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"White people adopt black kids to make themselves feel good... A black child needs black parents to raise it.""Maybe she adopted one because the blacks in the community wouldn't step forward and adopt?"
"What's the big deal? If no white person ever adopted a black child, they'd be saying why don't white people adopt black children."
"Who cares what race they are? A woman got a child, a child got a mother...it's BEAUTIFUL!!! And yes I am black...if it matters."
These were just a few of the comments made by readers of CNN's article on Sandra Bullock adopting an African-American baby.
Why is it that a white celebrity, adopting a black child, raises questions and suspicions? Why does it make it worse that this was a child from the United States rather than a child from ... say ... Africa? Is Sandra Bullock just attempting to recreate her role in "The Blind Side" in her real life?
In 2007, forty percent of children adopted domestically and internationally by Americans were of a different race or culture from their adoptive parents. We have legislation in place that prohibits agencies getting federal help from discriminating against would-be parents based on race or national origin.
I would agree that it is ideal, and probably far less complicated, to match children available for adoption with same-race, same-culture families, but shouldn't placing a child in a permanent, loving home be of the utmost importance?
That said, I also don't believe that a permanent loving home is "enough" in an interracial adoption. Using my own bi-racial, biological child as an example, I'd be the first to admit that I took the significance of Cam's African-American heritage far too lightly. At the very least, I should have considered the impact of living in a predominantly white area of the greater Chicagoland. I've encouraged Cam's interest in black history and continue to seek out role models/mentors who are black, but it's been an uphill struggle living in an area with very few "diversity resources." I imagine these issues would be equally important in an interracial adoption.
In case you are wondering why this came up, I was recently asked -
What do you think? If there are multiple people vying to adopt the same child, should there be a race preference?
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21 comments:
I think a child who needs a home should go to the home that best fits their needs. No, this does not mean the parents should be of the same race or religion...it means that each child's needs are different and every home has a different situation.
I applaud Sandra for adopting a child from the US and not going to a foreign country to do so.
I think people who want to adopt should be asked to consider a child from the USA before they fly off to Russia or China or Africa to do so.
Such great timing. I'm the daughter of a white mother and a black father. While they didn't divorce until I was in my later teens, they raised me in a completely white area, and I had little exposure to my black relatives. Despite their very best efforts, I grew up with an impossibly low self esteem as THE black girl in a sea of whiteness. Then, of course, when I was finally exposed to black peers in college, I didn't even begin to fit there either. I've given both of my parents immeasurable crap over the years for raising me in that lily-white environment - and now that I have two daughters of my own what am I thinking about? Yep... moving out of Washington DC to some lily white suburb where I can send them to public school without having them exposed to the inappropriate behavior I've seen exhibited by some of the 99% black demographic that exists at our neighborhood elementary school.
I don't know what I think. I agree - children need homes, and they need love more than anything, but to say that race is irrelevant is complete ignorance. It DOES make a difference. Despite being told early and often that I was smart, funny and beautiful by many adults in my life, I believed that I was ugly, different and other, and it had a profound impact on my life and personality. I like to think that I'm a relatively well adjusted adult, but boy.... 6 to say.... 20 were pretty brutal.
On the flip side, I look around these days and there are just soooo many interracial children and couples that I like to think that it matters less and less as time marches on.
I honestly believe that race is only as much as a factor in your life as you allow it to be. I live my life in a very racially neutral manner. Love and stability and car should be enough for a child - despite the race of the person giving the love.
My outlook may be naive, but if you raise a child to be secure and self confident, race should not be an issue.
I don't think the race (or religion) of the adoptive parents should really matter. But, the idea that there should be no recognition of the child's cultural heritage is wrong.
I really have no idea what "racially neutral" might mean. Let's all pretend that there are no races? We're all the same? We all have the same cultural heritage? We're not black, brown, yellow, red, white .. we just ... are?
Also, nobody really objects much to black, Latin or Asian babies being adopted by white parents. But, white babies adopted by black parents seems to cause a lot of consternation among those that consider themselves enlightened.
Aaaaaaaaaaaand if you really want to start a real argument lets go ahead and bring religion into the discussion. :-)
In Sandra's case, she is apparently moving to New Orleans and will raise him in the city he was born in. Meaning full immersion not only in his racial heritage, but in the unique culture of the city of his birth. Of course, she can afford to do that. haha
Vinny "Bond" Marini, unfortunately, we have made adoption in the U.S. a lengthy process (said generally) and one that many people in our immediate gratification society do not want to wait for. When I was researching this story I learned that there are over 400,000 kids in the foster system and only about 1/4 of those kids available for adoption.
Thembi, howdy stranger!! It would be nice to be able to say that we have moved past the race issues, but you know (as do I) that we really aren't there yet. I think as children, we all want to fit in. We want to be around people who look like us and think like us - people we can identify with. And when we don't fit in, we struggle our entire lives to find that place.
Karen, I agree with you, the problem is that there are still a great number of people out there (dare I say the majority?) who allow race to be a factor in their lives. It doesn't matter how hard I try, I cannot keep Cam insulated from the ignorance of others, and that does take a toll on a child
I'm happy to say that NOW, race is barely a factor in my life. It doesn't affect my work or personal lives. It doesn't weigh on my self image. I guess my point was that Dana's post was a much needed reminder for me that while race is only in the periphery of MY consciousness and existence, I need to be more mindful of it as I make future plans for my family, because as my own experience has shown me, no matter how loving and involved the parents (I should insert here that as a 36-year-old, married mother of 2 little girls, I still probably spend 2-4 hours per week on the phone with each of MY parents separately - they were and are, loving and involved), being different, not fitting in, etc. can do a real number on some personalities.
Of course, I imagine that being Sandra Bullock's child will come with its own set of unique advantages and challenges.
Jay, cultural heritage is a STRONG pull and, to use Karen as an example, keeping a child away from it would be similar to keeping Karen away from her Polish cultural heritage. We are who we are most of us seem to have an innate curiosity about what makes us who we are.
And for the record? I think religion would generate much less of an argument than same sex couples :)
Thembi, I am THRILLED to hear that race is much less of an issue for you now even though you struggled with it for many years. It's one of those parenting issues I struggle with and knowing I'm not the only one in that boat - and that things can still turn out OK - is somewhat comforting.
Doc, when I was researching this post, I came upon a story of a black woman who adopted two (half) sisters - one of them bi-racial and one of them white. The mother talked about the backlash from both the black and the white communities, each thinking the girls should have been raised by "their own kind." The adoptive mother believed keeping the sisters together was worth the grief she was given by outsiders ... and I would have to agree!
*COMMENT REPOSTED WITH PERMISSION*
Being adopted and having a bi-racial sister also adopted I could have somewhat of a unique perception on this issue but I really don't. I have chosen to leave all that stuff with the all white church, the KKK, and numerous other hateful people and let them do their own thing. Maybe I just don't care what people think anymore... or never really did. It's much MUCH better today than it was in the late 1970s but human beings are assholes sometimes and that aint gonna change.
/semi-rant
Thank you Dana... That was my comment above. I stand by the comment just don't generally use language like that (except maybe on Matt-Man's blog)
We are a society that has perceptions about race, religion, politics and gender. I haven't seen many black parents adapting white kids. It is true that it is the other way around. You just hope that who ever the child is, they end up in a loving home. I think it's great that you are teaching Cam about his African heritage. Blacks have made many significant contributions to America. But don't forget to teach Cam about your heritage either, Dana. As far as using a race reference for adoption. I think in a perfect world, race would not be a problem. However, we don't live in a perfect world. Right now the cost of adopting non-related children is pretty high. So whoever gets the kid usually has the financial backing to provide a decent lifestyle for the child. We live in an imperfect world filled with imperfect people. I am surprised we do as well as we do in that regard.
Adopting from China takes about a minimum of about 4-5 years.. Not exactly the "immediate gratification" one would think, huh?
Do your research..
we're doomed, in defense of black adoptions, the culture tends to be one of taking care of their own. It is not unusual to see grandparents, aunts & uncles, etc. raising children that are part of the extended family.
Just me, my "general" comment was based on what I've seen/researched in my church - several international adoptions each of which have taken less than a year from start to finish. None of those children have been from China, so I cannot speak specifically on the length of time for a Chinese adoptions.
Perhaps a better comment regarding international adoption should be not a sweeping statement re: 'immediate gratification' for those doing it but rather a comment on those wealthy enough to travel to non-Hague countries where one simply pays the fee and takes home a child of their choosing (and of indeterminate origins)..
Just me, I don't know that to be the case, nor do you, and to insinuate people you've never met are purchasing children illegally is irresponsible on your part. I think you read far more into my response to Vinny than was intended, likely due to your own life experiences.
As long as the child is loved it shouldn't matter, but it probably does as at least one of your comments has pointed out.
No, race should not be considered in placement. The hotness of the potential adoptive mom should be the overriding factor. Cheers Dana!!
My own life experiences, as well as several years researching/working/participating in the foster care and adoption communities, have shown me that people who think international adoption is the quick and easy way to get a child are either ignorant or envious.. Ignorant because they only see the end result and not the years of planning and scrutiny under which the family has been. Or envious of the wealthy/powerful who can find a 'streamlined' situation and obtain a child very quickly (and I'm not just talking about the Madonnas and Angelina Jolies of the world).
Oh, and I'm not insinuating anything, I stating it flat out.. If you know someone who decided within the last 12 months to adopt internationally and has already completed the process (ie. have adopted a child), something somewhere was made much more simple by the application of cash or favor. Legally and ethically, it's a process that takes more than just a year.
I think this is much to do about nothing. Most people today are mixed with something. There are not many, if any pure whites or pure blacks and it is much more accepted. I think our newer generations are getting much better at judging people by their character and not their color.
Jen, I agree, it shouldn't ... but it often does.
Matt-Man, I love it when you just cut through the crap and define the real priorities :)
Just me, you and I have had different experiences. Although this post was not intended to be about international adoption, your insight is appreciated.
Raquel's World, I agree, we are making progress, but there is still much progress to be made.
I saw the magazine photo and thought, "what a beautiful picture." It never even crossed my mind that he shouldn't be with her. Nor did I realize that he was adopted.
I think love should matter most. And she obviously adores him.
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