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I did a guest post over at Real Live Lesbian's place on the "new" cyber bullies - women. When I was reading articles in preparation for that post, I stumbled upon quite a few articles discussing girl-on-girl bullying (don't get too excited Jay, this has nothing to do with the Lingerie Football League). Little did I know that "mean girls" would become a factor in my life outside of the blog.
I got a call yesterday from the middle school principal (yes ... again), but this time Cam wasn't in trouble ... yet ...
Seems there was an altercation in the hallway with a girl who has been somewhat of a thorn in Cam's side throughout the school year. She knows Cam's buttons and enjoys pushing them ... repeatedly. Of course I go with the standard, "Just ignore her and she'll stop" line, but it falls on deaf ears.
Yesterday, when she was taunting him in class, he said, "Someone just needs to slap you." The girl then goes off on a tangent - "Are you threatening me? Go ahead! Hit me! I'll make sure you never come back to this school!"
Fortunately, Cam had enough self-control to walk away from the situation and head to the office.
Long story short, about two hours later, "confrontation girl" and her friend decide they need to tell one of the teachers that Cam has been "exposing himself" to them in class. Ummmm ... yeah ... I'm not kidding. Talk about yet another parental nightmare.
The principal reads me the girls' written statements. The stories are similar, but have some key differences. Of course, I ask Cam about it. Cam looks at me like I've just grown a second head and says, "Are you kidding me? That is disgusting!" I'll be honest here - I am not one of those "not-my-kid" parents. If there is one thing I know it's that ANY kid is capable of doing ANY thing. But ...
Guess what we learned at the band concert last night? It appears these two girls had discussions, throughout the day, on what story they could tell about Cam to get him in to trouble. They were quite aware that their stories had to remain constant and they spent a great deal of time working through the process. Two of Cam's friends, who just happen to be members of the band, overheard these conversations (BAND GEEKS UNITE!) and will be passing on the information to the principal.
Cam has spent a great deal of this year being told to "ignore" these girls - girls who have "called Cam out" in class and other public areas in an attempt to embarrass and humiliate him, deliberately excluded him from class projects and discussions, called him names, spread false rumors, made false accusations and initiated other malicious verbal interactions, encouraged other classmates to ignore or make fun of Cam and incited Cam to act out violently or aggressively. Cam is being emotionally bullied.
It's been my belief that over the past 40 years there has been a strong move in public schools (especially elementary and middle schools) to emasculate our boys, holding them to a different standard than girls.
There is significant social stigma attached to boys admitting to being bullied by girls - it is just expected that boys will endure girl bullies. The complete lack of discussion and recourse for girl bullies sends a VERY clear and strong message to boys: Girls bullying boys is acceptable.
I know I have a lot of male readers. I'd be interested to know if any of you have experienced this type of "bullying" in school or as an adult. Do you think it is just a right of passage or should it be punishable by the school? Oh, and women? Please chime in too!
*UPDATE* Because the principal could not determine if the girls' claim is true (Cam's word against the girls') AND because the incident supposedly took place over 4 months ago, the principal has decided that there will be no punishment. Somehow that just doesn't seem right ...
I did a guest post over at Real Live Lesbian's place on the "new" cyber bullies - women. When I was reading articles in preparation for that post, I stumbled upon quite a few articles discussing girl-on-girl bullying (don't get too excited Jay, this has nothing to do with the Lingerie Football League). Little did I know that "mean girls" would become a factor in my life outside of the blog.
I got a call yesterday from the middle school principal (yes ... again), but this time Cam wasn't in trouble ... yet ...
Seems there was an altercation in the hallway with a girl who has been somewhat of a thorn in Cam's side throughout the school year. She knows Cam's buttons and enjoys pushing them ... repeatedly. Of course I go with the standard, "Just ignore her and she'll stop" line, but it falls on deaf ears.
Yesterday, when she was taunting him in class, he said, "Someone just needs to slap you." The girl then goes off on a tangent - "Are you threatening me? Go ahead! Hit me! I'll make sure you never come back to this school!"
Fortunately, Cam had enough self-control to walk away from the situation and head to the office.
Long story short, about two hours later, "confrontation girl" and her friend decide they need to tell one of the teachers that Cam has been "exposing himself" to them in class. Ummmm ... yeah ... I'm not kidding. Talk about yet another parental nightmare.
The principal reads me the girls' written statements. The stories are similar, but have some key differences. Of course, I ask Cam about it. Cam looks at me like I've just grown a second head and says, "Are you kidding me? That is disgusting!" I'll be honest here - I am not one of those "not-my-kid" parents. If there is one thing I know it's that ANY kid is capable of doing ANY thing. But ...
Guess what we learned at the band concert last night? It appears these two girls had discussions, throughout the day, on what story they could tell about Cam to get him in to trouble. They were quite aware that their stories had to remain constant and they spent a great deal of time working through the process. Two of Cam's friends, who just happen to be members of the band, overheard these conversations (BAND GEEKS UNITE!) and will be passing on the information to the principal.
Cam has spent a great deal of this year being told to "ignore" these girls - girls who have "called Cam out" in class and other public areas in an attempt to embarrass and humiliate him, deliberately excluded him from class projects and discussions, called him names, spread false rumors, made false accusations and initiated other malicious verbal interactions, encouraged other classmates to ignore or make fun of Cam and incited Cam to act out violently or aggressively. Cam is being emotionally bullied.
It's been my belief that over the past 40 years there has been a strong move in public schools (especially elementary and middle schools) to emasculate our boys, holding them to a different standard than girls.
There is significant social stigma attached to boys admitting to being bullied by girls - it is just expected that boys will endure girl bullies. The complete lack of discussion and recourse for girl bullies sends a VERY clear and strong message to boys: Girls bullying boys is acceptable.
I know I have a lot of male readers. I'd be interested to know if any of you have experienced this type of "bullying" in school or as an adult. Do you think it is just a right of passage or should it be punishable by the school? Oh, and women? Please chime in too!
*UPDATE* Because the principal could not determine if the girls' claim is true (Cam's word against the girls') AND because the incident supposedly took place over 4 months ago, the principal has decided that there will be no punishment. Somehow that just doesn't seem right ...
~*~*~
31 comments:
Hey why don't you just have the 17 year old girlfriend handle these girls?
Ha. I like Raquel's comment...My ex used to hit me and even spit in my face once which I find incredibly demeaning, so...I left.
It's a no win situation for a male to fight back in that situation or Cam's, other than to walk away from the instant situation, tell your side of the story and allow the truth come out.
Although with all due gender equality in mind, if a chick hits me or in Cam's situation bullies him, we should be allowed without question to defend ourselves and do what Cam said, "slap the chick upside the head."
Cheers Dana!!
Girls are mean and they start young. My littlest one is finding that out at the ripe old age of 6 by a couple of girls (younger sisters of teammates) at her brother's ball games. Examples: Running away from her if she tries to come up to them, telling other kids not to play with her, ignoring her if she asks them a question but if my daughter offers to share her candy from the stands or the toy she is playing with, they are more than willing to accept the offer (then ignore her). She has her feelings hurt and comes to me crying. It unleashes the mama bear in me.
No, it should not be a right of passage and if done in the school enviornment, punishable by the school. I'm formulating my own plan to deal with the "baseball bullies" *evil grin*
I dont even know where to begin disagreeing with you. If this has been going on for the last 40 years, like you say, it would have started when I was 10, I have to tell you that you may not have your facts straight. Secondly a 200 pound 6 foot tall 14 year old getting bullied seems like a paradox wouldnt you say? Especially a kid that causes enough trouble on his own. I have a 12 year old boy with long hair and an androgynous face - after the initial 'get to know you period' at the beginning of the year all the teasing has stopped because he did exactly like he is supposed to - he didnt engage them. Now he has his group of like minded kids and everyone fits in nicely both due to my parenting and his positive response to my parenting this little bit of teasing didnt escalate. In the beginning my son was just as guilty as the teasers when he responded to them, once he learned that it was their problem and not his it faded on its own, they got tired of trying to agitate when it wasnt working. Feel free to get on your soap box and "bully" me with your response.
Raquel's World, Ha! Now that's the best solution I've heard so far!
Matt-Man, I do think there is a double standard when it comes to aggression between men and women (or in Cam's case, boys and girls) which really does send a damaging message. Women want equality, but just in some things.
Sedorah, I don't know if it just seems like girls are getting meaner - and at an earlier age - or if I have just become more aware of it over the years - but I would not have even considered accusing ANYONE of sexual improprieties that I made up. And good luck with your "mean girl" plan!
doggybloggy good to see you! It's always comforting to know that some things never change and can always offer me a constant in life!
I think those girls are beyond bullies. To make up lies like this, they are a little psychotic.
I have never experienced any bullying first hand. I think I have always been on the top half of food chain socially, but I have never had the need to be senselessly mean to anyone else. Like I said, psychotic!
Since one of my future ex-wives honor is at stake, I feel compelled to respond to Doggy Boy...
Are you saying that because Cam has been in trouble before that everytime something happens involving him, HE is at fault?
You state that your son, after being bullied gets along well with the group because he in essence, assimilated...he fits in...he's like minded.
And you as a parent directed him to do so. I think this scenario tells us two things...
Your son sadly, based on your advice, is now an automoton, and you Doggy, are a big pussy.
Cheers!!
Girls have always been mean and viscous. And it is much worse than it used to be mostly because their behavior is reinforced by society.
I blame Oprah.
trouble making matt- the pussy of all pussies - why do you feel the need? My son is an Honor student - and far from being an automoton - we live in NYC - a tough place to begin with for kids in school - get over yourself!
matty boy - oh and I never said my son was bullied - bully is a pussy word I used for fun - like how you the pussy are trying to bully me now...pussy = bully - dont you have some alcohol you need to be drinking?
What's so tough about NYC, Doggy? Are the kids there tougher and meaner than elsewhere. I don't fucking think so. Kids are the same everywhere...be they good, bad, or indifferent.
But I tell you what...I'm glad that your kid is an honor student. It gives you something through which you can live vicariously. Now...
Go make something involving "controversial" ingredients." Cheers!!
I think Cam handled himself admirable. He did everything correctly.
I think the girls are stunning cunts who should get in trouble for making a false accusation. [Maybe the same penalty should be inflicted upon them as would have been inflicted upon Cam.]
It has been my perception that middle and elementary schools are trying to treat the kids exactly the same. The problem is that they are not. The schools try to protect kids from physical bullying (which Cam is safe from) and not emotional bullying (which Cam is hyper-sensitive to because of conditions and his previous home life).
Emotional bullying is hard to catch (you cannot see words). Boys feel like they are being a pussy when they cannot take teasing. Socially, men are supposed to suck it. It sucks for us, but that is what is expected.
matty - pussy - matty the apple did not fall far from the tree since I was an Honor student as well - I wish I knew more recipes with alcohol and cigarettes so that you could enjoy the fruits of my labor - how's your kid - still struggling? as for NYC being tougher maybe not but there are a hell of a lot more of them...podunk might have a couple - NYC might have a couple hundred...what is your point anyway? My son got in fights in the beginning, he did detention - he decided it wasnt worth it - I guess thats why the cream rises to the top little milky boy, whats your excuse?
Karen, I was a little disturbed when I thought about the planned "attack" and the venue they chose to use. Accusing someone of name-calling is one thing, but sexual improprieties? That takes it to another level.
Jay, damn feminists and talk-show hosts! They've ruined the country!
Professor Fate, I hope these girls are given EXACTLY what Cam would have gotten had the accusations been true. And I agree, although the physical bullying is being addressed now, the emotional bullying (which can have a far worse impact) is just shoved under the proverbial rug.
Doggy my kid is just fine and thanks for asking, but let's get to the root of this thing...
You don't care about Cam and his situation. You don't care about Dana and her dealing with it.
What you care about is that some time ago, Dana rebuked whatever advances you made at her either directly or through innuendo and they were unrequited.
How do I know? Because there are thousands like you on the tubes that are the internets.
Sad little men and women who have no lives of their own and are desperately seeking Susan, or in some cases, Bob.
People like to point out faults of others because it makes their sad lives better. You my "culinary genius" are of that phyla.
Deal with it, get over it, and enjoy spending your Memorial Day Weekend with your son, who probably deep down, thinks you are a freak.
Which you are.
Cheers Bitch!!
hey pussy bitch matt is that the story you are telling? Funny but not quite true and since Dana and I have resolved this I feel no need to re-live it - now lets talk about freaks for a sec you whiney twerp of an alcoholic mess, I bet you can drink anyone under the table so I hope you have nice long weekend sleeping it off.
Your son is of an age to where this could be a form of flirting- doubtful, yet possible! Anybody watching this, at all? No one comes forward to say what they saw? Unusual....
Hee Hee..Doggy I get better put downs from my non-Honor Student kid.
You are so easy, and even worse, or better from my perspective, you are incredibly transparent.
All your life you have wanted to be "somebody" and ya can't quite make it. So, you harp on others.
I want to "make it" too, but I keep plugging along. You?
You've given up and resort to attempts to drag others down with you into your world of obscurity.
I remember you saying once that your job is to create things..You do a fine job of that, and?
Everyday, when you speak, you create evidence of your self-loathing. I dig that.
Cheers!!
Doggy & Matt - So nice of you to hijack Dana's comments to wage your pissant little fight. Take it up outside, will ya?
on the topic at hand - 35 or so years ago I was regularly sexually harassed by a girl on the bus. Every afternoon on the ride home she'd come over, sit next to me, unbutton her shirt quite a bit, flirt outrageously, sit on my lap, straddle me, grab my hands and make me fondle her 42FFF breasts.
I was this skinny, 6', 160lb white guy, Patty was a 5'6" 230 lb black girl with those uber huge breastesses. And ya know - I never did report it, cuz at a6 years old, where else was I going to get to play with tata's like that every day?
That summer my dog got back at her. Bunch of us guys were playing football over at the neighbors, bunch of girls, Patty included, were watching. My dog saw us, came over to see what was up. He spied the girls, went over & did a little sniffing around, got to Patty and promptly peed on her leg. I damn near died laughing. Never got to lay a hand on those tata's again.
i wasn't gonna comment cuz she mainly wanted the guys opinions on this and matteo and dawg have their own pissing contest going on...but phool's story has me in stitches...I am just hoping he was 16 and that was a typo??
and btw, I wouldnt be surpised if the girls intention was a little flirting that got out of control too, there has to be more to this story..
Matt- Get a life..who bullied you? I learned in the middle of the baby boom when to fight, and when to flee..if you can count to 5, you learn to run..you never fought with girls- win or lose, you lost.
buffalodick, the story just gets more and more unusual. This "incident" happened 4 months ago, but the girl decided to report it yesterday, and as it turns out, was exactly what it appeared to be - a false accusation in retaliation.
The Phool, loved the story! Thank you for sharing it!
snugs, that was a good story, wasn't it?? And yes, I'm hoping he was 16 too!
Girls are mean, that's one of the reasons why I want to have boys and not girls.
If I found out my daughter did this? Oh man, there would be hell to pay.
I do not ever remember being bullied by girls, but I know that as Matt went to school it happened.
Cam and you did the correct thing here and I am glad he did not get in trouble. With all the stories in the news about these groups of girls ruining lives, I would have thought the principal would have done some further digging...Lying to cause pain to another is also bullying.
Geeze you should set up a steel cage for some of your guests here
@ Kim I'm sure that's the problem, their parents most likely don't give a shit. When parents care their kids don't act like complete and total cunts. Maybe this girl tried to flirt with Cam and was rebuked. Girls can be evil when scorned. I hope his girl does say something to these chicks. If a girl has an issue with a guy her boyfriend is expected to stand up for her, why can't a girl stand up for her boyfriend. Cam can't be allowed to hit these girls, he can do some real damage. He's a big ole boy. And Doggybloggy, boys his size can be verbally abused ESPECIALLY since he's on the asperger's spectrum. If you don't like Dana so much why stir shit on her blog? Yes her blog is public but by trashing her you're making yourself a public asshole.
Kim, well, the parents will never find out because she won't be punished since Cam can't "disprove" her statement. Seems this public school operates from a guilty until proven innocent stance.
Vinny "Bond" Marini, I'm not done with the issue with the school. These girls were just given the green light to make similar accusations against someone else in the future. Not only are they destroying the lives of boys, but they are compromising the integrity of those girls who really do have these things happen to them.
J, I think there is a "buck-up" mentality in our society - that boys don't have feelings and therefor cannot be hurt by the taunting of girls. I saw my son in tears this afternoon, and someone will be held accountable for that.
Yeah, some girls were mean to me and accused me of fondling them and touching them inappropriately when I was in school and I usually kept to myself.
I was proven innocent beyond the shadow of a doubt.
Then I went back and fulfilled their wish! They had no recourse because everyone assumed they were crying wolf.
After that, I was pretty much left alone and never bullied by girls again.
I am not proud that I had to resort to revenge. I am proud that I out-thought those wenches!
Phool: If we could only train out pets to do that; like with a word or a look!
Bulling people is a sign of low self-esteem of the bully. I experienced this "on the bus" but without the ta-ta-touching. I never told my mother. I credit my good friend to this day Anna for helping me.
Unfortunately it took about 20 years before I developed the skill to speak up and intellectually take on bullies in the room.
Girls were mean and cliquey when I was in grade school 45 years ago. Girls were mean and cliquey when my daughters were in school 5 to 15 years ago. Girls are mean and cliquey NOW. Maybe it's worse now, but it's always been there.
Conspiring to get someone in very deep trouble is disturbing.
Best wishes to Cam and to you...
TG
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