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I make a concerted effort not to judge others. Sometimes I fail ... miserably.
Take, for example, Cam's girlfriend who, in the name of anonymity, we'll call Rhonda.
Let me start by saying I don't think a 14 year old boy needs a girlfriend - especially not a 17 year old girlfriend. Yes, I understand that Cam looks older than he is, but the bottom line remains that a 17 year old is looking for different things in a relationship than a 14 year old is ... at least I think they are. I didn't have a "real" boyfriend until I was 17 and I know what I had on my mind.
I judge.
Rhonda is a nice girl. She is always respectful and polite. She seems to possess some common sense and generally has a solid moral compass. Her parents are hard-working folks who struggle to do right by their family. But they live in a trailer park. Three generations, NINE people in a single wide, 3-bedroom mobile home.
I judge.
Rhonda and I (and both of her parents) became friends on Facebook. In the last two weeks Rhonda has joined the following Facebook Groups:
Rhonda likes Apparently saying "Ok" is smart-mouthing your parents when they're angry
Rhonda likes Mom I love you... but u be trippin sometimes.
Rhonda likes I would vote to legalize Marijuana & Hemp
Rhonda likes morning sex :)
Rhonda has also posted the following status updates (for the record, all of her status updates are in this "tone", with this type of grammar and punctuation):
wow...life is hectic and crazy.. 3 people moving in wit us in 1 month.. bills are crazy... and skewl is about to end....
took a walk... kikd it wit da guyz n just chiiiiillleeeddd...had an amazing time catchin up on old jokes n the kid days
I judge.
Rhonda smokes. Rhonda's parents know she smokes. Rhonda's parents purchase cigarettes for Rhonda.
I judge.
I hate being judged. I expect people to look beyond the surface and get to know me for me, not for my appearance, my possessions or where I live. But in this situation? When it comes to my son?
I judge.
I make a concerted effort not to judge others. Sometimes I fail ... miserably.Take, for example, Cam's girlfriend who, in the name of anonymity, we'll call Rhonda.
Let me start by saying I don't think a 14 year old boy needs a girlfriend - especially not a 17 year old girlfriend. Yes, I understand that Cam looks older than he is, but the bottom line remains that a 17 year old is looking for different things in a relationship than a 14 year old is ... at least I think they are. I didn't have a "real" boyfriend until I was 17 and I know what I had on my mind.
I judge.
Rhonda is a nice girl. She is always respectful and polite. She seems to possess some common sense and generally has a solid moral compass. Her parents are hard-working folks who struggle to do right by their family. But they live in a trailer park. Three generations, NINE people in a single wide, 3-bedroom mobile home.
I judge.
Rhonda and I (and both of her parents) became friends on Facebook. In the last two weeks Rhonda has joined the following Facebook Groups:
Rhonda likes Apparently saying "Ok" is smart-mouthing your parents when they're angry
Rhonda likes Mom I love you... but u be trippin sometimes.
Rhonda likes I would vote to legalize Marijuana & Hemp
Rhonda likes morning sex :)
Rhonda has also posted the following status updates (for the record, all of her status updates are in this "tone", with this type of grammar and punctuation):
wow...life is hectic and crazy.. 3 people moving in wit us in 1 month.. bills are crazy... and skewl is about to end....
took a walk... kikd it wit da guyz n just chiiiiillleeeddd...had an amazing time catchin up on old jokes n the kid days
I judge.
Rhonda smokes. Rhonda's parents know she smokes. Rhonda's parents purchase cigarettes for Rhonda.
I judge.
I hate being judged. I expect people to look beyond the surface and get to know me for me, not for my appearance, my possessions or where I live. But in this situation? When it comes to my son?
I judge.
~*~*~
22 comments:
When it comes to our children, I wouldn't call this judging, more like worrying.
Not because of her "trailer park" environs but because of her attitude and her attempts at being "cool" by mismangling the English language, she appears to be an asshole. Just sayin'. Cheers Dana!!
I have so much running through my mind my right now that I don't know where to start. Wow. I think I just will say that there is no way a 17 year old should be dating someone in 8th grade.
I too judge. But I think we all know that if you restrict him from seeing her she will become the forbidden fruit. Therefore much more appealing to him. When my son "dated" a girl I didn't like I just allowed them to date with my strict supervision. She soon got tired of me going to the movies with them, sitting with them at the park etc. Hey when is her b-day? Then she'll be 18 and you can use the legal aspect.
playgrounds and playmates are very influential at the jr high ages. My parents did not allow me to hang around certain individuals that sound alot like Rhonda when I was that age unless it was under their supervision. My parents were right to do that...and I agree, no 14 yr has any business with a 17 yr old girl friend. My momma used to tell me that those older boys didn't need to be messing with the younger girls, it works both ways at that age you are asking for trouble..and as a side note, I would make sure that birth control is taken care of. The last thing you or Cam need right now is a pregnancy, we don't want to be calling you Granny just yet :)
OHMYGOODNESS! I'd be scared silly. My 15 year old daughter has been with her first boyfriend for four months now. He's a great kid, but he's still a 17 YEAR OLD BOY. Like you said, you remember what you were thinking about back then. His mother is very active in his life, and for that I am very grateful.
I just know that the next boyfriend will be some awful, scary kid.
Kim, It sure feels like judging, smothered in worry!
Matt-Man, what's amazing is that this is a young woman who gets reasonable grades. One wonders why she needs the act.
Karen, trust me Karen, so do I, and I'd be willing to bet we have many of the same things running through our minds.
Raquel's World, I've considered just saying "No", but agree, doing so would only make the rebellion kick in, which could be far worse in the long run. The up side to this is that she doesn't drive and I do supervise - very closely - all of their time together. Unfortunately she won't be 18 until next March.
snugs, oh, we've had several (and continue to have) discussions about sex, what constitutes sex, what my expectations are, and what I'll do if I find out they've crossed boundaries. I always strike up these conversations with BOTH of them in the car - where they are a captive audience and where they have no choice but to hear what I say.
They both claim to still be virgins, but she is on birth control ... I judge!
better late than never, I will say that Rhonda's parents seem to be very much aware of what is going on in her life too. In some respects they have very high expectations (grades), but in others (smoking) not-so-much. I suppose it could be worse.
Her Facebook posts are annoying, but not nearly as annoying as when 40 year olds do the same thing.
If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck & quacks like a duck . . .
You're looking out for Cam. As his parent, it's in your job description. There are PLENTY of warning signs with this young lady. The hard part will be in disentangling the two of them before unfortunate events happen.
just be careful, sometimes those ducks like to trick a guy, sometimes those ducks want to get pregnant..my son claimed to be a virgin right down to the day I caught him in the act! I told him if you want to do grown up things and you get a girl pregnant the state says you can also pay for it for 18 yrs..
Yikes! I would just try to stay as much in "the know" as you can.
The way kids text and post on Facebook is what it is --- and why the English language is so f'ed up..and why something like Urban Dictionary succeeds...
Her smoking and the parents buying cigarettes I do not get...
You have a right to judge when it comes to your 14 year old son and who he has as friends.
My dad always said, do not show me your home or your bank account...show me your friends and I will tell you what kind of person you are.
I'd definitely judge. And you just gave me a mini panic attack wondering about what my 3 year old's future girlfriend will be like. Sigh.
Mom I love you... but u be trippin sometimes.
I think im a member of this group...
Jay, thank goodness I don't have any of those types of Facebook friends!
The Phool, I don't want to put all of the blame on her - there are PLENTY of warning signs in this relationship. I just continue to stay informed on - and between - them, hopefully keeping the quacking at a minimum.
snugs, careful? I'm being paranoid and driving them both crazy. It's my job!
Evil Twin's Wife, this is one of those situation where you really don't want to know, but know you had better know ... if you know what I mean!
Vinny "Bond" Marini, your dad was a wise man!
Gina, maybe because I *am* a girl, and can still remember 17, I am having a major panic attack.
Doc, I know I am ... if only in spirit!
Hi Grandma! QCTM Yes, I think you have reasons to be worried. Good luck on this issue.
It's hard not to judge when your kid is involved. Not that it's any comfort, but a lot of kids these days sound/talk like that.
When I was 14 I was dating a 17 yr old boy. :/ I know what *I* was doing. Good luck Mama, it's hard to watch sometimes.
Dana Because I am a mom of 3 boys- two in the teenage stage you simply must keep me updated on this. I really wanna know how it turns out. Either way good luck.
Facebook, shows us who we really are. People post things there that they really shouldn't but they are misled thinking that it is all safe. It really tells a lot about oneself.
What you call Judging, I call parenting. Some parents decide they want to be parents, others could care less.
You keep making it do what it do. You are doing the right things here.
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