Nothing To Say And Saying It!

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My mind has been going in a million directions lately, resulting in a "full" (6 hours) night sleep about once every 4 days, and far too many great-idea-just-started-half-finished blog posts.

It appears I'm not the only one. Today, in my reader, I found THIS POST written by The Psycho Babbles… and THIS NON-WRITTEN POST spoken by Jay (I'm With Stupid).

I thought about vlogging the contents of my wallet like Jay did, but that will just have to wait. For now, I'll just share a few of the great-idea-just-started-half-finished blog posts you won't see (like The Psycho Babbles did).

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I had an idea to write a post about my irritation with "big deal" bloggers who are quick to jump on the Thou Shalt Not Plagiarize band wagon (for example the Kristin Ruiz plagiarizing Amy Storch's posts and the subsequent blogger outcry), but will use googled images in their blog posts without giving any photo credit, then claim it isn't plagiarizing.

Yes it is!

Knock it off!

Need help finding the source of an image? There is a site called TinEye that does a great job of giving source data when you upload or paste an image URL into their search field (Yes, I know google images does this too, but I'm all about the underdog).

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I started a post about Jennifer Livingston - the fat (SHUDDUP! I am fat, I can certainly call her fat) news anchor/reporter who went viral when she called out her "bully" on air after receiving the following email:

Hi Jennifer,

It's unusual that I see your morning show, but I did so for a very short time today. I was surprised indeed to witness that your physical condition hasn't improved for many years. Surely you don't consider yourself a suitable example for this community's young people, girls in particular. Obesity is one of the worst choices a person can make and one of the most dangerous habits to maintain. I leave you this note hoping that you'll reconsider your responsibility as a local public personality to present and promote a healthy lifestyle.

Everyone was all WOOHOO! She's a HERO for standing up to her bully!

Look people, quit using the word "bully" every time someone says something about you that you don't like . We all know that words are powerful, but guess what happens when you use them too often and under the wrong pretense??

Remember Chicken Little??

THE SKY IS FALLING!! THE SKY IS FALLING!!

She received a SINGLE email. Although it may have been judgmental (Personally? I don't believe it was.), it wasn't threatening, and her use of the word BULLY did little more than encourage the rest of you idiots to keep using the word when someone says something you don't like.

STOP IT!!!

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I all but finished a post about the continuing saga of My kid was diagnosed on the autism spectrum before it was the diagnosis du jour so get off my back after several BIP (Behavior Intervention Plan) meetings and a rather irritating IEP (Individualized Education Program) meeting within the first month or so of the school year.

It was a bit of a verbal rampage regarding the significant special education staff change I've seen every year since Cam has been in high school (his Case Manager, the Education Service Specialist for the high school, and the School Psychologist this year) and how it means I have to start from scratch in trying to get my son the education he is guaranteed.

Then I decided that y'all wouldn't read it, or you'd read parts of it and leave nasty comments because it wound up sounding like I was making a bunch of excuses for Cam when, in reality, I'm just a shitty parent who hasn't done a good job raising my kid (just ask most of the staff at the high school).

This isn't my first rodeo.

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I think I'll copy Jay and do a What's In Your Wallet vlog sometime in the next day or two.

That should buy me some time to quiet the voices in my head so that I can write a decent blog post.

One More Day

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Cam has ONE MORE DAY of middle school. I am relieved (to say the least) that we will no longer be required to be part of a school that has mishandled Cam's education on a grand scale.

I cannot begin to describe the anger and frustration I have towards the administrators AND staff who allowed Cam's 3rd grade reading comprehension level to go unnoticed for THREE years, choosing instead to believe Cam's behavior was due to environmental issues outside of the education environment.

To this day, Cam has NEVER been evaluated by the school district for learning disabilities. No, it was my gut feeling that although environmental factors might be contributing to Cam's school issues, they were not the only factor, that eventually gave us a clear picture of what was really going on with Cam.

It was thousands of dollars paid by out by my insurance company to a pediatric neuro-psychiatrist, and a month of countless unpaid work hours to transport Cam to twice weekly appointments that proved Cam had very real neurological issues that were the root cause of his inability to perform to expectations in the educational environment.

I cannot even imagine where Cam would be today - physically and emotionally - had I listened to the educators when my gut told me different. Had I not fought so hard for him on so many occasions. I often wonder what happens to kids like Cam whose parents don't have the financial resources nor the understanding of Special Education law that I have. It hurts my heart to consider it.

In these last few weeks of middle school, I've had to deal with the unfounded accusations of a very spiteful, and hateful, young girl made against Cam. I've had to face - head on - the rumors spread throughout this small, tight-knit community by this young girl, rumors that found their way to my workplace. I've had to stand by and watch this young girl's actions go unpunished, while I fought to give Cam the opportunity to finish out his middle school days with his peers.

I've had to compromise what I knew was right, for what I (and Cam) could live with these final eight days.

I've fought a Principal's attempt to "administratively remove" Cam - without documentation - from the middle school environment because it was easier than addressing the bullying issue of an 8th grade girl whose family is a prominent Podunk fixture.

I've complained endlessly about Cam's school on this blog, but there was one bright spot. A teacher who "got" Cam. A teacher who stepped up to the plate when no one else would and made a positive difference in Cam's life. A teacher I sent the following email to:

Dear Mr. [teacher's name],

I just wanted to take a moment and thank you for you for your patience, understanding and dedication to Cam this year. I know that Cam isn't always an easy kid and I wanted you to know that I recognize and value the time you've spent working with him.

It would have been much easier to label him as a troublemaker - constantly battling his weaknesses and ignoring his strengths - but instead, you have dealt with the issues as they arise directly and fairly.

In an environment where Cam continually feels like a failure, you have stepped up not only as a teacher, but as a role model, counselor and confidant. You have become Cam's "safe haven" during a very difficult time. Thank you for all that you have done!

As often as I complain about what isn't right, I also attempt to acknowledge the efforts of someone who goes above and beyond what is expected. I did not anticipate hearing back from this teacher - I just wanted him to know what a difference he made for Cam, yet I received the following response:

I appreciate your email. Your son throughout this entire schoolyear has been nothing but respectful toward me. Although we both know he needs to do the work (one area where I have failed with him), he is always participating in my classroom and has always enjoyed being there. I wish you the best of luck with him next fall. Don't give up. Continue to push him to be his very best. Sometimes that light bulb will turn on in a student when you least expect it. Sometimes something like a new girlfriend or friend will light a fire up a kids butt. Sometimes maturity will do that. As he gets older, he will come to realize just how much his mother has done for him. It took me a long time to figure that out with my mom (I think I was about 21 when I really began to appreciate my mom). I am confident that in the future, all your hard work will pay off. Take care and good luck to you. Thanks again for the email. It does mean a lot to me.

... and I cried ...

I often wonder if advocating for Cam is doing more harm than good. I hear from some of my readers that they believe I am making excuses for him - teaching him there are no consequences for his actions - and I take that feedback in just as I do the feedback from the majority of you who have been supportive of my actions.

It was reassuring to receive validation from an educator who has had contact with Cam the entire school year. The only educator who took the time to allow Cam to be Cam and worked within that framework rather than insisting that if Cam "just tried harder" he'd fit that elusive neuro-typical mold.

One more day ...

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Mean Girls

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I did a guest post over at Real Live Lesbian's place on the "new" cyber bullies - women. When I was reading articles in preparation for that post, I stumbled upon quite a few articles discussing girl-on-girl bullying (don't get too excited Jay, this has nothing to do with the Lingerie Football League). Little did I know that "mean girls" would become a factor in my life outside of the blog.

I got a call yesterday from the middle school principal (yes ... again), but this time Cam wasn't in trouble ... yet ...

Seems there was an altercation in the hallway with a girl who has been somewhat of a thorn in Cam's side throughout the school year. She knows Cam's buttons and enjoys pushing them ... repeatedly. Of course I go with the standard, "Just ignore her and she'll stop" line, but it falls on deaf ears.

Yesterday, when she was taunting him in class, he said, "Someone just needs to slap you." The girl then goes off on a tangent - "Are you threatening me? Go ahead! Hit me! I'll make sure you never come back to this school!"

Fortunately, Cam had enough self-control to walk away from the situation and head to the office.

Long story short, about two hours later, "confrontation girl" and her friend decide they need to tell one of the teachers that Cam has been "exposing himself" to them in class. Ummmm ... yeah ... I'm not kidding. Talk about yet another parental nightmare.

The principal reads me the girls' written statements. The stories are similar, but have some key differences. Of course, I ask Cam about it. Cam looks at me like I've just grown a second head and says, "Are you kidding me? That is disgusting!" I'll be honest here - I am not one of those "not-my-kid" parents. If there is one thing I know it's that ANY kid is capable of doing ANY thing. But ...

Guess what we learned at the band concert last night? It appears these two girls had discussions, throughout the day, on what story they could tell about Cam to get him in to trouble. They were quite aware that their stories had to remain constant and they spent a great deal of time working through the process. Two of Cam's friends, who just happen to be members of the band, overheard these conversations (BAND GEEKS UNITE!) and will be passing on the information to the principal.

Cam has spent a great deal of this year being told to "ignore" these girls - girls who have "called Cam out" in class and other public areas in an attempt to embarrass and humiliate him, deliberately excluded him from class projects and discussions, called him names, spread false rumors, made false accusations and initiated other malicious verbal interactions, encouraged other classmates to ignore or make fun of Cam and incited Cam to act out violently or aggressively. Cam is being emotionally bullied.

It's been my belief that over the past 40 years there has been a strong move in public schools (especially elementary and middle schools) to emasculate our boys, holding them to a different standard than girls.

There is significant social stigma attached to boys admitting to being bullied by girls - it is just expected that boys will endure girl bullies. The complete lack of discussion and recourse for girl bullies sends a VERY clear and strong message to boys: Girls bullying boys is acceptable.

I know I have a lot of male readers. I'd be interested to know if any of you have experienced this type of "bullying" in school or as an adult. Do you think it is just a right of passage or should it be punishable by the school? Oh, and women? Please chime in too!

*UPDATE* Because the principal could not determine if the girls' claim is true (Cam's word against the girls') AND because the incident supposedly took place over 4 months ago, the principal has decided that there will be no punishment. Somehow that just doesn't seem right ...

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