engines elective class that Cam had such interest in will be replaced by group therapy.
Cam will attend classes from 8:30am to 2:30pm, but will be away from home from 7:00am until 4:00pm due to a lengthy commute to the school. He will receive a High School Curriculum that parallels the basic offerings of his local high school. In addition to "regular" school, he will also receive related services, including Occupational Therapy, Art Therapy, Extended Day, Psychiatric and Psychological Consultation and School Health Services.
This is a school that uses a cognitive-behavioral/problem-solving approach and narrative principles to help students overcome problems at hand, practice more successful behavioral alternatives and explore ways to “re-write” their frequently negative life stories. They work with students to build on their strengths and gifts, and fight with them against their weaknesses and obstacles. The environment is based in a positive nurturing model where “natural consequences” for behaviors are frequently utilized. They avoid using restrictive and punitive methods of behavioral management and they do not have a time-out room.
This isn't a permanent placement, but rather a placement until Cam is ready and able to return to a less restrictive learning environment.
I should be thrilled. There are parents who have been fighting for years to get their children in a placement like this. There are parents who have taken out second mortgages on their homes to pay for this type of placement for their kids when their school districts have refused. There are kids who never get this opportunity because their parents don't care.
Yes, I should be thrilled, and on many levels I am, but once again I struggle between the conflict of what I know (that this placement is an amazing opportunity for Cam) and what I feel (that this placement magnifies everything I've done wrong as a parent and I am responsible for Cam "losing out" on traditional high school), and what I feel is winning ... and beating me down ...
Those three words have turned my world upside down. They bring to mind images of those kids - the ones so out of control that therapeutic day school is just one step away from a stint in a juvenile detention center. They bring to mind images of those parents - the ones who have not loved and nurtured their kids the way they should have, resulting in broken kids.Cam will be attending a private, therapeutic day school at his school district's expense in the fall. His high school education will look very different from the one I had imagined. Although he will still be enrolled in the local high school - in theory able to participate in high school sports and extra-curricular activities associated with that high school - he will attend classes in what is called an interim alternative educational setting.
There will be no band camp this summer. No marching band in the fall. We'll be absent from freshman orientation and that automotive engines elective class that Cam had such interest in will be replaced by group therapy.
Cam will attend classes from 8:30am to 2:30pm, but will be away from home from 7:00am until 4:00pm due to a lengthy commute to the school. He will receive a High School Curriculum that parallels the basic offerings of his local high school. In addition to "regular" school, he will also receive related services, including Occupational Therapy, Art Therapy, Extended Day, Psychiatric and Psychological Consultation and School Health Services.
This is a school that uses a cognitive-behavioral/problem-solving approach and narrative principles to help students overcome problems at hand, practice more successful behavioral alternatives and explore ways to “re-write” their frequently negative life stories. They work with students to build on their strengths and gifts, and fight with them against their weaknesses and obstacles. The environment is based in a positive nurturing model where “natural consequences” for behaviors are frequently utilized. They avoid using restrictive and punitive methods of behavioral management and they do not have a time-out room.
This isn't a permanent placement, but rather a placement until Cam is ready and able to return to a less restrictive learning environment.
I should be thrilled. There are parents who have been fighting for years to get their children in a placement like this. There are parents who have taken out second mortgages on their homes to pay for this type of placement for their kids when their school districts have refused. There are kids who never get this opportunity because their parents don't care.
Yes, I should be thrilled, and on many levels I am, but once again I struggle between the conflict of what I know (that this placement is an amazing opportunity for Cam) and what I feel (that this placement magnifies everything I've done wrong as a parent and I am responsible for Cam "losing out" on traditional high school), and what I feel is winning ... and beating me down ...
~*~*~
17 comments:
I know that you are upset, but think of it this way. Think of all the things that are different between 2010 and 1910.
Yet school is still done in the same structure even though times, technology, parents and children and the demands on them have changed.
You are doing the best thing for Cam and it will make him more successful in school which will give him better self esteem which will lead to an awesome UPWARD spiral.
He may be "missing out" on the traditional freshman high school experience. But, he is getting what high school should do for all kids. He is getting prepared to be an adult. He needs to learn how to meet the expectations of society. Many neurotypical kids don't learn those lessons in high school.
You need to decide what you want for him. He is going to be bummed about the "special" school. You need to be able to convince him that it is not a punishment. The two of you should map out his future (and revisit it often) with the therapeutic day school as the first step. If he does well and is able to harness his abilities tech school (if he is into car repair) or college (if he would rather design them) are options. But without the day schools help he may not be able to succeed in either environment.
Will there be time for him to play football?
Another Suburban Mom, I really *do* know this is the right thing to do and the thing that will benefit Cam the most, but I cannot deny that I am in somewhat of a "grieving process" trying to find resolution between what I thought would be and what *will* be.
Professor Fate, I often remind myself that missing out on some of the elements of the "traditional" freshman high school experience isn't necessarily a bad thing.
I agree. The therapeutic day school will give him skills he is struggling with, from anger management to accepting that life isn't fair. Those are skills his current placement neglected and skills I've not yet been successful at giving him.
I wonder if he will be as "bummed" about the new school as I am anticipating. I had an opportunity to talk with one of my cousins who has a son who was in a program much like Cam's (he graduated last year). She told me that although he was resistant to attending on that first day, he came home and said, "For the first time in my life I am going to school with kids like me." I'm hoping I get a similar reaction.
I was told playing high school football would be a viable option for Cam, but haven't heard any details on how that will happen. I'm apprehensive.
I am sorry. Your reaction is so natural. But I don't think it has to be about what you've done wrong. Cam could just have biological reasons to need special help. And while that is still a disappointment, it isn't your fault, by any means.
Nature vs. nurture. You can't always single handedly undo the difficulties mother nature throws your way.
Missing out on a few of the "perks of a normal high school experience" is a small price to pay to be prepared for dealing with life out in the real world. It sounds like this new school experience will give him the tools he will need to become a solid member of society.
Your being there every step of the way to advocate for him is the best possible thing you could have done. Please, please remember - it's not your fault. You don't get to be responsible for everything.
Hang in there Dana Lu
Missing out on the "traditional" high school experience isn't necessarily all that bad. I would love to have missed out on a lot of my high school experiences. And, anything that results in a better educational opportunity is a good thing.
Look how positive I am today! LOL ;-)
Karen, ADHD really is a neurological disorder, and although genetics likely play a role, and a chaotic home life can make behaviors worse, it really isn't my fault. Yet I don't want to let myself off the hook. My fear is that if I do, I will be less effective for Cam.
The Phool, what? I don't get to be responsible for everything?? Some of my readers would disagree with you *wink*
Well that's great for him, and should be good for you and everyone who is around him.
Best I can tell the traditional high school experience right now ain't what it used to be. I hope it works well and it works well for y'all.
Good luck to you and Cam!
I have some questions that I hope won't be taken the wrong way.
Does Cam know why he is doing this? Does he understand what is trying to be accomplished here?
I know it may be a silly question but I have had to do stuff like this with my step sons and I have noticed that no one really explains to the kids why they are doing this.
Jay is correct...what is traditional HS experience today? I think it is different than when I went to school indeed.
BUT..I also understand your concerns about him being apart from his peers.
I also hope that you realize this is not your fault. It is the luck of the draw I guess in that Cam is having social adjustment issues.
All things can not be mended until you stop beating yourself up...
HUGS
I can imagine how you feel and think it's probably common to feel that let down, but look at the direction he was heading too. His high school years were looking to be a struggle for everyone, maybe this will be the opportunity he needs to get on track and then be able to be mainstreamed. I would bet that your attitude towards it will greatly influence his acceptance of it too so chin up girl! It sounds like you really accomplished a real feat for him!
Jay, must have been that dream you had last night ;-)
Southern Sage, my hope is that it makes his life better. If we accomplish that it will be worth every minute of frustration.
Joker_SATX, Cam doesn't know yet that he *is* doing this. We all agreed that it was best to wait until after this school year is finished to tell him as his "defeatist" attitude (if he knew now) would likely get the best of him.
Cam is aware that he might not be attending the local high school. This has been on the table for about 4 months now. He knows his school performance/behavior is not acceptable but I'm hoping to get some assistance from his therapist on getting Cam to buy into the change.
Vinny "Bond" Marini, I'll get to a place of acceptance, as long as I keep my eye on the end goal - Cam being a productive, successful member of society!
snugs, oh! I agree! The path we were on was NOT good, and I do see that this is an opportunity for Cam to change his path to one that makes him happy ... and that is a good thing!
What is going on in Cam's life right now in school is not working very well. I feel that the school must shoulder a lot of the blame for this. Perhaps the new school will give him the chance he needs. I say. Give this new school a chance.
Is that graphic supposed to look like a medicine wheel/shield :)
Of course you feel that way. Any time you don't get to have the normal experience, you mourn what you've lost. I'm sorry for your loss; for Cam's loss.
What a wonderful opportunity, for both of you. Embarace it, show Cam that you see the value in it, and learn all you can. it is going to make a huge difference in his life.
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