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It's been a while, hasn't it? I think I've gone through every emotion on the spectrum ... and then a few ... in the last week.
For some of you, this is old news (it pays to be a Twit) but entertain me and pretend like you're excited to hear it again, OK?
After last week's events (you can read about them [HERE] if you missed it), I knew I couldn't keep Cam in this environment any longer. The realization that Cam's head could have just as easily looked like his bedroom wall was just too much. Apartment hunting in a small town is a daunting task. When your population is 3500, there just aren't a lot of available rental units, and not a single multi-building apartment complex.
I found three apartments to look at - one in the town just east of us but still within Cam's school attendance boundaries and the other two here in town - just blocks away from where we live now. The third one I looked at was a keeper. Ground floor, 2 BIG bedrooms, a remodeled kitchen with a microwave over the stove. This is our new home!
See the window in the center? The one with the tree trunk running through it? That's our living room window! It's a six-plex and the landlords live in one of the units. I always feel a little better knowing that the owner of the building is willing to live there too!
After having a civil discussion with husband Wednesday night surrounding how we were living and the lack of doing anything to change it, I let him know I was signing a lease the next day. He's not happy - he'll have to alter his lifestyle a bit to stay in the house - but he agreed that it was the best thing.
Much to the dismay of some of you, there is no talk of divorce. Sure, he might be contacting a high-falutin' attorney behind my back, but honestly, I don't think so. And I just can't operate from a "must get him before he gets me" mode. I'm ready to move out - I'm clear that we cannot work on making a marriage any better when Cam and my safety and security is at risk daily - but I'm not willing to throw in the towel. Not yet.
Husband and I will likely date each other and both have the freedom to date others if we choose (NOT anywhere on my radar thank-you-very-much) He has mentioned going back to counseling. I hope he does - not for us but for him. In one of our discussions he mentioned that he didn't think counseling helped much. I reminded him that counseling requires participation from ALL parties involved to actually "work".
I'm in a prepare for the worse, expect the best mode for these next two weeks (Cam and I move in December 4th). I think emotions are going to be quite raw for everyone involved and it will take a lot of work to keep those in check. I've got a back-up plan in place should Cam and I need to get out of here sooner, but I'm hoping we won't need it.
This is much harder than I expected ... and much harder than it probably should be given the history of the relationship ... but I'm moving forward.
For some of you, this is old news (it pays to be a Twit) but entertain me and pretend like you're excited to hear it again, OK?
After last week's events (you can read about them [HERE] if you missed it), I knew I couldn't keep Cam in this environment any longer. The realization that Cam's head could have just as easily looked like his bedroom wall was just too much. Apartment hunting in a small town is a daunting task. When your population is 3500, there just aren't a lot of available rental units, and not a single multi-building apartment complex.
I found three apartments to look at - one in the town just east of us but still within Cam's school attendance boundaries and the other two here in town - just blocks away from where we live now. The third one I looked at was a keeper. Ground floor, 2 BIG bedrooms, a remodeled kitchen with a microwave over the stove. This is our new home!
See the window in the center? The one with the tree trunk running through it? That's our living room window! It's a six-plex and the landlords live in one of the units. I always feel a little better knowing that the owner of the building is willing to live there too!
After having a civil discussion with husband Wednesday night surrounding how we were living and the lack of doing anything to change it, I let him know I was signing a lease the next day. He's not happy - he'll have to alter his lifestyle a bit to stay in the house - but he agreed that it was the best thing.
Much to the dismay of some of you, there is no talk of divorce. Sure, he might be contacting a high-falutin' attorney behind my back, but honestly, I don't think so. And I just can't operate from a "must get him before he gets me" mode. I'm ready to move out - I'm clear that we cannot work on making a marriage any better when Cam and my safety and security is at risk daily - but I'm not willing to throw in the towel. Not yet.
Husband and I will likely date each other and both have the freedom to date others if we choose (NOT anywhere on my radar thank-you-very-much) He has mentioned going back to counseling. I hope he does - not for us but for him. In one of our discussions he mentioned that he didn't think counseling helped much. I reminded him that counseling requires participation from ALL parties involved to actually "work".
I'm in a prepare for the worse, expect the best mode for these next two weeks (Cam and I move in December 4th). I think emotions are going to be quite raw for everyone involved and it will take a lot of work to keep those in check. I've got a back-up plan in place should Cam and I need to get out of here sooner, but I'm hoping we won't need it.
This is much harder than I expected ... and much harder than it probably should be given the history of the relationship ... but I'm moving forward.
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29 comments:
Good luck to you and Cam. I think you are making the right choice.
I wondered if this is what was happening when you didn't post like you usually do.
I'm really relieved, Dana. I won't say I'm "glad" because none of this is easy...but I am relieved. The way I see it, one step at a time is good. Once you get into your own place with Cam and can take time to catch your breath and not be in a constant state of "fight or flight" stress, you will be able to think clearly as to what your next step will be.
I truly believe you're doing the right thing for both you and your son.
((you))
peace...
I'm happy that you're doing this your way, it's much more likely to work out best that way. Best wishes.
Well, everyone certainly wants you to leave your husband. I do get that from reading your previous post. But if a newcomer just read today's post, your son's attitude would have impacted my husband in a similar manner. He may not have thrown the phone. But, chaos following an attitude would have ensued. The phone would have been shut off. I'm sure that if I read multiple posts, you're not moving out over a phone. Take care of yourself.
we're doomed, I think I had been doing the same thing - hoping for different results - for fat too long. At least now there is change.
kim-d, well, actually it's been this AND the fact that I'm waiting on a power cord for my laptop. It should be here in the next few days but it's really impacting my cyber mojo!
theybelongtous, we'll get through this and hopefully the separation will allow some resolution, one way or the other.
NY Diva, I think we were both waiting for the other one to make a move and things were continuing to escalate. As I told husband, I don't think he wants to go to jail over this relationship and it was really heading that way.
Madison, it been a long story and one that would take you quite a while to get through. In a nutshell, there is a history of abuse and a history of doing nothing to address that abuse. It was time to make a move - any move!
I am proud of you. As for the divorce part, I don't care if you never do it - as long as you are safe and happy. But just keep your eyes open and make sure have your ducks in a line should he make a move. You have to protect yourself and Cam financially. Those are my words of wisdom.
This is a huge step towards bringing the unpleasantness (an understatement I know) of your current situation to an end. Let's hope this is a BIG wake up call for hubby. Also goo to know you have a plan to get out quickly should the need arise.
((Hug))
Here's to looking forward.
Wishing all of you the best...
I'm glad that you're making steps to keep yourself safe. And I think happiness and freedom and just around the bend.
Always wishing you the VERY BEST!!!
Hugs~
I'm tremendously proud of you for taking this step. It is much safer for you and Cam - and everyone will have time to think things over in a calm environment. {{{Hugs}}}
((hugs))
I am truly sorry it came to all of this.. I know you love your son above all else, but don't forget you are a person too.. Good wishes, in all you do...
First of all, you're not going to get me to join Twitter...
Glad you're taking the steps. Being an optimist (don't tell anyone that), I'm glad that divorce isn't the automatic next step.
I am a little confused how moving Cam into a 'XXX'-rated apartment is a good thing though... :-P
I know it will be hard and sometimes lonely but you'll have some much needed peace and quiet and this will likely be very good for your relationship with Cam. good luck to you. I realize how difficult this decision has been for you.
Yay!! And good luck to ya both...and well, to all involved. Cheers!!
Good luck, Dana.
Well good luck. It will all work out for the best, it always does!
Good luck. I know from experience, as easy as it *should* be, or seems it should be....it never is.
Great first step.
*hugs*
Karen, safety was my primary concern. As far as happy goes? At least now I can conceive of a time when it could happen.
Jeff B, I'm not holding my breath on this one, but at least everyone will have to opportunity to reflect on things in a more peaceful environment.
Alfro, thank you!
Hang in there! You sound so strong despite the hard times, not to mention the impending holidays. Good for you for standing up for yourself and protecting Cam!! You are heroic! I'm thinking of you, hang in there!
Real Live Lesbian, I hope they are!
Evil Twin's Wife, this step has a hefty price, but it became my only option.
rage, thank you!
Matt-Man, yeah ... I hope your happy! I have to do dishes by hand now!
Howard Bagby, thanks!
Southern Sage, it needs to work out for the best!
Vixen, those "should be"'s suck, don't they?
Good luck Dana, and Cam too.
Big steps aren't always easy. But when phones fly and threaten, I'm sure that made it a little easier.
Sorry I am late with this but here is hoping some positive vibes go your and Cam's way!
I'm so glad that you are moving forward and not sticking around for that. I know it must be hard though. I hope all goes as smoothly as it can in your situation....
BTW...wasn't ignoring you, just been offline for a while, dealing with some things...
I say good luck to and best wishes. I can definately see not tackling the divorce issue right now but I wonder if filing for a formal seperations in some way protects you?
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